more men need to have his point of view

I Am...

           I am 23 years old.

           I am asexual.

           I am aromantic.

           I am not broken.

           I am not broken!

           I know this, and yet others don’t.

           My high school psychology teacher, who said all girls, all women, want to get married. That all these women had a set date or year to get married by and how many kids they were going to have. He said all girls want to have kids. How all us men needed to do was be available for said girl we wanted to marry before that date. How women would settle for any man as they became more and more desperate the nearer that date approached. He called on me as an example to prove his point on this. He called on me a couple other times in the classroom to prove his point. Each time I showed to be the exception. After that he stopped calling on me, even when I had a question. I didn’t fit in his view of how the world worked, and so he refused to call on me, or answer my questions.

           The sex-ed teachers who spoke as though everyone was going to have sex in their life. As if every human wished for intercourse. Would shove abstinence down our throats with the horrors of STDs and every physical thing that could go wrong. And yet it was a fact, one that could never be challenged, that every single one of their students had sexual attraction, and sexual desires.

           My sexualities teacher in college who discussed safe sex, and how all participants enjoy sex and all desire it.

           All peers in middle school and high school who said that I was too “child-like” and “pure” right then to even possibly be capable of understanding what they were discussing, and I’d “understand when [I’m] older.”

           The couple who have just been married before me, and I come to show my support and how I’m happy that they’re happy. And yet they seem to chuck that support in my face as they gush about how they can’t wait for me to find my “one” and how much happier I’ll be once I’m in a relationship.

           My co-workers who seem to enjoy nothing more than blathering about how sweet their significant other is, and how amazing it is to be involved with them. And in the same breath tell me that I need to find someone like that for myself.

           Guys who ask me if such and such person is hot, when really I have nothing to say about them. The most I can supply is an “I guess so?” Really if I find someone aesthetically pleasing I want to draw them. I feel all kinds of awkward when they’re talking about all the people they want to “bang”.

           My mother who can’t wait for me to find someone, someone special for me to be all out romantic with and carry children with.

           People I have had to work on group projects with in school who are more concerned about not having received a text from whoever they are currently dating yet, even though they just texted them not even five minutes prior. Who will delay working on the project that we only have so much time to work on because they feel the urgent need to gush about their entire romantic and sexual life. Meanwhile I’m trying to steer the conversation back to the project to get it done, or failing that try to speed up the conversation as I feel like I’m gagging from too much information. Information I have not want or need for. Give me too much of this and I’m gagging inside, with lead in my stomach, bound in such a way that I can’t squirm or fight my way out of. Why? Because for them there is no question on if one want to be in a romantic, and sexual relationship. To them everyone does.

           My college professor who was anxious about me because I wasn’t very social with others of my major, the very ones who were more concerned about their romantic and sexual lives than the projects. Did they not realize that I am social? I am a very social person; just with people I can actually talk to and have some common ground with. People who will talk about more than romance and sex.

           The woman who tells me that I need to get a move on and find myself a guy, because my “biological clock is ticking”.

           All the people I have to deal with, or work with, or simply interact with where from their view what I want is to be in a relationship, with romance and sex.

           And I dare not speak out, for these are people I suspect down to my bones would not accept my sexual or romantic orientation.

           I am not interested in sex. I am not sexually attracted to others.

           I am not interested in romance. I am almost never romantically attracted others (just because I am demiromantic does not invalidate that I am aromantic).

           Yet on the other hand there are the people, few as they have been in my life who accepted it, or have never made me feel limited, or excluded, or uncomfortable as others have.

           A roommate from college who was bisexual, and later started working on writing a fanfiction involving a large group of our friends in the world of the fandom. Originally they seemed fixated on matching everyone up with someone. Everyone would have a romantic interest. Even the character based off me. Until I said that if they wanted it to be more realistic the character would be asexual/aromantic. And they were totally cool with it. Just nixed any and all romantic and sexual relationships they had been planning for that character to have. Never spoke another word about putting them in anything further than a platonic relationship. Our conversations continued on as normal. Nothing more needed to be said. They accepted it as easily as I had accepted when they came out to me. Which went along the lines of them saying they were bisexual and I said so? They asked if I had a problem and I said no. As long as they were happy and safe with what they were doing I had no problem. And we continued on with our lives. No problems, no issues. Just an easy acceptance. An orientation is an orientation. It defines you to a point, yes. But that orientation does not mean I will treat you with any less respect. It does not mean that I will stop being a friend because of it.

           My friends who I have not come out to, but know that I am not really a fan of hearing an abundance of romance and sex stuff. The friends who respect me by not bringing that stuff up around me as much. Who know I’ll give my two cents for if asked, but that I really don’t like hearing about it all the time. Who accept that I am fine with it in small doses, but much more than that and I want to scream.

           And then there is the individual who impacted me the most personally when it came to my sexual and romantic orientation. Who I never came out to, never had a heart to heart. She was my English/Literature teacher in seventh grade. And what she said that first day has stuck with me through all the years since. The reason I know that just because I am not interested in romance or sex does not mean I am broken. On the first day of teaching in that school she said to the entire class each period:

“When I was the same age as all of you the sex-ed teacher explained how sex worked. Then we were show pictures of what happens if you catch an STD. Before that class I was not particularly interested in having sex. After that class my “not interested in having sex,” morphed to a “Hell no am I ever having sex!”

I’m married. I have a husband. We do not have sex. We have never had sex. I am still not interested in having sex. And he respects that. Bonus, he was not interested in having sex either.

My relationship with him is exactly that, my relationship. It is not for others to belittle, it is not for others to judge. If any of you need an ear to talk about what is going on in your life I will listen. If you want advice you have to ask for it.

The only advice on relationships I will give you without any prompting is that if any of you ever decide to enter a relationship, respecting boundaries is a must. If a girl is not interested in having sex, don’t have sex. If a boy is not interested in having sex, don’t have sex. No questions, no stipulations. No. No means no. That needs to be respected.”

           I never thanked her. I loved the material she taught. But the words she said on that first day, her first day teaching in that school, words said to every class that walked through those doors that day, those words stuck with me the most.

           Because of her I never felt that me not being interested in sex or romance meant that I was broken.

           Because of her I never felt that me not being interested in sex or romance meant that I needed to change myself for the world around me.

           Because of her I never felt that I would need to have sex in a romantic relationship.

           Because of her I never believed that I had to have sex at any point if I did not want to.

           Because of her I never felt that I needed to be in romantic relationship unless I wanted to be.

           Because of her I never felt that me not being interested in sex or romance meant anything more than I was not interested in sex or romance.

           I never knew about the terms asexual or aromantic until about a year ago. When I found out about them, they just fit for me. I never felt the need for terms, but I’m glad that I can identify with these so that when I have to explain how I feel to someone who doesn’t get it, I can use words that would make sense. Words that have definitions that are quantified by more than just I.

           But even before I knew about those words, I never felt that I was invalid. I never felt that I was broken. I never felt like I wasn’t human. All because of a teacher I had in middle school. A teacher who said her bit before sex and romance became part of what my classmates were talking about around me. Before I had to interact with who knows how many people who were convinced at that time that everyone wants to be in a romantic and sexual relationship.

           I am 23 years old.

           I am asexual.

           I am aromantic.

           I am human.

           There are an infinite number of things more I can say. All true. And yet at the end of the day none of it would really matter beyond this:

           I am myself. I am real. And I can not be erased as long as that stands.

10

So much has been written about Sansa being the one who truly won the battle of Winterfell and while there is truth in it, that is not the whole story. First of all, it’s not about her being that much smarter than Jon and claiming that would be a huge injustice to him. He didn’t know about the possibility of reinforcement from Vale (unlike the all-knowing viewer) because if he knew he would have definitely waited those few hours. From his point of view and to his acknowledge attacking Winterfell at that moment was the only possibility they had - they begged all the Northern houses and received little help and the winter was upon their army so waiting any longer would have been suicide. When Jon asked Sansa for her advice she could only repeat that they needed more men but couldn’t offer any solution where to find them (while keeping the information about the Vale army a secret for mysterious reasons), which made her advice completely useless just as was useless her naivité that all the Northern houses would literally volunteer to fight for the Starks. 

The truth is that while the arrival of the Vale cavalry tipped the odds in the Starks’ favour, it was the suprise factor rather than the actual number of men that mattered in the end. There could have been some 2000 Vale riders at most and if they would have joined the Stark army from the beginning the Boltons would have still had the superiority in numbers by some 1500 men, so the Stark victory wouldn’t have been guaranteed. What’s even more important - their arrival didn’t win the battle, THEY DID NOT CONQUER WINTERFELL. Just as Ramsey said they still didn’t have enough men for a siege and sieges can take years. IF JON DIDN’T HAVE WUN WUN’S LOYALTY THE BATTLE OF BASTARDS WOULD TURN INTO A PYRRHIC VICTORY FOR THE STARKS. So in the end, it was SANSA AND JON TOGETHER WHO WON THE BATTLE.

“The way people in the North talk about you, you’re the greatest swordsman who ever walked.”

In one of the interviews, the writers said that during the battle Jon transformed into something inhuman and that it wasn’t a heroic moment and that’s completely true. Yet on the other hand, you have hundreds, perhaps thounsands of men, who witnessed him riding out alone for his brother, charging alone against an entire cavalry, they saw him throwing away his sword and attacking Ramsay Bolton without any weapon, just with his bare hands, while the man was firing arrows at him. According to Ramsay, he and his battle prowess are already legendary in the Northt and after this that legend will only grow.