When you join the Merlin fandom you think Arthur is the friend who does random and stupid stuff and swears loads in fan fiction and is generally the outgoing social one, and then you come to realise that Merlin is not the quiet, shy, “Arthur, no!” side of the coin, but the one who is really and truly mental and amazing at making friends while poor Arthur stands in the corner being rule-abiding and straight-laced and trying to lead a normal life.
"I can't let you do that." (a Walking Dead ficlet, Caryl + Tara + Morgan).
I don’t even know what this is, guys. Speculation? Wishful thinking? I really don’t know. Just me working through some dialogue prompts trying to shake the writer’s block dust off, and I guess I’ve been reading and checking out too many filming spoilers/pics, lol. This probably has literally zero basis in reality, but eh. I don’t care. Anything that gets the creative juices flowing again can’t be all bad, huh? I’m not 100% happy with it, but then again, I never am, lol.
So, back when we knew Daryl and Carol talked, we guessed Carol would have to explain to him why she left. I had assumed she’d say she couldn’t kill anymore etc, but nothing specific. However, now we know what she says, and we know she specifically makes it clear - if she kills again there will be nothing of her left. She’ll lose herself.
We also know, from the spoilers, that Morgan acknowledges that Daryl didn’t tell Carol the truth becuase he wanted to protect her. Morgan makes it clear - Carol is the thing Daryl is “holding onto”, he can’t lose her.
Previously, I had thought Daryl seeing Carol in the battle would be an inspiring happy moment, however the fabulous fanart made me realise - now he knows what she’s said, if she kills again she loses herself - Daryl seeing Carol in battle will scare the pants off him!
As far as he knows, she’s still in that frame of mind, and she’s sacrificing herself to get Ezekiel into war and to help fight it herself. So he’ll be terrified he’s about to REALLY lose her for good. If she kills again, what will happen? will she kill herself? Will she leave forever? He NEEDS her to stay alive and around, because she is what he’s holding on to.
So what happens if Daryl sees Carol in the battle… and she’s about to kill someone? He’d want to stop her, to stop her from doing the thing that will make her lose herself.
And what if that person she was about to kill, was Dwight?
Imagine if Daryl stops Carol from killing Dwight. The very moral question that started ALL of this, should Daryl have killed Dwight in the forest? The question that Carol and Daryl sat and pondered as they smoked on the steps. That Carol thought about as they dug Denise’s grave - if Daryl now thinks he SHOULD kill Dwight, then he has become everything she fears. She can’t bear the thought of Daryl becoming that man - just as she couldn’t bear it in COnsumed when he was going to let Noah die. She didn’t want Daryl to die but she also didn’t want to “lose” Daryl the way she feels she’s losing herself.
And here we have a moment, where HE is saying no don’t kill him. But he’s not doing it for himself, he’s doing it for Carol cos he wants to hold on to her - like Consumed all over again. Yet Carol will see, he is the man she always knew him to be, the man of honor.
While poro confused Dwight won’t understand why, why after all he did to him doesn’t want Dwight to be killed, and Daryl can show Dwight WHY he always understood why Dwight was doing what he was doing, why he was willing to whatever it took JUST to have Sherry stay in his life - because that’s what Daryl is willing to do just to have Carol in his life.
And he can say again to Dwight, “THAT’S why I can’t.”
(And then Carol makes Dwight give Darly his vest back, at least, and Dwight realises Daryl has held on to what makes him good despite everything decides he’s going to be a double agent and help them bring Negan down)
Stuff that’s not fic: If you’re looking for visual stuff (art and gifsets), you can find the above community on Tumblr at @spnlittlebro. @justhurtsam is… exactly what it says on the tin.
Some author recs:
Choosing fics is hard, because a lot of authors have tons of great stuff and I can’t choose just one to rec. I can point you in the direction of talented authors, though! I can guarantee that their writing is going to be Sam appreciative and Sam centric.
Note: Most of these authors post plenty of fics, ficlets, and episode tags to their Tumblrs that don’t get posted to AO3. Most of them post a mix of gen stuff and pairing stuff. I’m also definitely forgetting some great authors!
@themegalosaurus | (ao3) - Absolutely beautiful Sam-centric writing with a generous dose of brothers feels! (Make sure to check out her fantastic episode tags on Tumblr, too!) Be aware that some fic is Wincest or J2 RPF, with other pairings showing up occasionally.
@ameliacareful | (ao3) - Lovely hurt!Sam stuff and great portrayals of the characters.
@waterbird13 | (ao3) - Posts mostly on Tumblr and contributes so much lovely fic that is basically centered around Sam getting love and being happy.
@quickreaver | (ao3) - Lots of beautiful hurt!Sam fics, and quickreaver is also an insanely talented artist (if you’re looking for some visual hurt!Sam)! Can be slightly darker stuff. Some Winces and other pairings.
stillwaters01 on AO3 - Just in case you want very brothers-focused sweet agony and heartbreak with your H/C.
Let’s be real. Basically all the writers over at ohSam, too.
So much H/C you will die (in the best way).
No, really. I always indulge in thoughts of unrestrained H/C but I never seem to be able to write it. If relentless hurt (and delicious comfort) are your thing, these writers may make your day.
Marianna Morgan on FF.Net - Suuuuuper lovely and indulgent hurt!Sam and just really idealized happy brothers fic. If caring and protective!Dean is your thing, these are lovely!
skag trendy on FF.Net - I was trying to remember names from when I was prowling Fanfiction.Net, and I remember that this writer has just tons of hurt!Sam. You know those fics where the hurt doesn’t let up and it’s just this amazingly shameless pain-fest? Yes.
These writers are Sam fans who write some great stuff. Some of it is gen, some of it is explicit. If you prefer gen-fic, be aware. If you sometimes love your hurt with more intimate comfort, check these awesome people out!
@posingasme | (ao3)- Mostly Sastiel, mostly non-explicit. Beautiful and breathtaking and heartbreaking AUs that often have generous helpings of hurt!Sam and badass!Sam.
@rosworms | (ao3)- Sam/Benny and Sastiel and also Wincest + others. Sometimes explicit.
Often heavy on the comfort. <3
Always lovely. Mostly posted on Tumblr but some can be found on the Archive, too!
@kansaskissedlips (no ao3) - Wincest and Sastiel and basically everything you could ever imagine + more. I’ll bet you didn’t know you needed hurt!Soulless!Sam. But you do. Often quite explicit fics and ficlets with some gen thrown in!
And now onto the specific fics! My fic recs are below, as well as a list (with links) of fics people have recced to me! Cut for length, and also because I plan to add more as I think of them.
Feel free to submit me your recs (or self recs!), and I’ll credit you and add them to the list below!