mom is following me

  • Steven, age sixteen, during his 'rebellious phase': "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO OR WHEN TO GO TO BED! I'M LITERALLY MY OWN MOM!"
  • Also Steven, dragging a blanket up the stairs to his bed: "And what kind of mom would I be if I didn't enforce my bedtime? Goodnight everybody I love you."

Breaking News: Local Troubled Teen™ Sprains His Ankle, Then Is Carried By Fellow Troubled Teen™ And They Both Hate It

MBTI Types as Pick-Up Lines
  • INFJ: Can I follow you? Because my mom told me to follow my dreams.
  • ISFJ: When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I’ll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you
  • ENFJ: I write your name in the sky but the clouds blow it away. I write your name in the sand but the waves wash it away. I write your name in my heart and forever it will stay.
  • ESFJ: Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
  • INTP: Dang girl, are you an appendix because I don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
  • ISTP: Hey boy, are you sleep? Cause I don't get nearly enough of you and it's ruining my social, emotional, and over all mental health.
  • ENTP: I was recently diagnosed with a rare disease called cryoaudiovascularia. It prohibits proper blood flow to the ears, causing them to slowly freeze and fall off, slowly spreading to the inner ear and finally to the brain. There is no known cure, except one. My ears need to be constantly warmed, and the only known material soft enough is the inner thighs of a pretty girl. So I need you to sit on my face for medical reasons.
  • ESTP: I bet I can kiss you on the lips without touching you. *kiss* Oh what a shame, it seems like I lost the bet.
  • INTJ: You look familiar, didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
  • ISTJ: Most people like to watch the Superbowl cuz it only happens once a year, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime.
  • ENTJ: I'm an army recruiter, and I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place and "be all you can be."
  • ESTJ: You know how I got these guns? *points to biceps* Lifting children out of poverty.
  • INFP: I blog about you sometimes.
  • ISFP: Of all your beautiful curves, your smile is by far my favorite.
  • ENFP: Fascinating. I’ve been looking at your eyes all night long, ’cause I’ve never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
  • ESFP: Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.

anonymous asked:

Ahh hi i hope this is okay. Hc that evan rambles during sex like obsesively and connor is really quiet but is definately a cryer like he just is so in love idk anyways

NSFW below the cut…and above it bc the ask but,,,,,,

Also this is rly hecking ok im the Smut Baron wth, send more? Ig?

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My hair decided it wanted to play nice today even though I forgot my hair brush, so I documented this rare phenomenon with some gratuitous pictures of myself, or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bombshell, AKA Me