“Eat slowly- it’s better for you,” River coaches, then orders another Thai beer in Spanish. Spanish, River tells us, was his first language, growing up in Venezuela. “It’s uncanny how closely your life mirrors the storyline in Mosquito Coast,” I point out, “right down to the corrupt clergyman.” “Yeah…ironic, isn’t it? Paul Theroux didn’t steal my life story. I just misplaced it”
I feel like somebody offered me either the red pill from one hand or the blue pill from the other hand, and people told me not to take either. Well I took the blue pill and guess what? It took me out of the ideology that America is the safest place in the world. Dont get me wrong, Ive left the country before but this trip was a lil different. I told people i was going to Central America for 30 days. Naysayers gasped and said I was coming to a third world country (what ever that truly means), I would get eating alive by mosquitoes, at this point I personally havent been bitten once. I couldn’t say that in Texas, the Matrix. I haven’t met one Honduran that knows someone who has died of the Zika virus, I might get sick from the food, yet food here is not hybrid and GMO. Heck I pick my dinner right off the trees and its cooked fresh with no preservatives, additives and everything is alkaline. So no extra cost for “organic” like I paid in the matrix. No one here has ever seen a gorrilla, tiger or bear come into the village. LMAO. So far I’ve met people from London, Chicago, Arizona, Dallas, Atlanta, Kentucky, New Jersey, Indiana, Florida, New York and California. So Dr. Sebi isn’t some overnight quack that I found on the internet. This village has been here for 50 years and the people here revere Dr. Sebi with the utmost respect. Celebrities, politicians and world leaders have all called on Dr. Sebi for healing, nutrition and rejuvenation. I’ve heard the horror stories of people here who saw Doctor’s in the States and how they wanted to have million $ surgeries for symptoms but had no desire to identify what caused the ailments in the first place. I haven’t heard about people shooting people at airports, night clubs or protesting about bathrooms or shouting “Honduras Lives Matter” because of injustice an racism like in the matrix, not to say it doesnt exist but I saw it every day before I took the pill….. So yes, I’ve taken the pill and what did it do for me? It got me out of the matrix for a while…..maybe you too shouldn’t listen to all the walking dead and take the pill every now and then. ##LifeisblissoutsidetheMatrix!!##
ok so firstly it takes seungcheol about 6 month to confessed to you after he clearly knows he likes you
his wingman is jihoon
“bro you gotta confess to her now ok you’re annoying me i need to study my calculus??? (lol jihoon who are you kidding) if you’re not gonna confess to her im gonna tell her so i can live in peace”
he ends up confessing to you with flowers and those cliche stuff but he also kinda like wrote you a song (with the help of jihoon)
you first date with was really awkward because he brought you to the hands on science museum and you’re so indulge in it but it’s okay because he likes seeing you smile as you enjoy yourself
he also kinda like got you flowers??? yeah he’s gonna do that for every date. different date, different flowers (and sometimes some cheesy notes stuck between because he hopes you don’t see them but you do)
the both of you only managed to hold hands and have a accidental kiss before actually kissing each other on the 5th date in the amusement park where you two also happen to have matching headbands
after the 10th date the both of you got lazy and decide to have indoor dates aka cuddling session, playing games (he lets you win them and when he actually loses he uses the excuse “nah i let you win. you so did not beat me to it”)
lots of kisses and cuddles after that
he also somehow manages to give you flowers too even for indoor dates??
one point the both of you have midnight date but like the both of you have no cash and end up sleeping in the park where there’s mosquitoes and at some point some elderly couple gave the two of you the eyes contact and called you homeless couple because the both of you were both penniless and dirty from rolling on the ground earlier (because seungcheol be like “i bet you i can get more dirt on you than you could on me” and tosses mud at you for no reason and the two of you end up having a mud tossing battle at 1 in the morning which is ungodly but you don’t mind because he tells you “you’re still beautiful even with the mud all over you” and kisses you there and then)
also after that the both of you agreed to never have midnight dates ever again unless it’s cinema nights because the few days after the midnight date the both of you are sore all over from sleeping on hard ground
I know you made headcanon for the team legends in the beach, you could also do when they go camping?
Admittedly I don’t know much about camping, because I avoid it since I like indoor plumbing and the internet and not getting eaten by bison, but I DO know these goobers and I guarantee a few things would happen:
Ray would immediately animorph into Scout Master Ray and refuse to shut up about his time in the scouts and start trying to get the rest of the crew to play along. I love Ray but I acknowledge his flaws and he would be a absolutely unbearable. You know that one post?
Jax: Ray, the crew and I have found a snake, is it poisonous?
Ray: No, this snake is not poisonous at all.
*Jax picks up the snake which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth*
Ray: However this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let’s get it right next time, lads.
In response to Ray’s general existence and also the wilderness, which is disgusting, Len would most likely barricade himself on the Waverider. At regular intervals throughout the ordeal he’ll pop a window, observe how the situation has gotten improbably worse, cackle, and then retreat back into the ship.
Oscar the Grouch. I just described Oscar the Grouch oh my god.
Sara is 100% that kid at camp who’s cool to play along for a while because she smuggled some weed with her. Ray sends her off to collect firewood and she’s totally chipper about it because she’s actually just gonna go get high back in the woods. She comes back an hour later with like three sticks. But she also probably tried to suck the venom out of Jax, so nobody’s too mad.
For the record it was like, a garter snake. The venom isn’t actually anything to worry about. I wouldn’t kill of Jax in a headcanon post. Sara made an ass of herself slobbering on his arm for nothing.
I feel like Kendra comes from a family of Hearty Wisconsin Campers (that’s a thing, right?) so she just quietly and efficiently pitches all the tents while Ray was still trying to lecture everyone on the importance of proper tent pitching. Then she wanders off to make everyone flower crowns.
Rip and Martin are useless because they’re stopping like every 20 minutes to slap on more sunblock so it’s like hey, guys, help us move this heavy stuff and they’re like oh no… I have sunblock all over my hands… how unfortunate…
Mick is a MOSQUITO MAGNET to the point that it’s unsafe to stand too close to him; eventually Kendra compromised by draping a mosquito net over him and calling it good.
Mick is the reigning King of S’mores and never fucks up a single marshmallow. Compare and contrast Rip, who dropped three consecutive marshmallows right in the fire.
Jax also isn’t much of a camper so he just hung around eating the team’s snacks. He went through an entire box of Capri Suns before noon and spent the next few hours peeing all over the woods.
Ray definitely tried to get everyone to tell scary stories around the campfire but it just ended in a lot of heckling and mocking each other’s stories.
Stein somehow managed to not get sunburned but he did get some sort of rash that he maintains is probably from Kendra’s flower crown. Kendra has never been so offended in her life.
Dear dad, I have spent over ten years and $94,000 putting together my mosquito costume and now I am pleased to announce that I have become a mosquito. The costume is quite realistic and I have even attached bladders to the nose thing so I can suck up liquids when I puncture them with my nose thing. I could be buzzing all around you on a hot summer day and you wouldn’t even recognize me as your son-child, you would just think “get away mosquito”. From my point of view you would be three thousand dads because of the way I’ve designed the eyeballs. I might be saying “dad it’s me, dad it’s me.” but you wouldn’t be able to understand my language because of its buzzing. I am also into plastics now and I am making plastic tubes that you can suck liquids through kind of like my mosquito nose but used for different reasons. Hope you’re doing well at camp, see you soon.