montclair state univeristy

Why college students are like geese.

Ok, This has been something that I have been meaning to write about for a month already. For those of you who do not go to MSU. (which is 98% of the four people who read this) :P there are two things you need to know. 1) there is only four types of weather  cold,freezing,windy,rainy. (just pointing it out) and 2) the geese take over the campus ! they are mean scary mofo’s who are bad asses. So as I was trying to avoid these monstrous creatures i thought of this….  and on we go.

1)They don’t give a shit… well they give to much

Everyone on campus looks like a bunch of insecure children who just got in trouble because everyone has to look down when they walk. If you don't  you will step in geese shit. The geese are birds they do not care, when they gotta go they go.and they go a lot. College students: Don’t give a shit, they throw crap all over the place, there is smushed fruit on side walks(which is just silly since we are only allowed to take ONE piece of fruit out of the dinning hall), used condoms in parking garages(keep it classy ladies) people are smearing “Fecal matter” in our dorms.Speaking of shit (literally)  when you gotta go, you gotta go. I am sorry but we have all eaten at that dinning hall or any dinning hall. We have learned that pepto is our BFF. For realz

2) They are badasses who will fight you !

legit. short story. I was walking back to my dorm from somewhere, and there is grass on both sides of me, and I am on the sidewalk thing talking to my father. As I am walking these Badass geese started to get closer to me in like that creepy stalker way. I got scared and continued to talk to my father who was consulting me during this whole ordeal. Moral of the story 1) it was scary as shit and  I thought I was going to get bit and 2) do geese have teeth ? anyway…….. geese are cocky SOB’s. They KNOW  that they have no predators and that no one wants to eat them. so they just go around  harassing people !   I think if you give them a baseball cap and turn it backwards it would be half the campus ! (gudio that bird !) lol let us look at our college student body. Majority of the males on campus are cocky and if they are not cocky, give them something to drink. With that in mind, sober or not there are fights. Mostly non-sober ones. (although that one time in blanton last year when they flipped the tables.. that was hardcore.)(( although you do not see them often on campus as our frats on not there, however we have been on campus pd before(represent!)))..

3) LAZY Moochers

Can we just take a second to talk about something. These birds are from Canada right ? and they fly south … I am silly. I thought they went home to vist their native land during the winter. I was going to be like those stupid birds. wow. haha… moving on from that.

THEY ARE LAZY the birds are from canada ! what the hell are they doing in New Jersey ? was canada not good enough for them ? with their socialistic government, maple syrup ,happy citizens,and hockey. They have adopted our American ways,by becoming lazy. They eat all of the expensive grass that my tuition is paying for and then when it becomes winter. They just stay here ! like get out ! go fly, that is what you are supposed to do ! Did you not get the memo ? are you the slow version of geese ? is this why you are in New Jersey of all places. Stupid birds.

Does any of this sound familiar ? (minus the whole bird part) Did you not get the memo that your mother wants you to clean your room, do the dishes, take a shower, or move the hell out of her house ?  eh, We as college students would much rather munch on chips and play xbox or wii (IDK which) and set up a comfy nest of clothing on the floor in the room. We pick a spot and we stick to it.

4) similar to the last note they are invasive

like poison ivy or bamboo, and certain strands of RU STD’s.(I know how nasty you people are ! and yes it is a STD not an STI.. it’s like calling the DMV the CMV or what ever it is called now, it is still the same ! Herpes is herpes, and the DMV is still a miserable experience of a bunch of unhappy people trying not to hurt anyone.)  ANYWAY.. they are invasive, the stupid birds not only have to be on campus but they choose the most inconvenient places to be. If you are going to take up so much space can you not be in the  middle of campus ? could you go somewhere else. And when they are main campus it is not like there are two or three of them. NO they come in freaken posseys. It is like a geese entourage or something. Or a geese family reunion. And you as the student are like Wtf is this shit, I am just trying to get to class and I  have to go to dickson, so I have to watch our for getting hit by cars, and now  I have to worry about geese gangs. This is getting out of hand.

 same thing with college students ! People are always pushing social boundaries, and personal space and such. Get out of my face, get out of my way. I do not know you, and  ma'am please close your g-d damn legs. College students have to always go out in groups. Like unless you are walking from class, generally you are always with someone or a group of people. and generally depending on the time of night, those groups of people cannot control their voice volume. They are invasive because they are invading my ability to concentration and or sleep.

 I am really really tired so I am sorry if there are any obvious grammar issues. Please feel free to let me know. Also if for some reason you feel the need to share this with anyone or something. Please give me credit. Don’t be a goose and steal my shit. That is not cool my loves.

<3 Druker out

some guy at the library

is singing “come on ride the train, choo choo ride it” with his headphones on in the quiet section, loud enough so that the whole room can hear him…why am i the only one who finds it hilarious?

everyone else is trying to tune him out and giving him dirty looks, i can’t stop laughing rofl…