hummelfun  asked:

Tim: Walks into Starbucks fifteen minutes late with Starbucks

Tim: I need coffee

Barista: Sir you have a coffee?

Tim: I need more coffee, I’ve just been told my little brother has tried to set the animals in the zoo free and I need to be sufficiently caffeinated out of my mind to explain that the animals are being treated fine and zoos are there to promote animal safety and activism is addition to tourism

*slaps down a fifty*

Tim: I’m gonna need about 5 more of these babies.

Barbarian Hipster

This silly idea came to me after I noticed so many artists that I watch seem to draw some local hipster girl carrying her cup of Starbucks coffee. It’s insane how many times I’ve seen people draw the same idea over and over. So I tried twisting the idea up a little and I came up with a barbarian hipster holding a tankard with her little pug sidekick. The world needs more tankards and less coffee cups.

Mystic Messenger Fanfiction Mess’ current state.

So that you all know, feel free to add to it here!

“Lololololol.” That was 707 being annoying as usual, however, there was something unusual about the situation. “If that’s how we’re starting the day, I better get some more coffee.” Jaehee was already so done for the day. Then again, she was always done. However, 707 appeared far from done, and a wide grin spread across his face at Jaehee’s annoyed comment, for he knew his plan had just begun.

First things first though… He needed to find out where Elly was. Sweet, sweet Elly. It was all part of a grand prank that nobody would ever see coming. Today, he was going to fool everyone. Speaking of that, Jumin obviously would never give out the location of his precious Elly, but mastermind 707 knew someone who would. He needed the human cat-detector, Zen!!! Unfortunately, he was currently at practice, but Hacker God 707 could not wait, he needed to go undercover.

Meanwhile, Jumin sensed that . There was something in the air again. He felt more uneasy today. It was like Elizabeth had lost five more strands of hair than usual. He thought he should tighten his security once more, as a safety precaution.

But then Jumin had a genius idea… There was somebody who was always able to deter any potential threats to poor Elizabeth the 3rd (named Saeyoung Choi), and that person’s name was Vanderwood. The threat of the taser would be enough to keep him away… Hopefully.

*    *    *

Of course, Vanderwood would never harm Jumin’s assistant, which is why 707 now stands before Jaehee, begging her to let him borrow one of her outfits. Upon her initial rejection, 707 fell to his knees crying, begging for her to let him under the promise that he would do anything in return…

“So how about persuading Mr. Han to give me a paid vacation?” Jaehee knew this was an impossible task for anyone, not even the notorious 707 could do that. He knew that Jaehee would have an impossible demand like this so he came prepared. 707 had Super limited Edition Zen merchandise for her.

Including an exclusive nude calendar.

Of course, Jaehee was tempted, but she held on. She needed this vacation, and she was going to get it. “Hey Luciel, you’re a hacker right? Surely if you look into Jumin’s computer you may find something that could… convince him in allowing me some time off?” She said with a smirk and mischief in her eyes.

“Blackmailing, I see, I never expected this day to come Jaehee, but I will see what I can do. I’m not the Hacker God 707 for nothing after all.” 707 said in a really devious way, as his instincts of a hacker were kicking in. He was waiting for a chance like this. “However, in order to do that, I will need to get access to his personal computer in his penthouse, and the only way for me to do that is…” He said, standing up excitedly.

“Right then,” Jaehee said, still smiling, “Come on in, I think I have some clothing that’s a little big on me.”

*    *    *

Looking through her closet, 707 somehow managed to make an even bigger mess than Elizabeth ever did in all her time at Jaehee’s apartment, but Jaehee couldn’t feel upset, for she knew she would soon have plenty of time to clean as she waved goodbye to 707, now dressed in her usual attire. 707 had no issues at all with his new outfit even, when it was not really his style. On the way to Jumin’s penthouse, he trained Jaehee´s voice to mimic her in the best way possible. He got a few catcalls as he walked down the street in his heels, and he answered simply in a wink and smile. But before he knew it, he was in front of the penthouse entrance, looking directly into the judging eyes of Mary Vanderwood. He knew that Vanderwood would not be easy to fool more then once, they were on missions together after all.

He took a deep breath, before watching as Vanderwood’s eyes returned the direct contact. He then went and put on his rehearsed Jaehee voice, and started to speak. “Hello, Vanderwood. There is no sign of Luciel yet, is there?” He then glanced around, and nodded. “Yes, no Luciel… So, am I permitted to go up to Mr Han’s penthouse? I need to pick up some… paperwork from him.”707 thought that his Jaehee performance surely deserved an Oscar at least. He was really proud of himself to be able to fool Vanderwood like this.

Insert a Vanderwood death glare here, because they were sure that Jaehee Kang would never be getting paperwork from Jumin’s penthouse rather than the C&R offices, but then they remembered seeing Jumin return with a large stack of paperwork previously.

“Fine, Ms. Kang… You can go in. But just in case, I’m keeping my eye on you…”

Vanderwood was sure that this was really 707 in disguise.

This just played into Vanderwood’s hands though, since he already had set up a perfect trap for Luciel inside of the penthouse. He knew that 707 could not resist one thing other than Jumin Han’s cat. That one thing was of course, Honey Buddha chips. Vanderwood had placed a single bag of the chips, in plain sight, in the middle of the living room table. While the cat was in a very well hidden area, somewhere far away.

The hacker froze at the sight of the golden bag, his eyes focusing down on it like a hawk discovering it’s prey. His heart began to beat at a quickened pace, adrenaline rushing into his system as his hunt began and his instincts began to kick in. Behind him stood Vanderwood, calmly waiting for the boy in front of him to break into a sprint and attack his vulnerable prey. But before his savage instincts could fully kick in, he remembered his goal.

The laptop that was somewhere in Jumins home office. 707 took his eyes off the delicious chips and focused on the floor plan of Jumin’s penthouse, he had it memorized in his head. He made his way carefully towards the room, while Vanderwood kept a tight eye on him. The boy was a bigger threat than he liked to admit. It was time to step up his game.

Elsewhere in the penthouse, near  Jumin’s office, was the kitchen. Within the kitchen was a fridge. And within that fridge… was an ice cold can of Ph D. Pepper. As 707 went towards the office, Vanderwood quickly detoured to get the can, before returning to following the disguised hacker.

Just before 707 touched the office door… The hissing sound of the can being opened echoed behind him, and he gulped. ‘Do not turn around, Saeyoung! This is for Elly- I mean Jaehee!’

It was oh so tempting but he had remembered Elly being in his arms soon…he only had to ignore his thirst for a bit longer. Once he had the laptop, he could escape and get the information for Jaehee. Then he could finally find his beloved Elly and be happy with her forever.

But Vanderwood was beginning to lose his patience. 707 just had to fuck something up, then he could pull out his taser and shock him into giving up whatever mischief he was planning to do.

Luciel was feeling the eyes on the back of his head he had to keep his cool he could not mess up now. He walked towards the laptop it was so close. He got over excited and ran into the desk. He let out a loud sound from the sudden impact. It was far off from the sound that Jaehee would make. 707 tried to overplay his mistake by giggling but he forgot that Jaehee would never giggle at all.

707’s entire world seemed to move in slow motion as Vanderwood started walking towards him. The collar on his shirt seemed tight enough to kill him and his face paled, but at that exact moment, his phone began to ring from his pocket. He quickly picked up, not bothering to check who it was.

“Hello this is JAEHEE KANG speaking as you have reached the number of JAEHEE KANG if you did not mean to contact JAEHEE KANG please hang up and dial a number that is not JAEHEE KANG” He said loudly into the phone.

He never expected to get a hushed response. “Idiot brother… You blew your cover. I’ll be there to deal with Vanderwood in a minute… If you haven’t got yourself killed by then.” Saeran could not believe that his stupid brother got himself in this kind of situation.


Saeran had seen his brother leaving the bunker to go to Jaehee. He had a idea what he was up to after the chat in the morning. Why was that idiot so involved with that darn cat anyways? She was pretty yes, but really not worth the risk.

He felt that he had a duty to at least protect his fool of a brother, so he groaned and decided to start trailing him for a while, to see just what exactly he was doing. It was really surprising to him that his brother was going to Jaehee of all people. They never had anything in common. Just what was his brother planning… Could he be stupid enough to ask Jaehee for her clothes? Much to Saeran’s surprise, he was. It didn’t take long for Saeyoung to come back out in Jaehee’s clothes. At first he was not 100 percent sure that it was really him but he had seen in him in so many disguises before that, he just knew it was him. Saeran was sighing, Who did Saeyoung think he could fool with that look?

Much to Saeran’s surprise, everyone on the way from Jaehee’s apartment to Jumin’s penthouse. Even the guards at the entrance were not noticing that it wasn’t Jaehee. How could they be that blind? Saeran was sure that Vanderwood would see through him like nothing though. It was more than suspicious that Vanderwood let Saeyoung pass.

But he then noticed the smirk on Vanderwood’s face, and realisation sunk in. Vanderwood knew that was his brother, and was trying to catch him out! He then snuck off to another floor of the building and prepared an outfit for himself to wear in Jumin’s penthouse, to save his brother’s sorry ass. What better than a masked thief? Saeran thought after he found a dark cloak and a mask in a clothing store on the second floor of the building.

How convenient. Someone must have thought of him today, Saeran thought and took the chance to dress himself up. He looked in a mirror and thought it didn’t look too bad on him. Saeran shook his head, he had to remind himself that this was not the right time for things like that. He had to go and save his stupid brother.

He took a deep breath and continued on his way up to Jumin Han’s penthouse. He noticed Vanderwood was close behind his brother and Saeran knew it was only a matter of time before he would catch him.

It was when he heard the sound which Saeyoung made that he knew his brother’s cover was blown, so he decided to take his phone out to contact him. Saeran sighed loudly when he heard “Hello this is JAEHEE KANG speaking as you have reached the number of JAEHEE KANG if you did not mean to contact JAEHEE KANG please hang up and dial a number that is not JAEHEE KANG”.

That was enough of a sign for Saeran to know that it was time for him to strike with his own plan to save his brother from Vanderwood. Saeran was more than annoyed with his brother. “Idiot brother… You blew your cover. I’ll be there to deal with Vanderwood in a minute… If you haven’t got yourself killed by then.”

-Flashback ends

Saeran could already see Vanderwood pulling out a taser, but Saeran had a plan. Vanderwood also had a gun on him. So, he reached out and took hold of the gun slowly, so that Vanderwood wouldn’t notice, and then…

“Move away from the… woman… whoever you are, or I’ll shoot.” Saeran held the gun up, and watched as Vanderwood turned around with a face of shock. Meanwhile, Saeran gestured for Saeyoung to get what he needed with his hand. Saeran used a voice changer so Vanderwood not recognized his voice. Vanderwood never thought that anyone would help Saeyoung in his stupid plan, whatever that might be. But he knew this was not the time to give up on life so Vanderwood stepped back. He had his hands held up high and looked at the masked Saeran.

As Saeran distracted Vanderwood, Saeyoung quickly scrambled to his feet before retrieving the laptop which he needed. He then left Jumin’s office, walking past Saeran and Vanderwood, before smirking. He pulled his Jaehee wig off before bowing. “Thank you, thank you! Saeran and I shall be here for the next…” At the mention of his name, his twin pulled the mask off his face and glared. “Th- The next few seconds! C- Come on, twin bro! Let’s run!” Saeyoung was glad that his brother came just in time to save him from Vanderwood. But he knew that one of these days, Vanderwood would make him pay for this.

As long as that day was not today.

Saeyoung did not mind it though. “What are you doing just standing there? Come on, we gotta go.” Saeran looked more annoyed than before. Both brothers started to run and they did not look back at the very angry Vanderwood. They ran until they left the building, leaving more confused guards behind.

They left the penthouse far behind them before they could stop and catch their breath.

However, the thrill did not entirely wear off. Unable to help himself, Saeyoung lifted his head as his mouth curled into a grin and gave broken laughs between pants. His brother, meanwhile, stalked off further away from him in limping paces. Saeyoung ran after him but exhaustion made his run more into a zombified jog. “Hey, Sae-ran! Wait for — me, wouldya?”

The other boy didn’t oblige until he guided Saeyoung into the shade of a tree. “This whole thing is funny, huh?!?” he snapped, charging at his brother and punching deliberately missed hits. “You better be grateful I saved your ass. What are you thinking, infiltrating some boss’ penthouse for some stupid cat and a computer? Don’t you dare, don’t you dare —”

“Ahahaha, sorry, sorry!” Seven held up his one hand, turning sideways to protect the newly stolen device. He couldn’t control himself, really. He giggled madly as Saeran threw more harmless punches. The twin eventually stopped and they both leaned onto the bark. “It’s not some— worthless task! It’s worth it, I hope. At least I have the computer—”

“Did you get the cat?” Saeran asked sharply.

Saeyoung gaped at the laptop in his arms. There was no evidence of white fur.

“Did you get the cat?”

Disappointment sank in, accompanied by fear.

“Did you get the cat?” Saeran was looking at 707 now. To the other boy’s surprise, his expression showed worry, his mouth a frown instead of a scowl. “You really didn’t get the cat. Why?!”

“Well, Vanderwood was there, and I knew I had to get the laptop for Jaehee. Besides, there were no signs of my dear Elly anywhere!” Seven replied sounding equally disappointed, if not more so.

“So, I saved your ass, just for the laptop?!”

Sinking down to sit at the base of the tree, Seven stayed quiet for a few moments as he let the situation process in his mind. Knowing he messed up his mission slightly, Seven now had to figure out a way around this situation. At this rate, neither of them could return to the penthouse now that Vandy knew it was them. So now what?

Whist Seven tried to figure out another way around his mess, Saeran tried to do the same. Saeran knew his idiot brother wouldn’t be deterred, and if things were to go wrong, it would more than likely be Saeran who had to get him out of it. After a few moments of silence, Saeran finally had to ask.

“Well? Any ideas on how to fix this, genius? Or are you just giving up?”

As Saeran spoke, a smile started to form on Seven’s face as thoughts on how to get out of this mess started to form. Looking up at his twin and grinning deviously, he said, “Oh, I have an idea alright! We just need to go talk to our favorite college student.”

*    *    *

Paperwork piled beside Jumin’s computer. His fingers placed at his temple, his vision focused on the data displayed on the screen before him. He  finally torn away from the screen as his phone rang. It was Vanderwood’s number. “Greetings, Vanderwood,” Jumin muttered.

The other man replied rather hurriedly, “Sorry to interrupt you, Mr. Han, but S —”

“I am rather busy at the moment. Please contact me after work,” he decided to say, for his analyzing thoughts had been unbroken until this point.

The other line paused before muttering an understanding, but added, “This is a bit emergent, though.”

“Well I see. Then contact me after a minute,” Jumin answered. The other person muttered an assent and the two hung up.

He focused his eyes back on the screen. Fortunately, he was able to retrieve his line of thoughts. That was one page closer to completion for this damn assignment my father gave to me, he thought and sighed.

Then he picked up his phone and called.

*    *    *

“What? Penthouse infiltration??” Jumin exclaimed — not loud enough for the whole office to hear — in disbelief.

Jumin had no idea how that could had happened. Jumin thought that Vanderwood was more efficient than that. It was good that he had listened to his instinct and had Elizabeth the 3rd safely in a location that only he knew.

That gave him a slight sense of relief. The downside of this was that he could not see his beloved cat till this madness was finally over. “I really hope you will make up for this mistake Vanderwood. Otherwise you not only will have to look for a new job but also for a new country to live in. If anything happens to my dear Elizabeth you will have to pay for it.” Jumin would not show any mercy if anything would happen to his cat.

Vanderwood on the other side of the phone had no interest in changing his identity specially since he knew his enemy too good he had to catch both brothers before it was too late. What would their next step be though ?

*    *    *

Meanwhile Yoosung just got called from Saeyoung. He could not believe it. Why would Saeyoung ask him to help with the catnapping? He was his best friend yes, but a crime like this? He still wanted to live a normal life… What should he do now? Help his friends out of this mess or call Jumin? “What do you need me to do?” Yoosung was sighing at least he wanted to know what was going on.

“We be over in a moment , actual we are already in front of the house.” Saeyoung knew his friend would help him. He could always count on Yoosung.

*    *    *

Yoosung opened the door to his apartment only to see the twins wearing odd clothing. Saeran was dressed like some kind of robber and Saeyoung was dressed like Jaehee, for some odd reason. He was reluctant to let the pair in at first, but eventually after Saeyoung had begged him to help them retrieve Elly, he gave in. He moved to the side to let them in. “So what do you need me for, surely there isn’t anything I can do to help you guys.” Saeyoung looked at Yoosung with a devious smile on his face, making Yoosung feel very worried at the plan Saeyoung had in store.

With a glint in his golden eyes, Saeyoung made to enter the young man’s abode, his twin following close behind. Raiding the fridge, the red head scoffed at the lack of Ph D Pepper. Yoosung waited impatiently, LOLOL sitting undisturbed on his computer. As the twins meandered about, getting comfortable, the young blond clicked his tongue and finally asked them to spill this great plan.

As Saeyoung opened his mouth to begin, a faint chiming echoed from his pocket. He crammed his hand into the tiny coat pocket, once again reminded how inconvenient women’s clothes could be. His heels clicked against the tiles as he shifted in place, clawing at the phone. Once retrieved, the name on the screen gave him pause. No, he couldn’t give in yet. He hit reject. Seconds later, a text tone cut through the air. “Saeyoung, I do expect that when I return to the penthouse this evening, ALL of mine and my husband’s belongings, living or not, will be in their proper place. I hope you remembered to eat. Tell Saeran Hello.”

Had Jumin found out about the breakin? Now he had the RFA’s precious MC, also known as Jumin’s wife texting him. It was hard to disagree with her, but this was Elly. He couldn’t give in! Saeran had noticed his twin’s facial expression change at his text message. Saeyoung slowed looked up, clicking off his phone, “MC says hi.”

The other male’s faces changed, MC had found out about this. “Are you sure it’s okay to get Elly now?” Yoosung asked, still unsure about all this. “It’ll be fine, MC is a forgiving person, she’ll understand.” So with that, the redhead put away his phone back into the small pocket of Jaehee’s uniform and began to tell Yoosung his master plan.

“The first thing I will do is to hack laptop that I got from the penthouse. After that we can give Jaehee the information she needs to get her vacation. Otherwise she will surely not help us with the vital information that we need.” Sayoung started his explanation .

While Saeran was busy with emptying Yoosungs fridge. “Do you think that Jaehee even knows where the cat is?” Yoosung had his doubts about that. “Even if she doesn´t, she has the best connections to the cat detecting Zen.” Sayoung knew if anyone could bring Zen to cooperate with them then it was Jaehee. He always complaint over how much of a slavedriver Jumin Han was. “I see but what do you need me then for?” Yoosung was more than confused.

“We need someone as innocent as you to bring that information to Jaehee of course. They are looking for us all over the town. I hope that they at least have a picture of my pretty side.” Saeyoung sighed knowing that soon enough his face would be all over town. “That should be the least of your worries.” Saeran shouted from the kitchen. Why did I have to deal with him? Saeran could be relaxing on the couch or sleeping but no, his stupid brother had to drag him in this mess.

“You are right, I should hack in this thing first.” Saeyoung looked at the laptop. He opened it and got to the login screen.

“Now what is Jumin Hans password…”Saeyoung thought for a mere second before typing Elly into the field.

That was not correct it was surprising to him. Saeran was sighing “Of course that is not right idiot only you would spell the cats name like that.” He could not believe it how stupid was his brother.

“Now what was the name of that think again, Elisa?” Saeran was thinking but he not remembered it.“It´s Elizabeth the 3rd.” Yoosung had heard it too many times in chat it was Impossible to forget it.

“Ah yeah, that sounds about right.” Saeran thought it was some snobby name like that, fitting for a cat from a rich person like Jumin Han.

“See, now I still believe that Elly is a much better name!” Saeyoung mumbled, typing in the longer name. “It’s short, sweet, and to the point! Just like my love for her~”

Does anyone at Beacon (RWBY, JNPR, CRDL, SSSN, CFVY, STRQ, Teachers) believe in aliens? (Asked by ask-imperium)
  • Ozpin, sipping from his coffee mug: Ahem, due to the large amount of answering parties, I've decided to get ahold of all their responses and shall answer for them.
  • Ozpin, sipping more coffee: A much neater way to go through with this. So, RWBY, the siblings both seem sure of aliens, while Miss Belladonna and Miss Schnee are more skeptic and find it preposterous respectively.
  • Ozpin, shuffling over a paper: JNPR...seems only Jaune Arc has any hope for extraterrestrial existence.
  • Ozpin, with a sigh: Team CRDL was just a pain, all answering at once and immediately began to argue with each other, it can safely be assumed they're at a fifty-fifty.
  • Ozpin, with another sip of coffee: For Team SSSN...they don't attend Beacon and therefore were not able to be asked for their opinions.
  • Ozpin, shaking his head: Seems all of CFVY believes...however to varying degrees, interesting.
  • Ozpin: The members of Team STRQ that could actually be asked agreed that there may or may not be aliens. But they would much rather focus on more earthly issues.
  • Ozpin, with an amused chuckle: And among the teachers? Hmph, seems I'm on my own. Surely there must be more out there, no?

anonymous asked:

Lately I've been so busy at work that my diet only consists of caffeine and chocolate. I don't think I'm quite cut out for the Auntie Jillian diet. I'm not sure how I'm still alive! You're the best <3

Those aren’t the only things I live on, I swear. (Cheese! Berries! Avocados!) But let’s just say that no one should ever use me as a nutritional role model. 

(And OMG, I miss the steak tartare from the hotel I stayed at in Copenhagen. It was amazing.)

(I want more coffee. I probably shouldn’t HAVE more coffee. But I wants it.)

Sorry, I was reading.
—  Me, when I’m late to everything

Valentine’s as a holiday is garbage, but Jim and Spock hanging out to watch the sun rise on a farm is not.



Kdrama kisses


~MC: Are you alright, sir?!

Jumin: G-give me a moment…

based off of @promiscuous-jalapeno‘s barista MC x jumin HC

EDIT: Quality dropped, im so sorry! high res if you click on them individually~