Lokane - ALL the questions!
LONG POST ALERT. (I’m being rude and deciding not to use the “Read More” because it’s crap in the app. Sorry!!) *cracks knuckles* You asked for it…
1. Who spends almost all their money on the other?
Loki: The monetary system of this realm has no meaning to me.
Jane: (snort) And yet he spends money like the world’s wealthiest trust fund baby.
Loki: I would prefer to simply take what I want, but you’d rather I didn’t. I can behave when it suits me. (smirk)
Jane: Yeah, right.
Loki: I don’t hear any complaints when I acquire the lab equipment you need.
Jane: You only do that because you don’t want me spending so much time building my own stuff. You want me to pay attention to you.
Loki: And am I not worthy of such attention?
Jane: The jury is still out.
2. Who sleeps in the other’s lap?
3. Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes?
Loki: (cants a brow) Only half-naked?
Jane: It’s him. He’s the one who lives by the motto “clothing optional.”
Loki: (shrug) And yet you never yell at me to get dressed.
Jane: (blushes) No comment.
4. Which one tells the other not to stay up all night and which one stays up all night anyway?
Jane: I’m a night owl out of necessity. Being an astrophysicist and all.
Loki: I am not beholden to Midgardian sleep cycles.
Jane: (snort) No, he isn’t. He gets cranky when he wants something but stores are closed.
Loki: (makes a face) I don’t understand why the only businesses open twenty-four hours are those which cater to the dregs of human society.
Jane: (laughs) You should have seen him the one and only time we went to WalMart at 2 am.
Loki: (smirk) That was memorable.
Jane: Right up until we had to pay damages when you decided to reenact the Battle of Manhattan in the middle of the store.
Loki: I was merely putting the fear of god into them, as you mortals say.
5. Which one tries to make food for the other but burns it all by accident and which one tells them that it’s okay and makes them both cookies?
Loki: Jane cannot cook.
Jane: Hey! I can microwave things.
Loki: As I said.
Jane: It’s not like you cook, either.
Loki: I am perfectly capable. I merely choose not to.
Loki: (licks lip, leering) What would I get if I chose to prove you wrong?
Jane: If you cook a nice meal for me with no help at all, no cheating, no magic, and it tastes good–I’ll do that thing.
Loki: (raised brow) You’ll do it twice.
Jane: (eye roll, groan) Fine. Twice. But that had better be one mind-blowing meal.
Loki: It will be.
6. Which one reads OTP prompts and says “Oh that’s us!” and which one goes “Eh, not really”?
Loki: The prompts that suit us best are the ones that begin as mutual adversaries.
Jane: (eyes round) Wait. You know what they’re talking about? You know what an OPT is?
Loki: (long-suffering sigh) It’s an OTP–as in “one true pairing” which is what we are.
Jane: But how–
Loki: Your internet is pathetically easy to access and navigate. Tumblr loves me despite my rather wicked inclinations. Your fanbase is decidedly smaller but just as fierce in their loyalty.
Jane: I have a fanbase?
Loki: (rolls eyes) Do keep up, Jane.
7. Which one constantly wears the other’s clothes?
Jane: I have a fanbase? A fanbase?
Loki: (sigh) We’ve moved onto the next question.
Jane: Oh. I’m just. I can’t believe it.
Loki: Save your awe for later. We are being asked about borrowing one another’s clothing.
Loki: (frowns) It seems that I shall have to answer this one alone. The difference in our sizes tends to preclude exchanging clothes.
Jane: (still out of it) Yeah… that.
8. Which one spends all day running errands and which one says “You remembered [thing], right?”
9. Which one drives the car and which one gives them directions?
Jane: I drive. He’s a maniac behind the wheel.
Loki: Oh, but it’s so much more fun to push the limits of your vehicles.
Jane: More terrifying, you mean.
Loki: (smirk) It doesn’t scare you as much as you pretend it does. In fact, I believe you find it quite thrilling. I’ve never known you to be concerned with self-preservation.
Jane: I have a healthy fear of dying.
Loki: (cants brow, smirks)
Jane: Well, okay. It’s not healthy but it does exist.
10. Which one does the posing while the other one draws?
Loki: (wide grin)
Jane: No. We are not telling them about that.
Loki: Tell them what? That you do pose for me? That I like to–
Jane: (glares) Loki.
Loki: (sighs) You do realize if we leave this unanswered, whatever our audience dreams up with surely be more lurid than reality.
Jane: Don’t care.
11. If they were about to rob a museum, which one does backflips through lasers and which one is strolling behind with a bag of chips?
Loki: (derisive laugh) Neither.
Jane: Because I would never rob a museum.
Loki: I have, but my sorcery made it as simple as walking in, taking what I wanted and walking out. It was no challenge at all.
Jane: When did you rob a museum? What did you steal?
Loki: (enigmatic smile) Next question.
12. Which one of your OTP overdoes it on the alcohol and which one makes the other stop drinking?
13. Which one likes to surprise the other with a lot of small random gifts?
Jane: I guess that’s Loki. I mean random gifts, yeah. Small? Not so much.
Loki: I never do anything by halves.
Jane: No, you do everything times a hundred.
Loki: I am a god.
Jane: An advanced being. Not a god.
Loki: Until you can scientifically explain my ability to wield seidr and my immortality, we agreed that I am a god.
Jane: I never agreed to that!
Loki: We’re agreeing to it now.
14. Which one keeps accidentally using the other’s last name instead of their own?
Jane: Yeah. He’s a little touchy about surnames.
Loki: I am not.
Jane: (whispers to audience) See? Touchy.
15. Which one screams about the spider and which one brings the spider outside?
Loki: I annihilate the creatures for Jane.
Jane: No, you don’t! You make them appear on me.
Loki: Well, I do have a bit of fun first, but I do eventually take care of them.
Jane: I hate that. I hate you.
Loki: (smirks) If you would rather I leave you to vanquish these–what do you call them? Oh, yes. “Spawns of Satan.” I am happy to oblige. Your squeals of terror are quite delightful.
Jane: Don’t you dare!
Loki: Who is this Satan, by the way? From the few descriptions I’ve heard, he seems like the sort of man I’d like to know.
Jane: (rolls eyes) Of course you’d want to be friends with the Devil.
Loki: I thought I was the Devil. You tell me that so very often.
Jane: You probably are.
16. Which one gives the other their jacket?
Loki: (flat look) Did I not already answer a question regarding the exchange of clothing?
Jane: Do you see what he wears? His “jacket” alone weighs fifty pounds. I’m not wearing that.
17. Who keeps getting threatened by the other’s overprotective older sibling?
Jane: I don’t have any siblings. But Thor threatens Loki every once in while.
Loki: (grits teeth) It’s getting quite tedious.
Jane: (chuckles) Yes, because he has no reason whatsoever to distrust you.
Loki: (exasperated sigh) One merely attempts to destroy an entire realm, attempts to rule another, and dethrones a tyrannical ruler, and one is forever under suspicion.
Jane: Do the crime, do the time, dude.
Loki: (scowl) You’re spending far too much time with Miss Lewis.
18. Who’s the first one to admit they have feelings for the other?
Jane: (bursts out with laughter) Yeah, no. We fought all the time, then kissed, and now this–whatever this is.
Loki: Are you saying that my declarations of undying affection mean nothing to you.
Jane: Yes. Because they mean nothing to you. And you only say those things to annoy me.
Loki: (feigns shock) I assure you every word is true.
Jane: (snorts) Says the self-titled God of Deception.
Loki: (enigmatic smile) Oh, I can be honest when it suits me.
Jane: (pauses) Do you mean them?
Loki: You’ll never know, will you?
19. How good would your OTP be at parenting?
Jane: That’s territory I’m not ready to explore.
Jane: (brows furrow) You want children?
Loki: I adore children. They are so very reckless and entertaining–creatures after my own heart. Imagine all the mischief our offspring would get up to with my cunning and your cleverness.
Jane: (stunned) You want children.
Loki: Why shouldn’t I?
Jane: With me?
Loki: Yes. This is getting redundant. Another question, if you please.
20. Which one types with perfect grammar and which one types using numbers as letters?
Loki: Jane is woefully inadequate at spelling and grammar.
Jane: I am not! I do a great job when I write my grants.
Loki: (raises brow, produces phone and shows an example of Jane’s texting: “plz stpo sending those stupid messages abt my lingerie im tryin to get workdon!!!1!!”)
Jane: That’s different.
Loki: And yet I always seem to manage proper sentence structure–and English isn’t my native tongue.
Jane: Ugh. Whatever.
21. Who gets attacked by a bully and who protects them?
Loki: No one dares to bully me.
Jane: That’s because you are the bully.
Loki: (smirk) Are you not one yourself, Jane? You did greet me with a right hook when we first met.
Jane: You deserved it.
Loki: Perhaps I did. However, that spelled your doom, I’m afraid.
Jane: How so?
Loki: I wouldn’t be here otherwise. Now you’ll never be rid of me.
Jane: I’ve survived this long. You don’t scare me.
Loki: And there is that lack of self-preservation I find so oddly captivating.
22. Who makes the bad puns and who makes a pained smile every time the other makes a pun?
Jane: I’m not that bad.
Loki: You have no idea how truly terrible you are.
23. Who comes home from work to see that the other one bought a puppy?
Jane: I don’t think either one of us do this.
Loki: You bring home your work and leave papers on every flat surface.
Jane: Chaos is a sign of genius.
Loki: (raised brow) Chaos is my domain. What you do is make needless messes.
Jane: Uh, that’s what you do, too. Just on a bigger level.
Loki: Ah, but I clean up after myself. And you, for that matter.
24. Which one gives the other a piggyback ride when they’re tired?
Jane: Well, I’m not giving him one, that’s for sure.
Loki: I’d love to see you try. We could wager on how many steps you could take before collapsing under my superior weight.
Jane: You would love breaking me for the sake of fun.
Loki: Don’t underestimate yourself, little Jane. You’re far stronger than you realize.
Jane: Yeah, and I nearly broke my hand the last time I punched you.
Loki: It was a worthy effort.
25. Which one competes in some sort of activity and which one does the overzealous cheering?
Jane: He’s banned from any presentations I give. From all science conferences, actually.
Loki: (grin) Your contemporaries are woefully lacking in humor. It was all in good fun. Harmless.
Jane: There’s nothing harmless about you.
26. Who takes a selfie when the other one falls asleep on their shoulder?
Jane: You take pictures for blackmail purposes.
Loki: Not only for that.
Jane: (flat look)
Loki: Only mostly for that reason.
27. Which one would give the other a makeover if they asked?
Loki: I have no need of a makeover.
Jane: Are you saying I do?
Loki: Of course not. You’re so fetching in your sad, rustic Midgardian garb. (rolls eyes)
Jane: I can look nice when I want to.
Loki: You look best laid out beneath me.
Jane: (blushes) Loki!
Loki: Hair like a halo, pale skin–
Jane: NEXT QUESTION!
28. Which one owns a pet that the other is absolutely terrified of?
Jane: We don’t have any pets, but he weirdly doesn’t like cats
Loki: (shakes head) You have it wrong, dear Jane. Cats dislike me.
Jane: I wonder why that is?
Loki: Perhaps they are uncomfortable with my power and majesty.
Jane: (snorts) Yeah, okay.
Loki: I do like animals, however. Snakes are a favorite.
Jane: That’s because you are one.
Loki: (laugh) According to your Midgardian legends, I fathered one.
Jane: My favorite is when you transformed yourself into a mare, got pregnant and gave birth to Odin’s horse.
Loki: And here I thought the tale about the goat was your favorite.
Jane: (snicker) That one, too.
29. Which one holds the umbrella over both of them when it rains?
Loki: It never rains on me.
Jane: Because you make an invisible shield around yourself.
Loki: Remind me again one of the side effects of having had the Aether inside of you.
Jane: Okay, so it doesn’t rain on me, too.
Loki: So no need for for umbrellas.
30. If your OTP went on vacation, where would they go and what would they do? Who would take the pictures?
Loki: I take Jane wherever she wants to go.
Jane: I’m pretty sure you drag me around wherever you want to go.
Loki: Same thing.
Jane: (shakes head) I take pictures.
Loki: An insufferable number of them.
Jane: And he never smiles–not without looking like he’s about to commit murder and mayhem.
Loki: (smirk) I’m always about to commit murder and mayhem.
Jane: (rolls eyes but laughs) You do have a nice smile, though. It’s too bad I’m the only one who gets to see it.
Loki: And that’s how it will remain until we have children. (leers) I should like to begin working on that now.
Jane: (eyes bulge)
Loki: This interview is over.
CHALLENGE MET. *passes out*
OTP Asks (no more for this pairing. I’ve done them all)