The Signs as Horror Villains
Obviously, lists like these have been done to death (wink, wink) over the years, but I feel like giving my take on it. In honor of Halloween, 2017, here is my list of the zodiac signs as horror movie villains!
Aries: Chucky (Child’s Play)
The flaming red hair, the brutality of his murders, and the rage when he doesn’t get his way, all makes me think of Aries. Chucky is sort of petulant but in a charming way, and his temperamental attitude makes him an unpredictable force to be reckoned with. How can I not think of Aries?
Taurus: Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)
Skinning someone’s face off and wearing it seems like something a Taurus would do, what can I say?
Gemini: Pennywise the Dancing Clown (It)
We all know Geminis are clowns, so this was an obvious choice. Pennywise is a sadistic creature that trolls the ever-loving-fuck out of his victims, and I think that pretty much encapsulates what a Gemini horror villain would be like.
Cancer: Norman Bates (Psycho)
Okay, honestly, this was a really hard choice for me. I was contemplating both Norman Bates and Jason Voorhees to be Cancer on this list, as I truly think both are total Cancers, but I decided to go with Bates because I think he represents the archetype of Cancer slightly more. Bates is a complete mama’s boy and his love for her borders on creepy sexual innuendo. Throughout his life, he’s had a strong feminine side and has always had, let’s say, a complicated relationship with women, which reminds me of a lot of the Cancer men I know (not like they murder women as far as I know, but you get my meaning).
Leo: Jack Torrance (The Shining)
You can’t deny Jack has an affinity for dramatic displays of insanity. His most memorable line is when he’s hacking down a door with an ax, then sticks his head in the broken-down door and yells, “HEEEEEEREE’S JOHNNY!!” I mean, come on. Leo all day.
Virgo: Jigsaw (Saw)
The well thought out puzzles and the detail Jigsaw put into his whole operation is something I can only see a Virgo accomplishing. The victims of Jigsaw were chosen based on what was deemed to be immoral acts perpetrated by said victims, and who else would have such a sense of moral authority to execute mass murder other than a Virgo?
Libra: Candyman (Candyman)
Candyman is a vengeful spirit that comes back to even the score of his brutal murder hundreds of years prior during the years of slavery. Despite his warped reasoning for doing so, his quest for revenge is an attempt to rectify the injustice he faced, and a lot of the times hurt Libras can use “an eye for an eye” reasoning to justify their internal need for fairness. Candyman most fits that archetype, and his misguided views of his murders make him truly scary.
Scorpio: Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs)
A charming sociopath who is irritably elusive and hard to read? Yeah, Hannibal Lecter is probably a Scorpio. Lecter is a brilliant psychiatrist who, despite being a murderer, is also ironically conscious of social mores. He’s sophisticated and an impeccable manipulator, but also has cute side-hobbies such as painting. So multitalented! Oh, and if you insult anyone he cares about, you’re basically signing your death certificate.
Sagittarius: Ghostface (Scream)
Ghostface can barely be taken seriously, really, but it’s sort of part of his appeal. Just like Sagittariuses!
Capricorn: Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
Patrick Bateman works on Wall Street and is obsessed with maintaining and accumulating money and living his lavish, pristine lifestyle. I mean, right off the bat that is Capricorn, lol. Bateman murders men and women and does various other gross, obscene shit that I don’t particularly want to write out, oh—and, he’s a rude asshole to add the cherry on top. Total Capricorn.
Aquarius: Pinhead (Hellraiser)
A highly intelligent sadomasochist who is basically an alien, Pinhead is sort of robotic and conveys a pure Aquarius to me. He has pins in his head because not having pins in his head would be too mainstream, and he leads a creepy cult that condemns people to eternal suffering. Sounds neat.
Pisces: Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)
Freddy Krueger’s modus operandi of killing people in their dreams has a distinct Neptunian feel that I just can’t shake. Krueger is a complete freak, and to be honest, I always thought that Pisces people were weird.