monkey pee


“I came home with my meat. I had the front of his body I liked best. His monkey [penis] and pee wees [testicles] and a nice little fat behind to roast in the oven and eat. I made a stew out of his ears – nose – pieces of his face and belly. I put onions, carrots, turnips, celery, salt and pepper. It was good.
Then I split the cheeks of his behind open, cut off his monkey and pee wees and washed them first. I put strips of bacon on each cheek of his behind and put them in the oven. Then I picked 4 onions and when the meat had roasted about ¼ hour, I poured about a pint of water over it for gravy and put in the onions. At frequent intervals I basted his behind with a wooden spoon. So the meat would be nice and juicy.

In about 2 hours, it was nice and brown, cooked through. I never ate any roast turkey that tasted half as good as his sweet fat little behind did. I ate every bit of the meat in about four days. His little monkey was a sweet as a nut, but his pee-wees I could not chew. Threw them in the toilet.”

- Serial killer Albert Fish describes cannibalising four-year-old Billy Gaffney, who he murdered in 1927

  • “How do I get this off me quickly without betraying my cool exterior?”
  • “No one would kill you. You’re just a little puppy dog.”
  • “Well, hey, I didn’t spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about courage.”
  • “There are hits and there are misses… and then there are misses.”
  • “I’m warning you. If this is monkey pee, you’re on your own.”
  • “I would never lie; I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.”
  • “I have to admit, that fulfilled one of my boyhood fantasies.”
  • “That’s why I like you. Your ideas are even weirder than mine.”
  • “No, wait. This is the part where they bring out Elvis.”
  • “I could smell you a mile away.“
  • “Well, they told me that even though my deodorant is made for a woman, it’s strong enough for a man.”
  • “You think they would have taken me more seriously if I wore the grey suit?”
  • “If there’s an ice tea in that bag, could be love.”
  • “Does this pitch somehow end with a way for me to lower my long distance charges?”
  • “Did you really think you could call up the devil and ask him to behave?”
  • “Maybe it was another bald-headed, jigsaw-puzzle-tattooed, naked guy I saw.”
  • “It’s not a funhouse, it’s a tabernacle of terror.”
  • “I’m exhuming… your potato.”
  • “Exactly how does one become a professional blockhead?”
  • “Life… is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for.”
  • “Sure, fine, whatever.”
  • “I wouldn’t want to disappoint you by not disappointing you.”
  • “Please explain to me the scientific nature of the ‘whammy’.”
  • “If you had to do without a cell phone for two minutes, you’d lapse into catatonic schizophrenia.”
  • “Does your policy cover the acts of extraterrestrials?”
  • “Your kung-fu is the best.”
  • “Aluminum foil makes a lovely hat, and it blocks out the government’s mind control rays.”
  • “Maybe it’ll start raining weenies and marshmallows.”
  • “Maybe if it rained sleeping bags, you’ll get lucky.”
  • “Not everybody’s dream is to get on Jerry Springer.”
  • “Do you have an old cemetery in town, off the beaten path, the creepier the better?”
  • “…and then he sort of flew at me like a flying squirrel.”
  • “One more anal-probing gyro-pyro levitating ecoplasm alien anti-matter story and I’m going to take out my gun and shoot somebody.”
  • “It’s not ice cream. It’s a nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle.”
  • “I scream, you scream, we all scream for nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicles!”
  • “One more pun and I pull out my gun.”
  • Aries: Miley Cyrus' twerking craze.
  • Taurus: Justin Bieber leaving his pet monkey in Germany and peeing in a mop bucket.
  • Gemini: Lindsey Lohan's falling down during the 2000's.
  • Cancer: Brittany Spears' umbrella-swinging and bald-headed meltdown.
  • Leo: Jennifer Lawrence falling during the oscars.
  • Virgo: Justin Bieber throwing up during a performance.
  • Libra: Kayne West interrupting Taylor Swift's speech.
  • Scorpio: Everything about Amanda Bynes.
  • Sagittarius: Charlie Sheen's Two and a Half Men downfall.
  • Capricorn: The Paula Deen scandal.
  • Aquarius: Nicki Minaj calling Miley Cyrus out during the VMA's.
  • Pisces: Beyonce's hair gets stuck in a fan.

Watch this NOW. It has to do with Mark, monkeys, coffee spillage, and FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDIES!!!! (and yes markiplier your fans did find this) I can’t wait to see the videos coming from this!!!! This has brought me happiness for like the rest of this year!!!!

The Signs as X-Files Quotes

Aries: “Okay Mulder, but I’m warning you, if this is monkey pee, you’re on your own.” -Scully
Taurus: "Don’t try and threaten me, Mulder. I’ve watched presidents die.” -Cancer Man
Gemini: “Look, you have my files and you have my gun, don’t ask me for my trust.” -Mulder
Cancer: “Hey Scully, check this out. Mango Kiwi Tropical Swirl. Now we KNOW we’re dealing with a madman.” -Mulder
Leo:  "Ah, you got to love this place. Everyday is like Halloween.” -Mulder
Virgo: “In my book, I’d written that Agent Scully falls in love but that’s obviously impossible. Agent Scully is already in love.” -Phillip Padgett
Libra: “I’m sorry… But, you have something I need.” -Leonard Betts
Scorpio: "Hey Scully, is this demonstration of boyish agility turning you on at all?” -Mulder
Sagittarius:  "You know, they say when you talk to God it’s prayer, but when God talks to you it’s…schizophrenia.” -Mulder
Capricorn: “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you, Scully.” -Mulder
Aquarius: "You and your pretty partner seem awfully close. Do you work well together?” -Robert Modell
Pisces: “I’m driving. Why do you always have to drive anyway? Because you’re the guy? Because you’re the big, macho man?” -Scully

Albert Fish was a sadistic child killer and pedophile, and he loved to write obscene letters about what he had done to his victims.

In one letter, he recounted the abduction of a 4-year-old boy named Billy Gaffney, leading him to a city dump.

“I took the G boy there. Striped him naked and tied his hands and feet and gagged him with a piece of dirty rag I picked out of the dump. Then I burned his clothes. Threw his shoes in the dump. Then I walked back and took the trolley to 59 St. at 2 A.M. and walked from there home.

Next day about 2 P.M. I took tools, a good heavy cat-o-nine tails. Home made. Short handle. Cut one of my belts in half, slit these half in six strips about 8 in. long.

I whipped his bare behind till the blood ran from his legs. I cut off his ears- nose- slit his mouth from ear to ear. Gouged out his eyes. He was dead then. I stuck the knife in his belly and held my mouth to his body and drank his blood.

I picked up four old potato sacks and gathered a pile of stones. Then I cut him u. I had a grip with me. I put his nose, ears and a few slices of his belly in the grip. Then I cut him thru the middle of his body. Just below his belly button. Then thru his legs about 2 in. below his behind. I put this in my grip with a lot of paper. I cut off the head- feet- arms- hands and the legs below the knee.

This I put in sacks weighed with stones, tied the ends and three them into the pools of slimy water you will see all along road going to North Beach. Water is 3 to 4 ft. deep. They sank at once.

I came home with my meat. I had the front of his body I liked the best. His monkey and pee wees [i.e., penis and testicles] and a nice little fat behind to roast in the over and eat. I made a stew out of his ear- nose- pieces of his face and belly. I put onions, carrots, turnips, celery, salt and pepper. It was good.”