mormon prophet

  • baby: i-i-i
  • parent: aww what are you saying?
  • baby: i'm gonna take you back to biblical times 1823. an american man named joe living on a farm in the holy land of rochester, new york
  • parent: YOU MEAN THE MORMON PROPHET JOSEPH SMITH?
  • baby: thats right that young man spoke to god
  • parent: HE SPOKE TO GOD?
  • baby: and god said joe people really need to know that the bible isn't two parts there's a part three to the bible joe and i god have annointed you to dig up this part three which is buried by a tree in a hill in your backyard!
  • parent: WOW GOD SAYS GO TO YOUR BACKYARD AND START DIGGING THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE!
Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine.
—  Gordon B. Hinckley
Book of Mormon in a Nutshell
  • Hello!: This book will change your life
  • Two by Two: AFRICA! OH BOY LIKE LION KING
  • You and Me But Mostly Me: I'll do something incredible THAT BLOWS GOD'S FREAKIN MIIIIIIIIND
  • Hasa Diga Ebowai: Fuck you, God, in the ass, mouth, and cunt! Fuck you in the eye!
  • Turn it Off: Repressing gay and abusive thoughts is the Mormon way, aye sparkly pink costume change and tap dancing
  • I Am Here For You: Elder Cunningham is here for Elder Price even though he's worried about the job
  • All-American Prophet: God's favorite prophet was All-American! Also, I HAVE MAGGOTS IN MY SCROTUM
  • Sal Tlay Ka Siti: cinnamon roll sings beautiful song about Utah
  • Man Up: jk, Cunningham is the hero to this story, sorry Price, that's for the donut
  • Making Things Up Again: GOD SAID TO THE MORMON PROPHET JOSEPH SMITH YOU SHALL NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT INFANT! Don't forget that Yoda is there
  • Spooky Mormon Hell Dream: Hitler fucks Elder Price's dad and is forced to drink coffee because he wanted to go to Orlando
  • I Believe: Mormon theme song leads to the entire book up Elder Price's ass
  • Baptize Me: I'M WET WITH SALVATION
  • I Am Africa: Africans are African, but mormons are AFRICAAAA
  • Joseph Smith American Moses: Clitoris face, baby raping, dying of dysentary, AIDS frog, THANK YOU, GOD
  • Tomorrow is a Latter Day: WE ARE STILL LATTER DAY SAINTS... even if we're horrible people
When we understand the character of God, and know how to come to Him, he begins to unfold the heavens to us, and to tell us all about it. When we are ready to come to him, he is ready to come to us.
—  Joseph Smith Jr.
If I met someone famous
  • me: hello
  • andrew rannells: hi there
  • me: your name is elder price
  • andrew rannells:
  • person: can you rap?
  • me: yeah
  • me: I'm gonna take you back to biblical times: 1823. An American man livin on a farm in the holy land of Rochester, New York.
  • me: You mean the Mormon prophet, Joseph Smith?
  • me: That's right! That young man spoke to God!
  • me: He spoke to God?
  • me: And God said, 'Joe, people really need to know that the Bible isn't 2 parts. There's a part 3 to the Bible, Joe. And I, God, have anointed you to dig up this part 3 which is buried by a tree on the hill in your backyard!'
  • person: ...
  • All-American Prophet
  • Nic Rouleau, Lewis Cleale, Christopher John O’Neill, Grey Henson, Delius Doherty, Ensemble
  • Book of Mormon Broadway 2.23.16e
Play

All American Prophet // Nic Rouleau, Lewis Cleale, Christopher John O’Neill, Grey Henson, Delius Doherty (u/s), Ensemble  // 2.23.16e

Nic’s (second) Return to Broadway!

Full untracked audio available— just shoot me a message for the link.

(Note: you can hear Nic hit the ground after “Donny Osmond flair” when he does his jazz split, which is incredibly entertaining)  

I believe that for most of us the best medicine for loneliness is work and service in behalf of others. I do not wish to minimize your problems, but I do not hesitate to say that there are many others whose problems are more serious than yours. Reach out to serve them, to help them, to encourage them. There are so many boys she girls who fail in school for want of a little personal attention and encouragement. There are so many elderly people who live in loneliness and fear for whom a simple conversation would bring a measure of hope and brightness.
—  “Stand a Little Taller” by Gordon B. Hinckley
No doubt there are some worldly people who honestly limit the number of children and the family to two or three because of insufficient means to clothe and educate a large family as the parents would desire to do, but in nearly all such cases, the two or three children are no better provided for than two or three times that number would be.
— 

David O. McKay, 

Relief Society Magazine, v. 3, no. 7, July 1916