Samwell's Most Beautiful: HAUS EDITION
- Jack: Actively avoids reporters. Wears loose sweatpants for the entire month leading up to publication, an intrepid young journalist still gets a picture of him squirting himself in the face with his water bottle, sweatpants riding REAL low. Top ten material right here
- Bitty: Said he didn't care about the Swallow, so everyone assumed he wouldn't be in it. When the magazine comes out, Bitty is nowhere to be seen, but #100 is a photo of a perfectly baked pie. Suspicious.
- Shitty: Runs naked out on the Haus lawn every time he sees a reporter (or an innocent photography student) oiled up and ready for his close up. The reporter retreats 9 times out of 10, but not before commenting on the strange pull he feels towards that mustache...just barely makes the list.
- Ransom: Freshmen weren't even supposed to be in the running until one dedicated intern saw his friend request pop up on Facebook his first year...those cheekbones...those eyes...that smoking goddamn personality of his...Ransom is the undisputed king of the Samwell Most Beautiful List for two years. He has ascended to Godhood. Your fave could never.
- Holster: Hasn't ever made the list. He's tried everything, washing cars shirtless, doing push-ups on the lawn, wearing soft sweaters in the winter and flirting very nonthreateningly with all the girls. Holster barges into the Samwell Swallow's office senior year with a photo of his rippling abs and demands to know why he's never been on the list. The editor looks him up and down, shrugs, and says "sorry; we have a no glasses policy". Holster may or may not scream.
- Lardo: [REDACTED]
- Dex: Only makes the list because he tutors the editor of the Samwell Swallow. He made a bet with Nursey freshman year that he would make the Most Beautiful list, Nursey says "that'd be chill bro" which Dex thinks means "haha that's not gonna happen" and which Nursey meant to mean "that'd be chill bro". Dex slams the magazine on Nursey's bed, Nursey looks at it and goes "babe, did they crop out your ears?" They did. They had too.
- Chowder: Doesn't really care about making the list, but is constantly campaigning for Caitlin to be #1. When the list comes out, he charges into the Swallow's office and goes "#23????????? Are you BLIND??????" And the lil intern goes "No!!! Mr. Chow, you're #22" and that's when Caitlin appears wearing a t-shirt that says "#22 in the Swallow, #1 in my heart". Chowder loves his girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!
- Nursey: Usurps Ransom's crown his sophomore year without even trying. His photo in the Swallow is him sitting on the quad, looking perfectly fall aesthetic, surrounded by autumn leaves. Nursey wears a green SnapBack and a soft looking grey scarf. The picture was taken in March; no one can explain the leaves to this very day.