mother was a hamster

insult sentence starters
  • “You’re the walking personification of a fart.”
  • “Can you do me a favor? Just…stop breathing.”
  • “You uncultured swine.”
  • “Wow, look what the cat dragged in…”
  • “You’re about as useful as an expired coupon.”
  • “Who let you in here?”
  • “And here, ladies and gentlemen, we have the world’s biggest turd.”
  • “Please, shut up. Shut – stop talking. I’m going to kill you.”
  • “Have you ever thought about why no one likes you?”
  • “When I see you, all I think is ‘uuuugh’.”
  • “Shh. Stupid people shouldn’t talk.”
  • “Wanna know why I’m sitting? It’s because I can’t STAND you.”
  • “I hope you choke. Okay, no I don’t, that’s a little extreme. But leave!”
  • “Were you raised by wolves?”
  • “[text] [img attached: garbage can] i found your twin”
  • “How can you see when your head’s so far up your ass?”
  • “If I had a time machine, I’d make sure that you were never born.”
  • “Can do you something right for a change?”
  • “Be quiet. Forever.”
  • “Hey, could you get a little lower? No, lower. Six feet under.”
  • “Your mother breeds like a hamster and your father smells of elderberries.”
  • “If I could, I’d recreate the pie scene from The Help.”
  • “You’re dumber than a pole.”
  • “I hate your face.”
  • “You look awful. Like always.”
  • “I hate you more than I hate myself.”
  • “Think of it like this: I’m Beyonce. You’re Iggy Azalea.”
  • “Hey, jackass. I see you’re more jackass-y than usual today.”
  • “I see that they’ll let just anybody in here…”
  • “Where’s your warning label?”
  • “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry that I’m just better than you in every way.”
  • “Does your mother ever reflect on her mistakes? Mistakes like you.”

Monty Python and the Holy Grail inspired rp starters (part 1/ 2)
Feel free to change pronouns !

  • “Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?”
  • “A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.”
  • “I’m not dead!”
  • “He says he’s not dead!”
  • “What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!”
  • “Who lives in that castle?”
  • “Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!”
  • “Well, I didn’t vote for you.”
  • “If I went around saying I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they’d put me away!”
  • “Did you see him repressing me?”
  • “None shall pass.”
  • “‘Tis but a scratch.”
  • “A scratch? Your arm’s off!”
  • “It’s just a flesh wound.”
  • “I’ll bite your legs off!”
  • “We have found a witch, might we burn her?”
  • “Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?”
  • “And that is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.”
  • “Explain again how sheeps’ bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.”
  • “I’ll ask him, but I don’t think he’ll be very keen.”
  • “I’m French!  Why do think I have this outrageous accent?”
  • “You mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.”
  • “Oh, stop bitching and let’s go have tea.”
  • “We’ll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits.”
  • “You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality.”
  • “Get on with it!”
  • “Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!”
  • “I’d rather just sing!”
  • “You’re not going to do a song while I’m here.”
  • “You stay in the room and make sure he doesn’t leave.”
  • ‘’'I’ll just stay here, then, shall I?“
  • ’'You’ve come to rescue me!”
Persona 5 groupchat head canons (kinda spoilery)

I’ve seen a few fanfics where it’s literally just the Phantom Thieves dicking around in their group chat and that inspired me to post this and honestly I put way too much thought into it

Akira:

- okay he’s not too different from what we see in the game, meaning most of his replies are like 5 words at most, even after someone sends him an entire fucking essay in text

- he will occasionally send cat pictures (Morgana included, but only when he’s asleep) and everyone mutually agrees it’s the highlight of their week

- he’s never there for any of the late night chats because of You-Know-Who so he always misses all of the crazy shit when everyone is sleep deprived (rip in pieces) but it’s always the first thing he checks when he wakes up

- can get very snarky at times but that’s just his inner Joker coming out

- you can fucking bet he talks for Morgana whenever he wants to say something (Morgana’s messages always end with a - M)

Keep reading

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries” sounds like a really random silly insult but it’s actually a pretty sick burn.

Elderberries were once used to make wine.

A hamster is a fast-breeding rodent.

So in other words that insult translates to “Your mother was a whore and your father was constantly drunk,”

Foodie Friday: Angel Food Cake with Elderflower Syrup

Image and Recipe Credit to MarthaStewart.com

Warning: Please use caution whenever harvesting wild flowers, fruits, or herbs, and do not consume them unless you are absolutely certain that they are edible and safe. If there is even the slightest bit of doubt, please resort to purchasing the ingredient in a store or local apothecary for safety’s sake. 

Ingredients For Syrup:
-4 cups water
-4 cups sugar
-20 elderflower heads
-Skin and juice of 2 lemons

Ingredients for Cake:
-1 cup sifted cake flour
-1.5 cups superfine (castor) sugar
-14 large egg whites (at room temperature)
-1 tbsp room temperature water
-½ tsp salt
-1.5 tsp cream of tartar
-2 tsp pure vanilla extract

Syrup:

1. In a heavy saucepan, combine water and sugar and bring to a simmer over high heat, stirring occasionally until simple syrup is dissolved. Remove from heat and set aside.

2. Remove the elderflower heads from their stems, discarding the stems and placing the heads in a large heat-safe bowl. Add lemon skin and juice to bowl and pour simple syrup into bowl, stirring to combine.

3. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap or a towel and allow to sit at room temperature for at least 2 days and up to 4 days. Strain syrup through cheesecloth-lined sieve and discard solids. Syrup can be stored in an airtight container for several weeks.

Cake:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. With a fine sieve, sift together flour and ¾ cups sugar four times.

2. In the bowl of a stand mixer on medium speed, beat together egg whites and water until foamy. Add salt, cream of tartar, and vanilla; beat until soft peaks form. Increase speed to medium-high and sprinkle in remaining sugar, 1 tablespoon at a time. Beat until stiff but not dry. 

3. Transfer to a large bowl. In six additions, sift dry ingredients over meringue, folding in quickly but gently.

4. Pour batter into an ungreased 10-inch tube pan with removable bottom. Smooth top with an offset spatula. Run a knife through batter to release air bubbles. Bake for 35 - 40 minutes, until golden brown and springy to touch.

5. Invert pan on its legs or over the neck of a glass bottle and let cool completely, about an hour. Carefully run a long offset spatula or knife around the inner and outer perimeter of the pan to release cake. Place on a plate, bottom side up; cover with plastic wrap until ready to use.

9. Serve each slice with some elderflower syrup poured around the base, and whipped cream and berries on top.

Magical Ingredient!

Many of us are at least somewhat familiar with the iconic scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail in which French soldiers throw insults at King Arthur. “Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!”

Elderberry was and continues to be a favorite food in Europe and in certain areas of the United States, in varying forms from floral syrups and fried flowers to fermented elderberry wines (and elderberry preserves are simply divine when spread over buttered toast!). The elder tree, however, holds some long-standing symbolism when it comes to witchcraft and magic!

Historically speaking, elder is one of those trees that has straddled the line between a positive symbol and a negative symbol, depending upon what side of the line you were viewing it from - much like how yew was often associated with death from a Christian viewpoint but associated with protection and flexibility from a Norse perspective. In the case of elder, however, it had much more to do with the belief that elder trees were more often than not inhabited by spirits (comparable to the belief that there are spirits that inhabit Jericho roses).

In Celtic lore, elder has a particular link to the fae, as it was considered to be a guardian tree. Faeries would gather about the tree, and if one were to sleep beneath the elder’s branches, she would dream of the faerie realm of Tir na nOg. In pre-Christian Ireland, elder was a sacred tree held to such a high esteem that it was forbidden to break its twigs.

Perhaps one of the most well known legends regarding elder is the Danish Hyldemor, or Elder-Mother. The Elder-Mother was a spirit who lived within the tree who was respected for her healing and nurturing capabilities. Before approaching the tree to harvest the berries, flowers, or wood, it was a common practice to ask her permission with the promise of returning the favor in the next life: “Old Woman, give me some of thy wood and I will give thee some of mine when I grow into a tree.”

With the spread of Christianity, the tree’s association with spirits and faeries would take a dark turn, and elder would go from being a sacred, positive tree to being synonymous with evil and the devil. The Elder-Mother’s rather kind demeanor was twisted into that of a witch. Its red sap and hunched shape evoked the image of a hunched old witch who would bleed when cut, to English eyes. In Ireland, the tree went from being a guardian of Otherworld to being a tree whose branches were cut by witches and used as magic horses.

Furthermore, elder took a darker turn when (much like how the tomato was once associated with the forbidden fruit in Genesis) Christian legends associated elder with the crucifix and Judas’ suicide, as reflected in the carol of the Twelve Apostles:

The twelve apostles they were standing by,
Their roots in the river, and their leaves in the sky,
The beasts all thrive wherever they be.
But Judas was a-hunged on an elder tree.

Not everywhere in the British Isles was the tree feared, though, and it maintained some of its magical qualities. In Scotland, it was believed that if you stood under an elder tree during Samhain, you could witness the faery host riding by, and elderberries harvested on Midsummer’s Eve would confer magic powers. And in the Isle of Man, elder continued to be a home for elves and fae, which protected against witches and malevolent spirits if it grew just outside the front door.

Again in Scotland, elder would even have a positive association in Christian communities, as its twigs would be fashioned into a cross and hung over stables and barns to ward off evil spirits and hearse drivers would use elder-handled whips to banish negative influences.

Today, elder is regaining its positive associations thanks in part to its prolific production of flowers and fruits and in part to its place in ancient Celtic lore. It is a popular addition to Beltane floral rites, and its healing properties are being brought back into home remedies. For instance, the green sticks were said to be able to cure warts when rubbed on the affliction and then burnt, and elder twigs were believed to banish the evil spirits which caused toothaches. Today, its berries and flowers could be used to help alleviate cold and flu symptoms in herbal remedies.

Its associations with the fae make elder a wonderful tree for inviting faeries into the garden, or for honoring them on an altar with elderflower decorations and offerings. In kitchen magic, elderberry preserves, elderflower syrup and cordials, elderflower teas, et cetera, all can bring energies of prosperity and health to food. In addition, elder foods can be used as offerings or can be cooked and eaten as a way of connecting more with the fae or with one’s femininity.

Since elder has a strong association with banishing negative influence, elderflower infusions can be used as a liquid for asperging. Its wood and twigs can be fashioned into charms or amulets for various spells, its flowers and berries added to jars and bags, and the tree can be kissed or hugged to invite good fortune (if you’re not afraid of getting some strange looks from passerby, of course)!

Consider the role elder may play in your life, and how its sweet berries and lovely flowers can bring health and positive energy into your kitchen!

May all your meals be blessed! )O(

Haechan: I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Mark: Is there someone else up there we could talk to? 

Haechan: No, now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time.

“Fuck no!” Levi snapped at his boyfriend who was hugging three different cats at the same time, to which the latter shushed him while he pointed at the kids only metres away from them.

“You’re not supposed to swear in front of children Levi” Eren pouted, “Plus look at this cute ball of fur!” he sang as he stretched his arms in Levi’s direction while he held the grey fluffy kitten in his hands.

The cat meowed at Levi, as if it was trying to befriend him, but Levi only hissed at her, being fully aware of both Eren’s and the kitten’s plan.

Eren decided to use his puppy eyes to get Levi on board with the idea adopting a kitty, it was his fault for bringing him here after all.

So he looked at him with the most innocent look that you could ever imagine while he pouted and held the ball of fluff right next to his face. “Come on Levi, look at us, we’re already a family…” The brunet trailed off as he started petting the cat’s head and earned a soft purr from it.

The raven shifted uncomfortably in his place, not being able to resist the look that his boyfriend was giving him and knowing how happy he would be if he would be okay with adopting a cat.

It had always been the brunet’s childhood dream to have a pet, but unfortunately his mother was allergic to all feline animals so they couldn’t even get a hamster inside the house without her having a sneeze attack.

Levi creased his eyebrows and rubbed the spot in between them while he was trying to find the strength to say no to this angelic face, even though he knew he would say yes in the end. He just had to make sure that his boyfriend was aware of the responsibility that came with taking care of a pet, plus he was worried about the mess and hairballs that would be flying around their apartment.

“Eren are y-”

“Levi pleaseeee, I already love her so much” Eren whined while he proceeded to cuddle the cat, treasuring the time that they had together.

“You’re acting like a child, we need to have a talk about this first” The raven demanded as he softly tugged at Eren’s shirt and gestured for him to hop over the fence along with him.

“I know you don’t want a cat, and I’ll respect that…” Eren whispered to which Levi’s eyes widened.

He swallowed before he spoke again, as he was sure he would sound like someone who was going through puberty again from the emotions that were dwelling up.

“I didn’t expect that from you b-”

“I love you more than I like cats Levi” Eren interrupted him, while giving him a genuine smile.

Even though there was still a hint of defeat noticeable in those emerald eyes, Levi knew he was speaking the truth.

“Gimme a second okay?” Levi said and turned into the other direction while leaving his boyfriend behind with the kitten.

He made his way to the front of the shelter and impatiently cleared his throat to get the receptionist’s attention.

“We want to adopt a cat” he said coldly, trying not to lose the last strain of manliness that he was holding onto as he had to suppress the urge to smile like a 5 year old.

“Okay you and your husband need to fill these forms in and then you’re good to go” the redhead smiled as she handed over the paperwork.

“Thank you uh,” he trailed off, looking over at the namecard, “Petra”

“No problem” she yelled as the raven had already disappeared into thin air, sprinting back to his boyfriend.

Already breaking a sweat and a faint blush on his cheeks from the word ‘husband’, Levi enjoyed the sight before him; Eren still playing and cuddling with the same kitten as before while the latter purred contently.

“Eren,” Levi said softly, suddenly feeling way more conscious about himself than he should.

“Hmmm?” Eren hummed, turning his head into the raven’s direction and his eyes widening as soon as he saw the yellow papers that the latter was holding in his hands.

“For real?!” he squealed as his eyes darted between Levi and the cat who was sitting on his lap.

“Yes for real, let’s take her home with us.”


Requested by @ererimakesmesin (Hey Lieverd! Congrats on 2.5K !!!!! I hope i’m not too late for the drabble thing but i would love to see a catshelter!au where either Levi or Eren works at the cat shelter with a shitton of fluff and adorableness and you can keep is sfw :) I’m looking forward to it ;) )

in ‘Benzin’ there is one verse where, in theory, there should have been female vocals, well, maybe a little distorted or faded through the electronics, and in the verse before it we wanted to insert children’s voices that say ‘Hey, hey ! ’. All this ‘hey, hey’ was supposed to be sung by Richard’s children, and the vocals were going to be performed by Flake’s wife. But, here, hell, Richard, for no reason at all, objects and says that Flake’s wife sings like a cuckoo. Well, frankly speaking, that it hurts his ears. Flake, of course, retaliates, and objects to Richard’s children. Then they made a bargain: you, then, forget about your wife and her career as an opera singer, and I promise not to involve my children again. Since then, we have a sort of compromise and it goes: you keep your mouth shut and I sacrifice my solo. Therefore, the album itself is calmer because there were no storms in our relations.

Paul on learning to compromise during the making of Reise Reise.

2005 interview with Zillo.

Your wife sings like a cuckoo. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
  • Laufey: You don't frighten us, Æesir pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called Oh-diiiin Keeng, you and all your silly Æesir k-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-niggits!
  • Fandral: What a strange person.
  • Thor: Now, look here, my good man—
  • Laufey: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
  • Fandral: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
  • Laufey: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Monsta X reaction to s/o having frequent anxiety attacks (hyung line)

requested by @ofcoffeeandunhealthyobsessions (SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG this took me forever to write because school and reactions are hard to balance. I didn’t want to be so unactive so I’m posting t the hyung line first then the maknae line when I’m finished)


Shownu🐻:

  • Starting college isn’t something easy and for you having anxiety made it even harder for you to deal with
  • College is a crowded school with young adults running around trying to get all their work done to graduate and the thought of failing gave you serious anxiety
  • I mean how is someone supposed to walk into an environment out of their comfort zone and just get used to
  • It even though it’s your senior year in college the anxiety just doesn’t seem to go away
  • Anxiety made college life hard but having a sweet and caring boyfriend seemed to soften the pain of having anxiety sneak up on you
  • Shownu however didn’t just serve as your boyfriend but he was also a shield for all your worries and thoughts about failing
  • He is a good listener and listening to you rant actually made his feel better, knowing that you trusted him with what was on your mind reassured him that you were okay with being vulnerable around him
  • Things like ranting or asking for him to comfort you made him feel like a good boyfriend
  • Your first class of your last year of college started at 12 but overthinking kept you up all night so you ended up waking you at 6
  • Overthinking was something that just came along with being human but this didn’t stop you from thinking about how you were going to fail the year
  • Staying in Shownu’s arms was your comfort, his arms wrapping around you as you drift off to sleep was what you were used to but his busy schedule doesn’t allow this to happen today
  • The thought of Shownu being away and failing school gave you an anxiety attack, curling up into a ball with your knees to your chest trembling and crying was all you could do
  • Shownu knew about your frequent anxiety attacks and often visits you to make sure you were okay and lucky for you his senses seemed to just spark and he came to visit
  • As he walked up to your door he could hear your sniffs from crying and quickly rushed inside
  • He ran up to you asking you to try your best to breathe at a constant rate and hugged you tightly comforting you knowing that he was your source of comfort
  • He constantly reminded you to try and relax so you don’t tense up
  • Slowly your anxiety attack went away, he wiped away your tears telling you that you had nothing to worry about
  • He was confident that he would never leave you as long as you promise the same and that you were going to get through school even if it takes hard work
  • Shownu stayed with you and when it was time to get to class  he waited until you were done getting ready he drove you to class letting you know that he truly loves you

other members below cut~

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wagginganothertale  asked:

Headcanon. The reason why JD has a hamster now is because he had one when his mother was alive. That hamster has the same name and is the same color as the original hamster, as were all the other hamsters that lived and died in between that hamster and the one he has now. They are numbered, of course.

I imagine JD was 8-9 when his mom died (as I drew him in the one vid I did) and hamsters live like… 3 years max. Meaning between then and Westerburg that’d make the one we see like Salinger the 4th (or 5th if he had one a couple years before she died)

I don’t know if he would have hamsters BECAUSE of his mom, however I could see him getting the first one with his mom as a kid. And he just… thinks they are cute lol! 

2

A quick reminder to all the people who have forgotten (or god forbid never KNOWN) how ridiculously hilarious every minute of Monty Python and the Holy Grail is.

Because imagine thousands of llamas directing a movie