Mr. Van Houten. I’m a good person, but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person, but a good writer. I think we’d make a good team. I don’t wanna ask you for any favors, but if you have the time - and from what I saw you had plenty - please fix this for me: It’s a eulogy for Hazel. She asked me to write one, and I’m trying, but I just… I could use a little flair. See, the thing is… we all wanna be remembered. But Hazel’s different. Hazel knows the truth. She didn’t want a million admirers, she just wanted one. And she got it. Maybe she wasn’t loved widely, but she was loved deeply. And isn’t that more than most of us get? When Hazel was sick, I knew I was dying, but I didn’t wanna say so. She was in the ICU when I snuck in for ten minutes and I just sat with her before I got caught. Her eyes were closed, her skin pale, but her hands were still her hands, still warm, and her nails were painted this dark blue black color, and… I just held them. And I willed myself to imagine a world without us and what a worthless world that would be. She’s so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she’s smarter than you, ‘cause you know she is. She’s funny without ever being mean. I love her. God, I love her, I’m so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you. And I like my choices. I hope she likes hers. Okay, Hazel Grace?
Certain songs make you feel a type of way and so do John Green books. As I have said before, I love it when you read a book and there are songs that fit the ‘mood’ of the book. When I read John Green books, I listen to mostly indie, alternative music. Because I feel that that is the type of music that fits his books the most. I also feel like John’s characters would be the types of people to listen to indie/alternative music.
Here, I’ve compiled a playlist of 10 songs each for four of John Green’s novels. I’ll list down the title of the book along with the ‘theme’ of music that I think most suits the story/mood of the book.
(I know that TFIOS and Paper Towns have their own movie soundtracks, and both are really good soundtracks. But I enjoy making my own playlists)
1. The Fault in our Stars //Heartbreaking Love Story// These are songs that give the listener a ‘heartbreaking love story’ feel. The kind of songs that ‘pluck on your heartstrings’ - Bloom by The Paper Kites - One Day by Kodaline - Firefly by Ed Sheeran - Paint by The Paper Kites - King and Lionheart by Of Monsters and Men - Pretend We’re in a Movie by New Politics - Stardust by New Politics - Halcyon by The Paper Kites - Vanilla Twilight by Owl City - What You Wanted - One Republic
2. An Abundance of Katherines //Carpe Diem// These are the songs that give you the desire to jump up and carry out the latin phrase ‘Carpe Diem’ which means ‘Seize the day’ or ‘make the most of each moment’ - Trojans by Atlas Genius - Heroes by David Bowie - Simple Song by The Shins - Whatever by Oasis - Smile by Mikky Ekko - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel - The World is Watching by Two Door Cinema Club - A Comet Appears by The Shins - Something Good by alt-J - Save Rock and Roll by Fall Out Boy
3. Paper Towns //Roadtrip// Basically, songs you’d listen to while on a roadtrip with your friends. These songs also give you that ‘In a car with the windows rolled down and the wind on my face’ kind of feel. - Chocolate by The 1975 - Different Colors by Walk the Moon - Beast of Burden by The Rolling Stones - Take a Walk by Passion Pit - Houdini by Foster the People - It’s Time by Imagine Dragons - Tear in my Heart by Twenty One Pilots - The Kids Aren’t Alright by Fall Out Boy - Another Night on Mars by The Maine - Everywhere I Go (Kings and Queen) by New Politics
4. Looking For Alaska //Teen Angst// Songs about raging demons, self-hatred, regret, bitterness, depression, things Alaska Young might listen to. - Kitchen Sink by Twenty One Pilots - The Mess by The Naked and Famous - Youth by Daughter - Me by The 1975 - Never Let Me Go by Florence and the Machine - Carmen by Lana Del Ray - Asleep by the Smiths - Conversation 16 by The National - Under the Gun by The Killers - Walk Away by Dia Frampton
So that was another one of my ‘Book Playlists’ I hope you guys liked it. And I will be posting a hell of a lot more of these because I love making them. The two things I love combined, music and books.
Rating: PG-13, physical abuse bc YN gets held for ransom by Baby’s team, a lot of fluff and some lawbreaking (I mean it’s a Baby Driver fic so there had to be) also some cursing!!
Summary: Baby wakes up without you in his bed and knows something is wrong, he will do anything to make it right.
(Or the one where Doc sends the team to kidnap you so rope Baby back in).
You had woken up with a hand over your mouth, more specifically a hand with a cloth in it. You hadn’t stayed awake long enough to thrash around and resist like your instincts told you to do.
Baby, however, had woken up in the same bed several hours later. He reached for you without opening his eyes but his hand hit the mattress flatly. Your side of the bed was cold. This had forced him to open his eyes quickly, looking around for you in your shared bedroom. He called your name but all he got back was deafening silence pierced by the screeching of his tinnitus that never left him. He slipped in an earbud and checked his phone for texts from you, a note- anything, he searched around the house in every room where he thought you could possibly be, a sense of dread and panic swimming up from his stomach to his heart. His head swirled partly because of how tired he felt, and possibly because of how worried he was that you had left without a trace.
Baby tried to think of all the possibilities: you and him hadn’t fought in a long time, and all of your things were here, every single thing was where it was supposed to be, so you hadn’t left him without saying goodbye.
The door was unlocked. Baby knew that you made it a priority to make sure to lock your doors, especially at night. You never forgot, ever. And you would have locked the door behind you if you had gone out of the house in your right mind.
Maybe this was some sick prank- Baby kept hoping that you would jump out from behind a corner he had somehow missed looking in before. He knew you hadn’t gone on a run, or went out for food, you would have texted him to let him know first to avoid the feeling of overwhelming concern he felt now.
Baby circled back around to the bedroom and ran a hand through his hair, checking his phone one more time and trying to text and call your contact before throwing it down on the bed. It felt useless now that he couldn’t talk to you on it.
For the first time, Baby noticed that your phone was still sat on your bedside table- on silent, as you always kept it that way when the two of you were sleeping. Baby’s eyes widened as he processed what he was seeing: “oh shit.”
The picked up your phone, the plastic and metal cold on his hands, clearly nobody had touched it in a long time.
He set it back down before pacing back and forth throughout the room, his brain tricking him every so often into thinking that he heard your voice or that the door had been unlocked and pushed open, he knew it wasn’t real and that something was seriously wrong. It wasn’t like you to just leave, and it definitely wasn’t like you to leave your phone by your bed.
Then his burner phone began to ring from inside the drawer if the bedside table on Baby’s side of the bed. It hadn’t rung in weeks, or at least Baby hadn’t answered it in weeks. Baby had made it clear that he was done with Doc and the life of crime that he had been forced to live for so long.
This time though, he picked up the phone and answered without hesitation. His mind was already starting to put the pieces together that Doc, or somebody from the team, was behind this situation.
“Hello?” Baby spoke as soon as the line connected.
“Well, it’s nice to hear your voice again, Baby! It’s been a while, weeks, even.” Doc sounded friendly, as though he was making small talk. This was not a time Baby was willing to make small talk.
“Where is she?”
“You’ll have to be more specific, Baby, it’s been so long since we last spoke that-”
“Doc- cut the bull shit, okay? I know you’re going to want something from me to get her back, I swear to god if any of you fucks lay a finger on her, you’re going to lose a hand.” Baby had had enough. Doc only chuckled.
“Listen, Baby, we all know how much you love her, we’ve been watching the two of you fall in love, haven’t we?” Baby could hear several statements of agreement come from the team in the background.
“Now, listen, we miss you around here, Baby, come home.”
Baby bristled at the word home.
“That is not my home, and you are not my family-” he cut himself off before he could finish, he had begun to say that you were his family, but he didn’t want to hear that phrase warped and used to mock him later or ever.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll think otherwise when you stop in to see us. Make it sooner than later- you know where to find us.”
Baby drove faster than he’d ever driven in his life, only waiting to put on pants before leaving the house. No sunglasses, no music, just the need to know that his lover was safe.
Baby was met by Doc at the door, who held his arms open as if he wanted to embrace him. Baby stepped forward but remained far enough away that the embrace couldn’t happen. He stayed still as Doc closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms like a constrictor around Baby. Baby’s body only became more tense. “The prodigal son returns to his father!” Doc smirked at Baby as he pulled away. “M'not your son,” Baby protested. Doc said nothing as he led Baby through the hallways down farther than Baby had ever gone into the building. Now they were in the basement, far away from the usual planning room with the long table and chalkboard.
“Where is she, Doc,” Baby implored, hoping that maybe he would be shown compassion. Doc acted as though he hadn’t heard Baby’s voice at all. Doc used a key to open a thick metal door at he end of the hallway and Baby couldn’t help but think that it looked like a dungeon.
“You ignored us, Baby,” Doc said cooly as the door swung open. baby followed through and tried not to flinch so visibly when Doc spun on his heel to face him. “Now, we have leverage. You’re done when we say you are, Baby, you know that. I hope you’ve had a nice little vacation with your little girlfriend- she’s a pretty little thing- isn’t she? Let’s not do anything to jeopardize that.”
Baby tried to look unbothered by his comment. Now that they were in the room, Baby eyes adjusted and he could see the entire team seated on folding metal chairs, Darling sat on Buddy’s lap as usual. Bats held a rope in his hand and then Baby followed the rope with his eyes he registered that you were attached, by your ankle, the rope clearly tied too tight around your ankle, it looked wrongly colored and raw, most likely from you moving farther than the rope would allow.
Baby’s entire body went weak at the sight of you crumpled on the floor and not moving, you were still in his clothes that you’d fallen asleep in, a tee shirt that was too big even for Baby, looking like a dress on you.
“Let her go- you know I’ll do whatever you tell me too, I just- I just have to know that she’s okay first-” Baby pleaded and tried to not let anyone hear that his voice had broken. He felt more vulnerable than ever without his music and sunglasses.
“Come on, guys can’t we at least let him check on her-” Darling was silenced by Buddy placing a firm hand on her thigh. Doc raised an eyebrow. “Baby, looks like you still have some allies here- that’s good. Don’t let that stop being true.”
Baby looked at Doc and nodded obediently, he’d do anything to ensure your safety. Doc scanned his face, wrinkles forming due to worry. Baby turned back to look at you, not daring to step any closer before he was given permission, he knew that the last thing he needed was the team even more on edge, or worse, angry.
“Fine, you can see her.” Doc said slowly, Baby felt as though he couldn’t move fast enough to drop to his knees by your side and begin checking for a pulse.
Finally after what felt like agonizing years, he found it. It was steady and consistent and more than Baby had dared to hope for. The team watched silently, Darling looked troubled and whispered something to Buddy, who only shook his head.
Your skin was cold from laying on the heartless metal floor, Baby picked you up softly, speaking to you quietly.
“Okay, YN, gonna pick you up now, you’re going to be okay, I won’t let anything bad happen to you. He pulled you gently into his lap, making sure that your clothes covered as much of you as they could. His eyes widened and his nostrils flared at the sight of your face, it was usually serene and pure, now you looked troubled, even though you were unconscious and as Baby smoothed your hair back he found bruises, darkened, hand shaped bruised with certain points that were darker than others that resembled rings.
It took everything in Baby not to lung at his team member, he simply lifted his head and looked around. "Why the fuck did she get hit.” He said, his teeth clenched. “Why would you hit her like this, she’s not one of you, you didn’t have to do this?” Baby knew his voice had gotten a bit whiny and he stopped himself.
Cradling you in his arms and rubbing up and down your arms to warm you up. All the movement caused you to stir, your legs curling slightly closer before being stopped abruptly by the unrelenting hold on your ankle that Bats controlled with the rope.
“You may hate me, but you don’t have to do this, Bats, you know that you don’t,” Baby looked from Bats to the rope and then back at Bats. He received only a shrug in return.
Your eyes flashed open and you began to jerk, your last memory being a man’s hand swinging towards your face in this very room, but now you breathed in and heard Baby’s voice and saw him. You were so thankful he was here now.
“You came,” you breathed, looking up at him. He nodded. “Of course I did, you’re going to be alright, they’re not going to touch you ever again.” The last part was directed at the team, Baby received no assurance that his demands would be met and he grew furious, the last thing he wanted to do was scare you but he couldn’t hold back a yell. “Do not fucking touch her!”
Buddy sat up in his chair, Darling relinquished her seat and Buddy stood up, walking over to where Baby and you were sitting on the floor.
“Listen kid, there’s no need to yell. We can hear you just fine,” his voice was taunting and unfeeling.
“Why did you do this?” Baby questioned, trying to control his emotions.
“Well, why don’t you tell him, sweetheart?” Buddy reached for your face and you winced away before he could do so. “Don’t.” Baby growled at Buddy, who threw up his hands in mock surrender before talking again. Crouching down so he could see your eyes.
“Tell him what happened, sweetheart. Or it’s gonna happen again,” baby wrapped you tighter in his arms without thinking and you shook your head.
“I- I tried to run away,” you spoke quietly, your voice hoarse.
“And?” Buddy said, requesting you continue.
“I fought,” you mumbled again.
“What was that, princess?” Buddy glowered at you, and showed off some deep red scrapes on his arm.
“Your little bitch here did this to me, after I told her that I wouldn’t have to fuck her up if she just stay put, clearly she can’t follow basic directions,” Buddy snarled and Baby’s eyes squinted with anger.
“So you beat her until she was unconscious?” Buddy rolled his eyes. “A tap never hurt anybody,”
Baby’s voice shook. “Don’t do it again.” Buddy shrugged. “You did this to her, don’t know why you’re so pissed at me, you’re the one who brought her here,” Baby shook his head.
“This has nothing to do with her, you’re all pissed at me for trying to live a good life and took it out on my family,” he was so angry and so scared. “Baby, it’s okay, I’m okay,” you spoke softly so only Baby could hear. He shook his head. “Stop, it’s not,” he couldn’t help but be proud that you had held your own so well.
“Baby, we have a job to do. Your girl will be staying in here with Buddy while the rest of you complete the job. You will be briefed on the way there. So far things have gone relatively well, there’s no permanent damage to your girl. Let’s keep it that way, shall we?”
Baby let his head fall slightly in defeat.
“I’m so sorry, YN, I’m so sorry, so, so sorry,” he said and kissed your hair, his hand cupping your head close to his chest. You wished he didn’t have to leave you again.
You tried not to show it but you were scared. It had been a rough morning.
First, you’d woken up in the back of a van, on the floor. You’d started screaming until Darling had crawled into the back where you were and silenced you with a hand over your mouth.
“Calm down, chica, you’re okay, were taking you to a spot to wait for Baby to show up. Our boss is mad that your boy has been ignoring him, and now we have to do this. I know you’re scared, but trust me, I know Baby well, and he find you as soon as he can. We’re not here to hurt you, just need to get your boys attention, okay?” You could feel hit tears streaming down your face.
“Why, why do you guys listen to your boss? Why can’t you just let Baby leave?” You we’re trying not to sob but you were so fearful.
“Sh, c'mere, Chica.” The woman drew you close to her and smoothed your hair before continuing. “You and Baby are so young, you don’t understand how this all works, just do as you’re asked and you’re going to be alright, these guys may seem scary but I promise that you don’t need to be scared unless you try something stupid.” You nodded, and Darling looked at you tenderly, almost in a maternal way. More than she wanted to admit, she wanted to take care of you. “I’m Darling, your name is?”
You told her, sure that they already knew your name. “Lovely, well, YN, we’re close to our stop and I can’t let you remember the way in, you understand don’t you?” You began to back away fearfully on your hands and knees shaking your head, and crouching against the wall of the truck.
“No, my love, this will only be harder if you resist, alright? This won’t hurt you, it’s medical grade- I made sure of that. Only the best for the kid’s girl.”
She held up a medical looking mask, blue with white trim, with soft elastic hooks for your ears. She held your face firmly in her hand as she held the mask against your mouth and nose.
You convulsed, trying to avoid breathing long enough to get away some how but within a few seconds, your vision blurred all you could hear was the truck braking and Darling kissing your head and mumbling, “sweet dreams, mi amor.”
You felt your body slump and you were knocked out.
The next time you awoke, you were in a dark room propped up against the wall. Across from you there was a door, next to the door sat a man whose arms were crossed, watching you stir awake.
“Glad to see you up and at ‘em,” he said, and you could tell he really couldn’t care less what you did.
“Where am I?” You questioned, trying to stand but failing due to the drugs that were still in your system. “Easy there, take it easy,” he warned. “What do you want?” You questioned again, this made the man crack a slight smile. “I can see why he likes you,” he said calmly.
“What do you want, I don’t have any money, Baby and I didn’t do anything to you guys?”
The man sighed and stepped across the room towards you. You felt more vulnerable than ever in just a tee shirt that reached the middle of your thighs.
“We don’t want anything from you, we just need you to get Baby’s attention, and you will, we just need you to sit in here until he comes and not do anything stupid,” you tried to process all the information, fear racking through your body.
“Why are you doing this?” You questioned, the man shrugged. “Our boy has been slacking lately, missing work, we just need him back.” Your brows furrowed.
“Where are we?” The man shook his head, suddenly seeming much less calm and pleasant, his dark skin now forming a frown. “I said don’t do anything stupid. Do you really think that I would tell you where we are?” You didn’t respond, looking around the dimly lit room.
“Stay here and don’t move, and again, do not do anything stupid,” he said, and left the room, slamming the door behind him. There were no windows, only a small slit in the door that was filled in with glass. You began searching for a second door, a hole in the floor, somewhere to hide- anything. There was nothing. You walked to the door and peered out, pressing on the glass with your hands. You started to pound on the glass, trying to get it to break.
You knew that breaking the glass most likely wouldn’t help you much but you wanted to try anyway.
Suddenly, a figure walked swiftly to the door from down the hallway. You could tell that there were only lights on the ceiling every few feet so his presence took you by surprise. You helped as he banged on the door with his fist. You ran away from the door as you watched the knob twist open, you could tell a key was used to get the door open and noticed that there was a slot for the key on this side of the door.
The man burst into the room.
“Didn’t Bats tell you not to do anything stupid?” You blinked in shock, backed against the wall. When you didn’t respond, the man strode over to you determined, placing a hand above your head on the wall. “Answer me,” he demanded and you nodded quickly, not wanting and trouble.
“Good. So why were you doing something so painfully goddamn stupid?” Your eyes widened and you shook your head, not sure of what to say.
“I said, answer me.” He snarled and you tried to think of something to say. “I-I’m sorry,” you offered, looking at the ground, turning your head so you were as far away from him as possible.
“We were trying to be so fucking nice to you, y'know that? We left you in here with no cuffs, no rope, no tape over your mouth, and you repay us like this?”
You said sorry again, you couldn’t think of anything else to do.
“Alright, sweetheart.” His words were neutral enough but somehow they made you wince in fear.
“I’m going to come back sooner than you think and if you try anything again, you better believe that it won’t be pretty.” He slapped his hand over your head, making his way to the door, this could be your only chance. You ran to the door and tried to follow the man out of the room. You were unsuccessful and he pushed you backwards, you stumbled and fell back.
“What the hell did I just tell you?” He roared and you put your hands over your face as he walked back into the rom. He grabbed at the neck of your shirt and swung at your face. You yelped in pain as his hand connected with the side of your head, you could feel his rings digging into your skin and grabbed your injury with both hands, tears welling in your eyes, an ache settling deep into your head.
“That’s what happens when you do stupid things, sweetheart. Now you’re going to have consequences.”
He stormed from the room and returned moments later with a rope. You shook your head, trying to run away but you couldn’t, the man had shut the door behind him and had you cornered. You swung your hands in desperation, one connecting with his forearm. He hissed and you saw that you had done some damage, the trail where your nails had been was raised and an angry shade of fuchsia.
“You bitch.” He growled at you, putting a hand around your neck. “I should really do some damage, how would you like that? For Baby to come in and see you fucked up?”
You shook your head as best you could with his hand on your throat.
“I won’t do it again, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,” you pleaded and he sighed, removing his hand. “You better be on your best behavior now, sweetheart.” You nodded and allowed him to tie the rope far too tight around your ankle, connecting the other end to a u-shaped metal hook on the wall, the rope was looped through it and tied securely. You could move far less than before and you sat down when you were told to do so.
“Now, for the final goddamn time,” he punctuated his statement with another blow to your face, this time you could tell that you would have a black eye. “Do not,” he glared down at you, “do anything stupid.”
You nodded and he wound up as though he was going to kick you in the side. You flinched and threw your hands up for protection. “See, sweetheart? Things could get much nastier for you here,” you didn’t respond until he delivered a final blow to your head, knocking you out.
You’d awoken in Baby’s arms, his hands trying desperately to find a pulse and to warm you up. He could see the bruises on your face, and you wanted to tell him that they probably looked worse than they felt. The room was much fuller now, your ankle was still tied so tight that your foot had begun to go numb. Instead of being connected to the wall, the end was held by the first man you’d talked to. The worse of the two had Darling on his lap,
Baby was facing them, on the floor with you cradled into his chest. He whispered kind things to you and then began to shout at the others in the room.
He returned to apologizing to you and this time you only curled closer to him. “It’s okay, Baby, you have to go, I know you’ll come back, I trust you,” you said. Baby kissed your head again and wished he’d brought his jacket- anything to keep you warm and more comfortable in this hellish room.
..(back to real time).
“So it’s settled,” Doc spoke confidently. “Baby, Darling and Bats, follow me,” it wasn’t a request, you and Baby both knew he had no choice. Before leaving the room, Baby walked up to Buddy, pure anger and fear coursing through his veins.
“Do not touch her again. I will kill you,” Baby said darkly and this time Biddy said nothing. Everyone knew that he was serious about the threat.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can, beautiful girl, I love you.”
Your heart swelled and you were glad your arms were free to wrap around Baby.
“I love you too, be safe, come back in one piece,” you said. Neither of you wanted to let go until Buddy walked up and grabbed the rope attached to your ankle. “Visiting hours are over, Baby, go now. The sooner you leave the sooner you can come back.”
Baby reluctantly nodded and squeezed you tighter before he let go. You missed his warmth. You were exhausted physically and emotionally and you propped yourself up against the wall, trying to find the best place to sit. Buddy left but told you that he would be right outside the door. You knew what he meant and he didn’t have to warn you again. It felt as though you’d been waiting hours before you finally gave in, laying on the floor and falling asleep.
You woke up to the sound of yelling , Baby’s voice was clear and you ran to the door to see what was happening. “Baby, this will not be your last job. Do you understand?” A voice spoke calmly and you knew it belonged to who Baby called Doc. “Fine just- just let me take her home,” Baby said quietly. The key was twisted in the lock and you backed away as the door sung open. Baby’s face was the only one you registered and you ran to each other. “Are we going home?” You questioned. Baby nodded, working as fast as he could to undo the knot on your leg. Once you were free, Baby picked you up in his arms and the two of you left the building, exiting the long hallways and finally made it back to his familiar Subaru.
“I brought these, for you,” Baby didn’t start the car, just reached into his back seat and pulled out a bag. Inside you found too much food to eat by yourself and your favorite sweatpants, as well as a sweatshirt. You put them on, and Baby smiled a little when he saw you start to eat. “YN,” he paused to take a deep breath. “YN this’s all my fault, they were right in there and I understand if you never want to see me again, I’ll bring you home and I’ll never come around again, ” he offered, looking at you seriously, you could see guilt all over his face.
“No, Baby, you got me out of there, and the only person I want to be with it you,” you said and embraced him again. You could feel tears dripping down his face. “I- I was so scared the whole time, when I couldn’t find you and when I had to leave- I can’t imagine how much worse it had to have been for you. I’m just so, so sorry, YN,” you shook your head and held the shaking boy close to your heart. You shushed him and rubbed your hand over his hair softly. “No, Baby, listen to me, I love you, and I don’t blame you for this, I love you.” You repeated it and Baby looked at you with red eyes. “I love you, I won’t ever let anything happen to you, I promise I’ll do anything for you, I love you so much, YN,” he said. You knew how sincere he was and your heart swelled.
By now it was almost afternoon, and Baby took you home to your apartment, laying you in bed with the TV on and blankets folded up to your chin and not leaving your side for weeks until you were completely better.