And when there’s
no more tears
left to fall,
your head up high,
that we’re still staring
at the same wide sky,
You and I—
both hoping that
will be fine,
even if sometimes
But please don’t leave someone wondering what they have done wrong.” he said. “Don’t just walk away and make them feel that they will never be enough. As if they were just some pieces of paper fallen out of your notebook. As if they were just a flower you took out of your vase.” he looked at her. With sadness in his eyes—with pain showing in the way he speaks. Then he continued, “Please. If you can avoid it, just please don’t hurt people that way.
I know how you’ve been feeling today. Your life feels empty, and the sad truth is that you have nobody to blame for anything that’s happened . Unlike most people, you haven’t blamed yourself, because you know that you have done everything in your capacity to make things work, to make things happen. I know how ambitious you are, and you do everything you need to do to make your parents proud, to make them happy again. You have no one to share your pain with. Mainly since your pain isn’t because of some tragic accident or loss of life, neither is it because of a sappy breakup or a nasty flu.
But you can feel your true self breaking down a little bit more with every passing day. There’s so much you want to do and so much you want to achieve and you know that you have it in you, yet it’s always a dead end.
You look back in time and see a different version of yourself, someone you can’t recognize now. You have no idea how to define yourself any more. You were a social maniac and have always found yourself the most comfortable among people, lots and lots of people, friends, foes, family, strangers and you managed to plant a seed of memory into everyone you’ve ever met.
Now you’re uncomfortable to be around people, you repel even making a healthy eye contact with someone passing by. I know you aren’t scared or tense to interact with them - to ask how they’re doing, but you’ve lost the urge to make bonds anymore.
You’ve met all kinds of people, seen through each one of them but you’ve realized that no matter how well you know and understand them, you walk right into a boulder beyond which you cannot see, beyond which you know there’s a spot where all their weaknesses lie, and you peek between the brick walls and recoil back - you have seen the ugly side.
This side of them is nasty and no matter what is said or done following it, you’ve lost your trust, you just can’t go back to square one all over again. You know you can never be the same with them again. And as you walk away from them, you know they’ve taken off a small chunk out of you. These chunks total up to the whole of you and you lose yourself running away from them. You cannot risk losing anymore. So you walk alone, and everyday you die a little more.
You now focus on the few people you trust and you’d do anything for them. I know very well how greatly you suck at expressing your love towards these people, somehow you feel that if you reveal it to them you’ll lose the love you have for them, they’re eager and hope to hear it from you. Your family wants to hear you say that you love them. But you just cannot, because you’ve never learned how to. You’ve never told anyone confidently the way they show it movies, to confess love. You love them too much, it’s scary to say it out loud. But you show it in ways nobody ever does.
You have your own weird ways, only if they could listen. Only if they could listen when you scream at them and cry out of guilt the very next moment, when you swear at them now and internally curse yourself next, when you ignore them because you do not want to say you’re sorry, when you plan big to see them happy, when you struggle to smile even as you’re dying inside only so that they don’t sense your sadness.
You are scared to express that you are vulnerable and you are scared to admit that you are scared. You prefer to be an emotionless robot to them, because you’ll never be able to prove how much you really care. They distance themselves from you naturally, and again, you die a little bit inside.
But you know you’re amazing at being a lioness when you want to, your wounds make you stronger and that’s how you like seeing yourself - a lioness on the hunt. And you walk with all your pride as you walk by the people that you’d rather have by your side, again you die a little inside, yet you walk alone with all your pride.
if your heart
ever gets tired
the people you love—
when they keep
on taking you
it’s time for you
to close your eyes
and take a deep breath,
make them realize
that a kind heart
also needs a rest,
when they already
Each and everyone of us, we used to have that somebody in our lives. That somebody who used to be the world we lived in. That somebody who used to be everything we could ever see. That somebody who used to be the most important thing in our lives, that we thought we could not go on without. That only somebody we thought we would not lose but ended up slipping through our fingers like grains of sand. But cheers to all of us, because we made it this far despite not having them in our lives anymore. Cheers to us, for pulling through the pain and shit, for standing back up no matter how hard it was. Cheers to each and everyone of us. Remember this; you are not what you lose. You are how you deal with the loss. And I am absolutely proud of how far we got, of us.
Always push yourself to grow. It’s hard. I know. So many things can bring you down. But trust your instincts. Trust what your gut is telling you. Feel the magic. Work hard, push through, and persevere. There are no short cuts. This is the only way to achieve greatness. xo