most of the times i don't even know

idk but what really gets me about overwatch is that its entire marketing tries to convince us that it’s this huge band of heroes who have come together to maintain world peace and achieve Great Things

while in fact that’s what they used to be and what you have now is a family consisting of an ape, two lesbians and a supercomputer having illegal dinner parties in a derelict government facility

the three former leaders of the organization are all presumed dead and pass their time not really disputing that claim considering two of them are currently holed up in a fucking necropolis, and the other one is a constantly decomposing emotional fog

like you’re supposed to imagine this grand force for Good, but then jesse mccree is getting shitfaced in a dingy bar in dorado while sombra sends sneaky update pics of him to reaper, who is currently too busy creeping on a family just because the guy’s flat butt reminded him of his ex husband

hanzo ‘midlife crisis’ shimada shoots dragons out of his nipple but you couldn’t tell that looking at his art student undercut and piercings, and his not-dead (notice how that’s a suspiciously recurring theme in this game?) brother is probably currently at a cosplay convention losing a ‘best genji costume’ competition

like maybe one day they’ll all come together and find common ground and actually do something, but for now they’re just a bunch of weird people in different stages of washed up trying to make ends meet, and it might be the most relatable thing about the whole entire game

tumblr servant is a godsend with a lot of useful functions but my primary use for it is this

so let’s say you’re a big fan of transformers so obviously you don’t want to blacklist #transformers, and you’ve got this cool friend kyle, but every single time kyle posts or reblogs something about transformers it’s just… it’s garbage. it’s a Bad Post. he has bad opinions and he should feel bad. you know that it’s petty shit but it irritates you every time you see one of his bad, bad transformers posts. but most of what he posts is awesome! you don’t wanna unfollow his ass! so you make a tumblr servant instead and even if he doesn’t tag shit about shit, if the word ‘transformers’ is in the post at all you will never see it. peace is restored on your dash. you are free.

you can also do a lot of other shit like dim posts or highlight posts or give you notifications etc etc etc but i mostly just hide Bad Fandom Opinions because i’m petty

6

Heroes in training  ノ*:・゚✧

3

Mekke øl + mutually failing at talking to their crush because they’re nervous

10

Journal 3 shitpost doodle dump part 2! (Part 1 is over here and part 3 is over here)

To be honest, I don’t think I’m done yet. There’ll probably be a part 3 as well because there’s just so much more I want to poke fun of. This book truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

Qeb yfddbpq jvpqbov fp elt Afmmbo zlria obxa qefp glrokxi xka pqfii qefkh qeb Xrqelo txp x zlli drv.

My experience with the signs in my life
  • Aries female: so stubborn is incredible. A hot head. She knows what she wants and she'll get it. Yells a lot. Cares a lot about her family. Very concerned about her diet. She looks like a cinnamon roll but is a beast inside.
  • Aries male : very intelligent, probably the most intelligent. Can either have a very scientific mind or a very literary mind. Loves to read. LOVES to make puns. Horrible ones. Has the biggest laugh.
  • Taurus female: MY BIGGEST LOVE. Literally the cutest thing. She is so smart and caring and it's true: she loves to eat. Cares so much about everyone, not only her close friends. She almost never get angry but when she does. Ouch.
  • Taurus male: a cutie. Always ready to cheer you up. DOES NOT. BELIEVE. IN. ASTROLOGY. Likes scientific shit. Loves old movies. Always laughs at your jokes. The best friend you can find. Loves Shrek.
  • Gemini female: so strong and independent. Her hair is always on point, so is her outfit. Either very tall or very short. They talk a lot and they love listening to you. Geminis are actually very lovable people. Best companion for a boring class or for lunch break.
  • Gemini male: very bold and confident about himself. Does his own thing. It's not that he is a dick, it's just that he has his own problems to take care of. Except Trump, Trumps is really a dick. Im sorry Geminis that he is in your sign. The cool guy of the class who has a different girl every week. A lil fuckboy but fun to have a chat with. Loves videogames and perfect pal to get drunk with.
  • Cancer female: not a crybaby. Actually HATES to cry in public. More often than you think, very extroverted. Very passionate about what she loves. High ambitions, starts many things and then get bored. So many puns oh god.
  • Cancer male: oh boy. "Nightmare dressed as a daydream". Makes you feel so special. Boyfriend material. Usually dark hair and dark eyes. Not very tall. Adorable. Special laugh. Will do great things in life. Very creative but kinda introvert(?) WILL RATHER DIE THAN CRY IN PUBLIC.
  • Leo female: very close about her private things but she will open up if you demonstrate her she can trust you. Loves everyone. Not that confident about herself. Very confident about the world, tho. Wants to move someplace else and experience. People respect her.
  • Leo male: Stonehead™. Literally smokes all the time to forget about the pain he feels. Hides emotions and then explodes, usually with rage. Either very close to you that he calls you every day, or he'll completely ignore you. Smart even tho it doesn't look like. The lonely wolf.
  • Virgo female: so stubborn and independent. She knows what she wants and she'll get it. Can get very clingy to the people she loves but sometimes neglect other people she loves even tho she doesn't notice. Get mad easily for the little things. The queen. Just listen to her, she knows the shit.
  • Virgo male: cute but doesn't have his own personality. Sometimes gets involved in ugly companies and does things he doesn't want to. Very sensitive but tries to hide it. Actually cares about you even tho he wants to appear a tough boy. Pretends he doesn't care about school, ends up with all A. Probably very good at soccer.
  • Libra female: becomes part of your family if she isn't already. Amazing lipsticks. Always has great stories to tell. Lives in the clouds. Forgets about things easily but won't forget the important things. Has so many passions but get easily distracted when she is studying for an exam. Perfect person to binge watch Sherlock with.
  • Libra male: my everything. Pretends he's a gryffindor but deep down is a slytherin. Stunning. Gets high grade without doing shit. The teacher favorite. The one you can do stupid shit with. Will do anything for you. Listens to you 24/7. Loves tv shows. Very smart. Will probably end up doing something very important. Perfect dad.
  • Scorpio female: actually very sweet and caring, as much as cancer. Never shows off her emotions but you'll know when she cares about you. She's like a mama bear. She'll call you if she feels you are not happy. She'll call you constantly. Extroverted and kind. Best presents ever. Looks naive but very cautious.
  • Scorpio male: ok so my ex fwb was a scorpio and i gotta say they get emotionally attached. Pretend they don't care AT ALL and then calls u at 2 in the morning telling u they love you. Just be careful cause they don't know what they want. Obsessed with electronic things and sex.
  • Sagittarius female: literally on fire. SHE. TALKS. SO. MUCH. I have so many different feelings about her. Either i love completely or I can't stand her. She pretends she knows everything. She's so slow at doing everything, except talking. Laughs a lot. Very sensitive deep down. So loud.
  • Sagittarius male: Pretty introverted. The fire is hidden. He's a freaking badass. If he cares about you, he will show you. Most likely to call you at midnight for your birthday. Very sweet. Goes big or goes home, especially in love. Both a cinnamon and a sinnamon roll. Like if he ain't in the same political party as you, just don't mention politics. That's when the fire shows.
  • Capricorn female: so. she actually cares about you. but she has so much shit going on so she might forget to come at a place you invited her, she won't even apologize but when something happens to you, be sure she'll call. She's absolutely cute and she has been hurt so many times so it's hard for her to trust people completely.
  • Capricorn male: THE FUCKING FANBOY. He loves to travel and to try new things. He is so shy but with his friends he's crazy. Laughs at his own jokes. Extremely sensitive and when he loves, he loves hard. So intelligent and interesting. Absolutely adorable.
  • Aquarius female: the sweetest. she gets clingy to everyone but because she wants to have friends and do things and has a lot of problems but holds everything in and puts her friends first and she's hurt. The most precious human. She needs, she deserves to be loved the most. Learns very quickly and she's very honest.
  • Aquarius male: the devil™. Actually he is funny, like so many jokes, but sometimes it's just too much. He hates when people offend him. Gets on the defensive. Kinda selfish and cares a lot about like 3 people (?). Like he will kill for them. So much drama, boy. Probably failed history and algebra 2 twice.
  • Pisces female: such a badass and a cutiepie at the same time i don't even know how this is possible. she has such a strong personality and loves her friends. Determined and will fight with her teeth for what she loves. You need to have a pisces in your life. She always says she will kill a person but then she just like run away.
  • Pisces male: like just like the pisces female. Cares so much about his family and shows his emotions easily, whether is anger or sadness or happiness. Determined but also insecure about himself, but will do great things.

I just… really love this movie

ainawgsd  asked:

What if humans are the only species that gets "mystery" bruises? How weird would it be to aliens that we can sustain an injury that leaves a mark lasting days or sometimes weeks but don't remember how we got it?

I love it!

Humans are already terrifying enough, but then it gets injuries like contusions (which is deadly to several species mind you!) and it doESN’T EVEN KNOW WHY?!?!?!?

At first the interspecies council thinks it’s a joke. Yes, it has already been established that a human just plain won’t die (with very few exceptions, like decapitation) and contusions aren’t that dangerous for most species. That it’d be unsuccessful at killing a human wasn’t surprising, but that they some times don’t even know how they’ve gotten the contusion? No that has to be a joke.

It’s ruled as another myth until a member of the council travels with a ship with a few human crew-members. Trofaxiq the Elder had taken a stroll around the ship a few days into the voyage when he heard two humans talking.

“Maybe you walked into something?” The tall, highly pigmented one said, inspecting something on the slightly shorter, less pigmented one.

“Yeah, you know I’m clumsy, but the position’s weird, isn’t it?” The shorter one said, looking down at their own appendage.

“So maybe you got it in your sleep?” The tall one suggested as the short one spotted Trofaxiq the Elder and jabbed its appendage into their fellow human’s sternum. A less experienced Froentir would have mistaken it for an attack, but Trofaxiq the Elder knew enough about human behaviour to know it was called a ‘nudge’ and was socially acceptable. 

After the normal exchange of greetings and pleasantries, Trofaxiq the Elder eventually asked the humans what they had been discussing. The tall one, Fatima, said the short one, Lucía had gotten a bruise, but couldn’t remember how. Unsure what a bruise was, Trofaxiq the Elder asked, but quickly came to wish they hadn’t as they saw the large contusion on the humans appendage.

Less than one rotation later, the human guide had been updated, and a suggestion had been made to add a classification so they could mark humans down as more dangerous than the previous  “extremely dangerous, do not approach in the wild”

The only problem was how useful humans could be to expeditions. In the end, the suggestion wasn’t passed, to the worry of many council members.

BTS’ ARMY PERSONAS:

JIMIN’S FANS: THE MOMS PERSONA

“Are you eating well? Don’t overwork yourself. Did you sleep? Do you feel threatened by anything? You can talk to me. Guys is it just us or does Jimin look 0.1 kg thinner?”

SUGA’S FANS: THE LITIGIOUS PERSONA

“WE WERE ATTACKED, MISTREATED AND DISRESPECTED. LET’S SUE HIM NOW! HOW DARE HE BE SO PERFECT”

JHOPE’S FANS: THE SCREAMERS PERSONA

“JHOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOPE”. they are also the ones who sometimes dress strangely at concerts and events!

JIN’S FANS: THE PROTESTORS PERSONA

In the name of more lines and Jin’s beautiful lips, we will fight the world and BIGS#IT for KIM SEOKJIN! 

JUNGKOOK’S FANS: THE FIGHTERS PERSONA

“OPPA? U MAD?” “CAN WE ARM WRESTLE?” “YOU ARE A KID! DO KID THINGS YOU *insert curses* but we still love you” “OMG he is so cute. I want to kick him in the face"  

V: THE WEIRDOS IN DENIAL PERSONA

NO! He is not real. He can’t be real! Is he real? Oh, look at his feet *save in gallery* Oh look at his tummy *zooms in and giggles* Oh look -insert a weird body part- *takes a screenshot*. 

RM: THE CRY BABIES PERSONA

Namjoon just needs to say something for them to cry. Most of the time they don’t even know what he is saying but they are always like “That was SO deep just like YOUR DIMPLES WHERE I WANT TO JUMP IN, TAKE IT OFF AND NEVER GET OUT *sobs* Namjoon is such a genius”

By @mimibtsghost

  • What she says: I'm fine.
  • What she means: I've seen Wonder Woman twice now and I still think that Ares should've been Doctor Poison herself Isabel Maru because her character was consistently and noticeably integral to the plot, creating the most destructive weapon that mankind had ever seen, assisting Ludendorff and strengthening him to superhuman levels; Diana at one point is overcome by rage and becomes destructive so it is completely within believability that the rage of a woman i.e. Doctor Isabel Maru could be the rage of a war god, there is never any concrete resolution for her character because we don't know if she somehow survives that final battle or dies, and for such an important antagonist this feels like a complete loose end whereas when Ares was revealed I didn't even know the character's name until the second time I watched it and when he showed up onscreen the first time my only thought was "whomst?"
Don't take my lawn decorations.

I had purchased my first home in a slightly lower class area of town, which is pretty close to an even lower class area of town. (Think slightly ghetto a mile from absolute trailer trash.) I know most of my immediate neighbors, since most of them are pretty loud and I’d rather be friendly with them than have them be my enemy.

Some local kid likes to go around collecting trash in his free time. A real nice kid, does it for really no reason. Whenever I see him, I usually get him a drink, lemonade or soda so he can stay hydrated. (California is hot.) Sometimes I give him a few dollars, I offer the kid $30 a month to mow my lawn 2x a month. So, kid has a gig for small, but consistent income.

The kid takes a lot of pride in his work. He mows the lawn, pulls weeds, moves rocks out of the driveway, and just makes my place look extra nice, even though I don’t even ask him to do any extra work. This guy is great.

This goes on for a few years, kid is now a senior in highschool. Family is not doing so great, dad just lost his main source of income, and mom had accumulated debt which put a lot of stress on their failing marriage. Mom was abusive verbally and sometimes physically to both the kid, and the Father. But the kid keeps on walking, doing work, volunteering and being a real happy, up beat dude.

Despite his troubles at home, the kid starts buying lawn decorations. Mostly small, little gnomes, some decorative rocks, and bird bath, and he decorates my yard. It looks amazing, but I knew he must have spent a lot of his own money on that. I try to reimburse him, and he denies. He won’t take it.
I know he needs a car, and I was about to get a newer one for myself, so I gave my mine for free. It really was the least I could do for this guy for everything he has done for me.

A few weeks later, a drunk driver T bones the kid, and he dies on the scene. I was devastated, his parents were devastated, and they soon after got a divorce.

They were fighting over who gets what, and the father discovers that the mother had a drug addiction she had been hiding. Straight out of left field. She wants everything they had, and she lawyers up to fight the battle. Due to the debt the mother had accumulated on the father’s bank account, he had really no money. And nobody knew where she got her money from.
As sad as it is, it’s not my affair. Until she sent me a letter claiming that the yard decorations are rightfully hers, and that she will take them “or else”. Now, this is a problem.

I get it, you lost your only child. You’re in a lot of pain as a parent. But you were never a good parent to him. I was closer to him than you, by a long shot.
So, I had a meeting with the father, and told him not to worry about the court costs. I decided I was going to fund him in court.

Long story short about their divorce battle, but he wins, and gets to keep everything, and even gets a restraining order on her. He then files for credit card fraud, and puts all the debt on her.

I heard from the father that she was recently arrested for driving while drunk, and was search and has a decent stash of meth on her. She is currently awaiting trial for that, while the father is living a life now relatively stress free.
And I got to keep my lawn decorations.
RIP Johnathan. You are missed.

When all your friends are posting pics with their significant other for Valentine’s Day but you’re still single

Why The Types Are Problematic
  • ISTP: When you're under emotional distress or just plain upset you literally just shut down and don't talk to people??? I said hi to one of you, whose one of my best friends, after he had a fight with his fiancé and he just ignored me and walked past like wtf I am a person you emotionally constipated butthole.
  • ESTP: No regard for human life, especially your own. Plus you won't stop talking about how we should all go out when you know damn well I'm broke af.
  • INFP: Your fake-mean jokes aren't jokes at all and are real-mean because you're bitter about something they did, like, 5 months ago, god becky just move on already.
  • ENFP: You're putting your family through bankruptcy because you won't stop buying things online because your self-control is as feeble as your ability to keep secrets you haphazard deadbeat.
  • ISTJ: You tried to be the fun one for once and ruined the party because you're awkward.
  • ESTJ: You won't stop asking clarifying questions; like the question you're asking was gonna be answered in maybe 6 seconds but you didn't have the patience to wait and find out and I crave death because of it.
  • ISFJ: You're a basic bitch and we all know it.
  • ESFJ: You're the most clueless people I've ever met and yet you have the audacity to call everybody else weird.
  • INFJ: "I'm fine!" sayin' asses expecting everybody to know you're not...And stop pretending y'all ain't anything but weeaboo nerds who've seen every anime there ever was.
  • ENFJ: Every person whose ever said "I can never get typed right, I'm too balanced." or "I switch letters so much I don't really know" always ends up being ENFJ when typed correctly and I will fight anybody who says otherwise.
  • INTP: You won't stop explaining your logic behind something even though we've already told four times that we understand.
  • ENTP: You say insane crap you don't actually believe just to see people's reactions.
  • ISFP: You unironically like and talk about SuperWhoLock you nasty bitch.
  • ESFP: You're super weird but everybody still loves you and it pisses me off. That's probably makes me the problematic one, but there's also a strong chance that your alcoholic...so...
  • INTJ: Get off reddit and stop playing so many video games you freak.
  • ENTJ: Okay but I shouldn't have to say anything for the ENTJ's because you are all the single most problematic type in almost every single conceivable way, and if you don't know that yet, that's part of the reason why you are.
B.A.P. isn't just a group.

They are a family.
They said so themselves.
Yongguk and Himchan, who call the young ones ‘kids’ and ‘children’ (and even collectively said 'our kids’ couple of times), said so proudly
Daehyun, who tattooed BAP in his skin, said so.
Youngjae, who calls Himchan 'eomma’ on rare ocassions and kisses Zelo’s cheeks periodically’ because he can’t help himself, said so
Jongup, who everyone in BAP appreciates in terms of humor and skill despite questions, said so.
Zelo, who is practically raised by everyone and is one of the most behaved maknae ever, said so.
Babyz, those who are new and even to those who stayed, know so.

B.A.P. = FAMILY

The 100 Characters as Bellarke Shippers
  • Abby: Clarke stan, worried mother, exasperated mother in law, proud of who Clarke Griffin is until the day she dies, thinks Clarke carries too much on her shoulders, Bellamy is the only one who deserves her baby
  • Kane: Bellamy stan, many sleepless nights, believes in his son, wants to protect Bellamy Blake at all costs, spends most of his time trying to stop bellamy from killing himself while trying to save Clarke
  • Jaha: Bellamy and Clarke stan, new to the fandom and already defends Bellarke until his last breath, ready to fight all the antis
  • Murphy: Don't even watch the show. Just sees Bellarke on his scrolls through tumblr and know exactly what's going on
  • Octavia: Doesn't ship anything/multishipper, can't deny Bellamy and Clarke love each other even if spends most of her time yelling at them
  • Monty: Unproblematic, will fight no one, fandom cupcake
  • Roan: True North™ shipper

I’m still blown away at the rollout.  We’ve been wondering for months what she’s been doing, what she looked like.  We didn’t know where she was most of the time.  Had no clue what she was up to.  And then boom … we get all of that at once.  

What an amazing level of secrecy even with what appears to be several people involved.  Totally quiet for months and then a couple posts online and then total saturation of the market within minutes.  

Amazing.  Not just the level of thought or even the amount of product and marketing but also the level of complete and utter silence and secrecy surrounding her and this.   

have mercy!

lily evans was no idiot. she was top of her class, star potions student, head girl, and a favorite of teachers and students alike. she prided herself on her intellect and wit, her sensitivity to both academic and emotional subjects. lily evans was exposed to, from a very young age, the cruelty of human nature. there were burgeoning signs, warning hints of deeper hurt–from tuney, from severus–and as she grew, as she married james potter and joined the order, she was exposed to even more. she suffered the treachery of peter pettigrew, mourned the loss of dead friends, and lived the last few months of her short life in hiding, in a remote, small home in godric’s hollow.

and yet.

when voldemort came for harry, she still screamed, have mercy! she must have known, logically, that there was no chance for such mercy, that her pounding heart was overpowering her level head. the last breath she had, the last thought she possessed, was a blind, desperate hope for lord voldemort, master of a cruel heart and an even colder soul.

and yet.

she believed, in higher things. in love, and mercy, and justice, somewhere, somehow, in the universe. maybe she was foolish, maybe she was young. but maybe, just maybe, she was so good and innately strong that in her last moments, her last, most terrifying times, she was able to beg for mercy. she was able to expect it. and though she would not be granted such mercy, she still believed in it. somewhere. somehow. there would be mercy in this world.

Actual things said to me by health care professionals while working as a healthcare professional

You can’t be in pain, you laughed at someone’s joke.

You were fine yesterday, you must be faking.

Migraines and asthma attacks are 100% preventable. You only get them because you want to cause drama.

During an asthma attack: I can hear you wheezing when you breathe. Stop being so dramatic. 

About being incapacitated by a migraine: We handle our little headaches like adults here. 

You need to stop it with the health problems. It worries people, and that disrupts their work flow. 

Making Sense

A SnowBaz fic for the Carry On Countdown

There was flour fucking everywhere.

“Did any of the flour get into the bowl?” Baz mused as Simon dumped another cup of the powder on the countertop, dropping a ball of dough on top and sending a cloud of flour drifting across the kitchen.

“Shut up,” Simon grinned, gingerly biting the leftover dough off of his fingers.  “Do you think we put in enough cherries?”

“We already did double what the recipe called for.”

“I know, but I want there to be cherries -”

“In every bite,” Baz finished, smiling fondly at Simon concentrating on the dough, his brow furrowing involuntarily.  Baz loved that furrow.  That furrow was only one of countless things Baz loved about Simon.

Simon turned to meet his eye, and Baz quickly dropped his gaze to the flour-covered counter.  Baz loved Simon’s eyes too much to even be able to look at them.  It was like trying to stare at the sun; he had to look away after a second, but the image was still there, stuck behind his own eyes, burnt onto his retinas.

Oblivious little fuck.

“Should I roll it thinner?” Simon asked, snapping Baz out of his thoughts.  Not that it mattered, the thoughts would carry on, like subtitles in his brain, impossible to ignore.

“It looks fine,” Baz shook his head.  “I wonder though, should we add something to them?  Like peppermint extract or something?”

“Why would we do that?”

“They are meant to be for a Christmas party…”

“So we’ll make Christmas cookies next,” Simon shrugged, “I’m not going to change the scones, they’re perfect as they are.”

Baz got an idea.  “How about we cut them with Christmas cutters?”

Simon laughed.  “The scones?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.”

They dipped their cookie cutters in the inch-thick layer of flour that covered the counter and cut their scones into Christmas trees and gingerbread men.  They worked in silence, side by side, Baz trying to hide the bristling that occurred whenever he was close to Simon.  He still found it hard to believe that after all these years of being friends and spending time together, Simon had still never seemed to notice the effect he had on Baz.

They both reached into the flour bowl at the same time, their hands brushing.  It shouldn’t have made Baz blush, it wasn’t like they never touched each other, but Baz couldn’t help the fact that every touch felt like an electric shock, like it made his neck crawl.

The second their hands brushed, Baz fought the urge to snatch his back.  He wasn’t expecting Simon to do the snatching.

Baz peeked at Simon’s face.  The boy was staring down at the dough, but his eyes were wide and his cheeks were…

Don’t overthink it, he told himself. You mean nothing to him, not like that.

But there was that tiny voice inside somewhere that kept him hoping.  What if you do?

“Ready for the oven then?” Simon broke the silence, a little loudly for such a simple question, especially with Baz right beside him.

“Sure,” Baz replied, trying to sound light, and they transferred the dough onto the pan, sliding it into the oven and setting the timer. Baz brushed the flour dust off his hands and turned back to Simon.  “Now we wait.”

Simon had an odd expression on his face.  He stared sort of… past Baz, like he was so lost in thought that he was seeing the things he was thinking, and they were happening right behind Baz.  “What shall we do in the meantime?” Simon murmured.

“Well,” Baz watched Simon’s face, puzzled.  “We could start to clean up, I guess.”

Simon’s eyes narrowed.  “We could, yeah.”

“Did you have something else in mind?”

Suddenly Simon’s eyes met Baz’s, too quickly for Baz to look away.  He returned the gaze as coolly as he could, feeling more and more exposed with every second that dragged by.  “Something wrong?” he managed, his mouth dry.

“No,” Simon murmured, not looking away.  “Nothing’s wrong.  In fact, something’s right.  Everything’s right.”  He took a deep breath.  “Everything is… making sense.”

“R-really?”

Simon took a step towards Baz, then another.  His gaze was so intense that Baz instinctively backed up, finding that he had nowhere to go, he was already backed against the counter. “Simon,” he stammered, “what are you doing?”

“There’s…” Simon cocked his head up at Baz, now only inches away.  “There’s flour on your face.”  He reached a hand up to brush his thumb across Baz’s cheek, so softly that it felt like a butterfly’s touch.  Baz could hear his heart pounding in his ears, louder and louder and…

And then Simon reached up…

And Baz’s heart went silent.

Because Simon was kissing him.  Shyly.  On the mouth.

Baz’s eyes scrunched shut, and he went so tense that his stomach almost felt sick.

Simon dropped away from Baz’s mouth.  When Baz opened his eyes, Simon’s face was red, and his brow was furrowed again.  “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

Baz had to take a couple of breaths before he found his voice. “W-what for?”

Simon’s eyes were blurring up.  “I thought I’d figured it out,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “I thought that you wanted… that. I guess not.”

“Did… did you want that?”

Simon squeezed his eyes shut, and a tear dripped from one of them.  “It doesn’t matter.”

“Simon,” Baz rushed to dry the tear from Simon’s cheek, not even thinking about the gesture.  “I need to know.”

For once, it was Simon who couldn’t meet Baz’s eyes.  “Yes, alright?  I wanted it, but clearly you didn’t, so let’s just forget it happened and carry on.”  His voice was hitching as he fought back tears, his breath becoming ragged.

Baz didn’t know it was possible for a heart to be broken and mended at the exact same time, but while Simon’s tears tore him apart, he felt light as air, practically giddy.  Without letting himself think about it, he leaned down and kissed the tear off of Simon’s face, letting his lips linger a second longer than they needed to.  He felt Simon’s shuddering stop in surprise.  When he met Simon’s eyes, neither of them looked away.  “Wait,” Simon breathed, “did you want that?”

Baz could barely whisper the words “God, yes” before he was crashing into Simon’s mouth again.  This time there was no hesitation, no stiffness, just a lifetime of wanting coming to a head.  

Simon’s mouth tasted of cherries and the salty sweetness of the dough he’d been sneaking the entire time.  Baz’s hands went from Simon’s face to his hair, one hand exploring the back of Simon’s neck.  Simon gave Baz’s chest a push, and before either of them knew what was happening, Baz was sitting on the countertop, Simon straddling his lap and kissing him so deeply that Baz thought he might faint.  Simon’s hands cupped Baz’s face, still pushing him back until Baz was leaning his head against the cupboards, the cold wood the only thing giving him any sense of direction.  His world was nothing but Simon, and he couldn’t hold back a moan as Simon angled his head and opened Baz’s mouth with his own.  

It wasn’t until much later, when they finally broke apart, dizzy and gasping for breath, that they realized they’d sat in the flour.