Can someone help me understand the Ace Spectrum, please? I'm trying to make sense of... things and I'm so confused I don't know what to do.
So, the place where I think most of us get confused on our ace identity journey is with separating out types of attraction, and also separating out attraction from sex drive. So let’s talk about those two things:
There are many kinds of attraction, but we’re going to talk about these: sexual, romantic, aesthetic, and sensual. The idea of the split attraction model is that you don’t have to be attracted to someone in more than one of the ways above at the same time to still experience real and powerful attraction of a specific kind. For most allosexual (non-ace spectrum) folks, they tend to experience all four modes of attraction at the same time, and in particular sexual, aesthetic, and sensual attraction are so deeply tied together that they may not realize they’re actually three separate things. In ace folks, those modes of attraction are often not experienced at the same time, and one of them (sexual attraction) may not ever be experienced at all.
Romantic attraction is, well, someone you’re romantically attracted to. You want to spend your time with them, you think about them when they’re gone, they inspire poetry in you, etc etc.
Sexual attraction is basically when you see a person and think, Wow, I’d hit that. This is the kind of attraction people on the ace spectrum either don’t experience at all or don’t experience as often/broadly as allosexual folks, so we’ll come back to this one in a bit.
Aesthetic attraction is when something hits you just right in the beauty department and you want to look at it for a while. In my own personal experience with both myself and my ace friends, this type of attraction is often (but by all means not always or in everyone) hyper-powered in aces. I’m ace, and lemme tell you, there are people I could stare at forever. But I have never once in my entire life looked at one of those people and thought Wow I’d climb them like a tree. Just never happened, probably never will, because I don’t actually experience sexual attraction.
This particular kind of attraction often trips up people who are struggling to understand asexuality, to which I’d suggest this amazing example I’ve seen floating round the interwebs: You ever go out hiking, and you come to the top of a mountain and you see this breathtaking view of other mountains and valleys stretched out for miles before you, and it’s so incredibly beautiful that you just sit right down and stare at it for a while, and maybe you decide to take an early lunch so you can enjoy the view some more because it’s that lovely. But do you at any point want to bang the mountains? No, you do not. (I mean, if you do, we’re not judging, but let’s assume for most folks the answer is no :-p) And that is the difference between aesthetic and sexual attraction.
Sensual attraction is when you see a person and want to touch or hug or cuddle them in a non-sexual way. Some aces don’t experience this at all. Others experience it quite a lot. Still others experience it somewhere in the middle. For some aces it’s tied exclusively to romantic attraction. For others it’s tied to affection in general (familial, platonic, romantic, etc.). For others, it’s tied to aesthetic attraction. There are all kinds of reasons you might experience sensual attraction, but it’s important to remember that it doesn’t have to be tied to sexual attraction in any way.
So, that’s the split attraction model. To make a personal example, I experience aesthetic attraction roughly every 0.4 seconds, romantic and sensual attraction very rarely (and not always together), and sexual attraction literally never (I’m all the way on the far end of the ace spectrum). And my aesthetic attractions don’t necessarily line up with my romantic or sensual attractions, and vice versa. But aces are many and varied and beautiful, and everyone’s going to experience these attractions differently.
The other thing I wanted to talk about is how sexual attraction =/= sex drive. Folks struggling to identify on the ace spectrum often think they’re not “allowed” to be ace because they masturbate, or they watch porn, or they’re experiencing sexual attraction to their current partner. But here’s the thing: all of those experiences are 100% valid and do not make you any less ace.
First, remember that asexuality, like all sexualities, is a spectrum. So you may be all the way on one end of the spectrum like me (never experiences sexual attraction under any circumstance), or you may be demisexual (only experiences sexual attraction with someone to whom you’ve formed a deep emotional relationship) gray ace (only experiences sexual attraction rarely, for reasons that may or may not involve emotional connection). Both of those orientations are valid asexual identities that involve sexual attraction, and experiencing sexual attraction in those ways does not invalidate your identity on the ace spectrum.
Second, it’s important to remember that sex drive doesn’t actually have to be tied in any way to sexual attraction. Think about the human body like a machine. Just because you’re ace doesn’t mean the pipes don’t still work, you know? You can still experience arousal, you can still enjoy orgasm, you can still enjoy porn, you can even still enjoy sex with other people. None of those things means you experience sexual attraction to the person(s) you’re watching or with. Many aces have extremely active sex drives. Many aces have robust solo sex lives. Many aces read or watch porn to get off (check out autochorissexual; it’s an identity many aces feel at home with, including me). And there are endless valid reasons why an ace person might have sex with someone (you want the emotional intimacy, you’re horny, it makes your partner happy and you don’t mind it at all, you’re wildly in love and want to express it physically, you’re sensually attracted and want the physical closeness, you want to get/get someone pregnant, it just plain feels good, etc. etc. etc.), not one of which need involve sexual attraction to the person you’re sleeping with. Of course, if you’re gray ace or demisexual, you may very well experience a deep sexual attraction to the person you’re with. The point is, aces can and do have sex drives, masturbate, watch porn, and have sex with other people. Although I feel it’s also important to point out here that it’s perfectly okay not to do any of these things; some aces are sex repulsed and/or touch-averse and that is 100% valid too.
Okay so this answer is getting crazy long now, and I feel like I’ve covered the general bases, so I’m going to wrap up. But if you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask! Half the staff here is ace and we’re always happy to talk about it, either in broad strokes or via our own personal experiences.
FINALLY, THE MUCH AWAITED AND PROBABLY MUCH, MUCH NEEDED UPDATE TO THAT NONBINARY COMIC I DID LAST YEAR (last year????? I don’t remember)
I’ve learned a lot since then, and while I have to say the truth is a bitter pill to swallow, it does open my eyes to issues that I previously have not seen nor considered before. Being a cis Muslim woman is already hard enough as it is. But being an afab nonbinary Muslim? Oh boy. If I were to touch on that here I will not have the space to do so, and it’s honestly still something I’m learning about, so I don’t have the resources or knowledge enough to talk about this here.
Yes we still have a lot of things we need to work out on. Yes, I probably will never take my hijab off knowing what kind of things I might end up getting if I did (I could get kicked out of my own house, for one). I realize and understand these are issues faced by nb Muslims like me EVERYWHERE.
But you know what?
In the end only Allah can judge you for who you are. And I highly doubt He cares what you identify with. All I know is that He is Most Merciful and Most Forgiving. So fuck what people tell you. You’re valid, your gender is valid, your beliefs are valid, and you can be both at the same time and still be a good Muslim.
Fuck what everyone says. Be you, do you!
*My ask box & IM is open for any nonbinary Muslim that wants to talk or vent about it to me. You’ll always find a place here with me. I promise.
what she means:
Lance supports Keith throughout season three because he knows how much stress he is in and he acts as Keiths impulse control and comes to Keith to talk about his insecurities and you can see how their relationship has grown from 'rivals' to this beautiful bond with so much trust and both of them have each others backs and you can see how much Keith cares for Lance and how most of his smiles and moments of happiness are caused by Lance and i just can't believe klance is canon
So I don’t know if anyone’s talked about this yet, but there’s a whole lot of great things going on in this picture beyond the foreground Paladins. It might just be me, but this is basically like the I Spy of Voltron. For example!
Above Pidge and Hunk we have the Rover constellation, which is a nice little feature, thank you Voltron.
However, nobody is talking about the mice in the bottom right, which is a crying shame because they’re so cute.
You know who else is bottom right?
Nyma and Beezer.
Also, if we’re looking middle left past Coran -
is that - Slav?
Obviously top right we have Zarkon and Haggar,
but you know who else is top right? verrrry top right.
I'm sure you've already been asked something along these lines, but I have a vegan friend considering getting a dog who is not "morally okay" with feeding an animal a non-vegan diet. I don't really know what to say??
It’s hard, because you don’t want to alienate your friend and when faced with cognitive dissonance and pressure people tend to make snap judgement to the side that’s most familiar and emotionally for them. Try to educate them about the realities first and then try to gently make your point.
First, talk to them about if they really understand the nutritional needs of a dog and how hard it is to keep them from being malnourished on a vegan diet. If they’re not, you can link them to this article that explains it.
Second, make sure they know none of the commercial foods are truly vegan - the supplements that make up for the lack of animal products are still, actually, derived from animal products. I chased down how those supplements are produced and using actually vegan supplementation would make the dog food so costly as to be prohibitive - they’d be competing with the human cosmetics market, which is impossible to do on a budget, so they use non-vegan supplements.
When people are really determined to feed animals that need animal products to survive vegan diets, I tend to frame it as an immediate ethics dilemma. If they feed a non-vegan food, they’re supporting the deaths of multiple animals who would die regardless of if they bought the food and whose welfare they have no personal influence over - but they’re providing the best possible welfare for an animal whose quality of life they have voluntarily taken sole responsibility for. If they choose to feed a vegan diet, they get the moral righteousness of not supporting an industry they don’t like… but the dog that they voluntarily took in and accepted personal responsibility for is going to suffer directly and they are entirely responsible for that. I think the good of one animal you have direct influence over is more important than taking a moral stand about an industry and multiple animal lives that the lack of one person’s business doesn’t do a damn to effect.
Ok, so as I mentioned in my Andreil playlist, I’ve noticed a strange pattern in Andrew’s life, in which the number 13 plays a really big role.
The obvious one that I mentioned on my playlist is the fact that Neil and Andrew’s numbers added make 13, but on a more Andrew-only note, here it is :
“Did they move you a lot?”
“Twelve houses before Cass.,” Andrew said. ~ The King’s Men Chapter 11
This shows that Cass was house number 13, the pipe dream was number 13. That house that could have been home, the house that he wanted to be home, was the thirteenth house he lived in. This could have been lucky number 13, however, this was not meant to be.
“Right after Aaron turned thirteen Aunt Tilda hook up with this new guy up in Oakland.” ~ The Raven King Chapter 2
13 is how old he was when he discovered he had a twin brother. 13 is how old he was when this stopped being about what he could endure and when he decided to leave Cass, to leave the thirteenth house and all that came with it: his hopes, but also the abuse. 13 is how old he was when his life changed radically.
“Andrew goes through shrinks like he’s trying to break a world record only he knows about. She’s his eight one at least.”
“Thirteenth,” Andrew said. “She made sure to ask me if I was superstitious.” ~ The Raven King Chapter 9
Bee is number 13 too. She’s the lucky number 13, she’s everything that Cass could have been but wasn’t. 13 didn’t stop being an important number when Andrew became older: it came back with Bee. And then it came back with Neil. For the first time, 13 is not only about Andrew, it’s about something he’s making with someone else.
13 has, for me, truly become Andrew’s lucky number. Because it’s where he first foud hope, when he left the abuse behind, where he found someone who can actually help him, and what he makes with most important person in his life.
IDK, I might see significations where there aren’t any and my explanations might be really corny, but I kept seeing it again and again and it kept running in my head and I had to write it somewhere. This is why ‘13′ is a number that I can’t help but think as important for Andrew.
@mixeurants I know we talked about it on the chat but you asked me to tag you so here it is!
Hey :) I'm kinda new to kpop, but I've seen loads of kpop accs talking about the hyyh era and I don't know what that is??? Ik it's something bts related I'm just not sure what. If you could explain it for me that would be great :) thanks
HYYH stands for Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa and it means “the most beautiful moment in life”. It’s a trilogy of BTS albums consisting of:
- The Most Beautiful Moment In Life, Part 1 - The Most Beautiful Moment In Life, Part 2 - The Most Beautiful Moment In Life: Young Forever
The mvs / short films:
- I Need U - Dope - HYYH on stage: prologue - Run - Epilogue: Young Forever - Save Me - Fire and their Japanese versions
It’s a very special period for BTS for many reasons: - it was a very big change in terms of their concept - they had their first win in music shows - during that time BTS started gaining more and more recognition - it was the start of creating numerous theories about the mvs and concept as a whole - and many more..
HYYH was a turning point in their career. It’s a very special trilogy for Armys and BTS. You could say it was the actual most beautiful moment in life
I'm sorry if this comes across as negative, but why must the creators continue to shit on shieth? :/
Huh,, I’m not really sure what you mean by that anon?? Sheith wasn’t even mentioned in that most recent interview, Kl/ance was the only one they were asked about and given a direct response. If you’re talking about the “was like a big bro comment,” I don’t see how that changes things?? After all, there is the “like a brother” line in BOM. So, up until that point, the two really saw one another as found family, you know? Just like the rest of Team Voltron–Hunk says “We’re brothers” about all the paladins, and Allura refers to the team as her “new family.” All the relationships between characters in Team Voltron are likened to found family, you know? Saying it discounts sheith also discounts every other ship between the paladins (and Allura).
“Continue to shit on” is also a strange choice of words to me, since I felt like sheith has gotten the most staff support, and there are certainly people in the cast and crew who like it. So I certainly don’t think they have anything against sheith at all, and we know some animators even like to draw stuff for the ship. For context, Joaquim says–“I mean, [Keith]’s experienced loss in his life, in his childhood. And Shiro is, I think more so than the other characters is his pillar, is like his big bro. So he felt that loss.“ So it’s more so about how Shiro grounds him and is really his support.
Lauren also mentions that Keith is literally finding it difficult to keep his emotions under control, finds that he’s sort of losing himself to his galra nature because he doesn’t have Shiro there to center him. And galran emotions are just so passionate that this grief he feels is detrimental: “It’s kind of exasperated by the fact that shiros gone. Like he’s having a hard time dealing with it, he doesn’t really know how to feel about it. And ya I think he kinda just goes back to that inner part of himself where it’s just—he can’t control his emotions. And that comes from like, from the galra side.”
Which brings us back to how Joaquim said, “[Keith] latches onto Shiro at times because Shiro’s sort of the only thing that can really calm him down and keep him in check.” And also Josh’s comment that, “He’s constantly scared he’s gonna say or do something wrong and he’s gonna lose Shiro,” not to mention lines like, “Your friend desperately wants to see you.” No one would ever describe their feelings towards their “bro” as being this intense.
Keith’s sense of longing to be with Shiro and also their level of intimacy with one another doesn’t at all read as brotherly to me, which is why I think so many people in the staff also support it in a romantic context–because it definitely seems to come across that way. Especially now that we know Shiro is like this calming presence that helps Keith retain his humanity and suppress all these awful feelings he’s always bottled up. Shiro teaches Keith coping mechanisms like Patience yields focus, helps him focus so he can stay in control of himself. I think their relationship goes well beyond the bounds of most bros.
I think it’s also important to remember that Keith has never really had much of a family or friends, so he doesn’t have anything to compare to. He just knows that he sees Team Voltron as his family, and that he thinks his relationship with Shiro runs even deeper than that. “Like a brother” is kind of a way to put a word to what he’s feeling and to how strong their bond is, you know? I used to think that’s how I felt about someone I liked romantically too. People’s feelings and relationships can also change; Katara used to think of Aang as a little brother, but they still end up together. And again, the staff really doesn’t have anything against sheith. So I wouldn’t worry too much anon.
I would like to know what women's issues in the west even are. I mean, most of the things tumblrinas bitch about are either not gendered issues (like rape and domestic violence), complete non-issues (manspreading) or fake issues (the wage gap). I would like to know what I'm actually dealing with as a woman and you are pretty reasonable. - Funeral Feast anon
That’s a great question, because we do still have issues that we face. I’ll just bullet-point them, but I’m happy to talk about each in depth if anyone’s interested. They’re also in no particular order.
Female genital mutilation (it still happens to girls born in Western countries, although obviously it’s much more prevalent overseas)
The breastfeeding debate
The presumption that all women will want to become mothers, or that women that don’t want children are “heartless,” “selfish” or “missing out”
The presumption that women in opposite-sex relationships must want to get married
Women at the standard child-bearing age less likely to be employed or get promotions because it’s presumed that they’ll soon want time off for pregnancy
Women that leave childcare to fathers or other childcare means being seen as awful parents
Women who are shamed for wanting to be stay-at-home mothers, as though they “lack ambition” or are misogynistic just for their personal choices
The near-refusal of many doctors to perform hysterectomies and not taking issues with periods seriously (I can personally attest to this one)
Sexist dress codes in some top workplaces (i.e. expecting women to wear high heels or makeup when there’s no equivalent dress code for men)
The women who are abused and/or told they’re “not real women” because they hold unpopular opinions (for example: whilst I disagree with pro-life women, they are still women and don’t deserve misogynistic abuse because of their views)
And then there are examples of “negative” rights that we’re denied:
Female domestic abusers aren’t taken as seriously as male domestic abusers
Female sex offenders aren’t taken as seriously as male sex offenders
Female child molesters having their crimes excused unlike male child molesters
Unequal treatment by both familial and criminal courts
Sexist “quotas for women” in workplace and university places, like we’re told that we’re not good enough to get placements on our own and need special quotas to get somewhere
I’m absolutely positive that I’ve forgotten some really basic ones, too, so my apologies in advance for that.
The thing is, we do face issues. They just aren’t the issues that feminism talks about. Plus, there are men’s issues that, if solved, would help both of us, too, like fair, unbiased treatment in both family and criminal courts, for example.
It’s wrong to say that women don’t face any problems, because we do. They’re just not “popular” to talk about.
It won’t be seen by most Gotham fans for another two days until the Gotham panel on Saturday. But I went to The 5th Annual Musical Anatomy of a Superhero panel today and they showed clips from all the shows represented at the panel. David Russo, who is the composer on Gotham, was there. I got into the room just after they finished showing Gotham’s intro, so I don’t know what they showed for that video, but I could hear the familiar music as I was getting my bag checked. But then they also showed the S4 trailer as part of his introduction later.
MAJOR Spoilers Below……………….Stop reading now if you don’t want to be spoiled! Also adding a “keep reading” just in case.
I just read your last published ask and I'm curious what your thoughts are on the psychological damages that resulted in the boys. I know they are most likely obvious but I love your responses to topics, they are well articulated, meticulous and thorough. (Also, I understand if you don't feel comfortable talking about it as it is a very heavy-handed topic. Furthermore, I understand that this is all speculation as we obviously do not know everything that occurs and are merely observers.)
The most obvious thing is Zayn’s anxiety. He has talked about it, including his eating disorder. Zayn says that now that he’s left One Direction, the eating disorder has improved. The fact is that most eating problems are lifelong, and stressful situations may worsen their symptoms. Even now, Zayn has not been able to perform in public.
Louis has lost his exuberant joy, and has changed his natural tendency to be verbally expressive and performative. He has had to continue stunting, and to live a life that is not genuine. Plus, he has had to deal with a steady stream of public relations disasters that paint him as someone he could never be: fickle, untalented, violent, a poor parent and poor partner. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to have lived with that image.
All of the boys, but particularly Harry, have changed from naturally trusting and loving to cynical and distant, by the way that stalkers are given access to them, and privacy was never a priority. Their personal lives were used to generate money. There were no boundaries.
Harry continues to live with a legacy of the reputation established by 1DHQ. A fan on the Nolan fan forum site argued that Harry loves older women because it is a cool image. This crass, womanizing asshole is the furthest thing from who Harry is – yet it is something he continues to have deal with all the time.
Niall has had anxiety magnified by stress, and has had to deal with acid reflux and chronic knee pain from postponing knee surgery for a year. He appears happy on interviews, but we know that he has had problems with claustrophobia and social anxiety.
A lot of the behavior we see on hiatus – the cutting off of SM engagement, the reluctance to answer questions with any specificity, have to do with this history. These problems are less publicly seen, but are very much still there
Honestly the entitlement Kpop fans have about South Korea and South Korean issues and its people and even the entitlement that fans of Mandarin pop and Taiwanese music have about China is so fucking ridiculous… like… just because you’re into a genre of music or pay attention to a few idols does not make you a goddamn expert on my culture or my people or what the fuck ever else.
This also goes for those Kdrama fanatics.. or those people who want to dote about how “Wah Korean people are so cute! So beautiful!” or put down sino people while liking Korean music (e.g. “Ew Chinese/Mandarin sounds so weird” or “Chinese people are so immoral compared to Korean people”)
Understanding anti-Asian sentiment is another ball game and also Asian fetishism as well. I’m not even going to delve into sociopolitical issues.
I highly dislike POC / non-white people who are non-Asian (or more specifically non-sino or non-Korean) claiming they understand this shit just because their own race/ethnicity faces discrimination. Like yes it matters and there is no oppression competition at play here, but when you’re fetishizing me or my people and speaking those words under your breath - you don’t get it.
It just seems like Koreaboos and sinophiles these days loooooove to think they have some kind of *~*~special closeness~*~* to my cultures just because they know some problematic shit with music entertainment companies or some intrinsic issues with idols for that matter. Like no. Listen. I can care less for most of that shit really. I do care because yes it involves my people - but SK and China does not revolve around that. Idols from music groups are not representative of a country or its people and especially I see a lot of Asian fetishists fawn over them because of their aesthetic beauty only.
The other thing I find weird is how non-Korean and non-Chinese fans want to act like an expert but their only knowledge on most shit is with music industries and idols/celebrities.
Spare the bullshit with me and quit giving me secondhand embarrassment. Really. Don’t act like you know what you’re talking about when it’s clear you speak over those from those ethnic groups trying to talk about this.
I'm 21 and 2 days ago i found out I'm pregnant. Which to most is a blessing of course but I'm not fit for the position. I graduate from college this year & I just got accepted into the graduate program of my dreams. I've always told myself that if something like this happens I would take full responsibility for it and not be selfish. But I'm struggling so badly rn and I don't know what to do. My bf has no idea what's going on, we've been together for 3 yrs but this is hard for me to talk about
Thank you all for responding to the last post. I need your help again…thx