So, I was at Forever 21 yesterday and I went there to find a few things. I was looking at a dress rack and these two girls were chatting. One of them said, “Can you just be my personal shopper? I am going to be spending so much money here.” And the other said, “Yessss! I mean, if you got the money to burn then yes.” And the first girl said, “Well, if I get signed with this agency I will be making soooo much money!”
And I felt so small right there… Here I was… 27 and working just above minimum wage. And these girls are probably 18-20 years old and they will already be making more money than me?! O.o I can not say I was not jealous. That girl will be able to afford her new wardrobe while I struggle to pay off my debts. And this girl was clearly bragging. Although, I still look young for my age I looked very frumpy next to these girls.
They wore name brand clothing while I wore baggy jeans from who knows where and a comfy baggy t-shirt. My hair was a mess and I had no makeup on. Of course I usually dress for comfort and wear zero makeup anyway. I just felt really out of place at that moment. I felt like I really did not belong. Not just in that store but in modern society. There are much younger girls getting fatter paychecks because they get signed on as a model.
There is no room for someone my size. I can not be a regular model nor can I be a plus sized model. Plus, I don’t have the confidence for modeling anyway. The point is that it bothers me that it bothered me. Why should what anyone else does matter to me? I feel pretty bad about feeling this way. But at the same time I feel so jipped in life. I just want to pay off all my debts and find my passions. But how can I find my passions when I have so much debt?
Maybe someday I will find something that makes me happy and gets me a decent amount of money to sustain me. Not for new clothes but for things that matter. I also, had a young couple at Gordman’s talking about how they had more than enough money to buy whatever they wanted. *sigh* Am I really left behind? What am I doing wrong?