motherfucking sale

Domestic Jeremwood?

-Jeremy is nearly constantly musical. Humming while making breakfast, whistling and jingling keys in the car, scatting in the shower, singing ALL the time.



-Jeremy’s favorite pet name for Ryan is peach. He uses it in text messages all the time. And Ryan goes absolutely red when he does so out loud or in public.



-Ryan cooks dinner and Jeremy cooks breakfast. That’s how its always been. Jeremy lets Ryan sleep in because he knows that Ryan has a hard time resting at night. Any extra sleep he can get is wonderful- and to make sure it is restful sleep, Jeremy checks on him every half hour or so. Ryan gets woken with a chaste kiss, the smell of coffee, and the words ‘good morning beautiful’ whispered in his ear.



Ryan makes dinner because Jeremy is EXHAUSTED in the evening when he comes home. He’s usually just back from the gym and he’s been up since well before Ryan had been. Ryan chops veggies and hums along with an infectious smile plastered to his face while he hears Jeremy in the shower up the hall, singing Queen songs. When dinner is ready, Jeremy’s lucky when Ryan helps him get dressed, and even luckier if Ryan promises to help him out of those clothes right after they’re done eating



-Jeremy likes to do laundry. Socks sorted and matched and all the drawers in the dresser are organized. If he could, he’d color-code Ryan’s closet. He switches summer shorts out for long pants and hoodies when the weather changes. He loathes when people like Ryan wear clothes out of season, like Santa sweaters in January (”I was cold, its a sweater, why should it matter what’s on it?” “Take off the jolly fat man sweater and no one gets hurt.”). Ryan doesn’t give a fuck as long as he’s wearing clothes. He will wear clothes he left over the back of chairs (“It’s cleanish!”) his style is rarely more than a t-shirt and jeans unless Jeremy helps him. 



-Ryan likes floors clean. Something about seeing his face in the sparkling hardwood gives him peace. So he mops and vacuums and buffs and puts those little cap things on furniture feet so they dont scuff, and TRIES not to kill Jeremy when he comes home with wet/muddy shoes or when Jeremy spills  things and doesn’t mop it up right away. or when their cat claws into the rugs, purring and happily high with cat nip.



-Yes they have three cats. Ryan plays with them with laser toys and jingly balls and encourages them to chase each other. Jeremy prefers to sit with them quietly and pet them while he works or reads. Jeremy feeds them little scraps of people food and Ryan disapproves. But Jeremy disapproves of Ryan getting the cats to chase each other around the house and climbing their shelves, knocking off anything they nuzzle against.



-Jeremy is a in the shower for five minutes kind of guy unless he’s been at the gym. But either way he’s still out in less then ten minutes usually. He sings and enjoys the water on splurge days but mostly he washes his hair and body and is out. His water is always ridiculously hot, Jeremy is fucking pink when he comes out. Ryan takes a literal life time in the shower. He spends a lot of time thinking and willing his muscles to relax. But his showers icy. Jeremy sometimes will feel compelled to cuddle with him, just to warm up his extremities again.



-They both grocery shop. Ryan coupons like a motherfucker though. Jeremy shops sales. They thumb wrestle to determine who gets to pick out the chips or sweets that week and the loser gets a kiss.



-They like to go biking in the park on the weekend in the summer. Its leisurely and relaxed and they use that time to talk. About nature, about each other, thoughts they’ve had or work or just to ride in silence and enjoy each other’s company.



-Road trips make Jeremy anxious. He can’t stand to be in the same small place for so long. Because of this they take breaks all the time. Ryan always pretends like its him that wants to take a break or get a snack at a gas station while Jeremy stretches a little. Because he’s a little claustrophobic, Ryan lets Jeremy sleep on the edge of the bed away from the wall and tries to give them the aisle seat when they go out. 



-Windows are always down in the car. Ryan hates it. It messes up his hair.



-Jeremy doesnt mind when Ryan’s hair is messed up because that means he can help fix it. Jeremy wants nothing more than to pet it, style it, put it up, brush it out, braid it, anything Ryan will let him. He often brushes it for Ryan and if he’s lucky Ryan will let him curl or straighten it. He’s still trying to convince Ryan to let him dye his hair though.



-Ryan likes to touch Jeremy. No you dont understand. Like he loves to trace over the muscles, the lines, the veins. He has a passion for Jeremy’s anatomy. He wants to memorize every freckle and curve and shadow on his skin until Jeremy is always with him in his memory. He draws Jeremy a lot. A sketch book full of Jeremy in different clothes. Or just portrait shots drawn from his shoulders up of pouting, smiling, laughing, blushing Jeremy faces. Its a little extreme but Jeremy knows that each new pictures is another way Ryan says I love you.



-The cats curl up with them and they all watch a bedtime movie, they alternate every night picking except for Sunday when they watch marathons of a shared interest tv show or just science documentaries. Jeremy lays facing Ryan but will turn over a lot in his sleep, by morning he will be facing away with one leg hanging off the bed and the pillows on the ground. Ryan won’t hardly move all night. He lays on his back holding Jeremy to his chest, hands rubbing up and down Jeremy’s back. He sleeps with one pillow but also has to have a stuffed animal cow somewhere on the bed.



-Jeremy sings softly at bedtime. And Ryan nearly purrs at the noise. Jeremy fights to stay awake to make sure Ryan falls asleep safely. Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes not so much. Ryan sleeps better when Jeremy’s asleep first anyway. His calm slow breathing helps remind Ryan that he’s not alone and makes it easier to drift into the darkness.



Feel free to add more.

THE SIGNS AS SOME GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING GARAGE SALE ITEMS

Aries: 12 fruits fruiting

Taurus: 11 Virgos dying

Gemini: 10 Lawers a-lying

Cancer: 9 disembowelers disemboweling

Leo: 8 dildos a-buzzing

Virgo: 7 HOES STEALING MY MAN

Libra: 6 psycos a-psycopathing

Scorpio: Lightly used patio furniture

Sagittarius: 4 call girls

Capricorn: 3 french maids

Aquarius: 2 cuttle fish

Pisces: And a convict in solitary

lucidrush  asked:

"Could you repeat that?" SoMa

When Maka finally stopped speaking, Soul stared at her with dead eyes. She had to be joking. This isn’t what he signed up for. He silently cursed Black Star’s name. If it weren’t for that kid’s uneconomical influence, Soul wouldn’t be in this mess. He would be at home relaxing, not behind the counter at Deathbucks working part-time for peanuts.  

Grabbing a cup and a sharpie, Soul asked “Uh, could you repeat that?”

Maka smirked at him and leaned over the counter. “Caramel Macchiato,” she said slowly. “Venti, skim, extra shot—”

“You’re doing this to me on purpose,” Soul deadpanned. Deathbucks cups came with all sorts of boxes to check when taking orders, but the scythe still didn’t know what all of these coffee terms really meant yet. He tried scribbling the whole words out on the cup, and he was already running out of room. Being a barista sucked. 

Maka twirled a pigtail coyly. “You did this to yourself when you spent your allowance on video games instead of our groceries.”

It was a motherfucking Steam sale, Soul wanted to shout to the heavens. He knew it would do no good to argue with her, so he finished writing on the cup and gave Maka a nod.

“Extra hot,” Maka continued. “extra whip, sugar free. That’s all!”

Soul despaired as he stared at the sharpie-covered cup. He couldn’t decipher what he had written, and he already forgot what she ordered.

“Woman, you are so high maintenance.”