mother of abbas

anonymous asked:

what are some of your favorite numbers from musicals?

OH MAN. I’m going to try and break it down by musical, so I’m not so overwhelming. Otherwise we could be here forever. I’m also only going to do musicals that I’ve seen in the theater. Here we go:

  • Les Misérables: “On My Own.” I’ve spent my entire life singing this song, I’ve known the lyrics by heart since I was six. While I have all the musical memorized, I’ve never been able to shake the long standing effect of this song. I grew up wanting to be Éponine, not Cosette (read into that what you will). There are other, bigger numbers, like “One Day More,” “I Dreamed a Dream,” or personal favorite “In My Life,” but I can’t drop the raw emotion of this number.
  • Wicked: “Defying Gravity.” This one is for the physical number, more than the song. Gay anthem “For Good” makes me cry, “As Long as You’re Mine” is probably the sexiest song ever put on broadway, I can sing “Dancing Through Life” for fucking ever, and honestly “The Wizard and I” is the one I’ve listened to the most (I sing it loudly in my car a lot. That song has BUILD). I even have some serious feelings about “Thank Goodness.” But in the theater, and I’ve seen Wicked maybe five times now, it knocks you out every single time. It’s the best of Chenoweth and Menzel. And when they lift her in the air…you can’t beat it. This is THE intermission break.
  • Spring Awakening: “Touch Me.” Man, this is a hard choice. One of my favorite musicals because all of the songs sparkle, and some especially stand out for the blocking on stage. I personally love “My Junk,” “The Bitch of Living,” “The Guilty Ones,” and “Don’t Do Sadness” so fucking much, and that’s just the start. But this one has such a tenderness, and a build, that’s unmatched in musical numbers. The whole song is about orgasming, and it simulates that as well as music can. You can’t really get better. 
  • Rent: “La Vie Boheme.” Can I choose every single song? I only picked this one because I learned all of the lyrics when I was 14 and was so incredibly proud of myself. It’s also so fun and specific to this musical when played out in the theater. But I love all of these songs. Second fav is “Take Me or Leave Me.” Surprise favorite is “Goodbye Love” which I will belt like it’s my jam. 
  • Hamilton: “Satisfied.” Now this one wasn’t difficult. It was the song I fell in love with when I first listened to the album; it’s the number I first cried to when I saw the musical in New York. I can connect to every single song in this musical, but nothing starts to match the choreography and ingenuity of the Helpless/Satisfied number. I was amazed when I listened to the song, and even more so when I saw it in person. Renée is a national treasure.
  • Next to Normal: “Why Stay/A Promise.” There are so many songs I prefer, like “Superboy and the Invisible Girl,” “I Miss the Mountains,” “Everything Else,” and especially the refrain in “Make Up Your Mind/Catch Me I’m Falling.” But this song, on stage, fucking slays. It brings back so many riffs from the beginning and focuses in on these four people and the parallel between them, reminding you of the point, of what the musical is about. The harmonies are on point and the lyrics manage to accomplish a matching dissonance. Amazing. 
  • Anything Goes: “Anything Goes.” I have such a good time watching this musical, but this song honestly has the best hook and it’s incredible to watch. In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking but now god knows, ANYTHING GOES.
  • Phantom of the Opera: “All I Ask of You.” It’s the only song in the entire musical I can listen to and not get caught up in the abusive implications. I also grew up on this musical, and I think these lyrics may have been my first words. Probably my total favorite song is “Think of Me,” but I’d honestly jam to all of them. 
  • In the Heights: “Breathe.” There are some real bangers in this musical, like “96,000″ and “When You’re Home,” but this is the one that stuck with me the longest. That BUILD, the PAUSES…one of the best individual ballads ever to appear on Broadway. Lin never let us down
  • Throughly Modern Millie: “Only in New York.” I love all of these songs, and there are certainly more exciting ones. But this one is a ballad if I’ve ever seen one. I sing it all the time in the shower. 
  • Mamma Mia: “Does Your Mother Know.” Who doesn’t love ABBA, but my favorite number to watch is this one. My favorite song is probably “Lay All Your Love on Me,” or “The Winner Takes it All,” but this one is so much fun, and every time I see the musical the interpretation is different. 
  • Fun Home: “Ring of Keys.” This number manages to capture the feeling of the graphic novel in a way that none of the other songs do. A kid sings it, and it fucking rocks. 
  • West Side Story: “America.” Obviously. If you have a different fav, you’re wrong.
  • Sweeney Todd: “Johanna.” In a lot of ways, I hate Sondheim’s musicals. But this song burrows its way into my brain and never lets go
  • The King and I: “Shall We Dance?” This is clearly the best number, especially because the last time I saw this musical the set kept moving while they danced, and she was in that GIANT DRESS, it was so impressive. But my favorite song is “Something Wonderful.” 
  • Cabaret: “Maybe This Time.” We can all agree. I do a great 20′s style version of this song when I’m drunk.
  • Once: “Falling Slowly.” The only reason to watch this musical. 
  • Legally Blonde: “Chip on My Shoulder.” I truly love so many riffs and individual lines in this musical (the break down in “Serious” which I once sang with a boy who was in love with me go figure, “girls like you always get to see Ireland,” the either side of the door harmony in “Legally Blonde” that fucks with my already dark childhood Luke Wilson complex. But this number is so much fun, and even through the mansplaining, the hook is great. 
  • Shrek the Musical: “I Know It’s Today.” This musical never needed to happen, but this is such a great and overlooked number. The harmony and switch off between the three Fionas is so well orchestrated. Plus that refrain…’ll get stuck in your head for a month. 

Honestly I’ve seen a lot more musicals, but I didn’t want to pick a specific song from them. 

Finding my Mother

I was one of those rare children who didn’t grow up with a mother’s love. Only her resentment, anger or ambivalence. It was as if her role as a parent ended once they cut the umbilical cord. I will always be grateful for carrying me up to that point, if nothing else, even if the reason was she just felt ‘uncomfortable’ getting an abortion. These were her words.

However, I don’t need to pity. I had a wonderful dad and other family members - I never really had much of a surrogate mother figure though as my aunts lived far away and only one living grandmother, who was a lovely woman, but already old and frail by the time I was born. But my dad’s love felt more than enough. I didn’t really miss what I didn’t have for many years.

It was only really in my teens that I started to notice something odd. My friends would rant about their fathers and tell me how lucky I was for being close with my dad. But they didn’t seem to appreciate how lucky they were for the strong relationships they had with their mums, when mine had long since disappeared by then.

I did start to notice. And, naturally, I did feel sad. It was never that my dad couldn’t love me as much as a good mother supposedly would have. It was that it was a differe t experience I still missed and, as a young girl growing through puberty, there are things you feel more comfortable discussing with an older woman than a man.

Growing up Christian, to my atheist family’s amusement, I of course had no problem feeling close to the Heavenly Father. Except I grew to learn that the fun-loving, music playing, protective but encouraging, free-thinker loving father god was not the one most Christians saw. I would later find the Father I saw in my dreams in images of Pan or Krishna or the Dagda - or his sweetness and love laid out as The Living Father in Gospel of the Saviour.

So me and the Father, just like me and my Pops, have always been like *that* (holds up crossed fingers).

But with the Mother it was different. It was relationship of learning, of gaining trust, of faith and accepting Her love. And I’m strangely grateful that it was so because seeing God as Mother as well as Father has been one of the most amazing spiritual journeys in my short life (27 is young, right?!).

I first met the Mother as Pavarti when I was still in Primary school. It was a brief interfaith lesson and the school would move on - but the image of Pavarti, that beautiful figure radiating with love, would always stick with me. It would cause me to ask why was God only referred to as Father and not Mother, when the Vicar would say God wasn’t male?

Soon we would be taught the Greek myths, I would meet Hera, Athena, Persephone and Hecate etc. Again, a fleeting lesson, but I would read up where I can. To cut to the chase, I would eventually convert to Wicca where I mostly just worshipped the divine feminine as The Goddess without a particular name. I couldn’t find my ‘matron’ as it were, same for the male God. And part of me wasn’t comfortable trying to be a polytheist. The idea of the One with many attributes seemed to call me more.

When I turned to Christopaganism, through the Gnostic path, I first saw Sophia and the Magdalene as two parts of the same energy. Both my co-Saviors with Christ as Yeshua. She was the Daughter. My sister. My friend. Sometimes even my crush. Because these were the relationships with other women I understood and could relate to. I believed God was beyond gender but preffered to simply refer to Them as Father because my heart was comfortable with it. Calling out to God as 'Abba’ would bring the same feeling as when I would call out 'Daddy’ as a child.

I started to look at why I wasn’t relating to Her as Mother. Was it because I was afraid that calling out 'Immah’ would bring the same result on if I called out 'Mum’ as a child? Either nothing or…worse.

One time I tried. I look back on this memory and can’t remember if it was a dream or a vision during a ritual. I called out 'Immah’ instead of 'Abba’ - knowing the Father would still be present, accepting, but taking a step back.

I remember nothing happening for a while. Silence. Then I had a vision of the Magdalene stepping forward, dressed in flowing red robes and her dark hair let down. She gently took my hand and told me there was no need to be afraid. I didn’t get up but it was if I still followed, like some OBE, my room disappearing and finding myself standing at the centre of the universe, surrounded by countless stars. I could hear my Lady saying; “Here She is.” But there was only stars…and the Holy Daughter.

But, like a magic eye photo, I could see something hidden in the stars. A smile. And suddenly I wanted to cry but the Magdalene was holding me upright. I kept chanting Her name as I knew it. Immah. Immah. Mother.

The more I called out, the more I saw Her, until the Daughter had let me go and I was surrounded by this great cosmic being that was before me and all around me. I had never felt so small, and yet my spirit burning bright, in all my life. And when I finally woke up there was at least a second of pure bliss.

That wasn’t the end of it though. Only the beginning. I read up more on Barbelo, the great mother mentioned in the Gnostic texts. Her connection to Sophia/Holy Spirit was clear and it was then I thought of Sophia as Mother as well as Sister. Still, I call Her Immah when I wish to connect again.

Each connection through meditation let me know Her love. And also it brought with it an understanding of my own mother. It helped me show compassion towards her when we eventually reunited and developed a…strange friendship if anything. To know the Mother fully meant accepting part of Her lived in my own mother too. And how, while not all forgiveable, she had her own demons to fight and still does.

We may never be mother and daughter like 'normal’, I may never feel her love as strong as my dad’s, but that’s okay. Because I have the love of the Heavenly Mother with me always. And I know She and Abba will never let me down.

overcastmisfitkid  asked:

For the song thing number 24, 25 and 29? Ps. I love your writing 😊

24: A song by a band you wish were still together

“Does Your Mother Know” by ABBA.

25: A song by an artist no longer living

“Thriller” by Michael Jackson

29: A song that you remember from your childhood

That song that Ben sings in the “Barnyard” movie, the “I Won’t Back Down” song. Fucking iconic. 😂

musical theater ↔ rock songs

holiday - american idiot {green day} | till there was you - the beatles {the music man} | oh! darling - across the universe {the beatles} | skidrow - panic! at the disco {little shop of horrors} | i have a dream - mamma mia! {abba} | your song - moulin rouge {elton john} | leave - george blagden {once} | boulevard of broken dreams - american idiot {green day} | if i loved you/to make you feel my love - aaron tveit {carousel/bob dylan} | rich girl - gwen stefani {fiddler on the roof} | does your mother know - mamma mia! {abba} | what i did for love - me first and the gimme gimmes {a chorus line} | pinball wizard - tommy {the who} | we are never ever getting back together - aaron tveit {taylor swift} |  

 listen }