Hello zenmister. I do not know how to deal with criticism. I know it comes from my mother who used to criticize me all the time, and I wasn't allowed to reply. Whenever someone makes a little remark that I have done something wrong, I get angry, but I try not to show it, cause I know the person didn't mean bad. So when I can, I just isolate myself and cry, knowing well it will happen again. I can't get out of this vicious circle. What to do? Thank you!
You have great insight into your difficulty hearing criticism. You can recognize the source of the problem and you practice awareness of the distress you feel as you receive criticism. You are able to look into the other person’s intentions and recognize that they are not tying to hurt you. By crying later, you have an outlet for expressing the hurt. Seeking ways to skip the hurt and receive criticism with equanimity means that you recognize that there is a way.
Hiding your anger as you receive criticism is a level of equanimity, but the pain is there. As you said, it is the same pain that you felt when your mother criticized you. Part of that pain was hiding your anger, part of the pain was soul crushing rejection. That pain is difficult to approach.
The way to approach the pain is to expect it and prepare for it. Expect the pain to come with criticism, expect the anger to arise and expect to meet those difficult feelings with courage and compassion.
To meet your feelings with compassion in the heat of criticism, practice in calm moments. Imagine yourself as a vulnerable child hearing unfair criticism. Notice how the child doesn’t deserve to hurt and deserves to feel supported in who they are. Offer that support by breathing deeply. Breathe in the child’s pain, breath out comforting soothing thoughts, like you are a good person. You deserve love and kindness. Take on the child’s pain as an older person who can handle it.
When you receive criticism and feel the stinging pain, meet it with your compassionate breath. It may still transform into anger, as anger is your habitual response to that pain. Listen to the words of the person criticizing you. Recognize their intention. See if you can benefit from what they are saying and see if it is being said in a respectful supportive way. Take conscious, deep breaths to calm your body as it physically manifests anger. When you cry afterwards, breathe more compassionate breaths for yourself, or find somebody to comfort you and help you hold that pain.
As you practice a new approach to hearing and processing criticism, you will change your habitual reaction. In time, you will recognize the pain as it arises, and it won’t hurt so much. It won’t escalate into anger. You will be able to listen to criticism with an open mind and relative equanimity. As that happens, and you are able to remain present in the face of criticism and you can change that old habit and engage in discussion. You won’t have to stand there and take it.
I wish you peace, courage and patience as you practice a new approach to that old pain.
julie andem literally told us to stop watching tv shows all day and start living our lives but like does she know that this is just not realistic right now ??? give us a s4 trailer tomorrow and then we’ll talk
You’ve all heard of “Full Boyle,” but have you considered… Full Thorin?
Dwalin having to hold Thorin back as he plans to make the most wild, over-the-top declarations of love to Bilbo inappropriately soon.
Balin explaining why it’s not practical, not at all, to propose marriage (two weeks into their courtship, mind you) in front of a full court, or to have a gold statue of Bilbo in full armour erected in the middle of the throne room.
I just wanna say that i’m so, so fucking proud of our boys just- look at them go, look at them living their dream and performing their solo songs for the first time and really l i v i n g and doing what they love. They’ve come so far, filling huge stadiums with their fans and their fans only, fans who sing along with every word they’ve written, every word they poured their heart and soul in and you can just see it and you know that they’re happy. You know that they feel like they’re finally there, they’re enough, they’re loved.
Hoseok performing Mama with that big ass gospel behind him, the whole crowd singing with him, in front of his mother, it’s just so fucking magical. Jimin fucking slaying us all with his performance, his deeply passionate dance moves and just giving it his all and losing himself in it, it’s so amazing and i’m just so proud i’m crying at my breakfast table watching fancams and i just- wow.
I’m proud of our boys. I’m proud of their dedication, their perseverance, their humbleness, their comradeship, their respect towards their fans and family. Everything is just so overwhelming, and i’m sure they’re overwhelmed too. Even if i don’t get the chance to see it all happen live, i still feel like i can be a part of this moment where bangtan and army form a whole, become one in this moment of shared amazement and appreciation. And i think that’s beautiful.
This is something I picked up on and I’m just saying, about this Easter egg from uncharted 4, my money is on that being Ellie’s mother, Anna, when she was pregnant with Ellie. Especially with the rumours of the second game being a prequel. I don’t know if they’re making this into an actual comic to match the other comic ‘American Dreams’ or it’s a teaser for the next game or something else, but I’m sure we’ll find out in a few days at E3. I just thought I’d share.
Philip, your mother can't take another heartbreak.
Which is exactly why I'm going to give you my gun, encourage you to participate in this duel AND make yourself a sitting duck by *not* shooting your target. Also, I'm going to participate in my own duel a few years later thus greatly increasing your mother's heartbreak.
What if the cult of Immortan Joe is slowly, year by year, replaced by another one? The Citadel inhabitants seem to be totally wrapped into a religious mindset (to the point of brainwashing) and Immortan Joe’s fall is also the fall of an entire system of customs and traditions. He was a cruel god but their god nonetheless. The void caused by his disappearance has to be filled.
Hence, the cult of the Many Mothers.
The Many Mothers, who went into the desert and back. The Many Mothers, who brought us water. The Many Mothers, whose names young girls and boys from the Citadel are taught to repeat in their prayers. The Many Mothers, whose deeds are told by the History Women and Men.
Mother Angharad of Freedom
The One who first rose against The Father of Lies*. The One who went under the wheels, sacrificing herself for our sake. The One who freed us all.
Mother Capable of Compassion
The One who loved the unlovable. The One whose hand wipes away all pains, all sorrows. The One who redeemed us all.
Mother Dag of Greenery
The One who planted the seeds. The One who gave birth to the First Free Child. The One who fed us all.
Mother Toast of Knowledge
The One who brought us wisdom. The One who found her strenght in loneliness but chose companionship. The One who fought for us all.
Mother Cheedo of Bravery
The One who deceived The Deceiver*. The One to whom small girls and boys look up to when in fear. The One who saved us all.
Mother Furiosa of War
The One who chose peace.
*Immortan Joe has been subjected to damnatio memorie, remaining unnamed in lore as an Antichrist-like figure.