motherfucking-hips

anonymous asked:

Bucky is so lucky, like, his man does it all! I can just imagine some guy saying something along the lines of 'good luck finding a gal/guy who'd do that for you, let alone enjoy it' and Bucky is just like wait do people not usually like sucking dick, taking dick, and orgasming five times in a row?

“That’s the stuff of dreams,” Dugan whistles.

“You’re damn right,” Jones sighs.

“What?” Bucky asks, and Dugan turns around the little dirty postcard for Bucky to see. 

“Huh,” he agrees.

“That don’t phase you?” Dugan demands. “Damn. You must get around.” 

“Or jerk it in the shower.” 

“Shut up,” Bucky mumbles, and shifts in his cot, looking back down to his book. “Seriously, what? Yeah, she’s a very beautiful lady.” 

“I’ve never been with a girl who wanted to do that.” 

“What, swallow?”

Jones and Dugan stare and Bucky in disbelief.

“What?” Bucky asks.

“No, suck it at all,” Jones explains. 

Bucky narrows his eyes. “What?” 

“You know, if you want a lady to – is he for real? Are you for real?” Dugan asks.

“He’s for real,” Jones affirms. 

“You mean you’ve never–?” 

“No, I have,” Dugan says. “And I know Jones has because he wouldn’t stop bragging about it back in Nice. But unless she’s a loose lady you’ve gotta be really nice, you’ve gotta take her out to dinner, you’ve gotta be sweet, you’ve gotta be engaged…” 

“No you don’t,” Bucky frowns. 

Dugan and Jones share wide-eyed looks. 

“You’re tellin’ us that you get this,” Jones says slowly, and points to the postcard, “On the regular?” 

“Hell yes,” Bucky says. 

There’s a moment of stunned silence. 

How?” Jones asks. 

“I don’t know, I ask?” Bucky says. He folds up his book. Watch the pronouns, Barnes. “She offers?” 

Blank stares. “She likes it,” Bucky tells them, equally slowly. “You know – she wants to?” 

“She wants to?” 

“What are you two, a couple of parrots? You heard me, she wants to. She likes it down her throat.” 

Jones coughs. “Jesus,” he says.

“She does,” Bucky insists. “She likes being on her knees, I don’t know.” 

“You married, Barnes?” Dugan squints.

Hah. “Nope,” Bucky says.

“You engaged?” 

“Nope,” Bucky pops the ‘p’, acting disinterested. “I just know how to take care of her right. She likes my dick, boys. It ain’t my fault.” 

Jones rolls his eyes. Dugan keeps squinting. “You never mentioned a girl before, how do we know you ain’t making it up?” 

Bucky says, “What, you wanna hear about her? You horny assholes.” 

Jones and Dugan exchange a look.

Fine,” Bucky says. “Her name’s Steph. Pretty little blonde thing, slip of nothing, ninety pounds soaking wet. Sweetest little tits you’ve ever seen. And a cute little ass to boot. As soon as I get home from work she can’t get her hands off me. One time she let me pick her up and fuck her right up against the door. About bit a chunk out of my neck trying not to scream.” 

“She let you?” 

“She loved it,” says Bucky, truthfully. “She likes getting spanked, too.” 

Dugan chokes on his own spit. Bucky bites down on his grin while Jones pounds him on the back. 

“Jesus, kid,” Dugan wheezes.

Bucky shrugs. “Speakin’ the truth.” He frowns. “She won’t wear the lacy things I buy her, though,” he says. “Gets spitting mad every time I ask.” 

“What a fucking tragedy,” says Dugan flatly. 

“His dick’s probably magic,” Jones says. “You know, witchcraft of some sort. Like a snake charmer.” 

“I got a big dick and she likes it,” Bucky admits, a little cocky now. “I’ll never fuckin’ know how she takes it all, though, I’ll be honest. She’s so goddamn little I’m always afraid I’ll break her in half.” That’s true, too. 

“Shut the fuck up, your dick is not that big,” Jones says. 

“Jones, this whole entire platoon has seen each other buck-ass naked,” Bucky says. “You both know just how big my dick is.” 

“It’s not like either of us ever really sat there staring at it, you vain motherfucker,” Dugan tells him. 

Bucky shrugs. “Well, she thinks it’s a good one.” 

Dugan squints at him. “Show us.” 

“What!” 

“Show us your dick.” 

“You fucking son of a –” 

“Barnes,” says Jones. “Seriously.” 

Bucky looks between them and huffs a sigh. He jumps off his cot and stands in front of them and unbuckles his belt and unzips his pants and shoves them down and puts his hands on his hips.

“Jesus motherfucking Christ,” says Jones in flat shock. 

“Did you sell your motherfucking soul?” Dugan demands. 

“Nope,” Bucky says, and zips back up and collapses back on his cot.

“You are one lucky son of a bitch, Barnes,” Jones tells him. “I hope you know that.” 

“I’m certainly learning it,” Bucky says. 

Smirks

You can find my Masterlist HERE!

Synopsis: Oneshot Negan has been hitting on a girl in the sanctuary for a while and they have little banters and he blatantly flirts with her until one time she tells him “you do realise I like girls right?” ,he’s like oh shit sorry but they become good friends. -Via Anon

Ships: Negan x Reader (Platonic)
Words: 973
Warnings: Curses, Sexual talk
Category: Fluff

You had been bending over to pick up a heavy box that had just slipped out of your hands when you felt a presence just behind you. A small smile played on your lips as you finally picked up the box, after lingering a few seconds in the near touch, and turned to face the person behind you.

Negan was wearing a plain white shirt with his always spotless, black, leather jacket slung over it. He was wearing plain jeans and his characteristic large boots. He had his lethal bat swung over his shoulder as he dampened his lips with his tongue, eyeing you with dark, hungry eyes.

Negan had been flirting with you for about two months, playful banter, and the occasional hand on an ass. You had gone along with it because you enjoyed the banter but then you realized that he may have a thing for you. And that was not good.

Keep reading

The New Member says Meow

Summary: Negan encounters an unlikely companion that gives him more trouble than expected.
Word count: 1.451 - oneshot
Warnings: Negan being Negan, language
A/N: First attempt at a fanfic :’) oh boy. Please note that this is probably OOC since it’s 100% pure fluff, but I wanted to do something different from the other honestly fantastic, call me jealous fanfics posted within this promp. Also, English isn’t my first language, so please go easy on me when it comes to errors. Ah well. Here we go.

For @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash‘s 2k writing challenge!


“Piss off.”

Negan turned around and stepped forward threateningly, foot stomping on the ground in the hopes it wouldn’t attract any nearby walkers and instead would scare away the affectionate little animal that had been following him for what seemed like hours now.

In reality, it had only been a couple of minutes. It hadn’t been long since he had split up with a couple of his men, scavenging for more of the guns Rick had managed to magically pull out of the woods the other day. Being on full guard, it only took the softest of meows to get Negan’s attention. He noticed the whitehaired kitten had climbed into a tree and was sitting uncomfortably on a branch that was close to snapping, right into the arms of a hungry no-brainer that was desperately reaching out to snack on it.

He had hesitated for a moment, knowing damn well the noisy animal would attract a lot of attention. Negan was never one to take care of pets; in fact, he thought they were way too demanding. But as soon as he huffed and started to turn his back to the entire situation, he could almost hear Lucille yell at him for being a fucking dick. Fine.

Deciding that it was a small deed to at least kill off the walker, he had smashed his trusty bat against the reanimated corpse’ skull, the little kitten meowing louder to the point where it had certainly attracted anything, or anyone, in the nearby area. He had shot the new-born cat a dirty look at its loudness and was about to leave, but its giant blue eyes looked down at him helplessly and despite being the tough badass leader he is, he couldn’t just leave it there. He had sighed deeply, head shaking at himself as he reached out and grabbed the kitchen clumsily with his hand. He had almost dropped it onto the ground when it started showing its claws playfully. In Negan’s defence, cats had sharp claws. He wasn’t sure if kittens had sharp claws too, but he remembered a certain moment in history where he had just recently started living with Lucille and her cat hissed at him and scratched open his forearm, and he surely wasn’t going to go through that avoidable pain again.

He had put it on the ground, waving it away with his hand, expecting it to run off to god knows where. He even waved Lucille in front of its face, but the small pet was braver than it seemed. It instead meowed, and Negan had raised an eyebrow as it started approaching him, taking tiny steps closer to his feet. He had taken one giant step back, brows furrowing even deeper as the small kitten took it upon himself to chase his boots, resulting in a cat and mouse kind of game.

“What the fuck,” Negan had whispered to himself as he kept out of reach of the kitten that was playfully chasing his leg, “No, go away. What the hell is- seriously, fuck off!”

The joyful kitten had interpreted the tall man’s anger as taunting, and had continued chasing the man with sharp claws and focused eyes. Which left him where he was now, trying to walk away from the feline while it was still following him in confusion.

Negan’s loud footsteps, but in his opinion it was the cat’s meowing, had attracted a walker, and in the small timeframe where his attention left the kitten at his feet and was focused onto taking the walker out, the kitten took its chance to finally climb up the man’s muscular leg, claws pinching his leg through his jeans. He winched out in both pain and annoyance as he felt it climb up his leg rather quickly, sighing and hating how easily he was persuaded into the situation. By a pair of goddamn sad looking eyes.

“Dude, I always knew you were a pussy magnet, but this beats all,” Simon laughed as he made his way from behind the treeline into Negan’s vision. Negan looked up at him almost as helplessly as the kitten had looked at him.

“Simon,” Negan started as he turned to him and followed said man’s gaze down towards the playful pet firmly planted on his hip, “This motherfucker won’t leave me alone. Get this thing off of me.”

Simon instead examined the kitten closely, the fluffy ball of fur looking up at him with big, curious eyes. It purred softly as it nuzzled closer into Negan’s hip, clearly not having any intentions to stop tormenting the poor man any time soon. Simon looked up at Negan who was staring down at the kitten in disgust and that’s when he realized…

“Are you- Negan, sir, are you scared of cats?”

Negan eyes shot up at Simon, brows furrowed in disbelief as if he had just claimed that the undead taking over the world wasn’t the bitter reality of this life, causing Simon to laugh out loud.

“No, no, stop laughing,” Negan tried quickly as he carefully attempted to pick at the kitten’s scruff, the kitten in return reaching out to play with his gloved hand, “No, Simon, I swear to fucking god - if you tell anyone about this, you might as well start befriending Dwight, because you the two of you are going to have matching faces.”

The feline started climbing up higher, and Negan was seriously getting pissed off now. Both at the kitten and at Simon, who was seriously being a fucking dick.

“For the last time, get this predator off my fucking leg, or I’m shooting it.” Negan threatened, to no avail. The both of them knew he wasn’t really going to shoot it, no matter how serious he seemed about it. He could kill anyone with his bare hands, bash people’s dome in with Lucille, and gut people all day long, but Negan wasn’t going to shoot an innocent kitten that hung onto him for dear life, even if he hated the thing for scaring him with its retractable claws and all.

Simon only chuckled deeply in response, his hand reaching to his holster to make sure his sneaky leader indeed hadn’t taken it. It wouldn’t be the first time that happened. “You don’t have a gun on you.”

“Simon.”

Making his way over to a clearly clueless Negan, Simon held back another chuckle, not wanting to test the waters any more than he already had. He picked up the affectionate companion by its neck firmly, earning a soft meow in protest before it yawned. If anyone wonders - no, the soft sigh escaping Negan’s mouth wasn’t caused by the secretly truly adorable sight of a small kitten yawning. No, sir. Definitely not.

Simon noticed the kitten going limp, sleep taking over its tiny body. It’s blue eyes closing, head tipping down as it lulled to sleep. Simon held it up higher, turning it around a bit as he studied it.

“We can take it back, you know, to the Sanctuary,” he proposed, “I think it wants to be your friend.”

Negan hit his hand down on his dark green jeans, attempting to clear it of the - unfortunately very obvious - white hairs the kitten left.

“I don’t want to be his. It can fuck right off.”

Negan looked up at Simon as no further protest came, or at least, that’s what he was hoping for. The man held the now sleeping kitten in his hand, it’s tiny body barely any bigger than his palm. Negan would never admit it, but the furry friend was actually quite.. adorable. He’d almost want to keep it himself. Almost. He could at least let Simon take it home. Maybe surprise his wives with it, give them something to keep them company. Surely his wives would love having a cat around. Chicks dig cats.

“Fine, it can stay.”

A full blown smile crept on Simon’s face as the words came out before Negan even really thought it through.

“But only if it doesn’t do the thing with the fucking claws again,” he added, “Shit’s sharp, man.”

“You hear that, little fella?” Simon spoke softly to the quietly snoring feline, mocking Negan. “You scared the big man.”

Negan shot him a dangerous glare. “You’re taking some really un-fucking-necessary risks here.”

Swinging Lucille over his shoulder with ease, he started making his way to the truck he left somewhere along the trail, Simon following along with his gaze fixed on the new member in his hands, petting it softly.

“C’mon, you’re going all soft on me now. Let’s go home,” Negan chuckled, “We got a new Savior to introduce.”

Dirty Talk

heeyyyyy

so this came about as part of a thing I was discussing with furiwokaaan

so I was inspired and wrote it!

well, it was more of an excuse to let me write kuroshin haha

writing Kuroha is a bitch though sobs

so yeah here you go and if you’ll excuse me I will go collapse in that corner over there

what is sleep and is it edible

anyway I hope you like it ^ ^

Links!

FF.net || A03

or

Title: Dirty Talk
Rating: E
Relationships: kuroshin, past harushin
Warnings: non/dub-con, younger!Shintaro, ANGST

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Controversy? What controversy? Because Mino said something which wasn’t about flowers, rainbow and loving a chick? Seriously y'all who talk bad about him are such hypocrites. Idols are good for you only when they behave and act all good but when they curse or speak honestly suddenly they’re trash and untalented shit. As if u never sworn.
Also why should they beep motherfucker? It’s a HIP HOP show FYI not a fudging Inkigayo. If u don’t like it just don’t watch it for gods sake.

I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE PEOPLE KEEP THINKING THAT JIHOPE IS TOTALLY ONE-SIDED WITH HOSEOK PINNING OVER JIMIN

LET’S JUST REMEMBER LAST BANGTAN BOMB, OK?

I CAN’T GIF TO SAVE MY LIFE SO SCREEN CAPS BARE WITH ME

JIMIN, THAT MOTHERFUCKER, SWAYED HIS HIPS WITH A CORNERED HOSEOK SO THAT THEY COULD DANCE

AND THEN THEY STARTED GRINDING ON EACH OTHER, OH LORD

YOU BOTH NEED JESUS AND AN EMPTY ROOM PROBABLY

SO YEAH, GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY, JISEOK IS NOT ONE-SIDED AT ALL, JIMIN JUST LIKES TO PLAY HARD, THIS HAS BEEN A PSA (ALTHOUGH I ALSO SHIP JIKOOK, A THREESOME WILL BE GOOD TOO)

earthtomakara  asked:

♡ "Hey my motherfuckers." Gamzee smiled, he then leaned and kissed both of the Kurloz's very quickly.

==> They both giggle and grin, kissing Gamzee’s neck in exchange, hands on his shoulders and hips.

“Hey, motherfucker!”