“You know you’re not the only one trying to forgive yourself.”
I’ve read some meta opinions that say that Clark’s line “You know you’re not the only one trying to forgive yourself” is about her leaving Bellamy personally. It startled me, because It’s so clear that Clarke is talking about her regret over her own dramas: Finn, TonDC, Mount Weather, letting Emerson live to kill again, even failing to save Lexa.
Obviously Clarke does feel bad about leaving Bellamy, because we saw that in 305. But this conversation is about Bellamy grappling with his own actions, and possibly learning to forgive himself for the wrongs he’s done. Wrongs like killing an army in the mistaken belief that it would protect his people, and wrongs like spying on his friends in a way that ended with Lincoln’s execution. When he tells her that he’s tired of being angry at her, that’s his attempt to let go of this one burden that isn’t doing anything now but hurting them both. He can’t let go of his guilt, but he can let of go his anger toward Clarke.
Clarke accepts that, and she follows up by offering him commiseration: “hey buddy, you’re not alone, i have regrets over here too.” The reason that I think this line is specifically not about Clarke and Bellamy’s personal relationship is that it doesn’t work as an analogy for this context. She wouldn’t say “You feel bad about mass murder… well I feel bad about our friendship break up.” Those two are not on the same level at all. It’s not comparable.
Clarke’s saying “You’ve done terrible things that you regret, I’ve done terrible things that I regret.” She’s saying she shares the difficulty of wrestling with her regrets and choices, particularly the many people who have died around her. Like the many people who have died around him. Those life experiences are so much bigger than anything Clarke or Bellamy have done to each other.
This is what she’s trying to share with him–what they always have shared, from the beginning. Responsibility, regret, guilt, acceptance. Awareness of the scope of tragedy that follows both of them. Clarke is telling him, as they have told each other before: “You are not alone in this.”
Okay, hear me out. We know the chip makes you forget painful memories. Jaha forgot Wells. Raven forgot Finn. What does this mean Clarke will forget? Could she perhaps forget Lex/a? While she does have romantic feelings for Le/xa currently, no one can deny that she has been a huge source of pain for Clarke. That would mean Clarke would forget other painful pieces of her life as well. Mount Weather. Emerson. Finn. Her dad. But how meaningful would it be if she didn’t forget Bellamy? Bellamy’s been the one constant. The source of good. How much would that mean to Bellamy as well? To not just hear Clarke’s words, but to actually know that that is how he’s viewed?