move dms

We had just finished our first quest, where none of us really were experienced DnD player, and I did some feeble attempts at solid DM'ing. The goal of the quest had been to find an antidote for a farmer’s son who had gone into a magical coma.

(ps: due to an inside joke, Winnie the Pooh is in the party like, just there. Christopher Robin is the farmers son who fell ill. The party coloured winnie the pooh neon pink. I don’t know why.)

DM: You reach the farm. You don’t have to roll shit to figure out these peeps are poor. They have a cow and a goat in a small pen that don’t look too hot. Oh, and there’s a donkey tied by the door to their shedlike home.

Elf Ranger: guys i think these peeps are super poor.

Half-Elf Cleric (only good aligned partymember): oh my god really????

DM: just as you say that, the door creaks open, and a thin, a bit aged man peeks out, and when he sees you, his eyes go wide and he steps fully outside, and he says “Are you the ones my daughter sent to- have you found it? Did you find the antidote for my son?”

Half-Elf Cleric: Hello we are here to speak to you about Jesus Christ- I mean, Njord. That’s my deity, right?

Elf Ranger: Yeah, the word of Njord.

Dward Fighter (whose alignment is sorta fuzzy): Yeah we got some antidote dude but uhh time cough up some gold pieces, aight

DM: So- these news fills him with both glee and fear. He sinks down on his feet-

Half-Elf Cleric: What was he on before

DM: -His knees. He sinks down on his knees, and he brings his hands together in your typical prayer like- he’s begging you. “Please, we have… nothing.”

Tiefling Warlock (Chaotic Neutral): sad trombone

DM: “Please, I- I have but one son, he and my daughter are- we won’t be able to do the amount of work- we need him!”

Tiefling Warlock: “Shall we move on, my fellows?”

DM: As you guys speak about this, Winnie the Pooh slides down from /Half-Elf Cleric/’s shoulders, where he’s been perched, and sort of waddles forward, past the begging father, and into the house, to join Christopher Robin.

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWWWWW

Dwarf Fighter: Ey he didn’t swipe the antidote from us, did he?

DM: No- no, you still got that.

Tiefling Warlock: I would’ve Eldritch Blasted his ass if he had.

Half-Elf Cleric: I think we should just give them the antidote.

DM: Like- just to clarify: the antidote is not like- a valuable thing. It’s just this one specific conconction for this particular- you won’t get more cash out of this anywhere else, nobody is gonna run up to you and go “oh, my father is in a magical coma and needs an antidote that-!” like. It’s literally worthless except for these people.

Tiefling Warlock: But we won't have to help someone pro bono.

Half-Elf Cleric: *annoyed sigh* I don’t give a damn about money.

Everyone except her: *horrified gasps*

Dwarf Fighter: … well, you guys do got a nice ass-

Everyone: WHAT

Dwarf Fighter: the donkey. You got a nice donkey.

DM: You… want the donkey.

Half-Elf Cleric: IS IT EEYORE

Everyone: YES we want the donkey.

DM: … The man looks at the donkey and then at you, and he goes “I- If it is a trade between the life of my son and my donkey, it’s- then it’s yours.” And- and Eeyore looks up at you all-

Everyone: YES IT’S EEYORE

DM: -and he goes “I figured I was going to get sold anyway…”

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWW

DM: and the farmer goes “AAA” cus he didn’t know he had a talking donkey

Dwarf Fighter: eyy hasn’t he seen Shrek talking donkeys means cash

DM: yeah well that doesn’t matter now cus he’s giving him to you guys

Dwarf Fighter: right you are

DM: and the man unties Eeyore and he sighs deeply and he goes “this surely won’t make things easier for us… but in exchange for my son… *sigh*”

Tiefling and Dwarf: oh stop moping around jesus hell

Half-Elf Cleric: EYY if I have a ‘set of commoners clothes’ can i give them to them cus they look poor right

DM: I guess

Half-Elf Cleric: EYYYYYYYYYYYY

DM: but then you’d be naked

Half-Elf Cleric: NÄÄÄIJ in that case fuck it you don’t get shit i’m sorry i tried

DM: -and you just start taking of your clothes to give them to the man, but you realise halfway through what you’re doing and you get dressed again

Tiefling: cover yourself, woman

DM: so- let me get this straight. You guys literally have a box on wheels that you pull along with you, and it is filled… with the golden heads of a pair of statues AND YOU WANNA TAKE THIS POOR FAMILYS DONKEY.

Tiefling: survival of the fittest, honey *grabs rope with Eeyore on the other end*

-they go inside and give Christopher Robin the antidote-

Christopher Robin: what the fuck

DM: And the family all rejoice at the awakening of their son, and they turn and thank you, and they’re in the middle of hugging you all when the farmer murmurs “They… they took the donkey.” and the whole family just. Goes quiet-

Dwarf Fighter: fucking tattletale?

DM: - and the mother sort of sinks down on her chair and she whisperes “How will we surviv-”

Tiefling: Oh for fucks- “look, woman, if you don’t shut up I’ll Eldritch Blast your ass-”

Half-Elf Cleric: “HEY WHAT”

DM: The woman gasps loudly and pales-

Dwarf Fighter: “Yo what’s the problem don’t you want a talking donkey”

Half-Elf Cleric: “I meant the whole threatening to KILL HER actually”

Tiefling: “I wasn’t threatening her, I was just stating a fact”

DM: That if she wouldn’t shut up you’d kill her?

Tiefling: It’s a very known fact.

DM: Winnie the Pooh is looking at Christopher Robin with such glee; it’s really indescribable how happy he’s looking, and he’s hopping around happily and he’s climbing up on the bed to give him a big old hug, and Christopher Robin, he goes- “What the- could you guys like take the bear away from me.”

Everyone: “WHAT”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Isn’t he like with you?”

Christopher Robin: “Wh- no? I just went into the woods and he just came up to me, and I found this ruin and he just followed me? And then I got stung by something and that’s all I remember? Could you like take him away he’s a bit creepy. And why is he pink?”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Well uhh he’s yours now. You don’t have a donkey anymore, so-”

DM: And this sorta comes as news to him cus when the father told the fam he had just woken up so he was a bit disoriented so now he goes “Wh-Why is-? What happened to our donkey?” And the father, he goes “Well, son, it was their demand to give you the antidote… and-”

Tiefling: “By the way… can we get this transaction on paper?”

DM: - and the boy turns to you incredulously, and he goes “But-! You can’t! We need that donkey, without it we’ll die!”

Dwarf: “You’re young and strong, boy, time to saddle up.”

Tiefling: “You got a bear now.”

DM: - And Christopher Robin starts to cry too, and he goes “You might’ve saved our lives, but you’ve killed our family-”

Dwarf: “Anywho, gots to go.”

DM: So, you go to leave the shedlike home, and the athmostphere is next to devastated-

Dwarf: “Okay, okay, I ain’t okay with this. We go here and save your life, and you guys are devastated? Really?”

Tiefling: “I agree entirely. Ungrateful runt.”

Cleric: “I-”

DM: “And Chrisopher Robin slams the door in your face.”

Cleric: “No, I was- I was gonna whisper to him “I didn’t want this, I wanted to let you have it for free-”

DM: -Okay, so you whisper that, and he just stares you down, and he shakes his head, and tears are falling down, and he just spits out “You’re just as bad as them for letting it happen anyway,” and he throws the door shut in front of your face after doing that.

Cleric: “GODDAMNIT”

DM: okay so like just to state- like, you guys are super welcome to just. give them something on your own accord, like, out of your own pocket, you picked up som gold in that temple, so if you want to-

Cleric: I WANNA GIVE THEM 100 GP

Tiefling: WHAT “NO, NO, DON’T” ok so I try to pursuade /cleric/ not to do it.

DM: You- you can’t roll to make another player do stuff they don’t wanna do.

Tiefling: Okay, uh “Hey, /cleric/. Don’t do it.” There, you’re pursuaded.

Cleric: … yeah, nah. I give them the gold.

DM: So- you hammer on the door and you shout “I GOT GOLD FOR YOU” or something like that, and Christopher Robin opens the door, and once he sees the gold you’re extending, he- he is so happy. He takes the gold and he goes to hug you, and the entire family comes out and does the same, they can buy like 3 donkeys now i dunno how GP works in dnd yet uhhh so-

Tiefling: Fuck this, I eldritch blast Christopher Robin.

Cleric: NO YOU DON’T i stand in the way.

DM: -Fine? Uh, roll an attack roll.

Tiefling: Twelve.

DM: You miss. You hit the ground.

Tiefling: … don’t I hit the house at least?

DM: NO YOU- WHY DO YOU WANT TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

 Cleric: WHY WOULD YOU STILL ROLL WHEN I WAS STANING IN THE WAY- YOU TRIED TO KILL ME

Ranger: All of this for a donkey

DM: Nah, dude, you got the donkey. This is because /Cleric/ gave them 100 GP

Ranger: Oh okay

Dwarf: Yeah, but they’re super ungrateful. Bastards.

Cleric: Yeah but we can’t KILL THEM for that??

DM: so the family, they- after the attempted murder, they run back into the house. 

Dwarf: Did they take the gold?

DM: Yeah.

Dwarf: Rat bastards.

DM: Does /Tiefling/ want to keep his spree of ‘teaching people some manners’ going or?

Tiefling: Nahhh. But he does cast sleep on /Cleric/ cus he’s pissed.

Cleric: haHA i’m a half elf and I can’t be magically put to sleep!

Tiefling: Nvm then I’m tired.

DM: So- you guys walk away from the house, and just for a moment you hear the door opening and then quickly closing-

Ranger: No

DM: -and you turn, and- Winnie the Pooh has been tossed out of the house.

Dwarf: THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT when Njord taketh a donkey he giveth thee an illuminescent bear, and they just TOSS HIM OUT

DM: - and Winne the Pooh sits on the ground very- very sadly. Had he had tear ducts, he would cry a single tear. He is on the ground-

Ranger: Still pink?

DM: Still pink.

Cleric: :’(

Ranger: ugh FINE let’s take him with us.

DM: You go and pick him up, and he is so happy. So, so happy.

Dwarf: what are we, collecting Winnie the Pooh characters?

DM: He’s on /clerics/ shoulder again-

Tiefling: Can’t we put him on Eeyores back?

Dwarf: Can’t we put EEYORE on WINNIE THE POOH’s back?

DM: You put Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh back, and you now have a donkey on top of a bear on the ground. They are not moving.

Cleric: Oh dear.

DM: And Eeyore sighs and goes “I knew I’d be too heavy”

Everyone: “AWWWWWW”

anonymous asked:

top 5 times katsuki yuuri seduced the whole world (deliberately or not)

I think I’ve been accidentally pulled into the “5 Things” meme! Please don’t send more, haha. Regular prompts and headcanons are still welcome!

1. After Yuuri wins silver at the GPF and Victor announces his return to competitive skating, they attend the banquet, and apparently the ISU learned nothing from the previous year because it’s open bar. However, unlike last year, Yuuri doesn’t get drunk on 14 flutes of champagne and drag people into a dance-off. Instead, he gets drunk on six Long Island iced teas and gives an incredibly dazed and visibly turned-on Victor a lap dance in the middle of the floor to Nasty Naughty Boy. Someone (Phichit, you traitor) films it and posts it to YouTube, where it blows past 73 million views in a single weekend and trends on Facebook for two entire weeks. Thousands of people all over the world post their own reaction videos in response, the most popular being Minami Kenjirou’s, which is just 14 minutes of him alternating between sobbing hysterically and shoving paper towels up his nose. 

2. Yuuri’s in the middle of giving an interview with ABC News after winning gold at the Olympics when a little girl crashes the set and takes it upon herself to plop herself into his lap. The interviewer moves to cut to commercial, but Yuuri tells her that it’s fine. He turns his attention to the girl and compliments her sparkly barrette. Very seriously, the girl thanks him, tells him her name (Malia), age (7 and a half), her teacher’s name (Mr. Gaeney, second grade teacher at P.S. 114) and that she’s going to skate with him at the Olympics someday. To his credit, Yuuri doesn’t laugh; instead, he hugs the girl close and says that he’s looking forward to it. About an hour later, Victor posts a positive pregnancy test to Instagram.

3. A video surfaces of a younger Yuuri and Phichit doing the dance to Bye, Bye, Bye on the ice. The line of Yuuri’s shoulders are soft, not a hint of fear in the way he moves his hips nor a single brushstroke of anxiety in the deep bow of his smile, and he keeps time with Phichit perfectly. It gets retweeted by Lance Bass, who says, @ yurikatsuki nice moves! dm me the next time you’re in la! #hihihi. Victor spends the week trolling Lance with terrible N*Synce photoshoots from the early 2000s and scoring them out of a possible 10. None of them ever make it to a 6.  

4. At Worlds 2018, Yuuri debuts a routine that he choreographed himself to Lady Gaga’s Dance in the Dark, which the commentators say is his attempt at a cooler, sexier Yuuri Katsuki. Victor has to be physically restrained from joining Yuuri on the ice, while six people in the audience have to be hospitalized for extreme blood loss. Yuri Plisetsky’s face becomes Tumblr’s new favorite reaction gif. 

5. Victor watches from the doorway, thinking of the fey, drunken creature who stole his heart all those years ago, and of the shy boy who wanted so badly to be as good as everyone else thought he was, and marvels at how we pour ourselves into the wide and wondrous spaces that time creates. If someone had told him maybe ten years ago—when he’d believed that perfection could only be found in the thumping bass of nightclubs, in between the thighs of faceless men—that he would be brought to his knees by the sight of his disheveled and sleep-starved husband slowly dancing around a nursery with their infant daughter cradled in his arms, singing softly and off-key, he would have laughed and asked for some of whatever it was that person was on. 

But now, himself a much different man than the one he’d been at twenty, at twenty-five, at twenty-seven, he’s smarter. Wiser. Happier. And he’s never seen anything sexier. 

Check Please Plays D&D

It’s one in the morning, I just finished a horrible project that I never want to deal with again, and I just need to write something. So:

I saw some Tweets by Her Excellency Lady Ngozi Ukazu earlier tonight (this post) where Jack’s internal monologue sounded disturbingly similar to the instant messaging method of my Dungeon Master. Naturally, I told @a-canker-in-a-hedge, who screamed, and then I screamed, and then we spent half an hour talking about how SMH would play D&D. All of this is, of course, her fault.

So, without further ado, SMH plays D&D.

  • Starting off with Jack, my history nerd son, who is the Dungeon Master of a 5e game. He learned how to DM from the older siblings of his peewee players, who would talk about their campaign while they waited for the smol babbies. He was Intrigued™
  • Naturally Jack “110%” Zimmermann, when he got involved with D&D, immediately went full nerd on it. He read so many 3.5 books, guys. He was so confused by Pathfinder, and still sometimes falls back on 3.5 rules rather than 5e ones
  • He didn’t… mean to DM. He moved away from his old campaign when he came to Samwell, and the Fantasy Club at Samwell has a D&D group, but their sessions coincided with practices, and Shitty found out that he played, and then things sort of snowballed
  • And if he’s gonna do it, he’s gonna do it his way. So… in his first year, Jack wrote up his own setting. It’s got all the standard D&D stuff in it, it’s just not exactly the setting from the books. Gives more verisimilitude to the players, right?
  • Also lets Jack put in all the history nerd stuff
  • Every battle in both of the world wars is referenced somewhere in his setting
  • So, yeah, in that first year, Johnson and Shitty were his main players, with a sort of steady cycle of any other guys they could convince to play a session with them
  • Jack considered inviting Camilla Collins to play, but decided against it because she wasn’t super interested and also you never DM for a romantic/sexual partner unless it’s a really solid relationship. That Way Lies Disaster
  • There were standard characters that they got handed to fill out the party
  • Shitty was the leader of the group (which he calls “Shits and Giggles”) an elven bard with so much hair. Guys. Just. So much beautiful flow
  • The description of the character changes depending on a) how much clothing Shitty is wearing and b) how high he is, but there is so much hair. Just. Godiva up in here
  • And so much Cha. Shitty knows what he’s doing, and what he’s doing is making it so no one will ever hit him because they’re too busy being in awe of him
  • Why yes, he does use and abuse Charm Person
  • Johnson plays a human fighter. When Shitty asked him why he was playing such a standard character, he said, “Well, the writers didn’t actually think about me when they were screaming about this little offshoot of canon, and anyway it’s pretty meta that I’m a fictional person playing a game as a fictional version of me, so, well, *shrug*”
  • Shitty will never know how he created asterisks in speech

Okay, this is going under a cut:

Keep reading

taosnipple  asked:

My husband and I are moving and his DM apparently told his manager to schedule him "as much as possible" and fire him if he calls in at all. He's worked here for a year. He asked for a transfer to the store 15 minutes from our new place. And he hasn't been written up or anything for over 6 months. Also, they haven't given him ANY shifts for like 2 months. I'm so tired. Hubby is probably gonna talk to his lawyer. Thanks, management.

Definitely have him talk to a lawyer. I may be mistaken, but I think I remember your past stories and a little bit about you and your husband(you had a baby right?). Is it possible this is a case of discrimination? I feel like it might be and you would definitely have a strong case. If I’m wrong about who you are please disregard this and just know I hope things work out for you. We’re all rooting for you two to be able to move forward happily. -Abby

No Talent in Stealth (AD&D 2e)

DM: Your party arrives in a darken hallway deep within the mansion. You hear a faint noise ahead.

Thief (OOC): I make a noise check. I make it. 

DM: You hear sounds of rustling. It doesn’t sound like footsteps, but you aren’t too sure what it is. You need to be closer in order to be certain. 

Thief: Hey guys, I’m gonna go on ahead. Wait for me here.

Thief: (OOC) I roll to move silently. I make it.

DM: You move stealthily into the corridor, you hear the fluttering of curtains from an open window. It looks like somebody came in. When they came in, you aren’t too sure. However, you get the feeling that you are not alone.

Our party has a half-orc barbarian named Jug'Jo with an intelligence of 4. At this point, our Paladin’s war horse is smarter than he is. 

Jug'Jo: JUG'JO SNEAKS AS WELL.

DM (OOC): Jug'Jo, you’re 7 foot 8 and about 300 pounds. You can’t sneak. 

Jug'Jo: JUG'JO ROLLED A NAT 20. 

DM (sighing): Jug'Jo follows the thief. Large, clumsy footsteps echo across the hallway. Jug'Jo has put on a tarp that barely covers his body, thinking that it will conceal him as the thief looks on with dread. 

Jug'Jo (whispering loudly):JUG'JO HELP.

2

sketches from last night’s session, which included:

-resident tief warlock boy altair (my pc) attempting to telepathically connect with villagers we were attempting to save and scaring them instead (but then, triumphantly, succeeding next turn)
-our dragonborn (dark) paladin trying to reassure said villagers with his..pleasantly toothy smile. trying so hard
-a thousand million enemies on the map taking a hundred years to move (bless our dm)
-resident aasimar cleric desperately trying to fry enemies with their stare and subsequently getting ko’d
-big buff half-orc barbarian party member being Very Angry about everyone hurting her friends

dnd rules

anonymous asked:

Tell me about critical role. What is it? Where do I consume it? Please?

Yo I love this show so much I could go on about it for hours!!! 

So basically, it’s a bunch of very talented voice actors live streaming their weekly dungeons and dragons game. One of the things that makes it stand out is that their acting is incredible, and makes the funny scenes that much more hysterical, and the sad scenes that much more moving. The DM (Matthew Mercer) is probably the best storyteller I’ve ever seen, and the rest of the cast are all so talented, loving and hilarious. All the characters are incredibly amazing, and it’s literally impossible for me to pick a favorite. It’s one of those shows that when you start out you’re like, “Hey this is pretty cool.” but after a while (for me it was the Briarwood Arc) (for most I think it was the Briarwood Arc) you’re completely hooked.

It’s live streamed on twitch every Thursday at 7:00pm PST (for me it’s 10:00 EST) on Geek and Sundry’s twitch channel. Here’s the link: https://www.twitch.tv/geekandsundry

But, if you’re just starting out, I recommend you start watching from episode 1. They upload all their episodes onto the Geek and Sundry yputube channel. Here’s the link for the first episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-p9lWIhcLQ

Don’t feel intimidated by the length of the episodes, or how many there are. I sure was, but I ended up catching up super quickly. You can watch them while doing other things, like cleaning, drawing, etc.! 

Sorry for kind of talking wayy too much about this. This show has gotten me through some really rough times. I’m so much more happy and confident because of it. Way better than how I was a few years ago.

Anyway, it’s a great show! Hope you like it!

reiqenarataka  asked:

YOU HOW DARE YOU WRITE THAT SAD SERIREI WEREWOLF AU HOW DARE YOU I've been thinkin about it ever since I saw it and NO I NEED IT TO NOT END SADLY HAPPY ENDING KUDASAI IF YOU WON'T I WILL BECAUSE HOW DARE YOU WRITE SUCH A GOOD DRABBLE AND MAKE SUCH A POWERFUL COMIC AND JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT I'm personally offended there isn't more because I need more. Abyway I just wanted to say I've been thinking of it for like days now so thank you for that.

(the comic)

DUUUUUUDE ID BE FLOORED IF YOU WROTE ANYTHING ABOUT PUPPER SERI!!

but the truth is, there IS more, it started as a couple asks i got (maybe inspired by me yelling against vamp reigen and also bringing up twilight au whoops ;;;) that then moved to dm and on the serirei server au talk and ahhhh it’s mostly just really cute fluff!! 

i made a tag for the talk it’s now officially “werewolf!seri au” on my blog

BUT YEA THE ANGSTY COMIC IS JUST A BAD END ALTERNATIVE VERSION FOR ME!! im most likely at some point writing a lil oneshot or something that has all the cutesy shenanigans and most likely minimal angst, i got the angst outta my system with the comic.

buuuuuut if anyone happens to want to do something with the bad end, especially with the fact that seri’s only like 98% dead as he’s not yet fully reverted back to human at the end of it… *winking with all my 50 eyes*

(Playing a game of D20 Modern)

DM: Alright, since you failed your reflex check the machine threw you backwards against the wall with a tremendous force. You’re at 1 HP, and you hear something in your spine break. You can no longer feel your legs.

Player: Can I move?

DM: No, you’re embedded against the wall, and now crippled.

Player: Can I heal somehow?

DM: Well one of your party members potentially could, but she’s not there right now.

Player: Can I perform first aid with my items?

DM: You don’t have any items! You only have a bunch of office supplies around you!

Player: Okay, but can I staple my spine together-

DM: YOU CAN’T STAPLE YOUR SPINE TOGETHER, IT’S NOT POSSIBLE.