most nights i dont know anymore




Harry swears you’re not usually like this. In fact, complete opposite in most situations.

Because he had had one too many rumors about his life already and he didn’t need anymore.

What he never in a million stary nights thought, is that you’d be smack dab right in the middle.

A rumor he was at the other end of.

He knows what he’s been doing is suspicious beyond words but he swears he does NOT mean for them to be.

Fact of the matter, he probably shouldn’t have gone to her birthday party and he probably shouldn’t have gone to her brother-in-law’s show.

He only looks at twitter for a good 10 seconds before he’s closing it up again.

Harry would like to think he didn’t mean for all this to happen, and that he didn’t want his fans to freak out over something so minor.

But it was an instance of him wanting to protect YOU and if that meant THIS, then so be it.

Because that’s exactly what happened.

“Love, m'sorry I jus - I just wanted to keep you protected.”

“Harry. Please, don’t.” Your voice comes out much more stern than you’d thought it would.

“S'like, know you don’t like her much and all but it was a distraction-”

And that’s when you cut him off, annoyed at seriously everything his usual pretty pink lips speak of.

“‘Harry Styles seen at Kendall Jenner’s 21st birthday party, could the two be dating?’!” You’ve got on a fake gossip journalist voice again, “'Oh wait, he’s at Kanye’s show too, nevermind then the two must be fuckin married by now!’”

He would usually not admit to hating anything about you. Because he just literally cannot find a single thing wrong with your existence in most cases.

But he really hates when you get upset like this, especially if it’s something he could’ve controlled.

And when you keep on bickering to him over a damn situation that he only did so people wouldn’t question who you were and why on earth a random Uni student was spotted with Harry Styles from time to time, he shuts you up by pulling you in close by your waist and smashing his lips onto yours.

It’s an apologetic kiss that you wish you had enough strength to resist. Damn him and that sinful mouth.

“It’s you, love. Always gonna be. I know it’s confusing and, frankly, it’s a bit annoying for me too but I don’t want paparazzi following you ‘round everywhere and I don’t want your twitter to be filled with hate and I really don’t want you to end up unhappy with me. She’s jus’ a distraction for the media. Didn’t even talk to her once, if I’m being quite honest. Didn’t need to. Got the perfect girl right here.”

You realize in that moment that you might love your famous secret boyfriend. And maybe there was a silver lining to every story. And maybe the rumors, for once, were actually a good thing.

well, fuckerooni, i am tired. my bitch-ass decided to stay up till 4 (for a second night in a row!!!!) because i felt the need to update every fucking thing abt my blog. 

most notably my icon, which looks like this now:

yee, this is an old doodle to an old reply, but i edited it up bc i dont rlly have time to draw a replacement this week. besides, the other one didn’t look good anymore.

also, tried to change my title on my blog to this:

but i couldn’t get rid of my old title, and now i just have 2, which looks kinda clunky for my taste :T 

if anybody knows how to get rid of titles (on my blog BUT not on tumblr’s website/mobile!) hit me up, pls.

yeah everything’s just kinda a work in progress, so i’ll probably be updating my icon again shortly. or not, who knows?

“Watch me give a fuck” Mark Tuan scenario

Requested by anon; Hello 😊  I’d like to request an angst scenario with an happy ending involving GOT7’s Mark + nr. 20 🙈  Sth. like a fight happens because of Mark’s busy schedule so he’s  never at home & there are rumors that he’s dating Irene from RV. Thank u 💕

A/N: 20 “Watch me give a fuck”

Send me a number and the member you want :)

The gif is not mine, credits to the owner!

Hope you like it!           

Originally posted by yugyeom

You were sitting at your dinner table, sipping slowly on some wine. You had made dinner for yourself and Mark, who had promised to come home in time. He said he’d be home by 7, it was 8:45. You sighed as you waited for him. Yes, you supported his career and you understood the work behind being a kpop star. You just wanted one dinner together, since you hadn’t had one in a while. It upset you even more because he promised to make it.

At 9 pm you heard the door open and close, signalling that Mark was home. You sat still, slouching on your chair with the wine glass in your hand, staring at the wall. Mark walked into the kitchen and a apologetic frown rose on his face as he saw you. He came over to you and kissed your head before starting to apologize. You sat still.

“I know I promised but, Jaebum made us stay longer to practise this one move everyone kept failing at, I’m so sorry baby….” He rambled. You sighed and stood up, shaking off his hands. You had been piling up everything and couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“I understand it’s your job and all but can’t you guys just take a little break, I’m sure that I’m not the only one suffering here. I haven’t talked to you all week! What if someone close to me died for example? You wouldn’t even know cause you’re so busy that you don’t have the time to talk! I know you haven’t been coming home most of the nights! You can’t sleep at the dance studio or music studio every night! Or maybe you’re busy spending time with Irene and that’s why you dont have time for me!” You raised your voice with every sentence. Tears slowly starting to run fown your cheeks.

In your sane mind you never would’ve brought up the Irene thing. You knew it was a rumour. But you were so tired of everything, not seeing your boyfriend for weeks, the rumours of him and Irene. Of course rumours like that would surface easier since you hadn’t actually come public yet, despite the 2 year relationship. You and Mark had decided it would be calmer without all the hate and fuss. 

“You know the Irene thing is just a rumour! If you want the rumours to stop, I’ll tell the world that your mine and my heart belongs to you, if that’s what you want” Mark said with a loud voice. You looked at him in shock. Wouldn’t you both get a lot of hate?

“But what about the fans?” You asked in a small, quiet voice. Mark smiled at you as he walked closer and wiped your tears away.

Watch me give a fuck” He said before closing the gap between you two, pulling you into a passionate kiss.

                           I know, I know… smoke with what?
        Maybe I just need the optimism of people who smoke outside hospitals.
Well, I say people, most of these are either like me, 
                                                         waiting to cross or just gone over

Little spooky slightly halloween-ish Ghost John Constantine with a hint of City of Demons I drew last night cos I wanted a new icon :’))

KBTBB- Having a bad day

Ok sooo…. this should’ve been up earlier xD sorry about that u,u actually this was meant to cheer @tresspadesmaids up, since senpai was feeling a bit down, but I really took quite a long time to write it soooo… Dx 
Oh well, this is dedicated to every person who for some cause is feeling bad or had a bad day, is my second kind of headcannon so please go easy on me u,u 
Oh! for the 100 followers!! I think I’ll try to make another story, I dont know about what yet, but I’ll try to make it special <3 I love you guys, really really thank you for following me, If you ever need anything you can talk to me, I’ll do what I can to help, I promise <3
remember that Im not a native english speaker so mistakes are expected
should I put the “read more” thingy?

Eisuke- You got to the penthouse in middle of the night after one of the most rough days of all, making mistake after mistake at work and being scolded each time, you absolutely weren’t in the mood to be ordered around anymore, but with your bossy boyfriend you should’ve known better.
“you’re late, make me coffee”- he said coldly, without any energy left to argue back, you went to fulfil his demands. You put the cup in front of him, totally oblivious of his curious stare, you went straight to your room, crawling to the bed as you cried a little due to stress and frustration, at some point, you fell asleep. It wasn’t long before the feeling of a nice and warm hand caressing you hair woke you up, through your eyelashes you could see Eisuke besides you, he gently touched your cheeks, tracing the mark that the tears left, for a moment there, he looked a bit, concerned?, it was only a moment though, because soon enough he regained his perfect poker face.
“I know how hard you work, its okay to have mistakes sometimes, so you don’t have to overdo it”- his kind words made their way to your heart. ‘How did he knew?’ You thought, but how wouldn’t he?, it was Eisuke, ‘the king’ after all
“was the coffee that bad?” - you tried to sound cheerful, he giggled, a rare sight even for you.
“Don’t be silly, your coffee is always delicious”- he said with a smirk
“thank you Eisuke”- you whispered as a sweet smile appeared in your lips. 
“if you have the energy to be grateful, better show it to me with actions rather than words”- he grined teasingly as he got on top of you, yet, his ears were a bit red.
“w-wait, weren’t you being considerate?”- you asked panicking a little
“don’t be ridiculous, who’s gonna help me relax if you are depressed?”- he then lowed himself to your lips and kissed you passionately, even though his mouth was demanding and rough, his hands were gentle as he caressed your body, melting you with his lovinly touch and making you forget about your day.

Soryu- You sighed as you took your stained clothes off, you couldn’t said that it had been the worst day ever, but it was pretty close to it, first you lost your favorite bracelet on the chaos of the IVC, then Erika scolded you for who knows what reason, after that you got caught in the rain without an umbrella while making an errand and finally, just when you where arriving at the hotel, a car passed by at full speed and stained your clothes with mud. So there you were, in the suite that you shared with Soryu, feeling utterly depressed, you got into the tub hopping to wash the unplesant feeling of the day; just as you put yourself in the water, the bathroom door opened letting your mobster boyfriend in, halfnaked. Inmidiately after he saw you, he looked away, blushing deeply.
“sorry…. I didn’t realize that you were here”- he apologized, you were trying to cover yourself up.
“Ummm it’s okay, but ummm can you please leave?- you tried to sound chill when actually you were red as a lobster, suddenly he looked as if he had the greatest idea ever. 
“Actually this is a good opportunity since we haven’t bath together for a while” -he said slightly smirking
“waaa”- you didn’t have the time to protest since he took the rest of this clothes off and got into the tub with you. After you nearly got overheated because of your boyfriend’s fault, you two were relaxing in the sofa when he suddenly took something out of his pocket
“I almost forgot!, this is yours right?”- he asked puting a bracelet in your wrist, you recognized it at the moment.
“this is…. how do you…?”
“it was in the IVC floor, you must have been working really hard for you to lose something that important”- he said in a sweet tone- “you know that I’m proud of you, since you work so hard, just please don’t overdo it”- Soryu looked a bit troubled, but then he proceeded to kiss your forehead and cuddle with you, maybe the day wasn’t that bad after all.

Baba- You were laying in your bed feeling utterly defeted by the bullying Erika and her sidekicks did to you, drowning in your own frustration and powerlessness, you failed to hear your window being open. Baba entered the room and saw you with a gloomy aura all over your bed, he thought of embracing you from behind, but seeing how depressed you looked, Baba decided to make something to cheer you up, so he slipped quietly into the little kitchen and prepared you all your favorites. As the delicious smell invaded the room, you looked up to see your beloved boyfriend right in front of you with a tiny bouquet of roses.
“Baba!, what are you doing here?!” -you asked startled.
“I came to surprise you princess!”- he answered cheerfully- “since a little bird told me you weren’t feeling good”- a wink added to his usual sweet talking. You could feel how your lips started to curve in a smile as you took the flowers.
“Just for you to know, the fact that you are here, makes me feel a lot much better”- you said, as you felt your frustration fading away, you looked at him with grateful and gentle eyes. Baba covered his face with a hand, you tilted your head puzzled, and before you noticed, he was already on top of you
“Oh you really shouldn’t say so cute things princess”-he said with a smirk- “makes me want to eat you instead” -His words were teasing yet his ears were blushing
“B-Baba, the food is going to get cold!”-you said as you started to blush
“Oh don’t worry about it my sweet ____ I can always heat it again, but right now I’m really looking forward to make love to the most beautiful woman in the world, the one that I love with all my heart, all  night  long“- he said emphasizing his words with a lustful yet sweet look, your eyes widened at the statment as Baba sealed your lips before you could even protest, not that you could said something against it anyway.

Ota- When he arrived to his studio, it was stangely calm and quiet, since, supposely, you were in there.
“Koro?”- he called as he turned the lights on, then he saw you. You were fast sleep in his sofa, a trace of tears in your cheeks, Ota got worried, what could have happend so you tired yourself out crying like that?, the answer came faster than he expected as your phone light up next to you with a new message, he didn’t want to see it, but the word annonymous caught his eyes, he took the mobile and unlocked it, what he saw let him speachless. Threre were a lot of hatred messages directed to you, saying all kinds of stuff, the most recent said “you don’t deserve Ota, you stupid whore, just vanish and let him be happy already”, some of them were from weeks ago, why hadn’t you tell him?, he knew the answer, you didn’t want to worry him.
“____”- he whispered your name sadly, he decided to make something to cheer you up, something that showed him that smile of yours that he loved so much; so he quietly took out his jewelry material. When you woke up, just a few hours later, you saw Ota focused on his sketchbook, your phone buzz again, but you didn’t want to look at it as you knew what awaited you, you sighed in response, Ota noticed you and came to the sofa
“Koro, you are awake”-he said playfully, then, without notice, he embraced you
“O-ota?- you exclaimed flustered, when he let you go, you felt a weight in your neck, you looked down and saw a necklace with a tiny bird covered in a stone that you knew too well- “Alexandrite”- you gasped, Ota nodded in return, his cheeks a little red
“Everytime you feel sad or upset, I want you to look at it and remember that you, and only you, are my bluebird, so, remember this, only you can make me happy ____”- he sealed his words with a kiss while tears of joy formed in your eyes.

Mamoru- When you finished the late shift you thought you couldn’t feel worse but when you arrived to the suite both you and Mamoru shared, the world proved you wrong. You colapsed on the sofa, victim of an intense fever and headache, before falling asleep, you were able to wonder if Mamoru was at work or in the lounge. A few hours later, a fresh feeling in your forehead woke you up. 
“Jeez kid, don’t go worrin’ me like that, dammit it”
“Ma-mamoru” -you whispered his name with a fuzzy voice yet feeling a bit better.
“Ya awake? Don’t push yourself kid, here, I got medicine for ya” - he said with a devious smirk, he took the pill and a bit of water, then he lowed himself to your face and kissed you, opening your lips he passed you both the medicine and the water, you swallow as fast as you could, yet he still started to tease your tonge, you could feel you body temperature slowly incrising but for a total different reason than the fever. When he sepparated himself of you, you were redder than before, if that was even possible.
“not fair”-you muttered covering your face with your hands, the feeling of the kiss still lingering in your mouth
“And what about that cute reaction of yours? That ain’t fair either” -he rebucked slightly embarrassed. You looked down for a moment and realized that you weren’t in the sofa like before, instead, you were laying in the bed
“Ammm Mamoru? D-did you carry me to the bed?”- you asked looking down feeling somehow self-conscious, because of that you missed the blush in your lover’s face
“Ye-yeah, ya gotta problem with that?” -He said sheppishly, your shyness rubbing on him- “sleep now sweetheart, ya gotta rest real good so you can pay my attentions with interests”- he showed you a sexy grin that made your heart beat faster, your big and beautiful eyes glued to him - “come on kid, sleep already, I ain’t gonna go nowhere”- Mamoru said in a sweet voice, finally, your tiredness got the best of you and you started dozing off, before falling completely asleep you could heard him saying- “sleep well sweetheart”.

There is you and then there is everyone else.. The difference being is that everyone else is not you, and you are all that I need. You are all the I dream about, your touch is all I crave, and your voice is the most comforting sound even during the darkest of days. You bring light to my world whether it is overcast, pouring rain, or hailing. The sun always shines when you are in my presence and I don’t want to know what the night feels like anymore now that I’ve felt the warmth of the sun.

HEy friend i mean i know we’re not friends anymore but i just wanna write this up even though you probably won’t see this because i miss you and i didnt want to just be friends with you bUT I REALLY hope youre okay and im still in love with you i just realized it right now and i began crying and the tears just won’t stop and i am SO tired of crying over things i mean most days i wish i would get hit with a car just so i can die and reincarnate and somehow make things right but i guess i probably cant do that haha how have you been? I know we dont talk anymore but i just miss how we used to be and all the late night talks and inside jokes i mean you probably dont remember most of them since right now youre busy but i just wanna tell you hi and ive been crying and getting drunk because i kept thinking of what we couldve been if i didn’t fuck up i mean you and i both know that we’ll never be the same as before but i just hope youre okay and i still love you have a nice life

To me, she’s home, every little thing about her makes me want to be here more and more, I want to watch her grow up, I can’t keep my mind off her, her morning breath to her bed hair, the way she yawns and blinks when she wakes up and is still tired, the way she kisses me and looks at me, the feeling of comfort I get when I’m around her, she was my best friend and my lover, if I could I would give her the world oh my god I wish I could. Her eyes get me the worst, I look into her eyes and I can’t contain myself, it just hits me, I can stare into them for days on end. The way she holds me when I’m at my worst like I was last night just killed me, I almost broke down in tears, I am so fucking in love with her personality and general being its driving me crazy, she’s the sweetest most kind hearted girl and let it all go for nothing, I’m the biggest Schmuck for dropping everything just because I was scared of bringing her down with me when I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore, it was all in my head.
—  my ex about me..
Drifted (Harry styles one shot for anon)

Harry’s POV

Tour has finally come to an end, and its safe to say i am delighted. Yes i love being on tour, and interacting with the fans. I love all the wild nights, and endless amounts of dancing. I love spending time with my boys. I love walking around with flower headbands on my head. I love falling over on stage and embarrassing myself in front of an arena full of people. But there’s nothing i miss more that y/n. The thought of her at home alone breaks my heart.

You see, i tried to stay in contact. But when its morning here, and 1am back in London, its a bit problematic. The time difference and busy schedules really make it hard. The phone calls decreased. We haven’t face timed for over a month and i haven’t received a text from her for a whole week.

I’m worried that its causing us to drift apart. What if we’re not the same when i get home? What if she’s given up on me? It must be hard for her, to sit back at home, whilst i go and enjoy myself on stage every night. It must be hard for her to listen to her friends babble on about stories, and dates they’ve shared with their boyfriends whilst hers is on the other side of the world.

She’s all i’ve ever wanted in a girl. She laughs at my jokes, accepts that a lot of my friends are females, ignores any hate she may receive and most importantly, she completes me. She makes butterflies flutter in my tummy every time i see her. Whether shes in my ramones tee and boxers, or whether shes dressed up in a skin tight dress which exudes her curves and shows off her elegance and beauty. She is my rock, and i dont know what i’m going to do without her.

Getting off the plane at heathrow airport and walking through the terminal i have various thoughts running through my head. I dont expect her to be waiting for me. Why would she be here? I’d be surprised if she even cares anymore. I’ve let her down. I should have made more of an effort. I should have woken up at stupid times just so i can speak to her. I’ve failed her. I said id stay in touch, and help her through it, but i didn’t. She could have cried herself to sleep at night and i wouldn’t even know. I’m such an idiot. I could have lost the most precious thing i have. My darling y/n.

“I can’t wait to see Sophia. Do you think y\n will be with her mate” Liam asked, ecstatic. “Probably not” i shrugged. “Nah, i reckon she will mate. She loves ya… she understands the whole problems of tour.” “Liam, we’ve hardly spoken to each other. She’s got every right to not be here waiting for me.” I sighed. “She loves you mate, she will understand.” Liam soothed. “Maybe…”

I grabbed my case and waited for Liam. We were taking a different exit due to the endless flock of paparazzi and fans blocking our way. I followed our body guards with Liam and entered a back room where i spotted Sophia. “LIAM!” she screamed and almost broke down in tears whilst Li scooped her up in his arms and span around. “I’ve missed you so much” she cooed. “I’ve missed you too baby” he replied giving her a kiss on the lips. Looking around the room i couldn’t see y/n anywhere. I knew she wouldn’t come. Why would she? I’ve fucked it all up.

“Harry?” a small voice could be heard causing me to spin around on my heels. There she was stood before me. My little ray of sunshine. I stared at her in awe, and was nearly knocked over by her petite frame jumping on me. I held onto her tight, and cuddled her closely to my chest. “I’ve missed you so much” she welled. “Ive missed you more than you will ever know Kitten” i replied whilst kissing her head.

“I didn’t think you would come” i whispered. “Why?” she whispered back. “Because we haven’t spoken and i thought you might have given up on me.” I stared intently at her. “Harry love” she cooed whilst gently stroking my cheeks. “I love you and i understand how stressful touring can be for you. Its hard for us to stay in contact because of the time difference. I respect that you’re doing something you love and i’d never want to hold you back. Just know that no matter what i will always be here waiting for you. Always” she spoke causing all my worries and fears to melt away. “I love you so much y/n” i whispered leaning down towards her lips. “I love you too Harry” she whispered before crashing my lips onto mine.

Maybe we haven’t drifted apart after all…

Okay so this was requested by anon. Its a little on the short side but i hope you enjoy it! If you have a request please message me!

Kirstie xx