Harry Potter and the Passive Aggressive Confrontation of the Prophet
Here is an expert from one of the oneshots that will be following on from Lost Children (no spoilers bar the fact it ends happily, which I’ve never denied!) I am having an absolutely hilarious time writing this and have to give a shout out to @llap115@unadulteratedstorycollector and @shiftylinguini for all the amazing ideas they gave me. This expert is inspired directly by Shifty: “I thought you said do a CROSSWORD in the Prophet”
There was nothing Harry loved more than lazy Sunday afternoons as the sun filtered through the trees in the garden of Grimmauld Place. Neville had helped Harry tackle the garden, or Neville had tried to at least. It had turned out that Harry was completely and absolutely useless in the garden. Draco, however, had spent years listening to his mother commanding the elves around the Manor grounds and so knew what he was doing. Things had been tentative and awkward between Draco and Neville at first but bit by bit they bonded over a mutual understanding of gardening. Draco had managed to talk Neville out of filling Grimmauld’s garden with bizarre, exotic and often murderous plants, much to Harry’s relief.
Draco tilted his face up to the sun and Harry smiled at the sight of the sunlight catching on the white hair, pale lashes and unguarded smile. Harry’s breath caught at how fucking beautiful he was. Draco was like fine wine and only got better with age. Harry couldn’t wait to see him when they were fifty. Thoughts like that surprised him sometimes but it was true, Harry couldn’t imagine being without Draco. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever want anyone else by his side. No one else could ever hold a candle to Draco Malfoy.
“Did you see the Prophet article this morning?” Draco asked, taking a sip of his coffee.
“I don’t know why you even bother reading it,” Harry sighed, as he glared at the case files in front of him. Three years later and he was a fully qualified auror, it was exhausting and demanding but he loved it. The thrill of being in the field and relying on pure instinct alone was one he loved. However, the pouring over case files and trying to connect loose ends was much more Ron’s forte than his.
“Call me a masochist,” Draco shrugged. “Anyway, can you stop your affair with the She-Weasel please?”
Harry snorted as Draco passed him the paper. On the front, there was a picture of Harry congratulating Ginny after winning one of her latest matches and underneath it was a smaller picture of Luna and Draco smiling at each other. “Only if you stop your revenge affair with Luna.”
“Maybe I should get a tshirt that says I only like cock?” Draco hummed as he took his paper back from Harry and continued with his crosswords.
“Nah, they’ll just start writing that you’re shagging Blaise.”
“At least Blaise is good in bed,” Draco said, smirking as Harry scowled at him. “Don’t worry, you’re better.”
Harry rolled his eyes, “I should hope after all this time I’m your favourite lay.”
“I didn’t say you were my favourite.”
“Have I told you how much I hate you recently?”
“No, because you love me. Now what’s a seven-letter word related to masturbation?”
Harry did love him. Harry loved Draco more than he could put into words and especially with his stupid cross word games.
“Wanking,” Harry shrugged, grinning over at Draco.
“Ooh that’s perfect,” Draco smirked, scrawling it down.
“What was the actual question?”
“A seven-letter word that is also a motion potion.”
Draco grinned at Harry, and Harry shook his head in amusement. Part of their Sunday routine involved Draco filling out the Prophet’s crossword puzzle using the rudest answers and most inappropriate articles he could before sending it in to them. Draco was a passive aggressive idiot and Harry loved him with all his heart.
PS. Later I will be using Shifty’s other line of “I thought you said come on the Prophet” so look forward to that @jadepresley
Title: I’ll Take Today Author: @diva-gonzo Prompts: Cyanide; St. Mungo’s, 2:38 am; It’s all under control Rating: SFW (K+, 12, PG-13)
“Hermione.” She shook and ignored the shaking. It’s just another nightmare, probably.
“Ron’s hurt. Throw your housecoat on, Hermione. We have to go. Move your ass!”
Hermione lifted her head from her pillow after hearing Ginny’s voice crashing through the curtains of her four-poster bed in their shared room at Hogwarts.
“What?” She parted the curtains to see Ginny standing there looking like a roman candle about to explode.
“Fine,” Ginny went to Hermione’s wardrobe and pulled out the navy blue housecoat and the fluffy slippers Hermione used while at school. “Since you slept through the summons, I’ll summarize. Ron and Harry are at St. Mungo’s. Some sod they were chasing knocked over a bunch of smuggled potions when they caught him. As a precaution, Harry, Ron and the rest were sent straightaway to St. Mungo’s.”
Hermione threw the housecoat on over her pyjamas before picking up her wand and her beaded bag – starting to show signs of hard use – and followed Ginny out of their room, through the Gryffindor Common room to exit their tower for McGonagall’s office.
“What time is it?”
“No wonder why I am so tired.” Hermione had to walk fast to keep up with Ginny, who was almost running towards the Headmistress’s office. “Slow down. I can’t keep up.”
Ginny turned her head while keeping the pace. “I keep telling you to work out with me.”
“Running the bleachers of the Quidditch pitch isn’t my idea of fun. And then running back from them is even worse, with those hills!”
They made the last turn to the office and saw the gargoyle standing open and awaiting their arrival. They rode the ascending stairs upwards to the oaken door, also open for their arrival. They hurried into the office and saw Professor McGonagall standing by the fireplace, talking with someone in the flames. “Ah, there you are. Molly, they’re here now.”
“Mum?” Ginny went over first and knelt down.
Her mum looked concerned. “I asked Minerva to send for you because of the seriousness of what happened.”
Folklore: The role of the herbal ashwaganda preparation in traditional herbal medical systems for more than 2,500 years has been as a “vitalizer” or energizer of the human body.
Magickal Uses: Longevity, sex magick, love, strength.
Love Motion Potion
The resident Wise Woman/Flower Shaman at Flower Power Herbs and Roots in New York’s East Village shares her Valentine’s tea recipe or Love Motion Potion on the store’s website. Mix ½ oz. of each of the following: damiana, siberian ginseng, and ashwagandha with 1/8 oz. licorice root and 1/12 oz. prickly ash bark. Bring 1.5 pt. water to a boil, add the herbs, and simmer for five minutes on a very low flame. Serve hot or cold.
Krishna Magical Potion:
Sandalwood, lotus seeds, ashwagandha root, brandy or vodka. This potion will balance an over active or under active ego. Pride becomes humility. Low self-esteem transforms into a healthy sense of self worth through accomplishment.
Holy crap. Can you do one for Amelia (me) where Draco is a fifth year and I am a 4th year and the next day is my birthday and we meet by me getting lost on my way to class and then we pull an all nighter and at the end of the night he says that he has always admired her and they kiss and stuff c: that would me amazing
“Oh my gosh, I’m going to be so late” you muttered to yourself
Still, after four years of attending Hogwarts, you still get lost in the dungeons. The dungeons were like an endless maze, with Slytherins everywhere.
You accidently turned the wrong corner, and ended up by the entrance way of the
“Oh no” you whispered and dashed down the next hall.
“Amelia!” you heard someone shout as you looked around.
The noise came from a Fifth year, blond Slytherin. He jogged
his way towards you and asked,
“I’ve seen you circle the dungeons at least three times. Are
“Yes! I can’t find the bloody Potions room!” you exasperated
“Ok, ok calm down. I’ll take you there” He said as he started
guiding you to the right.
“No, I don’t want to make you late for class” you sighed
“I have a free period right now, so follow me.”
“Alright, thank you” you gave him a small smile and he returned
Walking down the corridor, with Draco, he started to make
conversation. “I heard that it’s your birthday tomorrow”
“Yeah, it is” you said trying to hide your blush.
“Well, this looks like your stop” he motioned to the Potions classroom.
“Yup, thank you, Draco.”
“No problem, Amelia. If you get lost again, find me!” He
called over his shoulder
“I will” you giggled and entered the classroom.
The rest of the day was nothing special. You got to all of
your classes on time and hung out with your friends.
Once you were done with dinner, you started walking around the
halls. Making your way down to the dungeons, you tried to memorize the path to
the potions classroom. Marking all your turns on a slip of paper, you finally
knew how to get there.
Overjoyed, you let out a little squeal. You started walking
back to the Great Hall, when you ran into someone, causing all their books to
fall to the floor.
“I am so sorry!” you scrambled to pick up the books, not even
bothering to look at who you bumped into.
“It’s ok, Amelia, it was only an accident” a rich voice
loomed over you
Looking up, you saw Draco standing over you. Blushing, you
stood up and handed him his books.
“I’m sorry again. I just didn’t watch where I was going”
“It’s fine. I was actually coming to look for you anyways; after
I dropped all my school stuff off, in the common room.”
“You were?” you asked him with a confused look
“Yes” he chuckled “now just stay right here and wait for me
to come back. I have a surprise for you.”
“Ok” you giggled as he left for the Slytherin common room.
After five minutes past, you saw him walking back to you.
“Ready” he asked
“Um, I’m not really sure. Where are you taking me exactly?”
“Well, Amelia, if I told you then it wouldn’t be a surprise”
he said as he took my hand, and started leading me to the secret destination.
Finally reaching his destination, I realized where we were.
“Why did you bring me up to the Astronomy Tower, Draco?”
“To celebrate your birthday, that’s why.” He spoke proudly
“But my birthday isn’t until tomorrow!” you giggled
“Ah but see this is my plan: we stay up until it is your
“Draco Malfoy, you are too much.”
“Oh hush and come here” he motioned for you to sit next to
You two talked for hours about everything. Your families,
things you wanted to accomplish in your life, the things that make you happy.
Everything. You talked to each other about everything. Seeing layers that you didn’t
even know existed, of the boy that everyone feared and hated.
Taking a break of talking, you both looked up at the stars.
Enjoying the beautiful view in front of you, you didn’t even realize that Draco
was looking at you. Turing your head to him, you asked,
“Nothing’s wrong, I just need to tell you something.
“And what might that be?”
“I really like you, Amelia. I like everything about you. How you
zone everything out to read a book, how you can give Slytherin a run for our
money in Quidditch, how you looked so confused, yet so beautiful when you were
lost this morning. I just like every little thing about you.”
While Draco was talking, you both got inches apart. His eyes
flicked down to look at your lips, until he finally kissed you. The kiss only
lasted a couple of seconds, but it was enough for you to be speechless.
“So do you feel the same way?” Draco nervously took your hand
in his, and looked back up at you.
“I do” you smiled
“Well, that’s good to know, or this would have been really embarrassing”
he let out a sigh of relief.
You laughed and placed you head on his shoulder, as he placed
his on top of yours. Everything was perfect, and when you looked down at your
muggle watch, you saw it read 12:01. Draco looked at it as well, and whispered lovingly
in your ear,
I am haunted
by your etchings
I want to see more clearly
enlist my crystal ball
the potions in motion
is the start of it all
my tongue descends
on my moon
against the tide
the everlasting storm
I am in depths
of your soul
encircling in slow motion
and consuming your heart beats
to the rhythm of song
I will place on your breath
you will want me on your flesh
tasting and hushing the dark of night
and to nourish
this bleeding heart of mine