mostly-annoying

ineptshieldmaid  asked:

Sam I have an important Chicago question: just north of the DuSable bridge there is a statue of what looks like Abe Lincoln excitedly taking a man in a knitted sweater on a first date. I only saw it from a bus, so didn't get either a photo or an explanation. Can you explain this phenomenon? Are Abe and Sweater Man happy???

*head in hands* FUCKING SEWARD JOHNSON

You have triggered the rage within me, so now you will ALL be treated to an outside-the-readmore screed about SEWARD GODDAMN JOHNSON. 

I don’t normally attack artists because a) it scares my friends who are artists (I love you all, you are beautiful, don’t be afraid) and b) honestly most artists don’t deserve the level of vitriol I’m about to employ. I want you all to remember that the seething hatred I feel for Seward Johnson is driven in large part by class consciousness. 

But not entirely. So let’s begin. 

First what you have to know is that Seward Johnson is a “sculptor”. If you google “seward johnson sculpture” you’ll get an idea of his work, most of which is terrible. I feel okay calling his work terrible because he is also the scion of the family that founded SC Johnson Johnson & Johnson (my bad), so he has all the money he needs and could step back, do his art for funsies, and let people with actual talent or two original thoughts in their heads exhibit their art, but he doesn’t, he forces his terrible art on all of us. 

The reason I harbor such animosity towards Seward Johnson is that he has been exhibiting on Pioneer Plaza (that area north of the DuSable Bridge) for almost a decade now, and when I worked in the north loop I had to walk past his art every day. It was bad enough when the sculpture was American Gothic, rendered without talent or meaning into three dimensions and provided with luggage. 

How very fucking dare you, you talentless hack

These things are sculpted out of what amounts basically to styrofoam painted in rubberized/weatherized paint, so they are fragile, and tourists were constantly climbing on Farmer’s shoes and falling into them when they found out it wasn’t the cheap but supple fiberglass you would expect of a tacky monstrosity more suited to a roadside motel than the business district of a major metropolitan city. (I would imagine this is why Abraham Lincoln And The Mayonnaise Sandwich has a little fence around it.) 

But American Gothic Motel Attraction was mostly just annoying because it was meaningless, derivative, and CONSTANTLY covered in gawkers getting in everyone’s way. 

Additionally, Seward Johnson’s sculptures on the Plaza are very popular photo spots for tourists, who carry lots of cash and are constantly distracted, which means beginning with The Assault On American Gothic it became a very popular spot for pickpockets. Which means members of our staff, who had nothing to do with this mess, got pickpocketed as collateral damage about once a week during the exhibition of…. 

Forever Marilyn.

SEWARD JOHNSON GO FUCK YOURSELF

This is a very famous image of Marilyn Monroe which is horrifying for the following reasons that Seward Johnson appears not to have understood nor cared about:

a) The day this was shot, on an open set with people leering at her all day, her husband, professional athlete and dirtbag Joe DiMaggio, found out about the filming. Rather than comfort his wife, who had been through some shit already that day, he became angry she’d been showing her panties in public and beat her so badly the neighbors called the police on him. Joe DiMaggio also go fuck yourself. 

b) IT’S IN A MOVIE INFAMOUSLY SET IN NEW YORK. To quote a local newspaper, “Did Chicago lose a bet?”

c) Yes, you can look up and see her panties. While this is juvenile, it’s not nearly as juvenile as the literally thousand of photographs I angrily photobombed of some douchebro from Fuckville Middle America in a backwards baseball cap standing between her legs with his face tilted upwards and his tongue out. 

Oh and btw before it was unveiled it looked like this: 

For literal days, before it was installed, she had a bag over her head. (For more on this, though the pictures are now missing, you can read my reaction post here.)

In any just world, there would be a trap door between her legs and everyone who tried to do the upskirt shot would fall into a pit where they would be forced to give five dollars to women’s shelters before they were allowed to leave. THAT would have been interesting art. 

Sidebar, both as contrast and because I love it: Marilyn left a few years ago and was briefly replaced by a refreshing and beautiful piece called The Watch, by Hebru Brantley. The Watch was playful and interesting and didn’t have a single upskirt. Hebru Brantley is a wonderful artist in his own right, but he was also a welcome breath of fresh air after Johnson’s mediocre tribute to sexual assault. 

The Watch was a temporary installation, however, and eventually along came Abraham Lincoln Approves Of White Men

It is an unfortunate coincidence that Confused Closeted Republican there is wearing khakis and a white shirt, the new uniform of the alt right, and it’s also coincidence that this is facing Trump Tower, but it’s not exactly helping Seward Johnson’s cause that he chose the blandest outfit possible for Paean To Confused White Bread. The sculpture is meant to be Lincoln, the darling of Illinois, welcoming a visitor to our fair city, but it sure does look like fresh meat is about to get a free trip to Boys Town with the Sixteenth President of the United States. 

This is what I mean when I say Seward Johnson lacks not only skill but also understanding: he clearly didn’t know that Lincoln’s sexuality is under enough debate to have its own wikipedia page, and he either didn’t know or didn’t care that Marilyn Monroe was nearly killed by her husband for shooting that scene. All he cares about is image and he’s bad at reproducing image. That is not a well-executed rendering of how human beings are, and dynamically speaking it’s boring. If he were good at visuals or if he had something meaningful to say I would be less angry, but he is mediocre at best and the statements his sculptures make are banal pap if they make any at all. 

But he is rich, and I guess either he likes Chicago or he’s got blackmail on Sam Zell, owner of Pioneer Plaza, so he gets to spatter his hideous, meaningless masturbation in my city. And lest you think Seward Johnson got here on his own merits, Forever Marilyn, now on tour from coast to coast, is owned by The Sculpture Foundation, which is heavily subsidized by Seward Johnson. He basically founded a nonprofit to ensure his work gets toured around and publicized and to ensure that if no museum wants it, it has a place to go to die (Palm Springs, CA). 

In short, I hope Abe and Sweater Man are happy, because at least then something good has come out of Seward Johnson’s astounding mediocrity. That said, if you are passing his latest work, spit on it for me. As performance art.

PROPOSALS

▹ pairing: Jeongguk x reader
▹ words: 18,102 I’m so sorry 
▹ genre: smut, fluff, light angst, friends to lovers

You and Jeongguk propose at restaurants to get free food, but somewhere along the way you start to fall for him.


You never thought Jeongguk would actually take you up on the whole fake proposals thing. When you had suggested the idea to him, he’d just laughed and said “yeah”, then continued playing Fallout 4. You hadn’t actually meant it; the idea was one of those you vaguely imagine it happening, but not really, which is why when he brought it up weeks later suggesting you try it out, you thought he was kidding. 

He wasn’t, and this is how you end up in one of the city’s nicer restaurants on a fake date with your best friend. 

Keep reading

newpolishics  asked:

i loved how you included tommy in the last fanart and i'd like to see your headcanons for the character

wow I was actually doodling Tommy when I got your ask.

Here’s what I got with little to no recollection of Tommy Oliver from the original series:

  • Definitely native american.
  • she makes contact with Trini first because she finds her cute and is like “nice hair, you do it yourself?” and Trini is a blubbering gay mess. Kim is mentally assassinating her. Tommy notices.
  • Zack immediately texts Trini like “if you don’t ask her her number, I will” because he DEFINITELY finds her beautiful
  • Tommy enjoys flustering Trini but mostly annoying Kimberly who is very obviously jealous (obviously = except to Trini who’s an oblivious mess). She doesn’t like Kim’s attitude in general, and the feeling is mutual.
  • She ends up actually bonding with Zack over teasing Trini and Kim and eventually reciprocates his attraction
  • She definitely befriends all of them (it’s still a bit complicated with Kim because damn that girl can hold a grudge and be a stubborn ass) and often plays basketball or football with Jason.. she is TALL and likes sports, ok
  • SHE DEF HAS A MOTORCYCLE and Billy helps her out with it once in a while. She doesn’t let anyone else ride it tho, they can sit behind her but THAT’S IT.
  • Kim: What kind of high schooler has a motorcycle that big… and bright green.. like *mocking voice* I’m Tommy Oliver everyone look at me I need everyone’s attention at all time
  • Jason: Kimberly stop, she is nice
  • Kim: KiMbErLy StOp ShE iS NiCe
  • Jason: Oh my god
  • They take Tommy getting the green coin pretty okay, a little awkwardly maybe but overall it goes well. However Trini gets very uncomfortable, still having bad memories of Rita. 
  • Kim and her definitely fist fight at some point, because Tommy was too reckless during a fight against a big villain and almost got Billy injured and Trini killed and that was The Last Straw that made Kim snap
  • Once they finally got all that tension out, they have a heart-to-heart and become inseparable and Zack and Trini love it as much as they hate it because they are INSUFFERABLE 

imma stop there

3

This is a weird idea that came to mind. It piggybacks off the idea that Eggman can outrun Sonic.

During some of Sonic’s runs, out of no where, Eggman would just run past him to remind Sonic that he instead is the fastest thing alive. Eggman mostly does this to annoy the heck out of Sonic lol 😂

Idk… it was just a weird idea I had to draw. Don’t judge me.

RFA DOGS HC :)

So I decided to do a little collaboration with the beautiful @sketchyy-pencil with using her art as inspiration to write HCS for the cute doggies c: I have her permission to use her art. The drawings are hers and you can find the post HERE with their names HERE



Zen’s Dog: Jun the Siberian Husky

  •  He was hungry for love… hungry for being wanted… hungry for someone to run up to him and welcome him home…. but also… someone to be there for him as a friend…..who looks up to him…. THAT IS WHY HE GOT A DOG.  Dogs are loyal, love you unconditionally, will welcome you home, will look up to you, THEY ARE A MANS/WOMENS BEST FRIEND COME ON. He went to a breeder, and found this dog who was being ignored by everyone else. All of its brother and sisters were playing without him and when hew white dog tried to play with them, they growled at him and he walked away. THE FEELS WERE HIT OKAY. ZEN WAS GETTING THOSE FLASHBACKS AND HE RAN TO THE DOG AND HUGGED HIM SAYING THAT HE WILL BE HIS NEW FATHER. He took the puppy home and educated himself on how to take care of a husky. 
  • Look, Zen becomes the way Jumin is with Elizabeth the 3rd. Zen practices his lines with the dog. He got a little care seat on his motorcycle so the dog can go with him to his special place. You do not fuck with his dog. The dog is like an exact replica of Zen. White fur with Red eyes making all the other dogs want to be him or want to be with him. The dog is really there for Zen in a emotional level. They both know how it is to be ignored and not loved. Okay TBH, Jun rarely gets dog food, he gets meat, chicken, ham, all that good stuff. Zen makes sure he runs the the fat off so he doesn’t get sick D: He makes sure the dog takes frequent ice baths c: He loves to go to the park and play catch with his doggie. They cant be there for long because of fans wanting to take pictures. BEST BELIEVE THIS DOG IS THERE POSING FOR THE PHOTO

Yoosung’s Dog: Rin the Corgi

  • Yoosung was tired of feeling lonely all the time and he decided to do something about it. He decided to join a new club at campus and he decided to join the CORGI APPRECIATION SQAUD club. He always wanted to be apart of a squad so he was an active member c: He started to find appreciation to the breed and decided to get one of his own c: The club gave him directions to this adoption center and thats where he met his best friend RIN THE CORGI :,D Rin was Yoosungs hype dog! Yoosung bought LOL shirts for her and everything. He loVES PLAYING WITH HER TINY LITTLE LEGS!!! HE LIKS TO FLICK IT AND SING TO HER WHILE HE RUBS HER BELLY. SHE BRINGS HIM HAPPINESS. LIKE HE BUYS PAJAMAS FOR HER AND EVERYTHING. REASON TO LIVE. REASON TO DO GOOD IN SCHOOL. SHE IS JUST A GOOD GIRL. LOVES TO HUG. SHE TRIPS SOMETIMES BUT ITS OKAY. YOOSUNG PICKS HER UP AND TAPS HER BUT A BIT. 
  • BONUS
    • HE TOOK HER A SHOWER. HE FILLED HIS TUB HALF WAY. PLOPPED HER IN WITH GOGGLES AND EVERYTHING. HER BUTT FUCKING FLOATED. HE LEGIT CRIED CAUSE IT WAS TOO CUTE. 

Saeran’s Dog: Ciel the Doberman

  • Saeran actually met Ciel in the worst way possible. Ciel was Saerans personal guardian angel.
  • When Rika manipulated Saeran to join Mint Eye, he wasn't “conditioned” yet. He didnt know what Rika meant by that but 2 months later he was locked in the basement with little food and water. Men wearing white robes and black masks came in the basement and hosed down Saeran leaving him soaked and wet. They have him eat special food 3 times a day and thats all he gets. He doesn’t have clothes or a blanket. He just has a mattress and a pillow. He couldn’t believe Saeyoung would trade his freedom for his brother. Rika finally was convincing him that Saeyoung left him to die and that he must be cleansed by the lord. “The enemy is the RFA. The stole my happiness away from me. My main target is my own flesh and blood Saeyoung Choi. Mission? To Kill Him.” That was all he was thinking about when he was holding himself in the night trying to spread warmth throughout his body. Later in the night, he heard rapid footsteps around the basement. He thought it was a rat but he rubbed his eyes to try and see better. His vision cleared a bit and he saw a white puppy hiding behind one of the boxes holding bread in its mouth. The puppy looked at Saeran and ran into one of the empty boxes. Saeran went closer to the pups territory and kneeled down extending its hand so the puppy can know Saeran means no harm. The puppy trusted him and from that day on, the dog shared its stolen meal with Saeran and cuddled with him in the night so they both can stay warm. 
  • However one afternoon, the puppy was hiding in its box waiting for nightfall to sneak out and grab food. The puppies nap was rudely interrupted when Rika and her followers barged into the basement to beat up Saeran because they accused him of stealing food. The three masked men were punching and kicking him leaving Saeran defenseless. The puppy didn’t think twice leaving his hidden box and went to attack the men. The puppy was biting their legs as if they were pieces of meat protecting his friend. Rika saw what was happening and was about to attack the puppy till Saeran interfered and protected his friend. Saeran finally decided to fully join her and her cult if they let him and his friend live like decent beings. Rika agreed knowing the medicine was now taking affect. She gave them a room and Chef to feed them and everything. From that day on, they were eachs other ride or die.

Jihyun/V’s Dog: Angel the Australian Shepard 

  • Angel traveled around the world with V. She is a very loyal and friendly dog. The only problem V had with Angel is that for an odd reason, she hated Rika. Whenever Rika walked into the room, Angel growled and walked away. When Rika tried to cuddle with V, Angel jumped on the couch and sat on his lap demanding attention. Rika hated Angel and Angel hated her. She tried to convince V to get rid of Angel because her excuse was it was “damaging the relationship”. He told her no that he rather lose her than Angel. Angel barked and slept with V while Rika was planning on a thing called Mint Eye. Rika told V about her idea and Angel went and laid on top of V and growled at her. A sun can always disappear but an Angel will always be there.

MC’s Dog: Shin the Dalmatian

  • This dog is legit the worse dog guard ever. Zen convinced MC to get a dog to make sure she is safe and protected. She told Zen she already had a dog and that her name was Shin and that she was your pride and joy. The whole RFA felt better knowing you had a dog there ready to protect its master from any harms way. 
    • V saw the messages and began to freak out thinking the dog could possibly smell the bomb so he just never logged back in LMAO IM SORRY  HE HAS IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO 
  • However, MC didnt tell them that Shin is the most friendliest dog ever. She plays with everyone and loves to play little jokes. MC usually smiled because Shin had the same personality as the person who gave MC the adorable Dalmatian, MC’s grandfather c: Whenever she had to make phone calls or answer emails for the party, Shin was mostly annoyed because she wasn’t getting any attention
  • BONUS
    • When MC heard her window shattered she was frighten seeing a white haired man in her home. She knew that was Unknown but before she could say anything, Shin jumped ontop of the man knocking him to the floor. Shin was wagging her tail with a ball in her mouth. Unknown did not expect that reaction. 
      • EXTRA BONUS 
        • Unknown started to play fetch with Shin and joined them for dinner eating spaghetti with them. 

Seven’s Dog: Chip the Shibu Inou 

  • He was inspired to get this dog because he saw a meme on social media about Doge and he wanted one so bad. Screw Elly, if she didnt want or need his love, he was going to give it to someone who needs it. He decided to go to a shelter hoping he can find famous meme breed and after 8 different shelters, he couldn’t find the meme breed D: He was beginning to lose hope but he decided to try one more shelter. When he entered the shelter, he saw a 7 month year old Shibu Inu and he screeched like a little girl. He ran towards their cage and was beginning to baby talk to it. He paid for the papers and everything. He didnt prepare to have a animal in its home, so he fed it honey buddah chips. When the dog stuck his face inside the bag it got stuck and Seven began laughing. He removed the bag from the puppies face and noticed there was a chip on it heads. He decided to call his perfect companion Chip :) Short for Honey Buddha Chips :) The thing he loves the most is named after his love :,D 
  • Seven decided to wear a Shibu Inu costume and slept on the floor with Chip so Chip wouldn’t feel lonely :,) After a couple of days later, he brought chip to sleep with him in his bed because the floor was getting uncomfortable. When Chip started to sleep with Seven, Sevens nightmare started to fade away. The guilt he carried inside his head and heart was being cured by chip, but it didnt mean his episodes stopped. One night Seven was having episodes when he was coding because he thought he saw a code saying “Saeran” in binary and he totally lost it. He fell to the ground crying grabbing his own hair. Chip grabbed a potato and ran to Seven giving the potato to him. He then went on his lap and cuddle him giving of “I’m here, everything will be okay vibes” :)

Jumin’s Dog: King Charles the German Shepard 

  • Jumin only thought about getting a dog because he was getting tired of Saeyoung trying to sneak into his pent house and grab Elizabeth 3rd. 
  • He knew Saeyoung could get past the guards and fuck up the security system easily, so he decided to tell Assistant Kang to look for breeder that has the highest qualifications to breed guard dogs. He finally got the information from Assistant Kang and personally went with Elizabeth 3rd to find the perfect dog to protect Elizabeth. Of course Elizabeth must come along to help him find the perfect dog that is suitable for her taste. He had Elizabeth the 3rd in his arms with security guards around him because he was paranoid a dog might react aggressively seeing a precious feline. 
  • He entered the training camp and noticed how obedient the dogs where, but they already belong to the trainers. The breeder took him to the 1-2 year old dogs who matured enough to be obedient. He walked in the special area and there was this black German Shepard that has been eyeing Jumin and Elizabeth from far away. Jumin didnt notice because he was noticing how Elizabeth the 3rd was feeling a bit nervous. Jumin didnt notice that there was an untrained angry dog on the lose and it was heading towards Elizabeth the 3rd. Elizabeth knew she was in danger and jumped out of her fathers arm and ran for it, she put Forest Gump to shame, she was having her own kitty Vietnam flashbacks. Jumin notice the angry dog about to attack Elizabeth till a black German Shepard who’ve been observing the whole situation decided to attack the other dog and defend Elizabeth. The two dogs were fighting till the owner of the untrained dog got a hold of the rude dog and took him back to his cage for training. Jumin ran quickly to the fierce black German Shepard and notice it had a bite mark around its neck. He noticed Elizabeth 3rd climb onto the back of the dog and licked the battle wound and Jumin fell in love with the dog. He bought the dog right away and he was preparing paperwork to sue the trainer for almost hurting his precious feline. He welcomed King Charles with open arms because it saved his heart, his everything, Elizabeth 3rd. 
  • BONUS
    • Jumin left a camera in the penthouse and camped out in his car to see if King Charles can do his job 
      • 1 hour later Seven sneaked in and right when he made it pass the kitchen, King Charles attacked Seven by barking and chasing him off the penthouse. 
        • Jumin trained him to not the hurt the RFA but to scare them LMAO 
          • when he noticed everything on the camera, he bought King Charles a diamond collar. 

Jaehee’s Dog: Mocha the Beagle

  • This precious little Beagle is Jaehees best friend. She is always waiting for Jaehee to come home from a long day of being Jumins slave. She picked up Mocha while she kicked off her shoes and threw her fake as glasses on the couch. She gave Mocha a quick kiss on her adorable forehead and gently flicked her long soft ears. UGH MOCHAS EARS. 
  • Jaehee then went to kitchen and placed Mocha on the chair and began talking to Mocha about her day while making coffee. People may not believe her when she tells them, but Mocha actually responds back by giving different variations of a bark. If she disagrees with something, mostly what Jumin makes her do, Mocha gives a mad bark with a little growl. If she agrees, she barks happily with a little pant. 
  • Jaehee just smiles at her canine thanking the moment she first met Mocha. 
  • *flashback*
  • It was a heavy rainstorm that on particular night and Mr. Han offered to take Jaehee to her apartment because she took a cab to work. She politely agreed and hold and umbrella over Mr. Hans head so he wouldn’t get wet. 
    • Her whole left shoulder was soaking wet but she had to do it for her boss. They were halfway there to the limo but she heard a faint cry. She stopped and Mr. Han got a bit week and looked annoyed. He was tugging her to continue walking but she didnt. She kept looking for the noise and saw a box with a little head poking outside of it. She dragged Mr. Han to the car and pushed him inside and ran back to help the helpless creature. She almost lost her job but she knows Jumin cant find no one better than her. :)

i know we’d all love to think neil would have a pretty good diet to the point that kevin probably bitches at him the least, but nah man. neil constantly forgets to eat, will have an entire bag of cheeto puffs before a run and not throw up (how does he do that??? no one knows), he’ll eat like 5 cookies then have 3 grapes and be like “#health”

like half of it is just to annoy kevin and the other half is he’s shit at self care (but mostly its to annoy kevin)

BTS!harry potter au: Where Park Jimin is from Slytherin.

BONUS:

  • everybody was shook when the hat said he was in Slytherin.
  • At that moment all stereotypes about Slytherins was broken
  • cause a cute, positive, friendly and halfblooded boy just was sorted to Slytherin.
  • but he knows all the rumours about the house that he was in, so he cried the first night in Hogwarts.
  • Jimin didn’t want to be evil.
  • But then a boy from the second year went to him, he listen to him cry at night.
  • “That doen’t make you evil, now or in the future, it just means you are ambitious and that isnt so bad”
  • Jimin smiled at the older boy and went for a hug but the boy didn’t like it very much but knowing the situation he let it be.
  • The Older Boy ends up to be Min Yoongi.
  • Park Jimin didn’t change a bit since what his hyung said in his first year in Hogwarts.
  • He talked a lot with the people from Huffle Puff. Especially Kim Taehyung.
  • But he talks a lot to Hoseok too, mostly to annoy Yoongi but still.
  • When he make it to the Quidditch team in his 5 year he asked for JungKook and Yoongi if they could come since they were not playing this game.
  • JungKook said yes in a heartbeat, his bestfriend and friend were playing so why not.
  • yoongi in the other hand…
  • “No”
  • “Pleaseee~~ hyung.”
  • “No.”
  • “… hoseok will be there as well.”
  • “i hate you.”
  • “so are you coming?”
  • “yes, you prick”
  • Jimin is still the happy, cute and goofy, even tho is not every much of his house but is who he is. 
  • And he never been so happy with that.

my personal ideal version of batman villains is harley and ivy in a loving, healthy relationship living in a townhouse with selina (plus a dozen cats, bud and lou and several plants.) they’re not as wild and reckless as they used to be but they’re definitely still pulling heists and have no interest in reforming. harley begrudgingly pulls ivy and selina along to visit the other rogues, who are living in their various lairs, abandoned warehouses and messy apartments. the rogues meet for drinks at the iceberg lounge every two weeks. they get into arguments and try to kill each other a lot but somehow it always resolves itself, usually with batman acting as the peacemaker before it escalates into some kind of rogue civil war. they’re still trying (and failing) to kill batman. the batfam are sometimes endearing to them but mostly annoying brats and target practice. joker is missing or dead. everyone is gay.

So, I was in the library looking for a Diane Mott Davidson book a couple of weeks ago to take camping with me, when I found this book – it sort of visually jumped out and grabbed me, even though it’s in a really dull beige cover and I had no idea who Avram Davidson was. 

I’m not sure if I’m just the last human on earth to find out who Avram Davidson is or if he’s a forgotten legend, but looking at the cover it became clear he was an influential writer – the book is a collection of short stories, each with an introduction by someone who knew or read Davidson, including Ray Bradbury, Harlan Ellison, Ursula LeGuin, Peter Beagle, Frederik Pohl, Spider Robinson, Poul and Karen Anderson, and Alan Dean Foster. 

What the hell, I thought, they might be terrible or they might be great, but at least they’ll be fun. 

It turns out Avram Davidson is GREAT. His short stories are funny, pointed, sarcastic, progressive (to an extent – his world is a very masculine one, there aren’t many ladies) and really entertaining. My favorites are two of the early stories, “The Golem” and “Help! I Am Dr. Morris Goldpepper”. The Golem is about an old Jewish couple who are sitting on the porch chatting with each other when a Golem shows up, and instead of being terrified or even excited they are mostly annoyed he keeps interrupting their chat with his Super Dramatic Speech. On the other hand, Help! I Am Dr. Morris Goldpepper is about an ingenious dentist who, summoning to his aid the American Dental Association (representing over 45,000 registered dentists!) foils an invasion by aliens bent on abusing California’s elder care system. 

Some of them are super surreal, like Take Wooden Indians, which involves a sinister cult who want to prevent human progress in order to preserve the art of the wooden Cigar Store Indian by stealing the secret of time travel from a man who likes to go back in time and carve them. Another story, Or All The Seas With Oysters, is basically a sinister take on Pokemon, decades before it was invented. 

I didn’t care much for the story “Revolver” as a whole, but it does have a wonderful page-long passage about a slumlord who prefers tenants on public welfare because they get regular checks, “never complain” about vermin, and have had their souls “cleansed” by the humiliation of being considered a drain on society. It’s a heavily barbed indictment both of how we treat our poor and how landlords dodge fair/safe housing laws. 

Every time Davidson launches into a story about something reprehensible – slavery, orientalism, our view of poverty in America – I cringe, expecting….well, what we’ve come to see a lot of in golden age scifi. But then he turns it on his head and bites viciously into it. It’s wonderful to read. Like the story Dagon, which seems on the surface to be about a white soldier In The Exotic East, turns out to be a wonderful story of his punishment for his misdeeds. I would guess a lot of his sensitivity towards these things stems from him being a Jewish writer in the mid-20th century, in a genre heavily laden with racism and anti-Other sentiment, but I think also it comes from him being fuckin’ brilliant. 

Anyway, it is a super thick book and I had to read it in fits and starts because short stories are exhausting, but I highly recommend Avram Davidson’s work if you happen across it. APPARENTLY it influenced like three generations of famous SFF writers, too, so there’s that. 

Don’t Say Anything (part 6)

Summary: You finally decide to tell Bucky that you’ve been in love with him since the day you met but what happens when you walk in on him with a girl? And not just any girl; Natasha.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

warnings: Pietro Maximoff

A/N: I went to go see Beauty and the Beast today and omggggggg it was so good. I didn’t think I was gonna like it at first (bc I like the original) but it was amazing. Also I’m sososososo tired so sorry in advance if this update is shit I just wanted to get a part out for you guys (woop woop Pietro bro)


“So what’s your plan?” Pietro asked as the three of us sat and ate our food.

You look over at him. “My plan?”

“Yeah.” he nods. “It’s obvious what you need to do.”

“And that is..?”

Pietro sets his fork down. “You have to make him jealous.”

You nearly choke on your food. “What? Are you crazy?”

“It’s obvious that he wants you, Y/N.” he playfully rolled his eyes.

“No, he wants Nat. They’re together.” you respond.

“So we break them up and bam, you two get together.”

“Piet!” you exclaim as he chuckled.

“Alright, so here’s the plan. You’re going to make him jealous and the guy doesn’t like me. I don’t know why though, I’m a very likable person but anyways, you’re going to make him jealous and what better way to make him jealous than to make him jealous with me.” he smiled. It was true, Bucky didn’t really like Pietro. You never understood why.

“I don’t know, Piet.” you sigh, moving a piece of bacon around on your plate. “What do you think Wanda?”

Pietro scoffed. “Who cares what she thinks? She’s just a kid.”

Wanda glares at her brother. “I’m not a little kid.”

“I’m twelve minutes older than you.” he smirked and she rolled her eyes.

“Yes, I know. How could I forget. You remind me every time we see each other.”

Pietro smiles and touches the tip of her nose. “младшая сестра.”

Wanda rolls her eyes again. You laugh, watching the two annoy each other (mostly Pietro annoying the hell out of Wanda) for the rest of breakfast. After eating, the three of you go back to his apartment and lounge around for a while.

“So how long should I stay? A week?” he spoke up as he laid on your lap.

“A week? You really think you can get them together within a week?” Wanda says. “Bucky’s really oblivious for an old man. Aren’t old people supposed to be wise?”

“I can do it. Trust me. They don’t call me the Love Master for nothing.” Pietro nods and both you and Wanda burst out laughing.

“No one calls you that.” you giggle.

Pietro looks up at you. “You’re a dream killer, you know?”


After spending almost the whole day at Pietro’s, the three of you drive back to the tower. Pietro had packed for a week. Upon entering the building, he drops his bags and inhales.

“Ah, I’ve missed this place.”

You smile. “You can sleep in my room if you want. I have a couch that pulls out into a bed that you can sleep on. Unless Wanda wants you to stay in her room.”

You look over at Wanda and her eyes widen as she shakes her head. “Oh god no I don’t want to be near him this whole week. Good luck with him, he’s torture.”

Pietro rolls his eyes at his sister. “You’re such a drama queen.”

“Says the drama queen.” she responds.

“I’ll have you know-”

“Alright children, that’s enough. Piet, come on, let’s get you settled in.” you step in like a mother. Pietro grabs his bags and sticks his tongue out at Wanda before following you to your room.

You show him the pull out couch, showing him how to do it before leaving to let him settle down. You felt a bit better, knowing Pietro was there. He has always been there for you no matter what and you were glad he was in your life despite how obnoxious he can get.

You enter the kitchen, seeing Steve and Wanda cooking tonight’s dinner. Tony Natasha were talking while Bucky and Sam were bickering back and forth with each other. You exhale loudly and make your way to the pantry in search for the Circus Animal Cookies. Hopefully you can-

“Y/N, what are you doing?” Steve questioned and you back out of the pantry.

You shake your head. “Nothin’.”

He squints his eyes at you. “You were looking for the animal cookies, weren’t you?”

“What? Pfft, no. I was just.. Making sure all the food was still there.”

Steve smirked, knowing you were obviously lying. “Mhm, sure.” he folds his arms over his chest. “Dinner will be ready soon.”

You salute him. “You got it, Steve-O.”

The blonde chuckled and walked back to Wanda to assist her. As you turned to leave, Bucky calls out your name, causing you to turn back around and walk towards him. Be calm and cool, Y/N. Be calm and cool.

“What’s up?” you ask, standing right in front of him.

“How was the little trip?” you knew he didn’t care so why was he asking? Men.

“It was good.” you nod.

Bucky hummed. “What did you guys do?”

“We went out for breakfast and chilled at his apartment afterwards. I was so full, I was in a food coma.” you groan, patting your stomach just thinking about how much you ate earlier. This makes Bucky laugh.

“Well I’m glad you had fun.”

You nod in response.

“How are things with Nat? It was a big step to come out to everyone.” you say, suddenly feelings the stinging sensation in your chest.

“Yeah.” he chuckled. “Everything’s going great. I’m happy, she’s happy, we’re happy.”

“That’s good.” you smiled. You wished for an escape, not wanting to be near Bucky anymore. You don’t even understand how you’ve lasted this long being with him and not breaking down.

“So uh, when are you gonna go see Pietro again? Is this gonna be a regular thing, you going off to see him?” Bucky questioned. He asks the weirdest questions.

“Actually..” you were about to tell him that Pietro was there and would be staying for a week when in waltzes Pietro in all his glory.

“Hey guys!” he exclaimed before walking over to you and Bucky. “Hello, my love.” he wraps an arm around your shoulders and kisses your temple.

“Hey Piet.” you murmur.

Pietro looks over at Bucky and smiled. “Bucky, old friend, long time no see.”

Bucky’s features harden and he glares at the blonde. “What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t tell him?” Pietro looks at you.

“I was about to until you came in.”

He looks back at Bucky. “I’m staying for a week. Really missed this cutie.” he cuddles you to him.

“Where are you staying? I don’t think there’s-”

He cuts Bucky off. “With Y/N.”

Bucky shuts his mouth and goes right back to glaring at Pietro. He seriously doesn’t like him.

“Can we watch High School Musical tonight? My singing voice has gotten better.” Pietro says as he guides you away from Bucky. The brunette watches as the two of you sit on the couch and he can’t help but feel angry.


A/N: It’s short I knooowwwww I’m sorry. Tell me what ya think anyways.

TAGS ARE CLOSED BC I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH THEM LOL

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Drunken Confession

MASTERLIST

“You wake me up at four in the four in the bloody morning to cuddle?” and “I think I’m in love with you and it scares the crap out of me.” 

                                                         * * *

It’s not the burning in her stomach or pounding headache that finally wakes Y/N, but rather the vast, empty wasteland of mattress that stretches beside her. Y/N reaches across the bed, fingers blindly grabbing for something - someone but all she catches are the soft blue covers that dress the duvet she lies under. Her eyebrows knit in confusion as she searches for her favourite night time companion, a small chewed up teddy bear which once flourished with golden fur but now was a mangled mess after the years of being dragged through gravel and performing many, many fatal falls from climbing frames.

“Fuzzy Wussy?” Y/N whispers into the darkness, grimacing as her tongue quivers at the evil and bitter taste of residue alcohol painting her teeth.

The lovely effects of tequila were beginning to wear away and Y/N could start to feel a pounding surface at her temples. She was thirsty, Y/N knew that. She also knew her mouth felt dirty and her stomach was burning evilly and the bobble tying her hair was so tight that her forehead ached at the stress of her stretched scalp. She knew that her brain had been replaced by cotton balls which was why she felt so light headed and that needles were pricking her eyes, causing her to tear at the sharp sting.

Y/N also came to realise that she wasn’t in her room, and in fact the blue covers she found refuge in belonged to her best friend Harry.

A tired yawn escapes her lips as Y/N slowly pushes herself up off the bed till she’s sitting up right. All she can remember at this moment is that it was a Saturday night (or rather a Sunday morning which quick glance at Harry’s bedside clock confirms) and that after stupidly getting wasted, Harry took it upon himself once again to offer her aid in her drunken slur.

She calls out Harry’s name, or perhaps it sleepily falls from her lips as though he’s her only thought she can process during these deranged early hours - Y/N can’t remember how she says his name because at this moment she’s still on a slightly drunken high. Harry doesn’t respond, much to Y/N’s upset and so she decides to take it upon herself to find her best friend and invite him to cuddle because she was cold and could really do with a substitute for good ol’ Fuzzy Wuzzy.

Mustering all the will power she can conjure, Y/N sticks her naked legs out from underneath the bed sheets and places her bare feet on the cold wooden floor. An air of coldness surrounds her and Y/N wraps her arms around her waist and tries to draw in as much heat to her body as possibly before gathering her thoughts and bringing one foot in front of the other. She hauls her self out the room and stumbles down the stairs, trying not to leave scratch marks on the wooden banister as her manicured fingers grip it tightly.

“Harry?” She whispers again once she’s reached the bottom. “Harry, where are you?”

Eventually Y/N reaches the living room and an ever so fond, hazy smile tugs at her cracked lips as she toddles over to Harry’s lanky body which stretches along the sofa. His limbs (which are perfectly sculpted - may Y/N add) are woven in between a thick blanket and he lies on his back, feet dangling from the furthest arm of the chair because his body just consumes the sofas length.

“Harry?” Y/N tries again, snaking her cold hands out to tug on his arm and try and shake him awake.

“Wake up, you bean.”

Almost magically, Harry gives a throaty grunt in response to the pet name and his eyelids flutter, exposing the blood shot veins that branch across the whites of his eyes.

“Harry move along, I’m cold and I need a cuddle.” At that, Y/N decides to peel back Harry’s blanket and climb in beside him. Consciously ignoring the fact that Harry’s wearing nothing other than a pair of thin Calvins, Y/N slots her limbs into the jigsaw of Harry’s and rests her head on his chest as she lets her fingers wander and draw soothing circles on his skin. It’s a tight squeeze on the couch and Harry’s still a little out of it, alcohol yet to leave his system, but he pulls Y/N closer anyway and let’s her bury her freezing nose into the crook of his neck.

“What time is it?” Harry inquires sleepily, his eyes drifting closed once again.

“Four AM.”

“Four!?” Harry suddenly cries, jolting awake and consequently shocking Y/N out of her slumber. 

You wake me up at four in the bloody morning to cuddle?” He asks, disbelief evident in his tone because Y/N loved her sleep and wouldn’t just leave a warm, toasty bed for just anyone.

“Yeah, so what?” She says sleepily, eyes already knitted shut. Harry shakes his head, a little annoyed but mostly adoringly and he he tightens his hold on Y/N.

“You’re lucky I love you so much.” Harry murmurs lowly, annoyed to have been woken up but glad that Y/N can find solace in his presence.

“I love you too. Harry.” 

“Love you more, best friend.” 

“No I didn’t mea- Harry, I… can I tell you a teeny weeny secret?” Y/N huffs as she slows her tongue so that she wont trip over any more words, the warm mist drifting over Harry’s shoulder as she twists her neck to look him.

“Of course, you can petal.” Harry replies calmly but really his heart skips a beat and he’ thankful that Y/N isn’t sober enough to pick up his increasing heart rate in anticipation of the secret.

“I think…” Y/N hesitates. “Harry, I think - I think I’m in love with you and it scares the fucking crap out of me.”

At that, Harry’s already rigid body tenses even more and he inhales shakily as the news travels in waves through his ears, around his head and runs along his veins right down to the tips of his curled toes.

Harry was not expecting that.

But before he can question her, cute little snores are dancing from her throats and in that second, Harry knows Y/N will not remember what she just said tomorrow morning.

It should pain him, it really should hurt him that Y/N would not remember confessing her love for him but at that moment Harry couldn’t care less.

For him, the lovely effects of tequila were only coming into play now and with a drowsy Y/N in his arms and the secret promise of love on Y/N’s lips, Harry knew he would sleep soundly till morning.

                                                       * * *

PS. I hope you liked it! Thanks @onlyceci for the prompt lines and I’m also sorry because I changed one of the lines up a bit to fit the imagine more - I hope you understand! Anyways, feel free to request stuff guys and see ya’s soon X

anonymous asked:

reddie prompt! eddie gets cast as the lead in a school play and he has to kiss the main female, richie gets so jealous he does everything in his power to join the cast too and ruin the play

I’ve used this prompt to make a second chapter in my Reddie fic! So bless your heart anon! Head over to Archive of our Own and leave reviews! Or reblog! I love both.

For other chapters - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Chapter 2: Here I Go Again by Whitesnake 

Richie was holding his stomach cracking up, “Romeo and Juliet?! You can’t be fucking serious.”

Eddie’s cheeks went bright red. He knew the guys were going to make fun of him the minute they found out about the school play. “Listen, I’m doing shit in AP English and Mrs. Lane told me that if I tried out for the school play, she would give me extra credit. They needed more guys!”

Keep reading

#RomanceGate - A Survival Guide

Okay, so I know a lot of people in the Reylo fandom are hurting right now. I have closed my ask box because I was only getting the same questions over and over again, and I felt it a better use of everyone’s time for me to just put together one big post covering what I reckon are people’s main questions.

1. What actually happened?

This was published in a web-only article on Vanity Fair:

FIVE THINGS THAT ARE NOT IN THE LAST JEDI

A big, central-to-the-plot romance. For all the fan-fiction fantasies of “Reylo” (an imagined union of Daisy Ridley’s Rey and Adam Driver’s Kylo Ren) or “Stormpilot” (the same, for John Boyega’s ex-stormtrooper Finn and Oscar Isaac’s pilot Poe Dameron), Johnson says that The Last Jedi offers “no one-to-one equivalent of the Han-to-Leia, burning, unrequited love. In our story, that’s not a centerpiece.”

And, on cue, all hell broke loose.

2. Oh my God! Does this mean Reylo is dead?!

It means we’re not going to see a full-on romance between Rey and Kylo Ren in The Last Jedi. It doesn’t, however, mean that we’ve been seeing things or that Rey and Kylo aren’t important to each other’s stories. We have lots of good reasons (in TFA and in external stuff like the Databank) to believe that they are. There’s still a fascinating and compelling dynamic there, and we know that The Last Jedi is going to explore that in more depth. The Vanity Fair quote just means that the dynamic won’t be blooming into a passionate love affair in Rian’s movie.

3. So there’s no romance whatsoever in The Last Jedi?

We don’t know. Rian’s quote simply says that there’s no analogue to Han and Leia’s central love affair, but that doesn’t mean there’s no romance at all. It’s perfectly possible that they will subtlety allude to attraction and tension between Rey and Kylo without that developing into a full-on romance. But again, don’t take that as a promise - it’s a possibility, not an inevitability. 

4. So, does that mean we should pin all our hopes on Episode IX?

I don’t think we should pin our hopes on anything. The best way to enjoy these films is going to be to try and go in with as few expectations as possible, and take them on their own terms. There is, of course, a chance of Reylo becoming romantic in Episode IX, but I would advise against counting on that or believing it’s inevitable. We can’t think that far ahead without seeing The Last Jedi first.

5. What happens to the Reylo fandom?

It should 100% continue. Period. I want to see it flourish and thrive. I want to see people write their stories and create their fanart. I want people to discuss the characters at considerable length and be excited about seeing them again in The Last Jedi. And I really don’t think this news should affect how we engage with fandom at all. I do think it should make us moderate our expectations for what we’ll see in the films, but we absolutely should not let it kill our enjoyment of the characters and their dynamic. 

6. How do you feel about this?

Personally, I’m mostly annoyed because of the response that this news will inspire - it will unleash an onslaught of antis in the Reylo tag, gloating on fanboy enclaves, and outpourings of despair from shippers. All of these reactions are inevitable, and in the case of shippers’ feelings I totally understand the sadness and disappointment. I empathise, because I feel those things too. I’m the first person to admit that I let my imagination run away with me and set my hopes/expectations too high when it comes to Reylo, so the Vanity Fair quote came as something of a reality check for me. I’m a little sad, but I have absolutely no intention of quitting Star Wars or quitting Reylo fandom. I love Star Wars, and the Reylo fandom has been a cornerstone of my experience of it. I love what we create as a community, and my main concern right now is that we remain resilient and continue doing what we do best. Block antis and haters without prejudice. Try to be realistic, but still be enthusiastic and excited about seeing your faves on screen again come December. Most of all, remember that fandom should be fun - focus on the things that you enjoy about Star Wars and Reylo, keep on creating, and remain strong as a community. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m still just as excited for The Last Jedi as I ever was. Bring it on.

TYPES OF HOCKEY FANS

1. “Playoff hockey woohoo!”

This type of fan seemingly forgets about hockey till it’s the playoffs and then they come bursting out of their holes to cheer on their team.

2. “You’re not a real fan if you don’t….”

This type of fan sets a standard that every other fan must follow or else they’re not an actual hockey fan. (We all know one of these and secretly imagine strangling them).

3. “I only cheer for my team when they’re doing good.”

This type of fan is often called a ‘bandwagoner (mostly by the #2 fan above) and only seems to watch/talk about hockey when their team is kicking ass.

4. “Did you know in 1923 hockey player (fill in the blank) did (fill in the blank)?”

This type of fan is Pierre McGuire, a little weird, a little annoying, but mostly a good source of hockey knowledge.

5. “Your team sucks, mine is better because –”

This type of hockey fan is literally everywhere and can be quoted as hating other teams for big things like a dirty play or small things like hitting your goalies waterbottle (often comes from a team who hasn’t made the playoffs in over a decade and is struggling with acceptance).

6. “I don’t like the players on that team but I don’t mind the fans.”

This type of fans is basically the opposite of aggressively hating fan (see below). These fans will normally just hang out and chat about hockey no matter what team/league.

7. “Say my team sucks and I will punch you in the neck.”

This type of fan is aggressive in their love of their team and will fight anyone who disagrees (maintain eye contact and back away slowly). These are by far the worst fans.

2

My older child and their friends have stumbled upon something momentous.

Upon further discussion with my kid:

Alton Brown - Bard

Geoffrey Zakarian - Healer (Hello Kitty band-aids for all)

Guy Fieri - some troll that you encounter engaged in a nefarious activity, but once you get him to stop he joins your party and he’s kind of annoying but mostly okay and very useful.

Alex Guarnaschelli needs to be involved in this somehow.

Further ideas, anyone?