Hi OMG can u pls write headcanons about a patrochilles zoo date it would be adorable
achilles’s favorite part of the zoo is the lions, he drags patroclus to see them as soon as they get there even though it’s all the way across the zoo from the entrance. they have to stand there and wait for like 20 minutes until one of the lions finally roars and achilles lets them go on to other habitats
they go to the reptile house, and patroclus gets freaked out by the snakes and lizards and achilles thinks it’s hilarious. he’ll occasionally slip behind patroclus and make hissing noises just to see patroclus jump
in payback patroclus makes achilles buy him ice cream but joke’s on him because achilles was going to do that anyway what nerds
pointing out weird-looking animals and saying “look it’s you!” !!!!
patroclus loves the monkeys because sometimes he looks at them and sees the traces of the evolutionary link between mankind and apes, but also sometimes the monkeys throw their own poop at each other. it’s the best of both worlds. he explains this to achilles, who laughs, probably a lot harder than he should
daring each other to see who can lean further over the fence into the tiger habitat until a zoo employee makes them stop!!
“i was going to win though” “achilles, you were going to fall over. you were 2 seconds away from being mauled by tigers” “yes, but i was going to win”
later in the afternoon the zoo gets crowded. patroclus grabs achilles’s hand so he doesn’t lose him in the throngs of people, and achilles starts rubbing his thumb on the underside of patroclus’s wrist, and patroclus has to stare intently at the elephants to keep from shoving achilles against a wall and making out with him, on only their second date, and surrounded by elementary school kids on field trips
when they’re leaving, achilles pulls patroclus aside, and says in his most serious voice: “i’m not lion when i say i really like you, do you want to go out with me again?” and patroclus is like “oh my god that was TERRIBLE, it’s a good thing you’re so pretty. see you friday night”