movie: hoodwinked

I’ve been thinking a lot about the movie Hoodwinked lately……for…..some reason. Like the fact that it exists. That’s it’s so completely bizarre to watch. And that it made a lot of money.

the budget is “Under 8 million”. there isn’t even an exact known amount. It’s just under 8 million but it grossed 110 million at the box office. A movie that features animation with scenes like this from a song about a schnitzel truck

grossed over $100 million at the box office. 

There’s this one guy frequently appearing in the background inexplicably wearing this. Why? To what purpose does he serve? Who even is he? Why isn’t he the central focus of this film? 

This movie needs to be talked about more. It might not reach Bee Movie levels of bafflement and speculation but it merits many discussions nonetheless. What the hell was Hoodwinked 

every once in a while i see a post on here making fun of hoodwinked and i get just slightly offended cuz i completely unironically love that movie. 

like yeah it’s a bit ridiculous and the animation isn’t great but like. there are so many gems in that movie. 

red’s a black belt. granny does extreme sports. the big bad wolf is an investigative journalist and he’s voiced by kronk. a totally random goat that was cursed by a witch for unknown reasons to sing everything he says and has many sets of multifunctional detachable horns and gets an entire musical number despite being only vaguely important to the movement of the plot.

seriously this movie is fantastic and y’all are sleepin on it.

an assortment of lines from the movie “hoodwinked” in no particular order
  • “You AGAIN?! What do I have to do, get a restraining order?!”
  • “You sayin’ this guy’s a cop?!” “Worse. He’s a reporter.”
  • “I’m getting schnitzel’d left and right. I cannot even sell the bunion cream!”
  • “I wanna do an expose. Maybe a coffeebook – I don’t drink coffee, maybe a chai tea latte book.”
  • “The only crime I’ve ever committed is making my goodies unlawfully delicious!”
  • “I noticed you have three G’s tattooed onto the back of your neck. That’s appropriate, since there are three strikes against you.”
  • “THIRTY-SEVEN YEARS AGOOOOOO A WITCH DONE PUT A SPELL ON MEEEEEE”
  • “I just wanna go home and hibernate.”
  • “It’s true. I never did like the quilting bees and the bingo parlors. I’d rather live life to the extreme.”
  • “Grandma, what’s this?” “Oh! I-It says ‘World’s Greatest Grandma’!” “Grandma, I can read. It says, 'Battle of the Iron Cage Gladiators’.”
  • “Sweet tea and biscuits! We gotta do something!” “I know. The song was catchy, but the choreography was terrible.”
  • “No. Not prison! NOT FOR A CUTE LITTLE BUNNY RABBIT!" 

So I sent my boyfriend a link to this really amazingly deep song, and let him watch it. Then I explained all the deep meaning in the song and how it represented human nature and I got really into it, dead serious about how meaningful this song was. And then, he sends me nothing but a question mark. So I checked the link I sent him.

It was the fucking goat “be prepared” song from Hoodwinked.

youtube

ID FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE FUCKING SCHNITZEL TRUCK SONG FUCKING HELL