You’ve asked me to tell you a story, to weave you a theory. My inbox sings with your requests to try and jumble everything together. You ask. I’ll deliver.
I’ll give it my best shot because there’s nothing I like more than a challenge. We’re sticking to the usual plan of trying to make the most ridiculous but still kinda plausible theory possible. To start us off, here’s what canon information I have to work with.
The Existing Carmilla Mythos - So we naturally have everything from the 3 seasons to work with. You’ve seen the web series. You know.
The Original Trailer - This is the one on the beach that announced the movie. Frankly, I’m curious as to how much of this will actually apply because from my understanding it was put together before they had a script. As a scene, it’s probably cut. I’m treating the information as canon because I don’t have enough material to be cutting ANY of it.
The New Cast Information - Literally yesterday, we received the names of three new cast members. Seeing as I’m going to make the case that these are all literary references (stay tuned) just their names alone give me info. They are:
The Woman In Black
Now we do our magical conjecture and fun fact building to try and whip it all together into a coherent story. Basically, I’m going to write you a movie because I’m a novelist at heart and a story structure buff. We’re going to try and figure out what we can expect when the movie releases in the fall (?). Buckle up, creampuffs.
This is going to get 7k words worth of messy from parents to exes to fish gods to old school novellas.
a movie with Eva Green and Winona Ryder playing lesbian
witches. Their hobbies include baking vegan cupcakes and defeating
patriarchy. They have a dog called cerberus. it’s a tibetan mastiff.
Movie ends on a scene where they ride a broom into the sunset
The way you look at someone when you’re in love with them. Everything about them you cannot get enough of. The way they talk, their enthusiasm about the things they’re passionate about, their cute corks they make you smile. Oh Carmilla. You useless love sick Gay Vampire.