Brain fart time

OK so we’ve seen the moneymoon paps and I for one had a niggling feeling in the back of my head that she *could* be pregnant:

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Really bloody convincing tbh(i nearly birthed a kitten)

But then on benedicts-third-testicle I see this of Penelope Cruz filming Ma-ma with this in place:

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And now I’m like OHRLY? HMMMMM…

So say for example she is using a prosthetic and they go for the *sad life event* while they’re still *married* the nannies will cling to him/them even more with the scenario *oh our poor Prince and Queen* I wouldnt think that would be an out for Ben?

The only other outs I could think of are

⚫Ben dumps her, she then experiences *sad life event* on her own, makes Ben look like a shit for dumping her, the nannies rip him to shreds and the sceptics think thank fvck that’s over,ben eventually gets back on his feet and Sanka disappears under a rock.

⚫Ben dumps her because he finds out that the baby wasn’t his, she either gives birth or sad life event, which ever way the nannies will fawn over Ben but in the meantime we all come together nannies and sceptics and rip Sanka to shreds?. The Cumbercollective are one again, if not a little battered and bruised.

This has probably made no sense to anyone whatsoever but please feel free to discuss as I’m just trying to unravel this clusterfuck.

The Store is Closed. Why Are They Still Selling Stuff?

The Oscars were almost three weeks ago. Nobody would be interested in a piece on exactly how TIG lost so many awards now. While the DVD releases do need some publicity, the UK release was promptly steamrollered by the moneymoon, First Mate No Homo looking like he’s 60 in the latest car ad (for MG, mind you) and Captain Beard showing out at the Palace. So while both of them need to sell respectable heterosexuality, why are they selling it this hard, and clearly for American audiences?

Usually, any foolishness that Oscar contenders have to engage in for the campaign dies down pretty quickly after the ceremony. Actors suddenly remember what the word “private” means, and shut up about their so-called personal lives. Even if this is a more permanent bearding set-up, why sell it this hard and high-profile? First Mate No Homo is not famous enough to warrant heavy coverage wherever he goes when he doesn't have something to promote. Captain Beard is a non-entity. So why such heavy-handed sales techniques for something that is normally private, and even as a beard, is generally quieter?

There’s selling, and then there’s overselling. They don’t even have the chemistry that you see with Kimye, so super-high profile events are just not their friends right now. Every time they get coverage gives people more opportunities to see how problematic this is. I noted that except for the Venice Beach cafe thing, they can’t seem to do low-key at all, and even then, they just had to have a pap. 

There’s one of two possibilities: either Captain Beard has something serious on this man to make him trot her out in front of every camera on Earth, or one or both of them have something VERY serious to distract us from. But unless First Mate No Homo plans to lose every conceivable notion of a private life (thereby running an even greater risk of whatever he’s got getting out), he needs someone to tell him that the beast is never satisfied, and will only want more, unless some new delicacy pops up. A baby might not even do it, as people kind of expect a baby to follow a statement about a pregnancy. And the stuff they are sitting on will serve for any time the public gets bored. 

“You’d better tell your story fast. And if you lie, it will come to pass.”

Steveland Morris