more good in it than bad

Young Supernovas - a Murphy siblings playlist about a bad unhealthy relationship that grows into a mutually beneficial relationship and two siblings who care about each other more than theyre willing to admit made entirely of songs by The Mountain Goats

if you don’t know The Mountain Goats, they’re an indie band mostly comprised of singer/songwriter John Darnielle. Their songs are about trauma and mental illness and living with yourself and those things. here’s a good list what some consider quintessential Mountain Goats songs, along with wonderful descriptions of what they represent (x).  you don’t have to listen to any on the list to enjoy the mix, however if you listen to the mix and decide you want to listen to more Mountain Goats songs, that’s where I would start.  


Transcendental Youth - (stay sick, don’t get well)

Black Pear Tree - (somebody’s gonna get hurt… I hope it’s not me) 

High Hawk Season - (the heats about to break)

Have to Explode - (name one thing about us two anyone could love)

Up the Wolves - (there’ll always be a few things, maybe several things, that you’re gonna find really difficult to forgive)

Going To Georgia - (i’m frozen with joy right where i stand) 

Proverbs 6:27 - (treat every crushing moment like a gift)

Damn These Vampires - (try not to hate the light) 

Absolute Lithops Effect - (some tender mercy) 

Never Quite Free - (and look about—all the stars are coming out) 

Listen on Playmoss here (x)

anonymous asked:

whats ur skincare routine?

In the shower: Neutrogena oil free acne wash followed by Neutrogena clear pore scrub with Benzoyl Peroxide

Every morning and night unless I’ve showered: PanOxyl acne foaming wash with 10% Benzoyl Peroxide followed by Clearasil rapid action salicylic acid pads.

When a pimple appears: Khiel’s blue herbal spit treatment with salicylic acid every four hours til it disappears.

But since I started my regimen I’ve only gotten 2 pimples.


anonymous asked:

Omgomgomg I didn't know I needed that Phoenix au in my life until you wrote it. You have made me live holy shit and I have questions. Does tony get more powerful every time he reincarnates? Does he have the reactor, how does that work? How many times has he reincarnates? Can he control it? Is there stigma for/against certain creatures? How is a Phoenix seen (good/bad/neutral?)? What are the thoughts of the media/population about all the avengers forms? And tony specifically? Is anyone angry?

So many questions omg!!! 

He doesn’t get more powerful in the physical sense, other than any physical ailments (including whatever killed him) are healed, obviously. But he gets wiser. Each time he reincarnates he gets a glimpse of something that he’s never really been able to describe, and it scares the shit out of him, but he understands. No one else is able to get what he’s trying to say when he explains this, but it doesn’t matter. 

He did have the reactor, a supernatural sort of reactor, for awhile! Then he was dying and he reincarnated and it just sorta,, fell out? burned away? It’s gone now, but he did have it. It wasn’t like a true arc reactor, but it was a thing that was keeping him alive so. 

He hasn’t been reincarnated many times (he’s not very old, for a phoenix) but as of now, at least twice. Whenever someone asks he says “It’s rude to ask someone their age” (like those are equivalent) but he reincarnated once before and then once now so AT LEAST twice. 

There are stigmas! The rarer the creature, the worse the stigma. (Phoenixes, dragons, gryphons, and the like are the rarest sorts of creatures, and are seen particularly badly because of how long their lifespans are. Phoenixes and dragons are held in a sort of revered-yet-feared equal standing, with the general consensus of “If you run into one you won’t kill it, so scream and get the fuck away”.) 

It took awhile for the public to warm up to the Avengers, but once they realized the troop truly was fighting for the good of mankind and wouldn’t use their overpowered status to undermine the little guy, they warmed up really quick. They’re still cautious of Tony, not because he hadn’t officially announced what he was (Clint and Nat didn’t either, they’re just easy to guess what they are) but because he is so hard to read. People aren’t angry once this is out, but they’re definitely scared of him. Until someone catches a picture of him dropping his ice cream and standing there for a good two solid minutes just staring sadly at the poor melting treat. Yeah, he’s still just goofy Tony Stark. 

anonymous asked:

Wade + reader 72 and 46?

Characters: Reader x Wade Wilson + Jack “Weasel” Hammer

Warnings: alcohol consumption, swearing, sexual-ish content (not smut sorry idk how to describe it)

Prompts: 46: “Please shut up. Just shut up.” 72: “I’m yours, in every way possible.”

Word Count: 420

A/N: hope this was okay ??


Working at the bar was hard. But you needed the money.

You were glad you got to work shifts with Weasel – he made the job more bearable. On a good day, the two of you would crack jokes, maybe strike up a funny conversation with one of the people at the bar as you made drinks.

On bad days, you would just get yelled at.

As you wiped down the bar, cleaning a spilled jug of beer off the countertop, you wondered why there were so manny more bad days than good days. 

“What the fuck is taking so long?” the man yelled, banging his fists on the countertop as Weasel tried to quickly fill up another glass. “I want my fucking beer!” 

“You’ll get your fucking beer!” you snapped, tossing the cloth into a bucket of water. The man frowned, looking you up and down before a smirk appeared on his face. The type of smirk that made you incredibly uncomfortable.

“This your only job?” he asked, and you raised an eyebrow. “Do you do… other jobs? You know what I mean-”

“Please shut up. Just shut up, you fucking pervert.” you growled, realising what he was insinuating. “I just serve drinks.” 

You angrily snatched the glass from Weasel and handed it over to the man, wanting to get rid of him as quickly as possible. The man tried to reach out and grab your arm, but someone grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. You smiled upon recognising your boyfriend, Wade, and covered your smile with your hand as Wade punched the man. As big as the man was, Wade’s punch seemed to knock him out completely.

“Justice is served.” Wade sat on the stool, shaking out his fist as you leaned closer to him and laughed. “Seriously, y/n, I don’t get why you’re still working here with all these dude harassing you.”

“We need the money, Wade.” you pointed out, and he sighed.

“I know, I know,” he grumbled. “But I just don’t feel right with you here, you know? All these people either giving you trouble or eyeing you up-”

“Hey.” you reached out to squeeze Wade’s hand, detecting the jealousy in his voice. “I’m yours, in every way possible.”

Wade grinned, and you grinned back as you asked, “Want a blowjob?”

“I don’t think it’ll be appropriate here, but if you’re offering.” Wade wiggled his eyebrows, and you rolled your eyes.

“The drink, you fucking idiot.” you replied, already reaching for the shot glass.


for #hannictober

Will is looking at himself in the mirror.  He is really not sure if he recognises himself anymore. He thinks that possibly he looks good.  Maybe, he hopes, slightly more than good.  He turns around and looks at himself from the back, yeah not too bad.  He sighs and looks again at himself.  Who has he become?  He wonders.   He actually picked these clothes too.  That’s the most amazing part.

Hannibal appears and stands in the doorway, Will doesn’t see him, he is enjoying the sight of this new Will. He looks good, he is wearing a new suit, he is wearing a suit.  That alone is a cause for some celebration.  Since they have been living together Will has been slowly becoming more accustomed to the finer things in life.  He is eating better, wearing better clothes, he exercises and takes good care of himself. Hannibal is enjoying the results. He tries to be subtle when he looks at Will but lately he has noticed Will is looking back.

Hannibal coughs and Will turns around. “I didn’t see you there how long have you been standing there?”

With a smile Hannibal straightens himself up from leaning against the door frame and walks in to what is Will’s room to stand behind him and look at Will’s reflection.  Hannibal gently brushes the shoulders of the jacket with his hands and Will stiffens slightly, straightening up.  “It looks good.”  Hannibal says and stands back a little to admire him.

“Thanks.”  Will says awkwardly aware of Hannibal’s gaze roaming up and down his body.  He coughs, “I wanted to look good for this evening.”

Hannibal smiles.  They are going out for the first time since they arrived in Cuba.  They have been holed up in their house healing and hiding Hannibal thinks. Hannibal is a social butterfly and as much as he enjoys Will’s company he also wants to go out with Will.  After much cajoling Hannibal convinced Will to go to a local restaurant where they are having a special dinner and dancing. It will be good for them to get out of the house, to be seen, to blend in.  Although looking as good as Will does in that suit, Hannibal is not sure how much blending in he will do.  Hannibal smirks at the thought.

“What?”  Will says seeing the smirk flitter across his face.

“Well we are supposed to be blending in.”  Hannibal moves closer and stands very close behind Will so he can whisper directly into his ear, Will doesn’t stop him just watches his reflection in the mirror, “you look very good.”

“In that case no one will recognise me.”  Will says nervously, he is not used to Hannibal being this close not since all their injuries healed.

Hannibal laughs and so gently, that Will is at first sure he imagined it, licks his earlobe.  Then arms encircle Will’s waist and Hannibal leans his head on Will’s shoulder, their bodies flush together.  “I would always recognise you.”

Will closes his eyes and just enjoys the embrace, the feeling of being this close to the one person who understands him.  Hannibal is watching him, his gaze measured and calm with a spark of something else.  Will opens his eyes and turns around in Hannibal’s arms, he lifts his own hand to brush the hair from Hannibal’s face, greying silver strands that have gotten longer and are surprisingly soft.  Hannibal smiles and then as if they had done it a thousand times before Will leans in places his lips against Hannibal’s and kisses him.  

They stand in an embrace, the kiss is languid, slow and unhurried as if they have all the time in the world.  Will realises they do, they are both transformed together, changed by each other but always recognisable.  

anonymous asked:

💛 for Saeran!!

💛- A memory that makes them feel angry - for Saeran

All the memories of his mother make him either sad or scared. It’s been always like this. The memories of being a part of Mint Eye were somewhat painful, he felt ashamed of them, but they seemed to not bother him all that much - unless talking about the moments when he had to take the drug Rika created, these were bad, worse than any, making him shiver even after all these years that passed since then.

But there’s only one memory that makes him angry, even though he can’t tell if he’s more angry at her or at himself for believing in her words.

“Your brother left you. He hates you. You should forget about him.”

After all these years he knows it wasn’t exactly true. That even if he left, he tried to do some good with it.

If only he didn’t believe her back then. If only he trusted him instead of a person he just met.

It all would have been completely different.

Peer into my muse’s memories [closed]


“He’s twenty-two” he sat up “that’s not too old.”

“Four years” she pointed out “he’s a lot more experienced than you. He can…”

“Drink” Britland stood up and walked a short distance away. “Is that what you’re worried about? That he’ll turn me into an alcoholic?”

“He did purchase all that alcohol” Miranda said “he’s not a good influence on you or Felix.”

“That’s not true” he objected “Felix is the bad influence not him.”

“You shouldn’t let him interfere with your relationship with Felix” Miranda persisted “you’ve been best friends since preschool.”

“I know mom” he crossed his arms “Felix isn’t who you think he is.”

as yet unnamed

[ dazai osamu x reader ]

notes: discontinued. included every section, even the originally unpublished parts. i didn’t realize it was over 4k words.

一 ; the first letter.

I liked you, enough.

You weren’t too bad of a person, if I really thought about it–which I found myself doing, more often than not. You were so many things: the Port Mafia’s dearest prodigy, an underage drinker, a rival of dogs, and the champion of those stupid competitions we always had. Fickle, capricious and all over the place. One moment you wanted to play petty games and the next you were plotting the demise of your nearest enemy, usually Chuuya. At times, you were a lot to handle, but I grew used to it. After all, I liked you.

Were you real? Sometimes, I couldn’t tell how to distinguish your reality from the false mask you wove. You could be saccharine sweet whenever you wanted to, and it could mean so much. I tried not to think too much about it, because why would I need to? I was nothing compared to you. We never had to know each other.

We probably never should have met.

I was perfectly fine on my own. I was living, getting by, managing. I could handle things alone. Company, especially the constant kind you offered, wasn’t necessary. I had confidence in myself, the independent kind where I truly didn’t need someone else, otherwise I would start to question things. I liked the peace it brought, so of course you had to come along and turn everything upside down.

Maybe I should have asked you to fix it. Maybe I should have asked you to return it to the way it was before. Maybe I should have made you pick up the pieces of the glass heart you shattered and glue them back together, because any semblance of being whole is better than what you have left me with now.

Am I being dramatic? Probably. You must understand, we were young. Things are magnified somehow, as the years pass. Problems become all the more obvious, and some scars refuse to fade.

But I don’t blame you.

We were young and blind.

So, Dazai, ask me again.

Like you always had. Day after day, week after week, month after month. The texts of letters that made up words that made up sentences that made up the currents of the heart you pretended not to have. The long and dramatic speeches you ambushed me with that dragged on for so long that carried the story of your soul.

Ask me again tomorrow.

Won’t you?

二 ; the second letter.

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl, living in a place and time that they really shouldn’t have had anything to do with. Except they did. Victims of circumstances, driven by twisted desires, they found themselves in the organization that ran amok in the moonlit nights. They new nothing about the other - she knew his name and nothing more, and to him, she could very well be nobody. Their stories could have run parallel lines, they did not need another person to further their journeys, but in the end perhaps intersection was unavoidable.

But, intertwining?

Who would have guessed, that someone with a name and reputation like yours would want to talk to someone like me?

I was nothing but a fleeting face that could be forgotten as soon as I was seen. I ran errands for my superiors and averted my eyes at the slightest sign of internal strife so I wouldn’t find myself in more trouble than necessary. People as high up as you never would have though to look twice.

Except - except, I had to laugh.

“Ah, look at you!” was what you exclaimed, seated across from your - our - redhead resident matchstick. “Would a belle such as you be interested in a double suicide?”

A rather strange way to accept paperwork. Stunned, I must have stood there for a long moment, trying to wrap my head around the words that had just slipped from your mouth. Chuuya swooped in, like the life-saving angel he was and always will be when he wants to rub you the wrong way, to tell me that you’re always like this, and that I shouldn’t worry.

So, I laughed.

“Maybe some other time,” I said.

And I laughed. Maybe all this time in the mafia was getting to you, knocking you off your rocker. It would make sense, to lose grip on reality after so many years playing around in this business. It’s why nobody really asked about certain colleagues, it’s why nobody really thought twice about certain groups.

I would realize, years later, that you didn’t ask for a lovers’ suicide. It couldn’t have made that much of a difference, but you did not take word choice lightly. It meant something, and I didn’t know what.

Now, I might have an inkling. You’ll tell me if I’m wrong, won’t you?

You knew who I was, the whole time. You knew everything, and you were curious.

一 ; postcard one: lupin.

Hi, [Name]!
Odasaku made me these postcards, years back. I’m afraid that I never could do as good of a job as he did with the later ones, but it’s as you said. It’s the thought that counts.
Today, I visited the Lupin again. I invited Ango (do you know him? I’m not sure.) to come, but he refused. Suppose he still worries that I might put a bullet through him, after the stunt I pulled. But, the Lupin, it was just as I remembered. Nice and cozy, and the bartender hadn’t forgotten me. He even had my drink ready!
I should have taken you, on one of those evenings after work. You would have liked it, and I’m sure that you and Odasaku would have gotten along.
—–wish that you were here.

三 ; the third letter.

Do you remember the sound of my laugh? I remember yours. All of yours, from the laugh you used in the face of certain death to the one you used to mock your enemy and the laugh that slipped out when you were able to truly enjoy yourself. Maybe it’s just me, but they were all so different. Sure, your face still screwed up and I thought it couldn’t have been any less attractive, but it was you.

We shared many, over the course of the years. You laughed because I couldn’t do things you could, and I laughed because you could be downright ridiculous at times. Nothing cold-hearted, just two people learning to be friends. We would laugh when the other made the slightest mistake, and then move to help. We would laugh when we took a day off, unannounced, to explore the street markets and sometimes the festivals. We would laugh, you especially, when I somehow got sugar on my nose and you had to reach out and wipe it off.

You liked sugar a lot.

I learned this too late, after you had stolen the candy I picked up from one of the booths. But I didn’t mind. Not much, anyway.

Of course, you laughed more than I did. The way you chose to go about your life was different; you seemed to take the smallest thing and find amusement in it.

But now, I wonder, how much of it was real? You once told me that you joined the mafia to feel human. It was where the most desperate of emotions could be found. Were you simply doing it because you thought that was how you could find humanity? Did you really feel amusement bubbling up inside of you, the sort untainted by the darkness of your life?

Whatever the case was, you found reasons aplenty to laugh.

I remember the first time I heard that terrible sound.

It was when I bumped into you, a few days after the first incident. You were lounging in the corner, just outside of my office - they say that you can do some things you normally wouldn’t be able to in the Port Mafia, but maybe whoever decided someone as young as I was would need an office to work in was expecting too much - a cigarette in your hand, and when I asked you to put it out, you did with a laugh. You proceeded to offer me one, and I wonder why I hadn’t kicked you out of my life right then. I hated smoke, but with you around I grew used to it.

Oh, did I say “terrible”?

I did.

If I could use only one word to describe my childhood, if would be “terrible.”   Not even you could save it. Not even I can deny that most of it was because of you.

But I haven’t even gotten to that part yet.

The joke is on you, this time, Dazai.

I remember your laugh and I hate what you have done to me.

二 ; postcard two: the bookstore.

It’s that old bookstore again, [Name]!
Do you remember when I found you here? Your nose buried in a book and wedged between the bookshelves, you had probably been here for a couple hours. I guess it made sense. You were on vacation, so of course I decided I should have a nice conversation with you. After all, we were only getting to know each other. It’;d be a shame to let all my effort go to waste.
I suppose a book to the face told me how much you wanted interaction.
Next time, I’ll buy you that book you always wanted. How does that sound?
—wish you were here.

四 ; the fourth letter.

I think the first time I really enjoyed myself, ever since I woke up one day in the mafia infirmary, was the night you and Chuuya took me to a party. Not one of those fancy ones the boss would make us go to - you, actually, I didn’t start going to those until you decided I should - but one of those thrown by high school kids. It was mild, but I’m not sure what I expected. Those kids might have thought they were living on the dangerous side, but their definition is nothing near how dangerous we lived.

But, I had fun. The drinks were a bit watered down for my taste, though I had experience. Chuuya might beg to differ and you probably switched his drink out for cherry soda so he could stay on his feet longer. I’m surprised none of the kids paid us much attention. We must have blended in better than I expected.

That was the first time I truly experienced life. Sure, I’ve had my moments of escape, but this was different. I had people with me, people I considered friends. It was new, and it’s forever in my memory: the way Chuuya’s hat fell off his head about an hour in and the way you picked it up to wear, the way you caught my gaze and made such a big deal out of winking that I almost choked on a laugh. I avoided getting wasted that night, dragging the two of you out before midnight, telling myself that I had work to do the next day.

It was a lie.

I told myself that I wouldn’t stay any longer with you and Chuuya, after you insisted on racing down the streets like the cops were chasing us. After you took your time choosing a car and broke into it just to speed to the harbor and ditch it. You were so careless, reckless even, when you chose to let loose a bit. I knew that if I spent another second with you, I might end up even further in a pit of trouble.

But I stayed, didn’t I?

Until Chuuya downed that can of beer I had swiped from the party and stuffed in my bag, until he started to cuss you out, loudly, until you practically picked him up like he was a sack and announced that we had to find somewhere to leave him.

“Should we leave him in the street?” you had asked. My eyebrows had gone up, neither surprised or disappointed. Even two hours with the two of you could already give me a glance of your relationship. The fact that you had been even a little bit civil towards each other that night was a miracle in itself.

“Let’s go to my place,” I suggested. “It’s closest.”

I didn’t know where you lived. I didn’t want to know. As for my flat, well, I figured you must already know. You had your ways of getting information.

The walk to my apartment building was sobering. The realization of what had taken place only half an hour before sank in, and I found my steps faltering even before my door came into view. I hadn’t known you well, then. Our relationship before only consisted of nods hello, brief conversations, nothing more. That night, it had been a huge leap, and I didn’t know how things would be the next day.

You must have seen the doubt flickering through my eyes, because your lips curled up into that smirk of yours and you said, “Are you having second thoughts? Did you decide that it’s not worth letting a monster into your home?”

I rolled my eyes and replied, “You’re a monster, alright. Who steals a car and doesn’t have the decency to ride it all the way to Tokyo?”

You were careless, so very careless, so very arrogant and so very wrong.

And you made me careless. You changed me, and I had hoped I changed you.

But if I thought we were stupid and careless then, the us years later couldn’t compare.

三 ; postcard three: hot pot

You liked hot pot, right, [Name]?
We used to walk by this place every time we went to the street markets. You glanced at it every so often, but you didn’t say much about it. The windows were always fogged up, the door slightly open, and business all around the clock. You said that the place must be good, before changing the subject to something that happened at work. I tried it last week, and it was. You were right, like you so often were.
If I were being honest, I never was too sure about you. You didn’t like to talk much about yourself. What you liked, who you were, where you came from - it was all a secret. You even had a smile for it, with your lips pressed together and eyes sliding shut, it was the kind of secret that you would never part with even if it could save the world. And I wanted to find out.
If I ever do, I hope you tell me if I’m right.
—-wish you were here.

五 ; the fifth letter.

You broke a lot of hearts.

Don’t even try to deny it. I’m not saying it like it’s a bad thing, it’s a fact and I am stating it. Chuuya and I used to have bets every time you took fancy in some girl. Would you have sex with this one? How long would it take before you got tired of them? Would you break up with them before? Would you get rejected because you were a little too suicidal for their tastes? I’m not sure about you, but I prefer my men alive.

I’m not bragging, but usually I won the bets. I’m not even sure if Chuuya paid me all that I had won, but it doesn’t matter. He made it up with the food he treated me with. Food for the bets he lost and the trouble he caused me - less than you did, but he didn’t have a clean record - at the rate we were going, buying myself groceries was almost unnecessary.

You, on the other hand, you had your own ways making up for the messes you created. You must have broken my bathroom at least twice, Dazai, and I think you only fixed it once. I haven’t checked.

I swear, though, you spent more time at my flat than you should have. It was practically your second home. Of course, it was gradual, the hours you would spend there. At first, it was Friday nights after you and Chuuya dragged me out to have some sort of fun, whether it was wandering the streets of Yokohama and engaging in the nightlife, or hunting down new restaurants to try out, or frequenting the bars who were already far too familiar with us. Then it evolved to you walking me home from work, on days when I would actually get to go home. It felt strange on the occasions that you weren’t with me, and eventually you got me moved to work with you so our schedules wouldn’t conflict as much.

And then you started staying overnight.

It wasn’t on purpose, I know that.

You were half of Double Black. You took on dangerous jobs, sometimes you were too exhausted to make it to the headquarters right after a mission. The first day you showed up at my door nearly gave me a heart attack, but I grew used to it as time passed.

I had to get used to so much because of you.

I think I had to restock my first aid kit just for you. At least I would always be prepared, for any more unexpected visits.

At some point, I realized that every now and then I could smell the instant noodles you made at my place, even though I was certain I had opened the windows to air it out. I could smell hints of your cologne, on the pillow and the couch where you liked to crash, on the curtains from that one time you tripped over a lamp and just lay there for about an hour and then promised it wouldn’t happen again even though it did. If I tried hard enough, I could hear your chuckle from the half-conscious conversations we would have.

“Why is Chuuya such a lightweight?” for example. You asked me that, and I’m not sure what kind of response you were expecting. I didn’t give you a helpful one, too exhausted from having to stitch you up from a suicide attempt.

You did an awful lot of them, only to wind up with them failing and you standing outside my door with that sheepish smile on your face, asking me for help. I told myself that one day I would turn you away. I never did.

“If he used his ability, he wouldn’t be.”

I could feel the vibration of your chuckle from your back.

四 ; postcard four: pier.

You helped a baby crow once, at this pier.
It was your ability, to be able to heal minor injuries with a single touch. I found that on your file, but even Mori said your profile was incomplete. How did you convince him of your loyalty? He had no suspicions of you.
The crow recognized me - I’m surprised, though crows are quite intelligent. He followed me around when I stopped by, maybe hoping you would pop up like usual with food for him. When he realized you wouldn’t be coming, he pecked my hand and flew away. He drew a little blood, but it wasn’t much of an injury. I doubt you’d worry, though. You’ve seen me at worst stages.
You should visit your crow soon.
—wish you were here.

六 ; the sixth letter.

Over the course of years of your womanizing habits, I think that there has only been one person who ended things with you. That is, at least so publicly, in front of me.

It was after work one day, during the months Chuuya spent overseas, on a Friday that we decided to go somewhere mundane. Given that earlier in the week, we had hacked into a company’s funds to collect unpaid debt, something relaxing certainly seemed in order. Of course, I knew you had a new fling - Chuuya and I could never call them girlfriends, it seemed so permanent. All your previous ones, at some point, if they ever saw us, accepted the fact that we were friends. Maybe it was because Chuuya was there and we ganged up on you, but they never bothered us much.

Maybe you did something, said something, but I don’t know.

This time, however, it was different. She caught us at the wrong time, at the ramen house down the street by my flat. We visited often, once a month, and the owner recognized us and our timing well enough to already have a table ready.

She was there with a friend, who immediately directed her attention to us. You had me playfully shoving you into the restaurant, cheeks flushed from the cold and smile fading from the bouts of laughter we shared from the impressions we were doing. You were always uncannily good at them. I felt her stare on us, but when I asked you, you shrugged it away.

“Don’t worry about it,” you said. For some reason, whenever you said that, it made me feel strange.

She left us alone, until the owner seated us at our usual table - “two people today?” - and had our food ready in less than ten minutes.

I suppose, when she realized that nobody else would be joining us, she decided that something dishonest was going on and stormed over.

I don’t remember what she said - no, yelled - at you. Her voice was loud, quieting the buzz of the room, ringing and grating at my mind enough to give me a headache. But, I do know that she accused you of cheating. You selfish jerk, she had screamed. Playing with my heart like this for a month and cheating on me on our anniversary. Something along those lines.

It startled me, badly. You were as calm and collected as ever, waiting for her to run out of steam so you could get a word in. It didn’t matter that everyone’s attention was on us, I think you were enjoying yourself because of how far from the truth she was.

If Chuuya were there, we would have bet on how much effort you would put into this. Would you end things, or would you attempt to make amends?

But then she said something that jarred us both.

“Did you even love me?” she asked. Her voice was hoarse, tears running down her cheeks. “Did you even love me the way you love her?”

I could have laughed about so many things; she had only known you for one month, and was already demanding this, or she thought you loved me more when all we ever were from the very beginning were two people learning friendship.

“No,” was your response, as careless as ever. “Please, leave us. You’re making a scene.”

A cold dismissal, but it worked. The sound of the ramen house slowly returned to normal, albeit a bit awkward until you reached forward and pinched my nose. Then nothing else mattered except the phone call I would have to make with Chuuya.

I only realized afterwards that you did not correct her, that we were only friends and nothing like what the two of you had.

It made me wonder, though.

Do you even know what love is?

五 ; postcard five: street market.

Happy Lunar New Year!
Just kidding, it’s not. It hasn’t been for a while, but I just found this card. How have you been? How did you spend the last year? It’s been so long since we last spoke, but I still remember everything about you.
The street vendors have changed, most of them, so it’s a completely new experience. I certainly enjoyed it, and I know you would too. Well, the fifteen year old you. A great deal of time has passed. You must have changed a lot. I know you did.
Where are you? I haven’t seen you around. Have you been promoted? You deserve it. Have your habits changed? Have you moved? Are you trying to avoid any trace of me?
I bought you some candies to share!
—wish you were here.

七 ; the seventh letter.

I’m sorry, the way I ended the last letter was dramatic. Rereading what I wrote made me want to start all over, but I don’t have the time.

You understand, don’t you? You’ve always had a flair for dramatics.

I spoke to that woman, a few months back. I’m surprised she recognized me - both of us have changed. If I could, I would have told you off for the way you treated her. She’s a friendly person, and the life she leads is one I envy. She has a husband now and one child, happily settling down once again in Yokohama city. Her life is so normal, so wonderful.

Neither of us could ever have created something like that. It’s not our nature. We are self-destructive and driven and incapable of seeing the world in the same way others do. The dark of our work has shaped into the strangers we are today.

I suppose, in a way, we have always been strangers. No matter how many crashed parties or mafia formals or nights at the harbor we spent together, I could never understand you, not completely. I disillusioned myself many times when I was younger. Perhaps I have even romanticized things and saw what wasn’t there when I looked at you, because you had once been incapable of love.

Sure, you knew what lust meant, you knew what business and forbidden implied.

But love, it was an alien term to you. I don’t know what you perceived it as, but once that woman applied the term to me, things changed overnight.

You avoided me after that, almost as if you had a revelation; an epiphany had struck you, and you did not like it. Of course, you could also have done it to send me a message. To remind me of what I already knew about our relationship. You were my superior and I was your subordinate. Feelings could not get in the way of our jobs. Maybe you thought I was overstepping, growing too comfortable.

I don’t know, and quite frankly, I don’t need to know.

Your visits ceased and gradually I forgot what it was like. Your scent, lingering in my blankets from all the times you insisted to take my bed and leave me the couch, ad the laughter that would echo off of the walls of my flat - they disappeared. You didn’t want anything to do with me, and I saw little problem with it.

Of course, it hurt a little. What we had was something unlike any other friendship I ever had, and you had chosen to rip it away from me.

I got over it.

It didn’t take me long. After all, if you ask me, Chuuya made a great companion for those weekly outings. he was like the older brother I never had.

Except when he got drunk. Then, it was more of me babysitting him overnight while making sure Kouyou wouldn’t find out, even though I swear the lady has super powers when it comes to the conditions of her wards. Nonetheless, Chuuya and I had adventures of our own, escapes from the constraints of the mafia in ways only the best of friends could think of.

You might say otherwise. You might have seen it as something else. Don’t lie to me.


Had to tame the $1.99 basil plant from Trader Joe’s that grew way more than I expected. It is getting frost burnt so time to try making pesto. Roasted some pine nuts, added garlic, Parmesan cheese and salt to the mix. A little on the salty side but not bad for a first attempt. Next time I’ll add salt at the end with the olive oil. Good thing a little goes a long way since I ended up with less than I expected.

anonymous asked:

Jace and Alec are just the worst example of Parabatai ever. I think it would be less obvious if CC hadn't later created Will and Jem who had such a loving and close bond. It just made it seem so much more badly written in retrospect. I remember raiding the last books after knowing about w + j and feeling so angry at the mess that jalec were. And the show is just as bad with the inconsistency. And neither version of Jace an seem to get over themselves and care about Alec more than themselves.

Good lord, I know, Anon. Imagine that Will and Jace are related. asjahsja And then look at this mess of a parabatai bond he has with Alec. Like… there were so many moments and opportunities where they could fix or more like work on the bond on the show but it purely is only used as a plot device. If I am allowed to being sarcastic here: Even Simon and Jace have a better working friendship than what he and Alec have. But bound for life and all that jazz. Amazing. Not.

And then there are Will and Jem who I really liked in the book and their parabatai bond. Like, Will really cared for Jem. The times he spent with Jem while Tessa was also there. How scared he always was when Jem wasn’t feeling well and just his genuine interest for Jem’s well-being while still also being Will and a little shit from time to time. Jace on the other hand is a complete disaster on his end of the parabatai bond and like I said, it annoys me so damn much. What he and Alec have is not even a friendship, it is BS. No wonder that people who haven’t read the books and know about Jem/Will have problems to understand why the parabatai bond is actually a really great and amazing and wonderful thing when all they’ve seen is this nonsense on the show or the crap of a parabatai bond in TMI.

Answering aks OwO

@sakuraegg @dangletsjam @bettyfearpink123 @wildstarfan @swthedragonarist16 @mangleschmidt

N: Favorite undertale ship?

Of course SANSxTORIEL I love them together >u< <3

K: Nice cream or cinnamon bun?                                                                     

Cinnamon bun!! OWO

F: FavoriteUT battle?

…SANS and PAPYRUS FIGHT OwQ (I never killed precious pap just playing with him and then spare him. And sans sometimes, but I felt bad or sad for that so I died OuQ

L: Did you take more than 1 piece of candy?

Yea, but sometimes when I didn´t felt good for playing games

R?? There wasn´t R, but I´ll answer P for that quq: Best AU sans?

I have no clue XD. But some of them are: TK @perfectshadow06, Abyss @metakazkz, Cross, @jakei95, Check!sans(don´t know actually the name q-q) @mscheckacheck, Ink @comyet , Melon!sans @missladytale, Glitchtale!sans @camilaart, Sanit!sans @swthedragonarist16

A: Are you single?

Yes, I´m just young one who can´t have someone in real life so.. -_-

C: Act: Flirt, flex, or fight?

Sometimes FLIRT -w-, sometimes FLEX -w-)b, sometimes FIGHT OvO

D: Pacifist or genocide?

It depends on the mood of my day. If it´s good day or just a little then PACIFIST, if it´s bad and terrible day then GENOCIDE

H: Frisk or chara?

Frisk is smart and kind child for someone, but Chara is something for me =)

I: Pun or dunked on?

Pun for me, and dunked on for someone else XD

J: UT, UF, or US?

Of course UT, I love the original!! But UF is cool AU and US is sweet AU ^^

Thank you for asking ^w^ (ASKS FROM THIS: CLICK HERE)

@solarpunkdoodle, good place spoilers 

Oooh thank you for the article.

I totally understand that but like arguably that means that eveyone has to earn a place in heaven or be tortured forever. And he had autism. Like it seemed like to me he went to hell because he couldn’t find proper coping mechanisms for his autism.

I feel like it was definitely necessary to have his character, but I like the fact the Eleanor and the story goes on to critique the whole system on these extremes. About how this good and bad dichotomy sabotages growth. And I’d love for that to be explored in more depth but I kind of fear that the writers won’t go that far (or don’t even realize what they did), because if we don’t critique this system than, yeah, Chidi went to hell because couldn’t tell lies and was paralyzed by indecision. He feared repucussions for decisions he made. Having autism makes it difficult to see arbritrary decisions from more “solid” decisions. So I feel like if the writers don’t critique this then basically, there’s a huge ableist plot hole?

Cause like the default setting shouldn’t be to torture people except for those that are exceptional lol.

anonymous asked:

What would Elizabeth and Darcy's parenting style be? (And if you're feeling up to it, other characters/universes as well)

Hm, interesting question, since I think all three endings and their various planned offspring would present very different challenges. (Though, as a touchstone to myself, all three Elizabeths are the troublemakers amongst their siblings.) I think as a mother Lizzy’s main goal is not to be like her own. She probably models herself more on her father (both consciously and unconsciously) in terms of providing her children with books, masters, lessons etc where there is inclination or talent, allowing her kids more liberty than her peers might, and encouraging a lot of outdoor exercise. I can’t see her being a tremendously good disciplinarian— I think if a kid commits an infraction she’ll get exasperated and have to struggle not to be cutting or sarcastic, as her father was, and if the kid can charm her out of a bad mood the threatened punishment is greatly lessened. I think she’s also very physically affectionate and always is hugging or kissing her children when they will allow it. She and the various Elizabeths are all too independent-minded to get along easily, especially during the teenage years, but understand each other better as adults. Tries very hard not to play favorites, and is very insistent that all her children are well-mannered. They all say please and thank you and don’t grab at things and know their bows and curtsies.

Keep reading

honestly keith is in a super bad mental place right now yet i haven’t really seen that many people… care?

now i hate to say this, but if it was lance going through all of what keith’s going through right now? you know the fandom would be going CRAZY.

…but it’s not. it’s keith.

his teammates all keep dying around him left and right, he keeps nearly escaping death (like when he was stuck in space in e1), and he’s being given a bad mindset just being with the blade altogether. but that’s not even all of it.

we all know keith pushes people away before they reject him, but how do you think he felt when the team, the only family and friends he hasdid reject him?

as someone super similar to keith, i can tell you that does not feel good at all.

and i know they ended it all with a hug saying they’ll always be there for him, but don’t tell me it didn’t hurt keith when not a single one of them actually said they wanted him to stay.

especially when shiro knows the blade of marmora way. victory/knowledge or death. and he knows how keith is.

(which shows this shiro… isn’t s2 shiro. that shiro would’ve stopped keith from staying with the blade, like how he tried stopping him from doing the trials.)

now there are really only two reasons keith stays with the blade in the first place.

now that shiro can pilot black again, keith doesn’t feel as if he has a place on the team (similarly to lance). now we do know part of the reason he’s been with the blade so much is because he didn’t like being the leader. he didn’t want that position. he was forced into it, then always criticized for being bad at it. now he did get somewhat better near the end with the help of lance, but i don’t think he realized it. (lance is the only one on the team who ever acknowledged him as leader besides shiro, after all.)

keith tried staying off the team since s3e6, after lance opened up to him. he tried to give black to shiro (which we all know didn’t work) and he let lance have red. so he truly feels he doesn’t belong on the team anymore. the team not stopping him from just straight up leaving cemented that.

the other reason keith stays with the blade is to get a sense of identity. he’s had his knife all his life, it’s his only real connection to who he is. but he’s learning the blade way, the galra way, and it’s not good for him. they keep telling him “the mission is more important than the individual”, which shows why so many bom members we’ve seen (thace, ulaz, etc) have sacrificed themself for the greater good.

keith tried sacrificing himself not only for the mission, but because he believed the team would benefit more having him dead than alive. he didn’t say goodbye to anyone before he did it, not even matt, who he was already talking to. he doesn’t think he matters. he’s just another casualty that (would’ve) died for the cause.

in conclusion keith’s mental state right now is bad. he’s not selfish for leaving the team. he did it because he doesn’t think they need him anymore. he doesn’t think he matters.

and it’s the blade that’s really cementing this in his mind.

shit that happened years ago today

bad shit:

  • luke died
  • silena died
  • michael yew died
  • ethan nakamura died
  • 20 satyrs died
  • nature spirits died
  • so many fucking people and creatures died ok 

neutral shit:

  • hyperion was turned into a tree
  • the oracle dissolved so Rachel could be the new oracle
  • titans were sent to rot in Tartarus
  • percy asked for favours from the gods
  • athena threatened to burn percy if he ever hurt annabeth
  • hermes

good shit:

  • nico di angelo got his hermit father to help in the war
  • nico di angelo
  • percy jackson, resident nooblet, was pushed out of Sally Jackson, goddess and supreme being
  • the titan war was over
  • percy and annabeth got over themselves and finally got together
  • they had that iconic underwater kiss
♔ some skin care tips ♔
  • reapply sun screen every 2 to 3 hours. don’t use anything under 30.
  • korean products usually already have sunscreen in them.
  • use a different exfoliator for your face than you do for your body. your face needs one that’s not as aggressive
  • you might start to break out more upon using a new, good product. this is normal. let the bad stuff be flushed out and keep using it.
  • I know it’s annoying but drink. your. water.
  • don’t use coconut oil on your face, ESPECIALLY not if you’re prone to acne.
  • don’t use glossier products, the ingredients are shit.
  • don’t let the water in the shower hit your face too much, the pressure damages the skin.
  • change your pillow sheet every 3 days (oily skin) to once a week.
  • stop touching your face for god’s sake.
  • don’t forget to treat your neck too!
  • regularly exfoliating your hands will slow down hand aging, too.
  • if something doesn’t work, throw it away or gift it to someone else. don’t keep using it. 
  • start using a serum.
  • matcha tea contains waaaaay more antioxidants than your average green tea.
  • honey & salmon are good for your skin. also limit your dairy intake. 
  • try to (deep) cleanse your face in the evening.

and don’t forget that lasting good skin takes time and consistency. 


John Silver is not a bad person so jot that down

Voltron Season 4 positivity post

I know that season 4 wasn’t the best and focused more on developing the plot than the characters, but I’ve decided to stay positive, so here’s a list of all the best parts of season 4 :)

-Keith in the Blade of Marmora outfit 👌
-And Keith’s new perspective on the war, seeing it as a soldier rather than a war hero. We’ll see if that’s a good or bad thing later on, but I just thought I’d note it
-Team Voltron group hug >o<
-Black Paladin Shiro once again (and the writers not touching on the whole clone issue WHATSOEVER)
-Holt sibling flashbacks (Pidge got her nickname from her bro T-T)
-The Holt reunion scene ToT
-Anime, meme boi Matt
-Lance looking like he’s about to murder someone when Matt starts flirting with Allura
-Pidge showing Matt around the castle and Matt being a supportive older brother and being proud of his sister T0T
-Matt, Pidge, and Hunk being the best genius trio in the galaxy, nerds unite 👊

-The cow scene tho
-Lance has a future career in acting, I KNOW IT
-Allura having to play Keith in all the skits, and not being happy about it at all
-Shiro have literally no flippin’ clue how to act, but doing it anyway
-Coran falling victim to a drug dealer scheme (don’t do drugs kids)
-Lance’s dancing 👌
-The ice skating skit
-“Help me, Bi Bo Pi, you’re my only hope!”
-Hunk flippin’ elbow jamming that Galra officer in the face 👌👌👌
-Lotor flippin BREAKING his WRISTS to get out of those handcuffs, cuz I TOTALLY needed to see that
-All the rebel officers helping in the final two episodes 👊
-And while we’re on the topic, the fact that those two rebels who betrayed Voltron earlier got redeemed
-Keith and Matt interactions during the final episode (can they be bros please????)
-Lance encouraging Allura and basically being the reason they survived the fight but giving her all the credit for it
-Keith NOT sacrificing himself in the last episode

@ all boys/men who are coming to terms with the fact that maybe they’re not completely straight: i see you and i love you more than i can say. your attraction to other boys/men is not inherently gross or dirty or bad, and i promise that you’ll find safe places and people. you are amazing and valid and deserve all the good in this world.