mom i love you

You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.
You are not your parent’s possessions.

I only wanted a new avatar but she’s cute and this happened. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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I know people keep calling Steve a dad, but he’s literally the epitome of a latina mom. The dish towel over shoulder? The name calling? The protectiveness? I love my mom

Dear Mom,

I’m sorry.
Oh if I only could express how sorry I am!
You always wanted the best for me.
You’ve made mistakes but not on purpose.
All these years you’ve been and you still are my biggest support.
Even now, when I honestly do not deserve it.

I think of you as a person that is just too kind for this world.
And so am I.
We’re so similar in many things and, oh god, did we laugh about things that no one else understood.
I know that I sometimes can’t really show it.
No, honestly. I’ve done you wrong so many times just because I couldn’t handle a stupid mood swing or had no cigarettes left.
You do not deserve this.
You deserve so much better.
But i love you, I love you so much.
And I need you.
I’m an awful daughter and i don’t know if I can change but you’re my world, mom.
You’re everything to me and I’m proud to say that because you’re the best thing in my whole life.
You were the one that rubbed my back and dried my swollen eyes when i was crying my eyes out over a guy that I met secretly.
You were the one that forced me to go to the hospital when all i wanted was an overdose.
You cared for my cuts.
And i know that seeing them broke your heart.
And knowing that breaks my heart.
You wouldn’t say it but you hate blue hair and black clothes and all the piercings and stuff. And I have all of it.
But you still hold my tattooed hand.
I don’t know where my life began to turn wrong and everything crashed and the burning pieces fell down on me.
But one thing I know for sure: it isn’t your fault.
You did so good, really.
You warned me about the older boys, the drugs that take you to heaven but then to hell, all of it.
I didn’t listen.
I guess I just had to experience it myself.
My heart explodes in my chest when I think about what I put you through.
I made you cry.
I made you feel helpless.
I made you get so exhausted mentally that you had to seek help yourself.
I can never make that up to you.
Never.

You’re the best and I honestly don’t know why you’re still by my side.
But I love you, I love you so much it hurts.

—  Love letter to my mother.

i mean im an adult, i guess, if that’s the word for it. a lot of things i used to care about i just say “Fuck It” and let go. 

but it’s incredible to me that there’s still so many passages to my soul. how just a group of teenagers looking at me and laughing makes my teeth hurt. how someone’s comment sends me back to high school bullying. how i am constantly asking myself are they even really my friends? 

i don’t know. i never throw myself birthday parties because my worst nightmare would be that nobody shows. i just wonder if there’s ever a time that your last insecurities let go. i’ve only ever found that kind of freedom at the honey lips of tequila. i want to be brave at two pm on a sunday. i want to actually not care what they say. i want to be the kind of witch that laughs through the burning.

i don’t know. i hope i’m learning.

they say there’s a mad woman in the ruins. she shows kindness in this world openly…. she must be insane! 

Mom I never told you how much it scared me when it rained.
You would put a bucket under all of the leaks and act like it wasn’t a big deal.
But to me it was terrifying.
Mom I never told you how one day the rain never stopped.
It was when grandma died.
I finally understood the phrase “when it rains it pours”
And mom I never told you that it poured for the next 4 years.
I’m not proud of the things I did, to stifle the pain.
I’m not proud of the amount of times I thought about just ending it all together.
Mom I never told you how I used to look in the mirror and cry.
I didn’t want you to think it was your fault,
You did your best to make me feel beautiful
But I struggle with it to this day.
Mom I never told you how I let boys treat me.
How I thought so little of myself,
And how I let them do and say whatever they wanted to me.
Mom I never told you how much it hurt to live,
How I forced myself to breathe because that was the only thing that meant I was still alive.
That meant I could still see you laugh, and smile.
Mom I never told you how much you meant to me.
How you were the bucket in my storm.
How you unknowingly held me up so I could piece myself back together.
How you didn’t just give me life but you helped me hold on to it.
Mom I never told you,
I never told you how you saved me.
—  Mom, I never told you… / SM