move dms

The Rope of Destiny

The party, with the help of a bunch of foreign soldiers, has just downed a large and rather terrifying creature we know only as “the night spirit” which has been giving us trouble for a while. When the night spirit finally passed out on the ground, it transformed into a young girl. After much debate about what to do, we agree to tie her up and wait to see what happens. Our very uncharismatic monk, who is both a thief and a hoarder and oddly has higher sleight of hand than our rogue, offers to do the tying, but refuses to use her own rope (see: hoarder).

Monk: I don’t have any rope.

Paladin: I’m literally looking at your rope. It’s strapped to the outside of your pack.

Monk: … this rope is special rope. It has a specific fate. Today is not the day this rope is to be used.

DM: Roll deception.

Monk: *nat20*

Party: WTF?!?!

DM: That totally works. Everyone around you believes that rope has a preordained destiny.

Fighter: *squinting at monk* Can I roll insight on that?

DM: Sure.

Fighter: *nat1* … goddammit.

Party: *erupts into laughter*

DM: You are completely and utterly suckered, you sad sack of shit. You genuinely believe this rope is powerful. You don’t know how powerful, or what its powers are, but you now covet it.

Rogue: I try to steal the rope.

DM: Fine. You’ve opened Pandora’s box with this shit.

Rogue: *nat1*

Party: *gasping for breath between bouts of laughter*

DM: You move to swipe the rope, but slip and wind up genuflecting before it.

Party: *has to briefly break to compose ourselves after all this absurdity*

Paladin: *looks somewhat disturbed by everything that has transpired* … here, just. Use my rope. (ooc) If you roll another nat1, I’m out.

Monk: Thank you! ^^ Alright, now I tie up the kid.

DM: Roll sleight of hand.

Monk: *nat1*

DM: (without missing a beat) You tie yourself to the child. You wear her like a backpack.

Paladin: *walks out*

anonymous asked:

top 5 times katsuki yuuri seduced the whole world (deliberately or not)

I think I’ve been accidentally pulled into the “5 Things” meme! Please don’t send more, haha. Regular prompts and headcanons are still welcome!

1. After Yuuri wins silver at the GPF and Victor announces his return to competitive skating, they attend the banquet, and apparently the ISU learned nothing from the previous year because it’s open bar. However, unlike last year, Yuuri doesn’t get drunk on 14 flutes of champagne and drag people into a dance-off. Instead, he gets drunk on six Long Island iced teas and gives an incredibly dazed and visibly turned-on Victor a lap dance in the middle of the floor to Nasty Naughty Boy. Someone (Phichit, you traitor) films it and posts it to YouTube, where it blows past 73 million views in a single weekend and trends on Facebook for two entire weeks. Thousands of people all over the world post their own reaction videos in response, the most popular being Minami Kenjirou’s, which is just 14 minutes of him alternating between sobbing hysterically and shoving paper towels up his nose. 

2. Yuuri’s in the middle of giving an interview with ABC News after winning gold at the Olympics when a little girl crashes the set and takes it upon herself to plop herself into his lap. The interviewer moves to cut to commercial, but Yuuri tells her that it’s fine. He turns his attention to the girl and compliments her sparkly barrette. Very seriously, the girl thanks him, tells him her name (Malia), age (7 and a half), her teacher’s name (Mr. Gaeney, second grade teacher at P.S. 114) and that she’s going to skate with him at the Olympics someday. To his credit, Yuuri doesn’t laugh; instead, he hugs the girl close and says that he’s looking forward to it. About an hour later, Victor posts a positive pregnancy test to Instagram.

3. A video surfaces of a younger Yuuri and Phichit doing the dance to Bye, Bye, Bye on the ice. The line of Yuuri’s shoulders are soft, not a hint of fear in the way he moves his hips nor a single brushstroke of anxiety in the deep bow of his smile, and he keeps time with Phichit perfectly. It gets retweeted by Lance Bass, who says, @ yurikatsuki nice moves! dm me the next time you’re in la! #hihihi. Victor spends the week trolling Lance with terrible N*Synce photoshoots from the early 2000s and scoring them out of a possible 10. None of them ever make it to a 6.  

4. At Worlds 2018, Yuuri debuts a routine that he choreographed himself to Lady Gaga’s Dance in the Dark, which the commentators say is his attempt at a cooler, sexier Yuuri Katsuki. Victor has to be physically restrained from joining Yuuri on the ice, while six people in the audience have to be hospitalized for extreme blood loss. Yuri Plisetsky’s face becomes Tumblr’s new favorite reaction gif. 

5. Victor watches from the doorway, thinking of the fey, drunken creature who stole his heart all those years ago, and of the shy boy who wanted so badly to be as good as everyone else thought he was, and marvels at how we pour ourselves into the wide and wondrous spaces that time creates. If someone had told him maybe ten years ago—when he’d believed that perfection could only be found in the thumping bass of nightclubs, in between the thighs of faceless men—that he would be brought to his knees by the sight of his disheveled and sleep-starved husband slowly dancing around a nursery with their infant daughter cradled in his arms, singing softly and off-key, he would have laughed and asked for some of whatever it was that person was on. 

But now, himself a much different man than the one he’d been at twenty, at twenty-five, at twenty-seven, he’s smarter. Wiser. Happier. And he’s never seen anything sexier. 

Me(DM): so you’ve been sucked into the giant gelatinous cube and you’re stuck.
Bard: Can I still move?
DM: I mean I guess so, but you can’t walk out.
Bard: (thinking) Can I ask it nicely to let me go?
DM: I mean it can’t hear you? You’re inside it and sound doesn’t travel through the gel?
Bard: No I mean like on a nice note?
DM: Uh… I mean you can try?
Bard: okay I write “Please let me out”
DM: Roll persuasion
Bard: Nat 20
DM: sigh… The cube is moved by your words and releases you.
When you’ve been playing a campaign for many years and you finally meet the Big Bad Evil Guy...
Check Please Plays D&D

It’s one in the morning, I just finished a horrible project that I never want to deal with again, and I just need to write something. So:

I saw some Tweets by Her Excellency Lady Ngozi Ukazu earlier tonight (this post) where Jack’s internal monologue sounded disturbingly similar to the instant messaging method of my Dungeon Master. Naturally, I told @a-canker-in-a-hedge, who screamed, and then I screamed, and then we spent half an hour talking about how SMH would play D&D. All of this is, of course, her fault.

So, without further ado, SMH plays D&D.

  • Starting off with Jack, my history nerd son, who is the Dungeon Master of a 5e game. He learned how to DM from the older siblings of his peewee players, who would talk about their campaign while they waited for the smol babbies. He was Intrigued™
  • Naturally Jack “110%” Zimmermann, when he got involved with D&D, immediately went full nerd on it. He read so many 3.5 books, guys. He was so confused by Pathfinder, and still sometimes falls back on 3.5 rules rather than 5e ones
  • He didn’t… mean to DM. He moved away from his old campaign when he came to Samwell, and the Fantasy Club at Samwell has a D&D group, but their sessions coincided with practices, and Shitty found out that he played, and then things sort of snowballed
  • And if he’s gonna do it, he’s gonna do it his way. So… in his first year, Jack wrote up his own setting. It’s got all the standard D&D stuff in it, it’s just not exactly the setting from the books. Gives more verisimilitude to the players, right?
  • Also lets Jack put in all the history nerd stuff
  • Every battle in both of the world wars is referenced somewhere in his setting
  • So, yeah, in that first year, Johnson and Shitty were his main players, with a sort of steady cycle of any other guys they could convince to play a session with them
  • Jack considered inviting Camilla Collins to play, but decided against it because she wasn’t super interested and also you never DM for a romantic/sexual partner unless it’s a really solid relationship. That Way Lies Disaster
  • There were standard characters that they got handed to fill out the party
  • Shitty was the leader of the group (which he calls “Shits and Giggles”) an elven bard with so much hair. Guys. Just. So much beautiful flow
  • The description of the character changes depending on a) how much clothing Shitty is wearing and b) how high he is, but there is so much hair. Just. Godiva up in here
  • And so much Cha. Shitty knows what he’s doing, and what he’s doing is making it so no one will ever hit him because they’re too busy being in awe of him
  • Why yes, he does use and abuse Charm Person
  • Johnson plays a human fighter. When Shitty asked him why he was playing such a standard character, he said, “Well, the writers didn’t actually think about me when they were screaming about this little offshoot of canon, and anyway it’s pretty meta that I’m a fictional person playing a game as a fictional version of me, so, well, *shrug*”
  • Shitty will never know how he created asterisks in speech

Okay, this is going under a cut:

Keep reading

C: There’s this Ghanaian guy I’ve been crushing on since the 3rd trimester of the school year (that’s how ours is divided up) in 10th. every time I saw him, my heart would explode. he’s extremely sweet and such a BEAUTIFUL chocolate man. one time I saw him after school, I discovered then, after my baby making zone flooded, that I’m also sexually attracted to him.

We both went to prom and I was standing by my table, he approached me and we talked a bit and then my brave ass asked if he wanted to take a pic with me(he said yes!!!) I posted it on my Facebook and my aunt deadass asked if he was my fiancé so i like to think that means we’d look good together…

So  last month I was on my private twitter and I saw a follow request from a pt. I posted it asking who it was and then my friend said it was HIM. Bitch I almost died. but after snooping, I found out he was a freakkk and he engaged in some sexual activities with his female friends 😬  but that doesn’t change my feelings for him😩❤️ I’m so scared to make a move bc I don’t wanna be FWB and plus I’m not sure how to open a conversation that’ll move to DMs. I might actually wanna be with him

A Loud Introduction

DM (me): okay, you slide down into this basement. (Teifling Bard), you wake up, because you were just unconscious, and realize you can’t remember where you are or why you’re here, and this threatening Orc just arrived in the room with you.

Teifling Bard (ooc): So I don’t remember anything about this?

DM (me): nope, just that you were unconscious and now you’re in a room with an orc

Tiefling Bard: I start screaming

DM (me): *laughing* okay, (orc) there’s a teifling in the corner and she’s screaming at you. What do you do?

Orc: I also start screaming

The entire party laughs

DM (me): alright, you two are just standing in this basement screaming. It’s now (monk)’s turn

Monk: I move into the basement

DM (me): okay then, you easily slide down into the basement, which is filled with screaming

Monk: I start screaming too

more laughter

DM (me:) alright, (paladin)’s turn

Paladin: I enter the basement and start screaming with everyone else

DM (me): okay you’re all standing in the basement right next to your objective screaming at eachother

*the entire party begins losing their s&@^*

Transcriptions - Part 2/4

(( For whoever feels lost, this piece of fiction is the continuation of the events of my fancomic/fanfiction Sanders Sons, in which the Sanders Sides are Thomas’s children and it can be read HERE))

((I don’t think there’s anything triggering about this one either, but let me know nonetheless))

((Tag List: @ccecode @hrtnsolofytube @emma123patka @lamsbelife @emeliethetimelady @parano-vigilant@sanderssidesstuff​ @glitterincluded@evanisonfire @procrastinatingwithglitter@creepy-cupcake @anniemiku @morallogic @fandomsandnonsense7 @tinyten19 @justanotherpurplebutterfly @2manyfandoms2count-love))

Transcription of Record of Testemony - Child Protective Services (CPS)


Detective Marshall - DM

Logan Sanders - LS


DM: Hello.

LS: Greetings.

DM: (silence)

DM: Did you do all that? (refering to the objects made of building blocks in the room)

LS: Yes. Father and I build stuff all the time. I aspire to be an architech. Or a lawyer. Or a mathmatician. Or a chemist. I’m still not sure.

DM: (sitting down) That’s all very cool.

LS: Thank you.

DM: (silence)

DM: Can you state your name for the recording, buddy? We need to move on with this.

LS: My name is Logan Sanders. I’m 7. I live with my father and brothers in a house far off in the suburbs. 

DM: That’s a lot of information.

LS: I’ve been researching. I’m aware of CPS procedures.

DM: You’re very smart. Do you go to school?

LS: Not yet. But father got me a tutor.

DM: And none of your brothers have one?

LS: No.

DM: Why do you think that is?

LS: Father says he wants my talents to be assessed.

DM: And don’t your brothers have talents?

LS: Of course they do. We are all very talented. But their talents are different than mine. Roman has acting classes, for example. Virgil was going to start to swim soon. 

DM: Does your father decides your talents?

LS: Of course not. We do. Roman asked for his classes. A Virgil begged to be allowed to swim. And I asked to go to the MIT. Father said this was the closest I could get. My tutor is applying there.

Keep reading


sketches from last night’s session, which included:

-resident tief warlock boy altair (my pc) attempting to telepathically connect with villagers we were attempting to save and scaring them instead (but then, triumphantly, succeeding next turn)
-our dragonborn (dark) paladin trying to reassure said villagers with his..pleasantly toothy smile. trying so hard
-a thousand million enemies on the map taking a hundred years to move (bless our dm)
-resident aasimar cleric desperately trying to fry enemies with their stare and subsequently getting ko’d
-big buff half-orc barbarian party member being Very Angry about everyone hurting her friends

dnd rules

No Talent in Stealth (AD&D 2e)

DM: Your party arrives in a darken hallway deep within the mansion. You hear a faint noise ahead.

Thief (OOC): I make a noise check. I make it. 

DM: You hear sounds of rustling. It doesn’t sound like footsteps, but you aren’t too sure what it is. You need to be closer in order to be certain. 

Thief: Hey guys, I’m gonna go on ahead. Wait for me here.

Thief: (OOC) I roll to move silently. I make it.

DM: You move stealthily into the corridor, you hear the fluttering of curtains from an open window. It looks like somebody came in. When they came in, you aren’t too sure. However, you get the feeling that you are not alone.

Our party has a half-orc barbarian named Jug'Jo with an intelligence of 4. At this point, our Paladin’s war horse is smarter than he is. 


DM (OOC): Jug'Jo, you’re 7 foot 8 and about 300 pounds. You can’t sneak. 


DM (sighing): Jug'Jo follows the thief. Large, clumsy footsteps echo across the hallway. Jug'Jo has put on a tarp that barely covers his body, thinking that it will conceal him as the thief looks on with dread. 

Jug'Jo (whispering loudly):JUG'JO HELP.

taosnipple  asked:

My husband and I are moving and his DM apparently told his manager to schedule him "as much as possible" and fire him if he calls in at all. He's worked here for a year. He asked for a transfer to the store 15 minutes from our new place. And he hasn't been written up or anything for over 6 months. Also, they haven't given him ANY shifts for like 2 months. I'm so tired. Hubby is probably gonna talk to his lawyer. Thanks, management.

Definitely have him talk to a lawyer. I may be mistaken, but I think I remember your past stories and a little bit about you and your husband(you had a baby right?). Is it possible this is a case of discrimination? I feel like it might be and you would definitely have a strong case. If I’m wrong about who you are please disregard this and just know I hope things work out for you. We’re all rooting for you two to be able to move forward happily. -Abby