anonymous asked:

I really disagree with the reblog you just posted about being polyamorous and being careful to never fall in love with a monogamous person. This hurts me personally because as a mono person who is in love with a poly person, it can work wonderfully and just because I'm mono doesn't mean that I can't be open and excepting to the fact that my partner is poly. Just saying.

Hello, Anon

I’m very sorry! The reblog really was not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings. Relationships with monogamous and polyamorous individuals can be beautiful and work brilliantly. 

My metamour (Bee’s partner) M is monogamous and is perfectly happy that way, and she love the relationship Dani and I have with Bee. Many monogamous people are okay with a polyamorous partner, and many feel compersion when they’re partner and meatmour(s) are together. 

I have no ill feelings for relationships with a monogamous and polyamorous person! I mean, it can be a challenge (like any type of arrangement) but that doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t work. However, sometimes it is really hard and it does really impact the relationship, which is what I thought the post in question was referring to in a hyperbolic way. 

I thought the post was meant in a humorous way, but by the responses and few other messages it obviously wasn’t taken that way. I’ll be removing it!

Once again, to you and others who have commented, I’m very sorry for any hurt feels. Let us know if you have any questions or concerns!

Anna

Because we live in such a monogamy-centered society, it makes sense that many people can only conceive of non-monogamy in what ultimately still amounts to monogamous terms. There is a common misconception that a polyamorous relationship is really no different from an open-relationship agreement: one committed couple, with some lighthearted fun on the side. But the word “polyamory,” by definition, means loving more than one. Many of us have deeply committed relationships with more than one partner, with no hierarchy among them and no core “couple” at the heart of it all. To me, this notion that there must be one more important relationship, one true love, feels a lot like people looking at same-sex couples and thinking that one person must be the “man” in the relationship and the other must be the “woman.” After all, both of these misunderstandings result from people trying to graft their normative conceptions of love and relationships onto people who are partnering in non-normative ways. It seems that it is somewhat easy for many people to acknowledge that humans are capable of loving one person and still enjoying sex with others (assuming, of course, that the terms of their relationship make such behavior acceptable). But it is much harder for people to think outside the fairy-tale notion of “the one” and imagine that it might be possible to actually romantically love more than one person simultaneously.

Monogamy was first introduced to the world in 1999 when Britney Spears asked her childhood friend, Justin Timberlake, to be romantically involved with her exclusively. This experimental relationship lasted until 2002 and ultimately inspired Timberlake to commit to monogamy for a lifetime with his wife, Jessica Biel. Since its inception, monogamy has become one of the most popular forms of romantic involvement in the world and is considered a prerequisite for reproduction in many cultures.

Yeah I’m a little tired of the “poly people won’t shut up about polyamory” meme.

Monogamous people talk about monogamy constantly, they just never have to name it. It’s the default. It’s assumed. It needs no explanation or defense.

Really tired of the idea that if a monogamous and a nonmonogamous person get together, the nonmonogamous person should automatically compromise and be monogamous. 

Destroy the idea that monogamy is the default.

Have conversations about what relationship is best for you and your partner(s) all the time. Keeping having that conversation. 

Stop privileging monogamy.

To my mono fellows who are in a relationship with poly/nonmonogamous folks

You have to let go of your monogamous way of thinking if you want your relationship to be a happy one. Seriously.

Your lover dating other people doesn’t mean that they love you less. Your lover not being romantically and/or sexually exclusive to you doesn’t mean that you are not good enough for them.

Remember that your lover is not doing this to hurt you, but also don’t feel bad for being jealous. Be honest to your significant other about your less pleasant feelings. Talk to them and ask for reassurance. They will be happy to provide it.

If nothing helps and you’re really hurting, gently break up. Poly relationships are not for everyone and that’s okay. Not being able to accept polyamory in your life doesn’t make you a horrible person. Life is too short and hard for you to subject yourself to unnecessary pain.

It’s not polyamory, but I am happy to see “monogamish” grow in both popularity and acceptance.

It’s another example of people saying “You know what? We can define how our relationship is supposed to work for us.” People realizing that the people whose opinions matter about their relationships are the people they’re in the relationships with.