moron :*

So I googled dumb things people have written in their APUSH DBQ’s:

  • At the Boston Massacre, colonists were throwing ice and lobsters at British troops.
  • The British started diseasing the natives with blankets covered in epidemics.
  • Obviously the British won because the French aren’t exactly known for winning wars.
  • Shaking up a Coke bottle is never advisable, especially if you plan to drop a Mentos inside.  Unless you’re trying to cause an explosion, you’ll unpleasantly be faced with a large, sticky mess to clean up.  Unfortunately, Coke and Mentos weren’t invented in 1763, so the British could not learn that lesson.
  • Franklin Roosevelt was a Rough Rider who fought in the French and Indian War who would later be elected president.
  • During the Boston Tea Party, the colonists bombed the harbor… with tea.
  •  I think the South kept slaves just to make the North mad.
  • Those who could see the West began salivating.
  • Recent studies have shown that Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter.  And everyone knows that southern planters were vampires using human slaves to do their bidding.
  • Harry Truman led many slaves to freedom.
  • Once they reached California they were called Sixty-Niners, which meant they were gold hunters.
  • One of the most well-known gangsters in the 1920s was Al Gore.
  • In response to the immigrants, they passed the Alien Seduction Acts.
  • It was hard to tell the Irish apart from each other, since they all had red hair and green eyes.
  • Immigrants brought diseases, but worst of all, they brought their religions.
  • The 1920s were like a lap dance inside an atheist rock bar.
  • The Kuts Klute Klan was very racist.
  • We became a nation where sex was a thing for fun and could be purchased.  We went from “celibate” to “sell-a-butt.”
  • Many Irish and German immigrants came from Ireland
  • Eisenhower threatened massive retardation on the Soviets
  • Nixon was always throwing up peace signs – this says a lot about his foreign policy.
  • During the Civil War, both sides built nukes.
  • Nixon secretly dropped nuclear bombs on Cambodia.
  • The girl across from me has HUGE boobs.  I can NOT concentrate.
  • (traces hand on the page) Hey AP reader… HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!

Dear fellow APUSH students, no matter how unprepared you are, just know that you’ll do better than these people.

'show him the powerpoint'
  • Maeglin: [turns up in angband. involuntarily.]
  • Morgoth, leaping forth in a rare burst of energy from his Depression Throne: oh hey hold up is that SOME GONDOLIN INSIGNIA I SEE???? HEY THERE BUDDY COME HERE! [grabs him] lookin' good >;)
  • Maeglin: [mumbles morosely]
  • Morgoth: ...say what, friend?
  • Maeglin: (not my dumb city anyway, stupid turgon, stupid human, stupid guards. now'm all captured n shit fml)
  • Morgoth: Oh. Oh my. I'm so sorry to hear that! One moment, i think i know just the thing. ---MAIRON!
  • Sauron, sliding into the frame like an anime villain: yezz?
  • Morgoth, aside: ...u remember that powerpoint i showed you like....before the sun and stuff?
  • Sauron: um...which one?
  • Morgoth: you know, THE powerpoint?? ....about how i'll let you eat ice cream whenever you want (yeah, i'm pretty sure that was in there) and like...get whatever you want, do whatever you want, organize torture instruments alphabetically and then have fun blowing stuff up with me..? Remember? I showed it to you in that cave outside of Aule's forge while--
  • Sauron: oh. oh that powerpoint.
  • Morgoth: B)
  • Sauron: ...im pretty sure that was before the trees, master.
  • Morgoth: *handwave* eh, same difference?
  • Sauron: its on like. Windows 95.
  • Morgoth: Yeah but we kept it, right?
  • Sauron: ...presumably??
  • Morgoth: I know I've pulled it out once or twice--
  • Sauron: (*cough*yeah before throwing it back into your junk dungeon to be lost to the ages---)
  • Morgoth: Ahh! I knew you'd remember where I put it!
  • Sauron: (fuck.)
  • Morgoth: Yes, that's the one I want. [points to maeglin] We've got a visitor who could use a little cheering up. I'm sure you'll be able to locate and convert it for me, won't you, lieutenant? You're so clever.
  • Sauron: B|
  • Morgoth: B]
  • Sauron: *sigh* yes, ~master~. of course.
  • Morgoth, to maeglin: He won't be a moment.
  • Sauron: (there is not enough ice cream in the world)