“Michael, I don’t want to do this,” I argued with my older brother. He looked at me with no emotion showing on his face before fixing his hair.
“Y/N, please,” my mom sighed. “You won’t have to talk to him or anything.”
I shook my head, “Can I please go out at Y/F/N’s house for the evening?”
My mom shook her head no and I groaned. I went upstairs in my room, tears streaming down my face. Calum and I had broken up nearly two weeks ago. We were arguing about something really stupid and the idea of breaking up came into my ex boyfriend’s mind and I had agreed angrily.
And ever since, I had been a total mess. My mom had decided earlier in the week to invite Michael’s band over and their families for dinner.
As feelings became too hard to handle, I decided to go for a nap.
A loud knock was the sound that woke me up from my peaceful sleep. I rubbed my eyes and I saw my mom coming into my room with her black dress on. She wanted everyone to dress up tonight because she thought it would be more fun like that.
“Oh Y/N,” she sighed. “Could you put a dress on and go downstairs?”
“Mmm,” I mumbled.
“I’m waiting here until you’re ready,” my mom replied and I groaned. She closed the door and I stood up from my bed. My eyes looked red and puffy and I looked seriously bad.
I took my time as I put my dress and my black heels on. I only applied mascara and sighed as I opened my door. My mom smiled at me and kissed my cheek.
“Don’t focus on negative things, sweetie,” she murmured.
We got down the stairs and the minute that I raised my gaze from my heels, Calum’s eyes met mine. I felt my mom squeeze my shoulder before she went away. Probably to talk to one of the boys’ mom.
I lowered my head, feeling Calum’s eyes never leaving me. I walked until I saw Michael and I stood next to him. He was talking to Luke’s dad.
I made small talk with a few people, faking smiles every now and then. I never left Michael’s side and he was being weirdly nice to me. I guess he didn’t want to be in my shoes and as my older brother, he wanted to make my situation a little bit less hard.
But then came the time where we had to sit at the table. I had just gotten out of the bathroom when I heard my mom telling everyone where they should sit. I came a little bit later than everyone so the only place left was the one in front of Calum. My mom gave me a weak smile and I lowered my head.
The dinner started and everyone was laughing and talking about random stuff. I heard Calum’s laugh a few times, but most of the time I felt his silent stare on me.
Suddenly, I felt a foot touch mine. I raised my head and saw Calum’s wide eyes.
“Uh, sorry,” he mumbled. I opened my mouth before closing it. Calum and I had been in a relationship for more than a year. And two weeks without telling each other a single thing was weird.
I ignored Calum for the rest of the dinner. When everyone was done with their dessert, I decided to busy myself with the dishes. My mom helped me for a few minutes before I told her to go in the living room with our guests.
I put the last plate in the dishwasher and closed it. As I was washing my hands, I felt someone coming towards me. I grabbed a towel and saw Calum.
“Hey,” he mumbled.
Once my hands were dried, I put the towel away.
I gave him a small smile, not sure if my voice would break when I open my mouth.
I watched him with his white button up shirt and his black skinny jeans. His brown eyes looked small, as if he was lacking sleep. He had his hands in his pockets.
“You look good,” He said. “Really good.”
I bet we both looked as if we were about to cry. I knew for sure that there were some tears in my eyes and he did look like a really sad puppy.
“Thanks,” My voice cracked.
“I really miss you,” he admitted. I knew I should have been angry at him because he was the one who came up with the idea of breaking up, but I couldn’t be angry at him. I loved him way too much for that.
Without really wanting or thinking about it, I walked a bit so I could be closer to him.
A single tear escaped my eyes, I couldn’t do it.
I felt his arms wrap around my waist and pressing my body to his. My arms went around his neck, just like they used to or just like how they were supposed to.
“Calum,” my voice broke again. “You should go back in the living room.”
He slowly pulled away and looked at me. It broke my heart to see him like this.
“Go,” I sobbed. “Just go, please.”
He bit his trembling lip and went towards the living room. But to be honest, he probably went outside for a while.
The rest of the evening consisted of me crying in my brother’s arms and Luke and Ashton trying to cheer my ex boyfriend up.
19.06.15 - The day my dua came true, through His guidance alhamdoulillah!
I remember this day. I was just about to go out for shopping with mom, I got dressed and I was about to fix my hair, then all of a sudden I started to think while looking at my hair in the mirror. “Why am I not wearing the hijab? Why am I not doing what I really want to? What´s stopping me? It´s ramadan and a perfect time to make a change for me and for Allah´s sake.” SubhanAllah it was just a special feeling I got inside me at that moment, I started to think and I really didn’t have any good reasons for not to start wearing hijab. I texted my bestfriend and told her “You know what, I will start to wear hijab today. This is my day!”, she really got surprised and happy for me cause she knew that this was something I really wanted to wear for a long time. So I just decided that today is the day. It was really not planned from my side, I didn’t even think about it or something earlier that day. It just happened. But it was all of His plan, indeed Allah is the best of all planners. He really knew what I wanted the most, i just needed someone to push me. And the thoughts I got while standing there with hijab in my hands were a part of His signs. I got a special strength from Allah that day, that really can´t be described. I went out with hijab and I couldn’t feel more free. Since that day- hijab has been a part of me, alhamdoulillah.
By wearing hijab, you are beautifully covered. Hijab is your crown. You get to choose who you want to gift your beauty to, and with that, you´re special.
May Allah (swt) make it easy for all the sisters and guide us to that which is most pleasing to Him, ameen.