Comic pitch: Eight-year-old Dick Grayson, having just lost his parents, is understandably sad. It’s cool that Bruce knows what he’s going through, but Wayne Manor isn’t the most comforting place, and Dick is lonely. He explains to Alfred that it’s not only the loss of his parents that get to him– it’s also the loss of his community. All the Haly’s performers were super close, and they were his family too, until he had to leave them. Now it’s three people in an empty mansion, and that’s depressing.
Bruce hears this and develops a plan: he’ll take Dick to work with him tomorrow. Wayne Enterprises isn’t like Haly’s– Bruce doesn’t think of his employees as his family– but Dick doesn’t know that, and at the very least, he’ll get out of the house for awhile and see some other people. Dick agrees.
The next morning, Dick puts on his gala suit and follows Bruce to work. He doesn’t like it at first. It’s unfamiliar, and everything seems very formal, until they walk into the WE lobby and start to meet employees who seem thrilled to see Dick. He is, after all, small and adorable and wearing a tiny suit. He’s very cute, so they are very friendly.
Bruce walks around the place introducing Dick to his people, and then he asks about their children and grandchildren and dogs and hobbies, because he does know all about them, for security purposes. It would be negligent of him not to research his employees, right? He has to keep track of everybody.
Dick follows Bruce around for the entire day and meets tons of people, forcing Bruce to interact with all of them. Dick has a blast. They let him roll around in the big CEO chair yelling nonsense instructions about the budget. On the last page of the issue, the two of them walk out of the building and into the car where Alfred is waiting. Dick is clearly happy. When Bruce asks if he had fun, he grins and says, “Your family is huge!”
As Bruce thinks back on the day, he realizes that he does genuinely know and care for all of his individual employees, and it’s clear that they love him too. Maybe the kid is on to something. In the final panel, Bruce looks fondly down at Dick, who is falling asleep in the backseat of the car.
At one point in my dream last night there was a new meme created and it says "HOW Y'ALL LIKE CHURCH THIS MORNIN" and it showed Steve Harvey with his hand on his hips with an impossibly wide body with red eyes like in some memes and the whole thing was deep fried to hell
i worked at a giftshop that sold replica swords from t.v. and film once and my most vivid memory of it is the guy who would come in once a month FIRST THING IN THE MORNING wearing sunglasses regardless of the time of year and would spend an hour talking to me about how he practiced with his swords in his backyard
and then he wanted to go over all the gemstones in the shop and talk about their reiki properties
sometimes he’d buy a sword and i’d make all my sales for the day right there and then
Y’all know how every single Wayne child is the maximum amount of dramatic? A truly impressive and extra amount? It’s because they interact almost solely with superheroes and super villains, both of whom speak in full monologues by design. It’s a pretty obvious cause to effect relationship, right?
The less obvious part is the true cause of every single bit of it: superheroes, super villains, Wayne children, even the overwhelmingly dramatic aesthetic of Gotham itself. One man is responsible, and his name is Bruce Wayne.
Listen, Gotham City is Like That because it’s 100% impossible to live a normal life when there’s a dude in a bat suit posing dramatically on your rooftop. You can’t do it. It’s also impossible to fight said man in a bat suit without monologuing back at him when he starts yelling about Justice and Morality and whatever the hell else he’s on about this week. Furthermore, it is absolutely impossible to be friends with that dude without absorbing the drama, and it’s even moreimpossible to peacefully be his child.
Honestly? The marketing team is just trying to have a normal quarter meeting, but nooooo, Tim and Damian can’t make it through thirty minutes without “YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE,” and frankly this is not what they signed up for. Why do they all talk like that?
Yeah, it’s Bruce’s fault.
But why does Bruce talk like that? That one comes down to two factors: the obvious death of his parents and the man that ended up raising him. You see Alfred Pennyworth is a classically trained Shakespearean actor, and that was bound to bleed over.
After his parents’ deaths, when Bruce was at his lowest, he remembered all his favorite books. All those heroes suffered, right? Most of them lost everything, but they did the right thing anyway. It helped them, and it helped other people.
And when Bruce decided that he wanted to be a hero, the voice in his head that told him how a hero sounds was Alfred’s. Adventure sounds like Alfred reading The Count of Monte Cristo by flashlight on a stormy night when Bruce couldn’t sleep in the thunder. Heroism sounds like Alfred reciting the legend of Arthur over breakfast on a winter morning while the fog rolls past the windows. Destiny looks like Alfred in a blanket cape, brandishing a stick like a sword– “Let the angel whom thou still has served tell thee, Macduff was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped!”
So yeah, Bruce is a little over the top, but who can blame him? He learned from the best.