most comfortable bros of all the bros

(Random) Mikey Headcannons

-Mikey is always leaving little gifts/crafts for his s/o; they should expect some cute notes, poems or lyrics, maybe even origami cranes.
-Mikey is good at snapping necks and adjusting spines back in place, like it’s suspicious how good he is at it.
-The least picky eater you’ll ever meet. He’s the best in the kitchen out of all his brothers, and he’s always down to show that off to his partner. Cooking is probably a fun date idea for him, his place or theirs it don’t matter. Having some speakers around for music is ideal to him though.
-He loves neon colors on his s/o, he just thinks they pull them off so cool.
-Mikey is good at painting nails/toenails; someone made a comment before he’d be down to get his painted too (was it Michelle?).
-In general, Mikey is the boyfriend who’s gonna help his lover with anything:
They needs help curling their hair? He’ll help. Tying their tie? He’ll do it. Makeup? It may not be superb, but he will do his best.
-If his partner dyes their hair, he wants to be apart of that; it just seems so cool.
-He digs boy shorts or anything cheeky (wink wink).
-If he’s snuggled with his s/o, his fav position is to rest on their chest and be lulled by their heartbeat.
-The concept of a diet kinda flies over his head (he’d be like: okay but one slice isn’t gonna kill you babe…). He’d lay off though, cause he can respect if his partner wants to lose weight (as long as they’re approaching it in a healthy way).
-BUT if his s/o ever got self conscious about weight or their body in front of him it’d honestly kill him. He’ll always make it known he adores his lover (no matter what size), and he’ll find the most cutest ways to compliment everything about their body.
-I’m down with the HC that Mikey is a boob guy, but let’s step that up: It’s all boobs. Whatever his girl is working he’ll be all over them. If his girl makes a comment she doesn’t like them (whether it’s due to stretch marks, having smaller boobs, or being asymmetrical) BEST BELIEVE he’s gonna bring his loving A-game when loving up on them.
-He’ll always be blowing up his s/o’s phone. If it’s not texts or snaps, it’s funny photos and links to YouTube videos or Vines (so many selfies too).
-Mikey is mainly a texter, but he also enjoys FaceTime.
-When his partner is having a bad day, he’s excellent at comforting them. Unless they tell him to, he will not leave their side. He doesn’t hesitate to act for them; his attitude changes, cause it’s not a joke. He takes his partner’s feelings to heart and needs them to know he’s not going anywhere .
-He hums a lot, whatever he’s doing, he’s always making noise.
-Mikey handles jealousy awkwardly, like he probably tries to laugh it off at first, but soon enough it settles and yeah… he needs some verbal reassurance.
-If he has to go to one of his bros for relationship advice, it tends to be Leo. I feel he admires Leo’s perception on dating, and it’s interesting for him to see how much of a classic romantic his big bro really is.
-Out of all his bros, Mikey is the most versatile lover. He doesn’t limit himself to “roles” in the bedroom. He’s willing to try whatever his partner is comfortable with and if he finds they enjoyed whatever they did much more than expected, no doubt they will be revisiting it again.
-Numerous times he’ll wake his lover up via peppering kisses all over their body.
10 Signs You're a Basic Bro

You love Sublime.

Are you the dude who loses his mind when “Santaria” comes on at a party? Do you miss being in high school? This means you’re clinging to a particular type of nostalgia that emphasizes your complete lack of self-awareness and desire to run away from adulthood. Nobody wants to sing Sublime with you, dude. Sit down.

You quote comedians and films all of the time.

The most difficult thing for the basic bro to do is come up with his own jokes, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking he’s funny. The basic bro is the kind of dude who frequently quotes his favorite comedian or film and thinks it makes him cool. In reality, all it says about him is that he is unoriginal.

You think Family Guy is funny.

Family Guy is five jokes told over and over again, but the basic bro has the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old so he’s unable to realize that well-known fact. He’s also comforted by the fact that the characters on Family Guy are all accurate representations of the various voices in his head.

You talk about donkey punches and the dirty Sanchez.

Hold on to your hat because this is a little meta: Basic bros love catch phrases and buzzwords—especially if they pertain to sex or making a woman feel bad about herself. Be careful because basic bros are all about calling women basic bitches even though he’s dating one. 

You watch MILF porn.

Being able to handle a woman who knows what she wants is the ultimate basic bro fantasy—one that he will never realize. That is why “MILF gang bang” are his favorite Internet search words. According to a basic bro, the only way to go about having sex with an older woman is to enlist three other men to help him out. 

You refuse to give your girl oral sex.

Basic bitches are not comfortable receiving oral sex and basic men don’t like giving it so this scenario works out. However, basic bros think getting a blow job is a right and going down on his girl is only something he should only do in the shower or on special occasions.

You yell, “This is the men’s room” when there’s a line.

When you hear a guy scream these words when there’s a line for the men’s bathroom, you know that asshole is basic. The basic bro will always jump at the opportunity to assert his masculinity. When put in a situation where it is questioned, he will freak the fuck out and start doing idiotic things because he’s got serious issues with his sexuality. 

You own a longboard.

What is wrong with a real skateboard? Did you fall down at the skate park? Longboards are for basic bros who failed at skateboarding or were too intimidated to try a real skateboard. They are also for those who use size to overcompensate for their many shortcomings and flaws. (No, your giant pickup truck does not make you more of a man.)

Your favorite holiday is Santacon.

Santacon isn’t a real holiday, but according to basic bros, it’s the best thing about December. Basic bros hate being alone and thrive in environments where they are surrounded by men who look exactly like them. Any opportunity to fit in while also having an excuse to observe basic bitches in sexy elf costumes is an opportunity the basic bro will not turn down.

You idolize Patrick Bateman.

The dude who is willing to overlook all of the reasons why it’s not a good idea to idolize Patrick Bateman is so basic that he is completely unaware of his many, many shortcomings as a human being. This type of basic bro lives vicariously through other men even if the other men are the worst types of people in the world. He’s power hungry, but he’ll never be in a position of power so he looks up to psychotic megalomaniacs, criminals, misogynists, and serial killers.

Honorable Mentions

You tuck in your striped Express shirt. 
You love Entourage
You wear flip flops when you aren’t going to the beach. 
You only date natural blonds. 
Your favorite movie is Boondock Saints
Your “celebrity crush” is Kate Upton. 
You carry Magnums in your wallet even though they don’t fit you.
You eat Buffalo chicken everything. 
You own ironic posters. 
Your favorite video game is Call of Duty
You have a halogen floor lamp in the crib.
You still wear a tie on casual Friday. 
You wear pleated khakis and free shirts. 
You still get excited for spring break. 
You have TiVo’d the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. 
You wear a Bluetooth earpiece everywhere. 
You ruined the Chappelle Show for everyone. 
You wear a backwards hat at the gym. 
You call women “broads.” 
You “bone down” to house music. 
You wear sunglasses in the club.
You overuse the word “epic.”

to be taken with a grain of salt since it’s written by a woman. to be completely ignored if you’re a black guy because what the fuck is a “longboard?!” and santacon is the worst thing in nyc every year. it’s the one time of year i would support martial law.