monk of style

Falcon Punch, monk style

(Background:  The DM for this wanted us to bring our best Pathfinder characters for this campaign.  The party consisted of a kitsune fighter, an orc unchained rogue, a kobold celestial-bloodline sorcerer, a tiefling life-mystery oracle, and my half-elf monk.  After fighting our way up out of a dungeon we’d been trapped in — and pretty well depleting our resources in the process — the DM wants his wizard character, the recurring villain of the campaign, to mock us before we actually escape.  He does so from the other side of a fifty-foot-wide chasm with no visible bottom.)

Villain:  [Standard hammy villain monologue with over-the-top gloating and taunting]

Kitsune:  [Orc], will you shoot him to at least get him to shut up?

Orc:  Can’t.  Out of ammo.

Kobold:  Hey, don’t look at me, guys, all I’ve got left are cantrips.

Tiefling:  I can barely even see the other side.

Kitsune:  Grr.  I don’t wanna have to listen to this guy.  Does anyone have a ranged attack that can at least get his attention?

Me:  Not exactly, but…  How wide is that chasm, again?

Tiefling:  *Snickers, knowing my monk from another campaign.*  Uh-oh…

DM: Uh, fifty feet.

Me:  Okay, I spend my last point of ki for the bonus to jump and leap across.  This should be a surprise round, right?

DM:  (after nearly choking on drink) Um.  Okay, yeah, DC 50; I hope you have another character ready.  Roll acrobatics.

Me:  Don’t need to, the lowest I can roll is a 66 after the point of ki.

DM:  (almost spittakes, with the rest of the party either snickering or stunned to silence) Seriously!?

Me:  *Presents character sheet.*

DM:  *Takes a few minutes to verify the ludicrous number of bonuses.*  …Oh goddammit.  Yeah, I guess this is happening, roll to attack.

Me:  Stunning Fist, get ready for his fort save.  *Rolls 17 on the die.*  Uh…

DM:  (before I can math up bonuses) I hate you.  *Rolls a 4 on the fort save.*  So.  Much.  So yeah, he’s in mid-monologue and you launch yourself across a goddamn bottomless chasm and punch the squishy wizard in the face.  Roll damage.

Party:  *Laughing hysterically!*

Tiefling:  Falcon Puuunch!

(Cue the entire table, including the poor DM, completely losing it for the next few minutes.  I proceeded to flurry of blows the Big Bad’s right hand man into an unrecognizable pulp over the next two rounds while the party cheered me on.  I looted the body, threw him into the chasm, and then could just “take 10” to jump back across.  It was my only session in that campaign, unfortunately, but I’m told it took a few weeks for the DM to work out how to get around the damage I did to his plot.  I understand he now takes excessive precautions before letting his villains run off at the mouth, since a DC 50 acrobatics check is apparently not enough.  This isn’t the first campaign that particular monk has mangled the plot of, either, but it is the most spectacular instance, and the only time she almost wrecked a campaign during its first session.)

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HLD - 1010 by nicolas ulmer
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Ayutthaya. Thailand. November. 2016. Hasselblad 503cx. Planar 80mm f/2.8 CF. Fomapan 100 classic + iD11 Copyright©Ulmer.Nicolas