movie: waitress

I made this lockscreen for an iPhone 6 and really proud y'all can use it

The 10 Commandements for Diners

10. Thou shalt not be rude, for thou art being rude to a person, not a machine.

9. Thou shalt contain thine children, for they are a hazard to staff and themselves.

8. Thou shalt not sexually harass thine server, for it really isn’t endearing. It makes you a creepy douche.

7. Thou shalt order when ready, and not maketh thine server wait for your undeciding ass

6. Thou shalt understand that “Please Wait to Be Seated,” means please wait by the host stand, it does not mean seat thineself.

5. Thou shalt not eateth thine entire meal, then declare it to be terrible. Thine server checks back for a reason, dumbass.

4. Thou shalt read the menu, and order from it.

3. Thou shalt nor leave a huge mess behind when leaving, filthy swine.

2. Thou shalt not asketh thine server to sing a birthday song, for it’s sad and desperate and a pain in the ass.

1. Thou shalt tip appropriately. 15%-20% for decent service. Less than that and thine service was truly bad or thou art destined to burn in the fiery inner rings of hell due to karma, bastard.

Thank you and haveth a nice day!

(Thank you to MyLifeAsAServer for the content. Always great to have someone who understands the struggle)

Please fire me. The other day a man at one of my tables insisted that he wanted the ice at the bottom of his drink. Thinking he just meant put the ice in the glass before the water, I complied. He started yelling when he got his drink because the ice was floating at the top of the water and not at the bottom of the glass. I’m sorry, I am just a waitress. I do not have the ability to break the laws of physics!

When you go out to eat, this is what your tip pays for

It’s less frequent nowadays but I still hear some people question what their tip actually means in a restaurant setting, or “why am I tipping you when all you do is ring up my food and get it for me.” Here’s a rough list of what many servers are expected to do while they’re on the clock and what kind of labor that tip goes toward. 

(your mileage may vary)

  • Being greeted and seated in a timely manner
  • Sitting at a clean and stocked table (ketchup, sugars, creamers, etc.)
  • Receiving accurate hot/cold beverages
  • Receiving accurate beverages that are more labor intensive, like espressos or smoothies or alcoholic drinks
  • Your ability to ask any question about the menu and know you’re receiving accurate product knowledge
  • Your ability to specify changes or modifications to food to accommodate a variety of requests
  • Receiving food that is accurate to your order and meets specifications and expectations
  • Refills of drinks, chips, salsa, bread, and other complimentary items
  • Your ability to place to go orders and receive them accurate and timely with all the amenities (syrup and butter, salsa, dressings, plasticware, drinks, etc.)
  • Having your payment processed timely and accurately
  • Receiving food or drinks that the server is responsible for preparing (many servers do an hour or more of “sidework” that includes cleaning of the restaurant, restocking, cleaning bathrooms, cleaning floors and tables, and usually some food prep)
  • Emotional labor (I wrote about this recently, it’s a vast category)

The restaurant does not pay me to do these things, the customer does. And even when I’m not taking tables or after I’m cut from the floor, I’m still expected to do labor to maintain the restaurant and ensure a good dining experience for all guests. I am expected to serve guests in any way I can even when they “belong” to another server and I won’t expect to be tipped for that labor. If there are support staff employees on the clock (like bussers or bartenders), then a portion of my tips goes to their labor - based on a percentage of my sales and NOT a percentage of what I was actually tipped that day.

Service is labor. Labor deserves to be compensated. 

Please fire me. I’m a hostess and today a lady came in with a party of 20 people, claiming she had a reservation. She didn’t, but she still proceeded to yell at me and tell how bad I was at my job for 10 minutes. Her husband finally came over to see what the problem was, checked his phone, and said he had called a different restaurant by mistake.


Dear Baby: If I was writing you a letter, it would probably sounds something like an apology. I know everyone deserves a mama who’d want a nice baby such as yourself… who was also a good wife, a fine member of a society. And I can’t rightly say that I’m any of that.

Waitress (2007) - written & directed by Adrienne Shelly