motherfuking

Whenever I see people quoting/referencing/parodying My Immortal it’s always one of the same four or five lines. You know the ones.

The iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et cetera).”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

“And Loopin was masticating to it!”

As great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.

  • Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.
  • Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.
  • Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a pentagram into his forehead.
  • There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens to have the exact same name.
  • Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.
  • The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian and Harry is a Satanist.
  • Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim” with his “tim machine.”
  • Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”
  • Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.
  • Voldemort wears high heels.
  • Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.
  • Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.
  • Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara is a Rambo fan?
  • The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a female owl, for some reason.
  • Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread.”
  • Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.
  • James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.
  • Draco’s singing voice is described as “a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”
  • Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.
  • Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”
  • McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.
  • Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.
  • Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I think that is a genuinely clever pun.
  • The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.
  • Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”
  • This line: “Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”
  • And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”
  • “Azerbaijan”
  • “Hoes of Wax”
  • “Tom Bombodil”
  • “Cornelio Fuck”
  • “Professor Slutborn”
  • “Preacher McGongol”
  • “Lumpkin”
  • “TaEbory”
  • “The Bark Lord”
  •  “Vadermort”
Wanna Know Who’s a Great Character?

George.

Reasons he’s great:

- Drives a go-kart.

- Knows how to fly a plane.

- Helps put a motherfuker in their place.

- CAN BREAK SOLID CONCRETE WITH HIS FOOT ALONE.

- Tries his best at what he does in spite of a lack of respect given towards him.

- Is literally the first character you see when you start the game.

- One of only TWO characters to have an official plush made of them.

- JUST ADORABLE IN GENERAL

THIS CHARACTER NEEDS MORE LOVE AND APPRECIATION

The Signs as My Immortal Lines/Characters
  • Aries: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" It was........Dumbledore!
  • Taurus: "No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." (Profesor Trevolry)
  • Gemini: "I may be a Hogwarts student" "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" (Hargirid)
  • Cancer: "Ebonyiloveyouwiluhavesexwithme" (Snaketail)
  • Leo: "The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!" Snape ejaculated menacingly.
  • Virgo: "Abra Kedavra!" He yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. (Vampire / Harry)
  • Libra: "YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"
  • Scorpio: "If thou doth not kill him, then I shall kill him anyways!" (Vloxemort)
  • Sagittarius: "Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?"(Professor Mcgoggle)
  • Capricorn: "Oh my fucking god!!!! Voldimort! Voldimort!" screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort's
  • Aquarius: "Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" (Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way)
  • Pisces: "Kawai. Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." (Hermione / B'loody Mary)
Horoscope #12:

My Immortal quote:

Aries: “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” It was………..Dumbledore!

Taurus: “OK class fucking dismissed every1.” Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go.

Gemini:  “I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

Cancer: I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.

Leo: “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

Virgo: “Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?”  

Libra: “Kill him or I shall kill him anyway!”

Scorpio: “Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?”  

Sagittarius: “VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.

Capricorn: We stated frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep.

Aquarius: “You look fucking kawaii, bitch.”

Pisces: “That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely.

The signs as “My Immortal” quotes

Aries: “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!“ It was………..Dumbledore!” 

Taurus: “Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.” said Proffesor Sinister. “Bye bitch.” I said waving

Gemini: “Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!!!!” 

Cancer: “He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.” 

Leo:  And den……………………………I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11

Virgo: In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol.

Libra: “Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” 

Scorpio: “I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!” 

Sagittarius: “EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!”

Capricorn: “You fucking bustard!” yelled Draco at Vampire. “I want to shit next to her!” 

Aquarius: “Allah Kedavra!” 

Pisces: Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. 

So back in highschool @haitiansensationsaint would be at my crib all the time. So one day after we chilled for a long ass time, luc decides to leave so he’s like hey da can I grab a coke. I’m like hey no problem bro. You know where it is. THIS motherfuker goes into my basement opens up the Vanilla Coke box and TOOK 6 OF THEM JAWNS. I’m like yo fuck you, put that shit back. Scumbag Luc was a real thing.

anonymous asked:

A long time ago I sent you 'Derek stuck his thingy in Stiles you-know-what and they did it for the very first time' and you thought is was funny and that still makes me happy

i remember that and idk if i told you harris showed up and shouted WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS but he did