What philosophers should you fight, according to the Bruces

Immanuel Kant
Who wins: You
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant, and very rarely stable. Could probably be knocked over by a breeze

Martin Heidegger
Who wins: Heidegger
A boozy beggar, but he could easily think you under the table. Best not to try.

David Hume
Who wins: Hume
Hume could easily out consume Schopenhauer and Hegel.

Ludwig Wittgenstein
Who wins: You
Wittgenstein was a beery swine. At least as sloshed as Schlegel. Go ahead and fight him.

Friedrich Nietzsche
Who wins: Nietzsche
There’s nothing he couldn’t teach you about the raising of the wrist. For the love of god do not fight Nietzsche. The dude is terrifying.

John Stuart Mill
Who wins: Who knows?
Mill was particularly ill, on half a pint of shandy, but it’s of his own free will. So who even knows what is going on with him?

Who wins: Plato
Plato, they say, could really stick it away. Half a crate of whiskey every single day. Plus, he was a fucking wrestler.

Who wins: You
A bugger for the bottle. Honestly, the dude deserves a punch in the mouth.

Thomas Hobbes
Who wins: Hobbes
Very fond of his dram, and probably would not appreciate you getting between him and it. Besides, if you tried to fight him, you’d just make Calvin cry.

Rene Descarte
Who wins: You
He’s a drunken fart. “I drink therefore I am”. But, really, is it worth it to fight someone that inebriated?

Who wins: Socrates
Permanently pissed, and particularly missed. While he’s a lovely little thinker, he’s a bugger when he’s pissed. He chose to die rather than renounce his beliefs, and refused to escape when he had the chance. Socrates will absolutely fuck you up.


Monty Python (Live at the Hollywood Bowl) - The Philosopher’s Song

There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya' ‘bout the raising of the

wrist… Socrates himself was permanently pissed…”

Watching Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl.

I haven’t seen this in AGES. Here’s something I never thought about, though… JK Rowling said she’s a big fan of Monty Python (and claims to put some of their humour in her books) and in the Whizzo Chocolates/Crunchy Frog sketch, there’s a sweet called a cockroach cluster. I have to wonder now if she borrowed that from them (as well as the chocolate frog thing). It seems pretty logical that she did and I just think it’s freaking fantastic.