motives for life

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
—  Marianne Williamson
no one should
have so much
control over
your being
other than
your own
damn self
—  be your own muse // JustScribbledWords
Working Out and Gaining Confidence

I wanted to talk a bit about confidence and not having it, and how fitness played a role in myself gaining it.

Before I started working out I was very withdrawn into myself physically. I wore large jackets in Texas heat all year round to hide myself from the world. I never wore shorts, and if I was in a bathing suit I wore cover-ups until I was in the water (even if I was trying to get a tan). Looking back, I barely have any pictures of myself from highschool onward.

I had zero confidence in myself and it showed. 

In 2013 I went to my first convention with my girlfriend (who suggested we go, so thank her for all this Korra cosplay stuff :p) and our mutual friend. Having no skills in sewing, I bought my first cosplay, Fang from FF13, which I’ve never really showed any pictures because not only was I not proud of my cosplay, but all the pictures I had of me were awful. I was so shy that I look uncomfortable, and I think I was during any pictures I got taken of me.

So I’m going to, for the first time, put a picture of me in my first cosplay -with zero confidence- and compare it to the current me.

Ignoring everything else, just looking at the smile there is a huge change. I didn’t start working out until the end of 2014, a few months after going to my second convention while wearing another bought costume. Using Korra as my motivation, I not only started working out but invested the time to learn how to sew and aspired to make my own costumes. In 2015 I showed up to my third convention in FOUR handmade costumes (along with an amateur 1 year physique) and had entirely too much fun.

I also branched out and made an instagram to document my progress, and even started making youtube videos to help people get into fitness. In ‘real’ life I became more sure of myself during the last of my time in University as well as becoming a leader of sorts at work. I’m confident, feel great, and I’m proud of who I’ve become and who I will continue to grow into. As a person that has struggled so much with depression and anxiety since childhood, this has been such a sigh of relief. 2016 had it’s terrible moments (which I’ve talked about in a previous post), but even then I had the strength to keep pushing on and hoping for more.

I’m so deeply happy that I started working out and got into cosplay. But even long after I leave the cosplay scene I still believe I’ll be working out and trying to help people get to where they want to be physically.

So if you have been thinking about fitness or even just cosplay, really, please give it a try. Give it your best shot. I’m so happy I did and I wouldn’t change a thing.

19/02/17 || I’m sorry I kind of went mia for a bit, I just am so stressed right now that I needed a bit of a break from everything, so there’s no point in me putting all the days I’ve missed into one. But I have studied and I’ve been productive during all the days I’ve missed out to updated, I’ve done my exam this week and I guess it went alright, I’ve answered to all the questions so I should’ve passed. I started studying for my next and (finally 🙌🏼) last exam which is in like three days, that’s why I’m probably so stressed, I have no time to do a huge amount of work.

God can do amazing things in and through us, if we'll only let Him. Surrender all and let His sovereign hand take control.

so i’ve been obsessed with nutella since i could remember and giving it up was hard but i found this AMAZING substitute from Trader Joe’s and it’s honestly so good, especially for on the go toast in the morning! they sell it without the peanut butter, but i wanted to have both to make life easier! it’s not a perfect replica, so don’t expect it to taste exactly like nutella but if you love chocolate, i think it’s a great alternative 💕