anonymous asked:

This isn't really related to MBTI, but I've recently realized that my mother is emotionally abusive, and I want to know how I can stop blaming myself for her actions. Whenever she does something to hurt me, I convince myself it's because I'm a terrible daughter who deserves that kind of treatment, even if I haven't done anything wrong, because that's how she always made it out to be. But even now that I'm more aware her actions are wrong, I still have a hard time not blaming myself.

When you grow up with an abusive parent, it is very likely that you will internalize problematic moral lessons and values in terms of what constitutes “care”, “love”, and a “healthy” relationship. Abusers use their position of power to keep their victims ignorant, which is particularly effective on children because they have no other frame of reference for comparison. It is very easy for parents to take over a child’s emotional life by using emotional rewards and punishments to achieve compliance and obedience; they can turn your moral compass upside down so that their words are “right” and everything else, including your personal beliefs, are “wrong”. Children naturally look up to their parents and want to see the best in them, and the need for validation from them makes you want to defend them even as they behave in ways that you know must be problematic or flat out wrong. Perhaps you even want to help them but you should face the fact that you are not in a position to help because they cannot accept your help without feeling a loss of power. Learning and accepting that your parent is a flawed human being is a normal step in growing up but it can be quite a painful process when they have a history of abusive or destructive behavior.

It is important to remove yourself from an abusive situation ASAP because, as long as that person is around you, they will continue to influence you and reinforce all those problematic lessons from the past, making it very hard for you to change/improve your outlook on life (and the abuse is likely to escalate the more insecure they feel about you). When you successfully get away psychologically, it will be like emerging from a dark cave into the light, where the world seems much larger and brighter than they painted it to be. When you meet a wider variety of people, you will see that there are many different ways of living and different moral values, some far better than others in terms of promoting personal, emotional, and relational well-being. Knowledge is power and knowing better means that you can do better. When you know what is right, you can stand up for your convictions in the face of someone who is trying to manipulate you. If you are not of age and cannot yet leave home, look for ways to get yourself out of the toxic environment as much as possible by joining emotionally supportive clubs or activities where you can interact with non-abusive people. Work on yourself, learn new things, develop your skills and talents, expand your social network whenever possible - these are the things that will help you become strong and independent enough to escape the negative influences of the past. Many people who fail to escape the cycle of abuse are the people who resign themselves to helplessness and hopelessness.

In terms of dealing with emotions like guilt or shame, it is important to recognize these as natural emotions rather than trying to repress or eliminate them. It is natural to feel love for your parents and to feel guilty when you “disappoint” their expectations. However, growing up means becoming independent, that is, learning to think for yourself about what is right and wrong through observing the world more carefully and reflecting about the kind of life and the kind of world you want to create for yourself. When your mom makes a claim, you should be asking yourself, “Is that really true?”, especially if she is making claims about you, your character, your worth, or the morality of your actions. You should ask yourself what moral values you want to take with you into the rest of your life and possibly pass on to your own children. Are you just going to blindly accept every value that your parents or society push on you, or are you going to fight to be a true individual in carefully thinking about which values are worth internalizing? Reflect on what you owe to yourself and what you owe to your parents, what does it really mean to be a “good daughter” or a “good mother”? Does being a loving daughter mean that you must sacrifice your own psychological well-being to prop up your mother, and would a loving mother ask that of you?

It is natural to feel deeply for the people you care about but you should always check whether feelings are warranted by the facts. You should have a clear idea about what you are or are not responsible for, what you should or shouldn’t feel guilty for, when you should or shouldn’t offer sympathy. Do you really understand how all individuals ought to be treated in a good and healthy relationship? E.g. If a healthy relationship involves mutual respect, mutual empathy, and mutual encouragement, then should you be the one to feel guilty if someone violates those values, regardless of how or why they do it? If a healthy relationship involves equal parts of give and take from both parties, then should you be the one to feel guilty if they try to take much more than they should? If someone hurts you on purpose, should you take responsibility for their bad behavior, thus excusing them and burdening yourself for something that is beyond your control? Do you realize that passively accepting other people’s bad behavior is essentially a license for them to continue that behavior? Do you realize that until you move to adequately protect yourself and assert your own needs as equally important in a relationship, a manipulator will keep hounding you simply because they can (since they are dependent on your submission to compensate for their own insecurity)? Think critically and develop more accurate judgments about the world, then you will know how to proceed in the moments when emotions from the past betray you. When you are in danger, you must deal with the reality of the situation, not some empty idea of what you want it to be or what she wants you to be - see your mother and your relationship to her for what it really is and act accordingly.


Lady Sif is a one-woman army when it comes to hunting someone down. It’s rare that she needs help, but I think the reason she asks S.H.I.E.L.D. for help is because she respects Earth. She knows Thor does, too. She doesn’t want to wreak havoc across Earth and possibly hurt other people, so she wants to enlist their help and say, “This is your world. Let’s be collaborative in how we go about this.” (Alexander)


new danisnotonfire video! a story of failure pain muffins and determination
I Nearly Blinded Myself - pls reblog to share my profound moral lessons 💥👀

Fairy tales are more than moral lessons and time capsules for cultural commentary; they are natural law. The child raised on folklore will quickly learn the rules of crossroads and lakes, mirrors and mushroom rings. They’ll never eat or drink of a strange harvest or insult an old woman or fritter away their name as though there’s no power in it. They’ll never underestimate the youngest son or touch anyone’s hairpin or rosebush or bed without asking, and their steps through the woods will be light and unpresumptuous. Little ones who seek out fairy tales are taught to be shrewd and courteous citizens of the seen world, just in case the unseen one ever bleeds over.
—  S.T. Gibson
Writing: Creating Your Main Character

Ah, the main character. If your story were a ship, they’d be the pilot. It’s their job to incite, propel, and solve the plot, all while making the readers laugh and smile and cry and get frustrated, and oftentimes they carry with them the moral lesson. This is a pretty tall order for one character, and deciding what kind of main character you’re going to have can be very stressful. Hopefully this list will help you with this process.

  • The main character can determine the audience.
    • This isn’t always true, but usually the age, gender, moral compass, and sometimes even physical appearance of the main character decides what kind of people are going to read the book. A book about a 14-year-old female fashionista usually attracts different readers than a 50-year-old FBI director. Don’t let this scare you, because there are outliers depending on how the character is written, but bear in mind that people of like-minded interests usually read books with main characters that share some of those traits, so plan accordingly.
  • The main character’s personality traits should coincide with the plot and theme of the novel.
    • High-fantasy and adventure novels are usually headed by strong-willed, talented, reckless characters. (Think Luke Skywalker or the Winchesters from Supernatural.) Realistic fiction, however, are usually home to goofier, more human characters (such as Greg and Earl in Me and Earl and the Dying Girl). While your main character doesn’t have to be the cookie-cutter model of the “normal” protagonist for genre and theme, they should exhibit at least some of the traits. Give some of the entertaining, off-color traits to supporting characters if you can’t live without them.
  • Make them human.
    • Real people are complicated. Their emotions and actions are driven by complex, sometimes misguided desires. Real people make mistakes for much the same reason. Real people doubt themselves, and they have low and high points. Real people change over time based on the people and circumstances they surround themselves with. Real people sometimes lie to others and themselves about their true motivations. Real people need help and support from others to reach their goals. Sometimes, real people never reach their goals at all. Characters should reflect all of this in their stories, especially main characters, with whom your readers should identify with and root for the most.
  • Make them likable.
    • This doesn’t mean they have to be perfect by any means, nor do they have to be friendly and sweet 100% of the time. Your main character can actually be a total asshole but still have readers like them or be entertained by them. The main thing is that you have to make sure that the reader roots for them, because if the reader is hoping the main character will fail or loses interest in them completely, you haven’t done your job as a writer. Beta readers can help you by telling you whether or not they like the main character and agree with their actions.
  • Make them fit their story.
    • Characters are TOOLS, just like every other story element. They are there to ad to the reader’s experience, and whatever triumph or turmoil they go through is so that the reader can be entertained and enlightened by their story. That’s why it’s important for them to be treated as such, and NOT like friends or ways for the author to live vicariously through their own story. We have fanfiction for that. When you’re writing, if it seems like your story is revolving around amking your main character happy, or that they’re becoming just too perfect to be entertaining, you may need to step back and re-evaluate their score on the Mary Sue litmus test and see if you’re writing a character or a mannequin doll.
  • Some helpful links I found.
    • Fuck Yeah Character Development’s masterpost of character creation and development templates and websites.
    • My personal favorite character template sheet, written by Dehydromon on Deviantart. It’s the first link on FYCD’s post and has 370+ questions to answer about your character. (For a shorter version, go here.)
    • Writerswrite’s how-to-create-a-character guide. (It’s basically another template, but I thought I’d include it in case someone didn’t like the others I provided, and also because it comes from a more professional source than Deviantart and Tumblr.)
    • Wikihow’s tips on creating a fictional character from scratch. Their tips are very broad, but they leave a lot of room for interpretation as well, if you prefer that.
    • Thecreativepenn’s 5 tips for creating interesting characters. This article seems to be geared towards screenwriters, but the tips apply to all forms of creative writing.

10 Things I have learned so far in 2015  

1. Things just aren’t going to go the way you expect them to, and that’s okay. Sometimes you are going to have to change your opinion on what happiness feels like.
2. There is no such thing as “who you are supposed to be”, you should never feel obligated to be the same human being you were six months, two weeks, or 5 days ago.
3. Stop participating in the competition over who is sadder. It isn’t tragic or interesting, it’s just a waste of time.
4. Not everyone is going to like you for you. It’s better that way. The most important thing is that you like yourself, and even if you don’t yet, you will.
5. Friendship should not be forced. Look around you. The people who make you feel like you could pour your medication down the drain are your real best friends. 
6. You do not need twenty close friends to be happy. You do not need a clique to be happy. You do not need anyone else to be happy, but real friends are pretty good at it. Find them and never let them go.
7. Sometimes people are like sunshine, those are the best types of people.
8. Don’t keep a scale in your home. This way you have more time to focus on more important things, like where you are going and where you feel whole.
9. Cover your walls with the things you love, with paintings and notes and quotes you found online. If you aren’t allowed to tape things on your walls, put them in a journal, tape them on your heart, remember them because you love them. Keep a scrapbook so you can look back and remember that time when you went to a concert and felt a lot less like a child.
10. Read more books. Read them outside. It is beautiful to be alone sometimes, especially if you remember that you won’t be alone forever.

—  I think that this has been the best year of my life so far, because i have found joy in the darkest times and in the most heartbreak, i have found joy in myself. Thank you to the people who taught me these things, even if I wasn’t ready to learn them yet. //f.g.a

This is parenting done well.

1. Greg is stern. What’s inappropriate is in appropriate.

2. Greg gives Steven space to lash out, because he knows his son is angry.

3. But when the lashing out goes to far, he steps in again. Consistency is important.

4. Greg lets them explain their case, treating them with respect, even if they’d done something wrong.

5. Moral lesson time.

A Farmer Donkey

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from God.

You have two choices…

smile and close this page, 
or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson .

what i want from media regarding disabled representation

  • No more ableist slurs thrown around casually
  • Disabled actors playing disabled characters
  • Disabled people being the centre of their narratives
  • No cure plotlines
  • More diverse disabled characters, no more cishet white guys
  • No more villains who’s motive is their bitterness about their disability
  • Futuristic worlds where disability is not seen as a flaw of the past
  • No more ‘mercy’ killings
  • Characters with different disabilities
  • Mental illness not being linked to violence
  • No more morality lessons for the abled protagonist from their ~inspiring~ disabled friend
  • More fucking disabled characters