more melancholic

TNA makes me both happy and sad - I love the representation of Steed still going strong, still doing his best. But he’s more melancholic and not as energetic as he was. Seeing all the pain he’s gone through is just…sad.

Honestly, I’m scared

I’m scared of the day Cheritz will give up on Mystic Messenger
scared of the day we’ll open the last chat
scared of the day we’ll receive the last call
scared of the day we’ll experience the last visual novel 
scared of the day we’ll finish the last DLC
and scared of the day they’ll announce there will be no more…

And so a new mix arrives and once again it’s on a not very new song. This time we hope we did justice to one of Marina’s most underrated songs. 


The amazing thing about Electra Heart as an album is how much emotion shines through the lyrics and melodies used so we tried to take advantage of that and make a mix that centers around the line “Love is all that I fear”. This way the two sides of Electra can be shown by having a dancey bassline at the beginning but introducing a more melancholic second verse that flows into the chorus and finally merging both.

Hope you guys enjoy this!

Made with SoundCloud
  • me: idk if i have enough material for two chapters so I'll just assume it'll be one :)
  • me: proceeds to write it into the two longest chapters of the fic
  • me: ((((:

anonymous asked:

Ok so all this talk about becoming serious with harry. Him actually wanting you to post pictures of you two? (Obvs just for family and friends but FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS you know? I'd imagine one wouldn't be talking to everyone about dating him). Him making subtle references to you on insta? (Like when he posted cafe habana's wall of plants after he was there with Nadine). Small gestures that are actually huge with him and just scream trust

Oh, gosh.

And to have that “secret” social media relationship with him? It’s like you’ve got your own language; a code that only the two of you can understand. Others may catch on, but it’s never inherently obvious. 

Let’s say you’ve got a private account on Instagram - it’s always been private, but after Harry requested to follow you, you’ve gotten an influx of requests. Thousands of requests, really. But you’d only accept his. It’d be your world.

You’d snap a picture of a monarch and post it with a caption of “HE’S beautiful” for a double-Harry inspired post.

He’d post a picture of an abandoned rocking horse outside of an antique shop with the caption, “It’s like kicking a dead horse.” and you roll your eyes when you see it, because you misspoke once and accidentally said “kicking a dead horse” instead of “beating a dead horse.”

You’d post one of your morning cup of tea, captioned with, “Splash of milk and one sugar.” because that’s how he takes his.

He’d take a picture of a flower cart filled with fresh roses, tulips, and daisies with the caption of “Nothing more melancholic than artificial flowers in the summertime” because you’d said that once after seeing a pot of fake pansies outside of a shop the two of you had passed.

And then, just to be cheeky, you’d buy a pair of Chelsea boots and post a shot of you wearing them, with “These boots were made for copyin’” written beneath.

The future broken Takumi...

Okay, I’m not sure if someone discussed this matter before but I’ve always loved how we see Takumi so different in the future sequences of NANA.

The once domineering Takumi Ichinose is in the future more subdued, more wistful and melancholic than we ever knew him. He dotes on Ren and Satsuki, seems genuinely pained by the estrangement from Hachi and hopes to have her back. But he thinks she will never forgive him. Now there has been many theories as to the reasons for the future Takumi-Hachi estrangement, and as far as we know, it could be his betrayal with Reira, but I don’t want to write about this here.

What i want to talk about is the reason for the Takumi softening that we witness. It could be a combination of things. It could be general maturity. It could be the reality of being a father. And more importantly it could be that he simply put things into perspective after Ren died. 

But there’s something else…

I personally think the reason why Takumi truly regretted the decisions he made to protect Trapnest is because of Reira. I think only Reira could have disillusioned and influenced Takumi this much. It is said more than once in the flashbacks and current sequences that Takumi’s main motivation for making Trapnest was this:

It is implied in the flashback that this was not just the inspiration to start Trapnest but also one of the (if not the only) major Takumi motivations in the life he wanted to build for himself despite his father’s cruelty. He put all his hope on that one thing he thought only he could do. Which is a ridiculous dream of course because it is entirely based on another person. But Takumi always mistakenly thought he owned Reira, she was his literal songbird. That’s why I think the thing that hurt him the most and changed his attitude in the future was Reira finally finding her autonomy and independence after Ren died. 


The Takumi spell over Reira was already being removed before Ren’s incident. Look at Takumi’s reaction when Reira started for once to challenge his illusion:

Takumi doesn’t usually get Yazawa’s vacant eyes and blank background treatment as do many other characters. He takes himself too seriously for that, but in this one incident, the world he fought so hard to build was starting to crumble, and Reira knows that. She knows that very well.

That’s why I think it was mainly Reira’s doing. If Reira, after accepting the reality that Ren died, told Takumi that the one who actually pushed her voice to the limit was Ren’s guitar and not Takumi, that since Ren’s dead, she will never sing for him anymore… I think that would have been the breaking point for Takumi. From then on, he would have started to see everything differently and regretted all those choices he made that hurt so many people and did nothing.

Reira and Ren’s relationship in the manga is one of the strongest and healthiest. Ren was always looking out for Reira and wanting to find someone who could save her (for sometime he wanted Yasu to do it)…He never realised that it was he, Ren, who was saving her all along, even by dying. 

Voltron x Haikyuu AU

Same plot as Voltron, against the Galra and all, and the Garrison is a Japanese pilot school (bc let’s face it they’re all Japanese lmao)

- Daichi is the black paladin
* He’s 25 years old
* Like Shiro, he was on an expedition and was taken
* instead of Mr. Holt and Matt, Daichi was on an ice expedition with Takeda and Kiyoko
* he’s basically Shiro
* robotic arm and all!! He’s still passive aggressive scary though
* gingerly communicated with Black lion at first, then gradually got used to her
* he feels like he’s responsible for keeping his team (of late teenagers) safe, but all the Paladins + Suga help relieve this weight

- Hinata is the red paladin
* red is temper?? So this still works
* he loves his lion sm
* nicknames include Red, Babe, Girl
* Hinata went to the Garrison in hopes of becoming a great fighter pilot after seeing a boy only 18 (and short lmao) do it (AKA the Small Giant)
* used to talk to his lil sister Natsu about how amazing space and piloting will be
* like Lance, he was underestimated and wasn’t made a fighter pilot until some troublesome, talented kid got kicked out
* likes to sneak around and isn’t noticed because he’s short tbh
* he still has that (at first one-sided) rivalry with Kageyama, and swore to beat him the same way he did at first in the manga
* is sometimes jealous of the others abilities and feels he lacks piloting skills
* he thinks Daichi is really cool, he’s seen Daichi being taught by his idol and considers him as amazing as Small Giant
* Yamaguchi was his first friend at Garrison and he adores him<br>
* didn’t care whether Yachi identified as a girl or s boy
* was cautious of Tsuki at first and shocked at Yamaguchi learning to be friendly with him

- Kageyama is the blue paladin
* blue is loyalty, friendliness and determination I guess??
* those are traits that Lance portrays a lot, but also Kageyama has these traits hidden behind his kingly demeanour
* oh but he’s the Keith equivalent lmao
* cold, cool, and emo rip
* he was kicked out due to his poor communication with his fellow pilots, and for his disobedience to his commanders
* but he’s a hella good pilot
* he lived out in an ol’ shack after he got kicked out
* never knew who the heck Hinata was when they first met lmao
* found the legends of the blue lion first but wasn’t really sure how to find find the lion, yknow?
* slowly developed better communication because of the other Paladins
* has that iconic rivalry with Hinata 👀

-Yachi is the green paladin
* sHES PIDGE
* except Yachi doesn’t really have a sibling so the Matt equivalent in this AU is Kiyoko!! Her gf is missing in space :(
* Takeda is her close uncle figure since he’s babysat her a lot, so losing both of those people really affected her
* her mom is a workaholic who’s barely home so haha that makes this kinda sadder :(((
* she’s demanded at Garrison generals to tell her details about what happened and was kicked out multiple times
* so she snuck into Garrison using a disguise as a pilot boy/technician
* she has great graphic design skills and is also great tech wiz<br>
* Kiyoko taught her how to do a bunch of illegal shit via technology
* shes very anxious when she first meets Tsuki and Suga but warms up to them
* she was scared of fighting using the lions at first but through her determination she’s able to 👍👍

- Yamaguchi is the yellow paladin
* he kind!! He good!!
* I once read a half Latino half Japanese Yamaguchi so tbh I want him to be that way in his AU :‘o
* he worked hard to get into the Garrison
* he and Hunk are so similar that it’s scary tbh,, the rightful, good, wonderful souls that probably give the nicest hugs
* he’s anxious when they suddenly become Paladins tbh
* he only looks out for Hinata and Yachi at first- that’s the only reason he came lmao
* he tries his best to be the comfort for all the Paladins once they’ve all settled into their “constantly saving the universe” schedule
* Gradually gets Tsuki to talk to him more
* Yamaguchi loves his lion a lot too lmao
* the yellow lion loves him too

-Tsukishima Kei as Coran/the royal advisor
*in no way whatsoever is Tsuki like Coran here fyi
* Tsukishima is Altean though YAY
* he has no glasses either btw
* and he co-pilots the castle, the castle controls, knows all their past trading shit the same way Ciran did so 👍
* he was born into a long line of vital royal services to the previous kings and queens
* his older brother used to be Suga’s advisor when Suga was younger, and was supposed to continue being his advisor but when Altea was being destroyed, Akiteru forced Tsuki to join Suga in the life preserve pods
* so yea,, Tsuki’s brother is dead and they ended up separated on bitter+desperate terms
* Tsuki adores and respects Prince Suga but feels he isn’t helpful enough to match up to him, especially since he’s younger too
* he was very distant towards the paladins at first, but since he’s still really a teen at heart, he was able to bond with em
* especially Yamaguchi, who wasn’t afraid of him (like Yachi) or annoyed with him (like Kags or Hinata) when Tsuki would snap insults
* he ends up sharing a lot with Yama after a while and learns to accept his new role and get over his brother’s death
* Afterwards they find Akiteru’s conscious uploaded into the castle though *shrugs*


-Suga as Allura/Last royal of Altea
* the little prince!!
* oml he’s still the sweetest ever but it’s more like a melancholic sweetness
* he was able to say a healthy, tearful farewell to his parents at least….?
* puts the Paladins to work with his signature grin!
* is beautiful as hell even when he’s kicking ass
* also a good mentor and friend
* has the best strategies
* his name is Koushi but only locals/strangers call him Prince Koushi
* Daichi calks him Prince only * Everyone else calls him Suga though, thanks to Tsuki
* is a walking pile of guilt- he constantly wishes he could’ve saved his people

Breathe

Originally posted by adoringdo

this is my first angsty one-shot, please be nice! neighbours!au, somewhat 5k words with major character death, mentions of drowning also. italics is flashback. huge issue to mention - do not operate your phone at any point for any reason under any circumstance while driving; if something were to happen, you never know who’s world you’ve robbed of all its’ sunshine.



Message from: Taehyung - received just now

Just finished with the doctor. Can I get a ride pretty please?


Your fingers danced across the screen the moment his text had come through, the message already read before you had even unlocked your phone.

I’ll pick you up in five.

Equally as quickly, he responded, a single sunny smiley face on the screen. You were already out the door, keys in hand and phone in the other, running down the steps of your house right next to his, the pair of houses you’d grown up in. You clambered into your car, hurriedly putting your seatbelt on, then you were dashing out of the driveway, branches and bushes lined head to toe in blossoming flowers dragging against the sides, the petals determined to shine despite the season not yet spring. With the radio barely murmuring anything at all, you drove directly to the hospital, more than familiar with the short route from your houses.

He stood with his thumb out like he was trying to hitchhike a ride, grinning ear to ear, and you couldn’t help but smile yourself, before he covered his mouth to cough, his shoulders jolting at the movement, yet he moved his hand back away the next moment, trying to appear like he really was fine, like he could really breathe.

Your lips pressed together in disapproval; he should have waited inside, where the air was easier to breathe, where someone could keep an eye on him, and your hand had reached to turn up the air-conditions to a higher speed and a slightly warmer temperature on it’s own, as you pulled up right next to where he stood, fingers shielding his eyes from the penetrating brightness of the sun.

“How did it go?” You asked sweetly as he climbed into the passenger side, already putting on a smile for you.

“The same it always does. I need to stop refusing treatment, blah blah blah.” He sighed, closing the door a little harsher than need be, before his elbow rested against the window, his fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose like he was already diving into deep thought.

You peered at him through the corner of your vision before you accelerated away, not convinced in the slightest. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

He hummed then, his smile a lot less convincing this time, and you focussed on driving both of you home for the moment.

“You know,” you tried to start again with a different tone, keeping your gaze straight ahead although you knew his had turned to look at you, “I found this super easy-looking recipe for nutella-filled pancakes. Wanna give it a try?”

His usual light-hearted self started to return, his lips parted in a grin while he retorted. “I’ll take care of all the nutella, don’t you worry about that.”

You let out a laugh, and it filled the air like music for a moment, Taehyung pausing turning up the radio for a moment. “You’ll get pimples if you eat that much chocolate, especially in one go, smartypants.”

He smirked just a little to himself. “Yes, mom.”

You quirked a single eyebrow at him, accepting the challenge. “You can have your nutella, after you eat a salad, and finish your calculus homework.”

He groaned, the lively mood starting to shift. “Can we please not do this now? I’m so hungry, and that jar of chocolate heaven has my name all over it.”

You nodded fairly, the playful feeling gone from the air. You weren’t going to get into it now, you didn’t want to take a single chance at spoiling his happy mood he tried to convince himself of. And while all you could really do was smile and drive him every other day to a new appointment where they told him the same news and tried to get him to take the same medication he always refused, you thought he would always get better; his brightness couldn’t be extinguished like this.

But, Taehyung wasn’t daft; he knew he wasn’t going to get better. He knew what would happen to him eventually, but he saw no sense in wasting the last unknown amount of time he had on this earth being miserable about it. He was a ray of sunshine, spreading happiness like air, and you could swear that daisies bloomed out of the dirt wherever he strode.

Yet, like all purely beautiful things allowed in this world, he had to end, his last days coming eminently sooner than he deserved.

You reached your hand across to his seat on his thigh, offering the most reassuring smile you could, but he only half-heartedly returned it, squeezing your hand for a brief moment before letting go and moving his hand far away from your reach.

The rest of the car ride was filled with a more uncomfortable type of silence, his head tilted slightly away from you, staring out the window at the same scenery he’d been surrounded in all his life, and you knew he didn’t want you to see him showing weakness, the low music from the radio completely covering the silence of the water in his eyes falling down his face.



~

“Tae?” You called out cautiously, exiting the side of your house, looking for a little tuft of golden hair dashing somewhere around in the garden, yet you saw nothing, and the silence that answered back placed a heavy weight on your lungs.

“Taehyung, where are you?” You wailed with more urgency, the prickles of anxiety tearing up your skin the more you looked and caught no sight of him. With a sickening feeling, you descended further into the yard, through the rows of colourful flowers that you were forbidden to pick, down towards the dam that seemed to be rippling more intensely than usual.

You already knew that the small golden hands moving in the water had to be him, his skin sinking deeper below the surface.

“Tae!” You screamed, watching his hand disappear underneath the water, the surface no longer churning with his struggles.

He couldn’t swim and neither could you, but before any other thought, you were surrounded by the water, moving your legs frantically in any direction you could to get to the surface. You’d seen this on television, you take a big breath and then you dive underneath the water, down to where you couldn’t breathe.

Before you could lose your nerve, or even possibly Taehyung, you took a breath so big it pained your lungs, before you deliberately let yourself sink, letting your clothes tug you down to the depths.

It was so dirty and dark, your eyes burned as they tried to adjust, and your mouth opened in panic at the space, your lungs trying to pull in more air on instinct before you could stop yourself. Through your watering eyes, you caught sight of him, and it didn’t matter that you couldn’t breathe anymore.
He was suspended in the water, his eyes shut, mouth ajar and completely deadly still.

You kicked and writhed your way towards him, grabbing him around the middle, his body effortlessly light and limp. Your own lungs were now long begging for fresh air, and you tried to kick your way back to the surface where the daylight poured in.

At last, your head rose, spitting out water and almost sobbing to yourself, keeping the boy pinned to you as close as possible, as if you could offer him any sort of safety and security. He wasn’t moving, he wasn’t struggling, or choking for air, and you lunged your way to the dam bank layered with mud.

You tried to breathe in the fresh air, your body convulsing as you coughed up more dirty water, all while trying to pull the boy up onto the muddy bank. He was so heavy now, too heavy for you to carry both his form and yourself, but there was no other option; with a momentous heave, you slumped his body against the dirt, digging your fingers into the mud to claw your own way out of the water.

He hadn’t spoken, coughed, or even moved. You scrambled to more secure ground, dragging him by his soaked shirt, before you turned him over and placed your ear against his chest.

Taehyung wasn’t breathing.

You thanked every entity you could name for your parents’ insistence of teaching you proper CPR, your hands already pushing him to lie on his side to clear whatever might be in his airways. Then you were gently pinching his nose shut as you tried to breathe life back into his body, his alarmingly cold lips making you that much more desperate to change his fate.

You locked your fingers together, compressing his chest as cautiously as you could, terrified you’d accidentally break one of his ribs, pressing over and over until you thought to give him another breath, repeating the process, each time becoming more and more distraught.

He coughed, finally, and you thought it was the best sound there ever was, the sound of life running back in him again, and you yourself could finally breathe again in relief.

“You have really strong lungs,” he spoke softly, the water all over his face running over to the dips of his closed eyelids.

“You’re lucky that you do too, you idiot!” You scolded him, your own voice breathless and weak, and so quiet and hoarse it didn’t even sound like you anymore. “Why would you jump in there?”

He opened his eyes to look at you, propping himself on his elbows while his chest still heaved for even the slightest breath of air, a more melancholic look settling in them. “I found a daisy for you, but I dropped it and it blew into the water.”

You were quiet, finally feeling relieved that breathing was almost as easy and natural as it had always been, while Taehyung still wheezed next to you.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, looking truly remorseful, and you filled with guilt; he endangered his life for something that would simply make you smile.

You collapsed completely in the mud beside him, the blades of grass slightly itchy against your soft skin, looking up at the bright sky. “It’s okay, Tae, just please never leave my sight again, okay?”

He looked toward you completely, his expression shimmering with absolute admiration as he promised. “Never. I can’t breathe without you.”



~

When you raised your head from your laptop, the freshly bought nutella jar was upside down and balanced on his face, right over his open mouth with chocolate spread smeared around his skin.

“Oh my god, you can’t have eaten all that already!”

He tilted his head to look at you, his dark-stained lips already asking a very meek ‘what?’, voice quiet and eyes wide in an inquisitive way, the empty jar falling from being perched on his skin into his waiting chocolate-smeared fingers.

“That’s way too much sugar, your poor skin.” You tutted, rising from the stiff chair, stretching your arms over your head, one foot already hitting the floor to bring you closer to him.

“You can never have too much sunshine and happiness!” Taehyung cheered, his nutella-stained teeth grinning wide, smiling eyes following you as you moved away from your work and over towards how he lay on the couch.

“Come on, Tae. You’ll never get any study time in if all you do is eat.” You prodded his stomach softly for good measure, and he whined quietly at the contact on his soft skin.

Before he could respond, he jerked into a sitting position as he descended into a coughing fit, the sounds so sick and monstrous that you were hesitant to even rub his back as his shoulders shook with the effort.

“Are you okay?” You asked urgently, hand stretching towards your phone already, thumb tense and poised over the emergency call for help.

He stopped coughing, waving his hand at you without meeting your gaze, and you knew his eyes had to be stained and leaking from the strain on his lungs. “Don’t worry, I’m fine, really.”

He tried to put on a smile for you, although he looked pained; his eyes were watery and red, his skin tense and missing the smooth honey-richness that it used to drown in, a smear of blood on his lower lip that you reached up to wipe away. His eyes fell into an emotion less than cheerful, and the mere sight made your own eyes well up before you could put on a brave mask to stop it.

“I really wish you’d let them help you,” you murmured, your sad gaze still locked on his lips.

He licked them quickly, only a small portion of the chocolate being wiped away, still trying to wear a convincing smile so you yourself could be happy. “I’m fine, I really am.”

The next moment, before you could think of how to retaliate to his stubbornness, he leapt up from the couch, proceeding to suck his fingers visibly clean of his favourite spread.

“Something’s bothering you,” he interjected suddenly, watching you from a short distance, not far enough that he had to raise his voice in the slightest, his eyes as warm and kind as they had always been.

“Hm?”

You did your best to make the hum sound light and carefree, but the heat quickly rising along your neck as blood rushed to your face, and the way your eyes immediately shifted to your feet gave away your cover completely.

“Come on,” Taehyung tried to pry it out of you. “You know you can tell me anything. I might even know how to help your dilemma,” he added, pointedly licking his finger for emphasis, the same finger that was absolutely smothered in a child’s food fifteen seconds ago, and you couldn’t control the smile from blossoming on your face.

It was now or never, and you weren’t going to lose your nerve to tell him yet again.

“I, uh, have something to tell you,” you spoke cautiously as your smile hid, your fingers fiddling with themselves subconsciously, not even blinking as you watched for any sort of reaction from him, and he knew that too, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“What?” His tone was equally cautious, his eyes narrow but just as unblinking as yours.

“There’s somewhere I have to travel to, for work.”

He squinted at you, his expression morphing into amusement. “Geez, I don’t appreciate the short notice, but I guess I can pack-”

“Taehyung.”

The firmness behind your tone was enough to stop him in his tracks, his face changing again into a state of shock as he scrambled for his words while praying you were going to change yours.

“You don’t mean, away from me? Completely?”

You knew him, you knew how much he had to be hurting on the inside by just the thought of you being in a different city to him, even for a few hours, let alone days or even weeks. You stepped towards him, so close that your noses would touch with another inch, your hands coming up to rest on the sides of his face.

“I have to leave you,” you spoke softly, keeping his face between your hands. He gave no reaction, blankly staring right back at you.

“I have to move somewhere else for a few weeks,” you continued speaking, wary of how fragile he was despite the emptiness he seemed to reciprocate. “But I’ll come back when it’s all done, I promise.”

“Why?”

His eyes started to dampen, and you pressed your lips together in attempt to stop the constricting dryness from obstructing your throat, your thumbs moving to softly wipe under his eyes before the tears had even fallen.

“Tae, I have to go, I have to travel for work. It’s only a four hour drive, it’s not like there’s a whole ocean between us.”

But there was; an ocean Taehyung couldn’t swim in, an ocean that he needed your help to wade through, an ocean he needed you to be able to breathe in. He tried to bargain with you, paying no mind to the fact that if you had any control over the situation yourself, you wouldn’t leave him for an instant.

“Travel to my house.”

“Tae, you know that I can’t-”

“I’m not well enough to be without you, please, don’t leave.”

You wiped under his eyes in preparation for the tears he was insistent to expel before they could form, his hands coming up to hold you around the middle. His lips twitched as he held it in; he almost told you how he couldn’t breathe without you, and he had to improvise, so he told the absolute truth.

“I lied today,” he mumbled, feeling too ashamed to look you straight in the eye, “the doctor said I don’t have long left, that I should go on the transplant list, that someone has to be with me at all times now.”

Your lips pressed together tighter. He didn’t realise that you already knew that.

“I’ll call you all of the time, I’ll have someone check on you every single hour, Tae, I swear you will be okay.”

He finally started to accept it, leaning forward to wrap you completely in his embrace, his arms holding you closer than painfully close, completely silent for the longest time.

“You have to promise me that you’ll always be safe,” he pressed, his arms not yet releasing you.

You scoffed playfully, while your eyes blinked far more than usual to keep the water at bay. “Me? You better focus on getting better, sunshine.”

He couldn’t bear to answer you, humming so softly that he hoped would pass for confirmation, his hand rubbing your back softly as he breathed in the air by your neck for what could be the last time.



~

It was around four am when the repeated buzzing of your phone woke you from your well-deserved sleep, and you groggily looked at the bright screen, trying to recognise the number, but it didn’t look familiar.

It had to be important - why would anybody call at this damned hour?

You swiped to answer the rings and held it up to your ear, slumping back in bed, your vision splashed with colourful dots as you looked at the dark ceiling.

“Hello?”

“Miss,” an unfamiliar voice started straightaway, and by their breathlessness, your skin prickled with anxiety, “do you know Kim Taehyung?”

The prickles burned more fiercely, and you were already sitting up in bed, answering with a very tentative confirmation.

“He’s in the theatre right now, I have to notify his next of kin. It would be best if you came here.”

Before she’d even finished speaking, you grabbed your keys, too shocked to care if you weren’t properly dressed, using your limbs to fly out of the house with a panic-fuelled adrenaline.

Nothing else that went on around you reached your ears. Were there sirens and car horns beeping? Were the trees rattling with the wind that shook them? Was a bird calling, a dog barking somewhere? You couldn’t tell. You couldn’t hear anything over the sound of the heartbeat that rang in your ears.

You shouldn’t be driving in this state, you knew it, but Taehyung was dying, right now.

“Miss,” the surgeon started again, “I have to hang up now,-”

“No,” you grovelled, your voice low but quiet, quivering off at the end. “Please, stay on the line, I need to know.”

For a moment, only silence came from the other end of the phone, before the surgeon started talking again, telling you about how he’d been rushed in a few hours ago after he’d been found unconscious in the garden, how he seemed to be doing much better before his system plummeted.

She also asked if you were feeling okay, and you had nothing to say back to her, one hand frozen with the phone to your ear, while the other turned onto the highway, your right foot much heavier than usual. You only sped past four exits when you noticed it, on the road in the same lane you were on, a massive truck beside you speeding ahead of your car that now dwindled along, well under the speed limit as it tried to overtake you.

“South on the Highway, exit 134,” you breathed so quietly and quickly into the phone the spokesperson almost didn’t hear you, “there’s an accident, send someone now,” you paused to swallow quickly, your other hand sweating as it gripped the wheel tighter. “I have strong lungs, and he just needs to breathe.”

You hung up the next second, throwing the phone to the backseat of your car just as the sound of horns blaring, and your car jerked then, the tires sliding around on the ice as you tried to regain the control that you knew you couldn’t get back, before your car skidded sideways into a truck, the thick crash of metal against metal rattling in the air.



~

When he woke up, he was laid neatly in a bed, the blankets pulled up just before where the burning cuts had to be, small machines of all sorts attached to his arms, blinking and beeping different tunes. He tried to take a deep breath through the nozzle strapped underneath his nose, and although his chest screamed at him, his lungs could finally pull in air the easiest it had ever been in years.

All too soon, the sound of footsteps echoing on the hall floors grew louder as someone grew nearer, and Taehyung shut his eyes, already knowing it was a doctor come around to check on him. The steps paused at the end of his bed, before a sigh of dread filled the air.

“We need to have a talk,” he looked down at the folder filled with his information at the foot of the bed as he searched for his name, “Taehyung.”

He kept his eyes closed, resolving to humming in confirmation, his skin searing and aching with a pain he’d never imagined possible, even with the painkillers being pumped deep into his veins.

“There’s been an accident, a very bad one. A collision, on the Highway.” The doctor took in a breath, watching his patient closely for any reaction, yet he stayed completely still in his bed.

“It was a quick death, Taehyung. You can breathe easily knowing that she didn’t feel any pain.”

He squinted groggily at the man, becoming more and more alert and anxious with each passing second. They didn’t mean you, did they?

He shifted slightly where he stood, as if he was searching for a way to tell him something, and with a thudding drop in his gut, Taehyung didn’t want to know. The doctor could tell, by the look on his patient’s face, he was begging him to say literally anything else, and he rubbed the back of his neck, searching for the strength to carry out the part of his job he hated the most.

“I think you already know who we’re talking about, Taehyung.”

“No,” he begged, the shock blurring his vision, his face both hot with the blood rush of his sobs and frozen in terror, in absolute disbelief. “She’s not, she could never-”

“We were able to give you the transplant, because of her.”

“You mean,” He started with a horrified look, pushing through the hiccupped sobs he knew would escape him soon, “she’s inside me?”

He looked down frantically at his chest, over the massive bandage that hid stitches that held his skin together over your lungs. He was breathing with a piece of you, and the sheer fact that it felt the easiest breathing ever had in years drowned him in his guilt.

“N-no, there must be some mistake-”

The doctor shook his head, silencing him before he could even grovel for another option, a different alternative to you just being gone.

“She gave us permission to use her organs in the event she died.”

“How?” He cried, his corded hands moving to hold himself, and it didn’t matter that it hurt with an intensity so relentless that it made his legs twitch and writhe where they were; it wasn’t his right to ache over the piece of you that shouldn’t be inside him.

The doctor licked his lips quickly, contemplating whether or not he should actually tell his patient how the most important person in the world to him had exactly vanished. “She was talking to one of the surgeons while she was on her way here,” he finally decided to speak, his knuckles white from gripping the metal foot of the bed so tightly, “there was ice on the road, she must have spotted it before she lost control of the vehicle on it.”

He couldn’t even breathe now, his chest quivering; it really was all his fault. You knew you wouldn’t make it, you knew your body couldn’t be saved from the accident, but you could save his. He refused to accept it.

Taehyung tried to swallow, knowing full well he was kidding himself, but he could never forgive himself for trying, burdened with the fact that you died for him. “You said, in the event that she died,” he clenched his teeth together at the word, it tasted so bitter on his tongue, “so does that mean there’s a chance that-”

The look the doctor gave him stopped him again. “No, Taehyung. Her neck snapped immediately on impact. She was gone before she even knew she’d been hit.”

The choked sobs finally escaped then, and he wailed like he was dying as his whole body shook, and he groaned to himself why you wouldn’t at least try to save yourself, the doctor quickly stepping up to the iv machine.

“This is for your own good, Taehyung, you don’t want to put yourself back in theatre.”

It had to be a sedative, what the doctor was pushing into him, his eyes feeling sore with exhaustion, his limbs no longer finding the strength to thrash around, his skin bleeding so much that he could see the bandage on his chest soak more and more with red dots before they melded together into a pond of his helplessness. His voice was quiet, calm and soothing when he spoke to Taehyung again, hand retracting from the syringe he’d been steadily pressing down on.

“We were able to save four other lives, too. Thanks to her consent, five people can live on.”

But what if Taehyung didn’t want to live on?

The crushing fatigue was too much for him, he had to give up and rest, and through the impossible weight of all the guilt, he could swear that before he closed his eyes for the last time, you were in the same room with him, standing by his bed wearing a worried smile, your fingers gently moving from his forehead into his hair like they always did when he tossed and turned at night because he couldn’t even sleep without you.



~

He stepped slowly, his body weighed down with an invisible force, his feet struggling to find the motivation to keep pressing forwards; but he had to do this, he owed it at the very least.

Through all the therapy and medication, there was no instructions about how to handle the loss of you, his most favourite person in the whole wide world, the reason he could keep going on for all that time, continue smiling and seeing the positivity in the same world that discarded him before he had a chance to live.

You never deserved to be extinguished, especially not for him; how could he not feel like it was his fault? He’d let them call you, he knew you’d worry and you’d do something silly, but even in your last moments you were completely selfless, putting his rapidly diminishing state of healthy over your own.

He’d made sure you had the best headstone, ordering one made completely of coloured glass, purples and blues and oranges dancing together over the bright green field, engraving it with the most curvaceous font he could find. The world had to know that you were different, you didn’t deserve to go like this, to have to lie still in the ground at such a young age. They had to see the colours you could never see in yourself cast over the earth in such a captivating brilliance that Taehyung couldn’t even see without.

He started to choke up before he could help himself, letting himself fall to his knees right in front of where you lay, crying the hardest he ever had. His fingers buried into the dirt through the newly grown grass, having to just hold onto something that he could call you.  He lay with his chest right over where you had to be, his arms spread like he was trying to hug you through the layers of dirt and the harsh wooden box he had to leave you in.

He had no flowers to give you, no wreath, no picture frame filled with your bright smiling face to lay beneath your name. He tried to breathe, his heart racing fast enough for both of you, his lungs struggling to work as if they still belonged to you, and his own diseased lungs were still trapped inside him.

He swore to himself as he finally regained control over his breathing, nails digging harder into the soft grass, his eyes trained on the single flower that grew upwards from the soil, the daisy’s petals a soft mellifluous yellow like the flowers that would bloom from the ground wherever you stepped.

go rest up with the other pixel kiddos, Niko, you’ve earned it

I recently finished playing through a wonderful little game called OneShot and friggin immediately got overly emotionally invested in the player character, Niko. To all ya’ll who enjoyed Undertale, I would highly, highly recommend this game, especially if you liked the more melancholic parts + the shattered fourth wall.

Spoilers under the cut!

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fireflies: preview

Just a glimpse of a little something I’m working on :D

“Have you ever been here before?” He questioned, absent minded. His fingers, forever interlaced in yours, passed the warmth of his presence with unconditional purity ― it were those simple, mundane touches that made you fall even deeper in love for him.

You thought for a second, but the landscape opening before you found no match in your memories. “I don’t remember? Maybe when I was a kid.”

“I used to come here all the time with my folks,” a dim smile sprouted on his lips, a signal of the fascination that place could provide so easily. “It was one of my favorite places. Babe, you had no idea how breathtaking this thing was once it was all lit up.”

You shared his bliss, unable to hold yourself back. “How was it?”

“The roller-coasters never stopped, even the carts glowed in red and blue,” Taehyung started, allowing for his irises to glow in an overwhelming, prismatic sense of nostalgia. “I remember I just saw them pass by like rockets, and I went home imagining them flying up to the moon, filled with small astronauts,” he chuckled at that, looking up at the starry sky as if he was expecting to see frivolous space adventurers to pass by in a fit of laughter. Breathless at his emotion-filled words, you did the same, blown away by the everlasting ebony that covered the horizon.

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anonymous asked:

I have an excellent idea! Can u please, PLEASE, write solangelo where Nico works in a tattoo studio and Will is a shop assistant in flower shop and somehow thay meet and everything is sweet and fluffy with a bit of angst? PLEASE! I love you! ❤❤😍😘😍

I absolutely love this prompt, it was absolutely wonderful to write!!! I love you too, anon


On one side of the street was a small tattoo shop. It didn’t capture anyone’s attention unless they were really looking. Or very drunk. Inside, there was a young man in his early twenties. He had eyes that warned others of trouble, and his style of dressing didn’t help the image. He had a sleeve of tattoos on his right arm and a lip piercing. His hair was long and messy, and he always wore black.

On  the opposite side of the street was a large flower shop, owned by one of the most pretentious, condescending snobs known to anyone in that area. Nobody called her by her name. They all only referred to her as the florist.

She had an unlucky assistant whom everyone pitied. He was about a year older than the tattoo artist, and couldn’t contrast him any more than he did if he wanted to. He had golden locks adorning his sun kissed face, freckles splattered along his cheeks and nose, and the brightest blue eyes anyone had seen. He always wore lighter colors and greeted everyone with a smile that made up for his boss’s attitude.

For many months, the two never acknowledged the other. They were from separate worlds. Until mid-December.

The tattoo artist was more melancholic than usual as the date of his sister’s death came back around to refresh the agony of loss. It was the first time he would visit her grave. He never wanted to before, but after so long, he needed to be closer to her, somehow. He didn’t want to go empty handed. So he stopped by the flower shop he’d heard so much about.

The second he walked in, the florist’s nose scrunched up like she was smelling a pile on dung and her mouth puckered like she was sucking on a lemon. “Can I help you?” she asked slowly, as though the young man was too slow to understand her.

“I was looking for flowers,” he responded, accustomed to the sneer.

“Obviously,” she replied, grimacing as she looked him up and down. The assistant paused as he wrapped a bouquet in its plastic. “What kind of flowers?”

“I don’t know,” the tattoo artist enunciated, keeping his temper under control.

“Then you are wasting my time. Leave my store.”

Before he could snap at her, the assistant interfered, “Sir, I could help you. Don’t worry Miss, I’ll handle it.” The florist scowled again and turned away to shut herself in her office. “I apologize,” said the assistant in a soothing voice. “She’s not a people person. What are the flowers for?”

Shifting on his feet uncomfortably, the tattooed trouble maker responded, “For a grave. My sister’s grave.”

The bright blue eyes that were so welcoming dimmed slightly. “I see,” he said. It was refreshing not to hear “I’m sorry” like everyone else said when this topic came up. “Well, many times, white flowers are used for death. Roses, orchids, irises, lilies, t-”

“She liked lilies,” he answered.

“There we go. Come right over here.” He moved around the counter and passed him closely enough to smell the sharp disinfectant scent of the tattoo shop. Meanwhile, the tattoo artist was enveloped in the aroma of cocoa butter and honey.  “These are the lilies. Pick the ones you want, and I’ll wrap them up for you.” The tattoos on his arm stood out as he picked amongst the white flowers, captivating the assistant. He wondered at their meaning and if he’d done them himself. “Did those hurt?” he asked, standing aside.

Warm chocolate brown eyes drifted from the tattoos to the resplendent sky blue eyes. “Not more than it must hurt to work with that woman,” he answered. “You’re too kind to be with such a venomous person.”

The assistant blushed slightly and shook his head. “She’s had it rough. She’s actually a good person. But nobody takes the time to realize it.” When the raven haired mystery boy snorted, he couldn’t help but say, “I would think you knew what that’s like. Being judged before you have a chance to show what you’re like?”

With an eyebrow raised, the tattoo artist gave him the flowers to wrap. As he did so, he responded, “Maybe the first impression is right.”

“So you’re telling me you’re a dangerous trouble maker with no regards to other’s feelings?” He handed the flowers over.

His eyes narrowed. “Is that what you see?”

“No,” he assured, not feeling at all threatened. “But I know it’s what everyone else does.”

For a second they just stared at each other. Then he handed a fifty dollar bill to pay. “Keep the change,” he muttered, leaving before the assistant could protest.

That day, the tattoo artist dropped off the flowers at the grave. The next day when he went to open his shop, he saw a flower with several long thin petals and a note attached. Aster, symbolizes patience. The next day he saw a flower that looked similar to a lily, only it had overlapping petals. The note read Amaryllis, symbolizes worth beyond looks. Every day that week, he found a new flower. For hope, to encourage happiness, symbolizes courage, symbolizes resilience.

Finally, at the end of the week, he closed his shop early and waited for the florist to close her shop. The assistant walked out of the flower shop and immediately, he left his own to catch up. “Hey,” he called. The blond stopped and turned. “Why have you been leaving flowers at my door?” But there was no response. Not verbal, at least. Just a smile. “What’s your name?”

“Will,” he responded. “What’s yours troublemaker?”

“Nico,” he answered. “And I’m not a troublemaker… usually.”

Will smiled at him. “I know that,” he answered. “Now that we know each other’s name… do you want to go out for a coffee? It’s pretty cold out here.” Nico smiled and bit his lip. He walked with Will to a coffee shop where they sat for a long time talking about nothing and everything.

He found Will’s laugh warm and bright, more so than his smile. He admired the way his eyes gleamed when he smiled, which was often. He enjoyed counting the freckles splattered along his skin. Enjoyed making him blush and bite the inside of his cheek nervously.

Will was fascinated by the ebony eyes that seemed to brighten when they looked at him. He saw the kinder, sweeter version of the boy with tattoos that he was certain nobody else saw. He found him quite adorable despite the hard edge he seemed to have. And he enjoyed making him smile, because he was certain he didn’t do so very often.

Nico walked him home, surprised with how close he lived to their jobs. Before he could go inside, Nico grabbed his hand to stop him. “Wait,” he said. Will turned to look at him, surprised. “I’m not dangerous. I’m not a trouble maker. But God help me, I’m reckless and impulsive.” And before Will could respond, Nico pressed his lips gently against his. When he wasn’t pushed away, he pressed a little harder, took Will’s lower lip between his. He slid a hand behind his neck and Will’s arms curved around his torso.

When they finally pulled apart they were both blushing and smiling. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Will said quietly. He slipped into his apartment, and Nico went home.

The next day, he found a red rose and a red carnation at the studio door. A note strung them together with a single word:

Passion.

anonymous asked:

About the theory you reblogged about Gildarts talking to Natsu about romance, I think this is also valid theory since I think if he was talking about Igneel I think he would be drawn more melancholic or sad. He's sweating as if he is uncomfortable/embarrassed by the topic. (which i don't think he would be if it was Igneel) So it would be very plausible to be about Lucy :D

I completely agree, anon! I don’t have much to add about the theory since you guys covered all the bases, but I am in agreement ^^

I’m so excited for nalu, though! 😏❤

Zodiac Songs #7 - Portishead

Portishead is my favorite music group of all time.  It took me a while to make this list because my feelings for them are so deep and complex and it was kinda hard to hyper analyze them in this way.  Also I’m a Scorpio and I don’t like sharing with too many people the things that are really close to my heart. I didn’t even want to link all the songs cause I’m possessive like that and I didn’t want to make it too easy for the dilettantes…  But I did anyway since for some reason I felt like writing this right now. So here it is.

Pioneers and perfectors of the trip-hop genre, Portishead formed in the height of the Neptune in Capricorn era.  While more mainstream artists were tied to physical excesses, lamenting over money, sex, and ruthless notoriety, or grumbling in grungy purgatory, trip hop artists, especially Portishead, represented the more melancholic and ethereal side of this era. Bubbling under the surface and never reaching true mainstream status, Portishead and other trip-hop artists represented the soul of this dark, physically focused era. Contemplative, reflecting on the survival mechanisms of human nature on Earth, and the limits of life on this plane, Portishead is produced by Venus in Capricorn - True Node Aquarius native Geoff Barrow and led by the vocals and lyrics of Capricorn Sun - Aquarius Moon, Beth Gibbons. Portishead’s music is decidedly Saturnian in nature –  somber, often harsh, cryptic and coded, obsessively detailed, heartbroken but persevering, aloof, alienating, emotionally dense, exquisitely elucidating the perils of mortality; travelling through time – deeply rooted in the past while always looking forward and breaking new ground.

As Neptune made its way into Aquarius, Portishead’s avant-garde influence began to take root in more mainstream music.  In an era when electronic music made its way into pop music, the lightness of the air element created a fascination with depth and many of the styles and techniques that Portishead had been using a decade earlier became chic and new in mainstream pop. Weirdness became hip and eventually diluted into more palatable forms. But when Portishead released their 3rd album, Third,  in 2008, many of the critics in the airy Neptune in Aquarius era weren’t ready for how real it actually was. Ignorantly written off by many as their weakest release, Third was even more experimental, harsh, and alienating than their previous releases. While they were like the ethereal soul of the Neptune in Capricorn era, Portishead was like the dense core grounding the excess electricity of the Neptune in Aquarius era. Weariness, angst, spiritual disillusionment channelled through synths, Third was rooted in electronic music history and primal psychedelia and effectively called bullshit on all the lightweights playing checkers on their chessboard.  
The music of Portishead for me is like the soundtrack of Saturn at its most dense and ultra feminine in the esoteric sense. This list is basically like Saturn travelling through each of the signs, forcing each one to confront their shortcomings, fears, and inevitable demise on this plane while encouraging excellence and keeping a focused eye on the future.

Aries - Numb, Roads
This loneliness, just won’t leave me alone. A lady of war…

Ohh, can’t anybody see, We’ve got a war to fight, Never found our way, Regardless of what they say

Taurus - Cowboys, Biscuit 
But don’t despair, this day will be the damndest day oh if you take these things from me.

Full fed yet I still hunger. Torn inside. Haunted I tell myself, yet I still wander, Down, inside, its tearing me apart. Ohh sensation. Sin, slave of sensation

Gemini - Magic Doors, Silence 

I can’t divide or hide from me, I don’t know who I’m meant to be
I guess it’s just the person that I am

Tempted in our minds. Tormented inside lie
Wounded and afraid, Inside my head, Falling through changes

Cancer - Sour Times (Nobody Loves Me), Half Day Closing 

Who am I, what and why? Cause all I have left are my memories of yesterday. Ooh Sour times.

In the days, the golden days when everybody knew what they wanted, It ain’t here today. Through the times of lasting love when parents talked of things tried and tested. It don’t feel the same. Dreams and belief have gone. Time, life itself goes on…

Leo - All Mine, Small 

Make no mistake, you shan’t escape, tethered and tied there’s nowhere to hide from me. All mine. You have to be.

Small, tasteless, and forgot, Hoping to see, blinded like me, You tried to understand, but you’re just a man, Open to scorn just like me

Virgo - It could Be Sweet, Nylon Smile 

I don’t want to hurt you. No reason, have I but fear. And I ain’t guilty of the crimes you accuse me of. But I’m guilty of fear.

I’d like to laugh at what you said but I just can’t find a smile. I wonder why you can. I struggle with myself, hoping I might change a little, hoping that I might be someone I wanna be

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