Newsies Fic Gothic
Newsies Fic Gothic
Time has no meaning. It’s 2016. It’s 1899. It’s 1899 but electricity and cars haven’t been invented yet. The past is the past. The future is the future. There are time traveling girls. Jack spends too much time playing Angry Birds on David’s phone in the lodging house.
Everybody is gay. David is gay. Jack is gay. Pulitzer is gay. Sarah is gay. Katherine it’s gay, The pigeons who were frightened by the trash fire are gay pigeons. Patrick’s mother is a raging lesbian who loves her gay son.
Nobody is gay, and everybody has long lost sisters. Race’s sister is dating Jack. Jack’s sister is dating Skittery. All of the sisters are very estranged. The Delanceys terrorize those that they do not date. The sisters tuck their hair into their newsies caps. Nobody must discover that they are girls.
Racetrack and Spot Conlon stood next to each other in one version of the story. Because of this, they are dating. They show their love by cursing a lot and being very cool. Shortness attracts shortness. It is law.
Spot Conlon is everywhere. He’s in Brooklyn. He’s in Manhattan. He’s in Manhattan. He’s on Mars. Spot Conlon is walking on the sun. Spot Conlon is the little voice inside your heart telling you to believe in yourself and be a good person. Spot a Conlon thinks you should start by eating more Doritos and learning to be a badass. Never fear. Brooklyns here.
The spelling of Crutchie’s name changes every time you read it. Crutchy in love with Jack. Cruhqi is in love with David. Crutchee is sad about the refuge. Krutchee is too good for this cruel world. Crunchy is one person and many. Kerutch-E is everybody’s favorite character.
Jack Kelly is not in love with Sarah Jacobs. They are only friends. They got into a fight and broke up. Sarah is evil. Jack is too gay to date girls. Sarah helps him date her brother. Sarah cackles and devolves into dust. Who is this Sarah you speak of? There is no Sarah, only Katherine. The kiss never happened.
Manhattan is at war with Queens. Again. Will the war ever end? Will our boys ever come home?
There are not enough beds in the lodging house. There are never enough beds in the lodging house. David would like to sleep in the lodging house. He must use Jack’s bed. There are no other options for David. There are no other beds for David.
There are background characters with no lines. They are your responsibility now. Use your power wisely. We forge our own protagonists in blood, sweat, and tears.
Is Jack a cowboy or an artist? His form shifts before your eyes. Is it David or Davey? Are they one in the same? Can they exist in the same universe, or is that a power granted solely to Katherine and Sarah?
Jack and Katherine have a ship. What is their ship called? Is it Kack Plelly? Jatherine Kummer? Goatcuticles? Nobody knows. Nobody can agree. The old ones say there was unity once. Heedless of this conflict, the ship sails on. At least for some.
Davey will never go back to school. Davey will be doomed to repeat his first day back at school over and over in an endless loop. Davey knows the square root of pi. Davey has some facts he’d like to share with you. Davey is unsure what a newspaper is because he is a soft and sheltered student type.
There is no you’re, and there is no your, and there is no yours. There is only “you’s, and if you’s ain’t happy wit dat you’s better hav you’d lawyer call me’s lawyer, and maybe we’ scan woirk somethin’ out. Or maybe you’s face would loike to meet me’s fist if you’s knows what I’s means.
AU, AU is the name of the game. Jack is a gymnast. No wait, he’s a star fleet officer. And now they are at Hogwarts. Keruhchiiiiii has a dragon. David is a very anxious lamp. Mafia.
There is a fic, old and legendary, revered by all. It is about summer camp. Sometimes people forget. Sometimes new people arrive with no knowledge of fandom paths once trod. The story is a beacon in the dark. It’s never forgotten for long.