mom asked me to make a christmas list



[MADONNA shops with her daughter STEFANI, never less than 5 feet away from her. MADONNA checks off a list, five pages long and all items for herself]

Madonna: now, we’ve got everything. that’s enough parading with the common folk for today. stef, stop touching that.
[STEFANI topples over a JCPenny’s mannequin. Its head is decapitated, soulless face looking suspiciously like her cold mother]
Madonna: i swear to god.
[STEFANI kicks the head, like a soccer ball, out of the store. It rolls into the nearest Bath & Body Works. MADONNA pulls her to the side]
Madonna: listen. i don’t ask for much, just that im never associated with you. is there anything that will subdue you? nothing that requires intensive emotional labour or is over 3 dollars?
Stefani: i wanna see santa mom
Madonna: ok. don’t embarrass me.
[MADONNA prods STEFANI through the line. SANTA greets STEFANI. MADONNA pretends to be amused. SANTA asks STEFANI what’s on her list]
Stefani: what do i want for christmas…
Stefani: umm
Madonna, mouthing: a hasbro easy bake oven.
Stefani: hmm
Madonna, audible: a hasbro easy bake oven.
Stefani: i want a different mom :)
[MADONNA and STEFANI make eye contact. The crowd becomes uncomfortably silent]
Madonna: :)
Stefani: (:
An Ex that Won't Quit or I was Very Nearly a Waifu
M- the weeb

S- my friend

B- another friend

And my mom

I had been seeing this guy for about seven months. My mom had introduced us and we had gotten along at first my messaging on facebook and texting. He considered me special because I liked Star Trek and Monty Python, and one he knew I was into anime I was some ‘special snowflake’ creature. I should of seen the signs, just like everyone here. But I had never dated seriously and I was excited.

As we’re dating he does some things I find annoying. He was hardcore into classic anime. 80’s style stuff all of which I blocked from my mind. He was also huge into Claymore at the time and my haircut then was very much like the main characters. I was playing with going with short hair at the time and was nervous, but he went on and on about how cute it was and how I looked so much like the character. It was kind of weird but I persisted with the relationship.

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Christmas series #16: Spoiling the surprise

Ashton: You made a list of things in your head mentally of what you had to do while you sat at the island in your kitchen. You sighed in frustration and ran your hand through your hair. “What’s wrong baby?” Ashton asked leaning up from laying on the couch. “I gotta get Madison that stuff from Bath and body works she’s been going on and on about, Mom’s present is coming in late and I have to go pay twenty dollars for it to get here on time, I have to get pictures of us to finish the scrapbook, I gotta finish cleaning the house, do a few tests online and I just I cant!” You screamed. “You’re making me a scrapbook?” He asked and his lips turned upward. “Fuck shit damn, no, maybe yes.” You rolled your eyes throwing your head back with a grunt.

Calum: You and Calum were at your parents house to spend quality time together and wrap Christmas presents for everyone. “So honey, what did you get every one for Christmas?” Your mom asked rolling out the wrapping paper. Quickly you mentally made a list of everything you got every one and starting naming things off. “I got Calum a signed soccer jersey from his favorite team,“ You whispered, ” I got Luke tickets to see Mayday Parade again, I got Michael Grand Theft Auto, I got you a pandora bracelet, I got Dad one of those little massage chair things he’s always wanted an- oh fuck.” You said staring at your mom. “Watch your mouth young lady.” Your mom scolded playfully. Calum laughed a little and shook his head and your mom just shook her head and wrapped the Christmas presents.

Luke: You were cleaning up your’s and Luke’s bedroom because lets be real the boy was a mess and you were too after the week you had been having. There was an envelop and a piece of paper, and you hated snooping but you wanted to read what was on it. You thought it was a new song but you were dead wrong. It was Luke’s handwriting and it was talking about the two of you breaking up. You were hurt and enraged and a few minutes later Luke was walking through the door with a smile on his face. “If you’re not happy with me then you don’t have to pretend because it’s the holidays.” You were pissed and on the verge of tears. “(Y/N), what are you talking about? Baby, talk to me.” He asked leaning down to look you in the eyes. “This!” You screamed shoving it at his chest. “No, no, no.” You weren’t supposed to find that!“ He sighed in frustration. "Oh really? Because you were gonna give it to me anyway!” “Baby, it’s part of your Christmas present.” He said putting a hand on your cheek. “Oh so breaking up with me is part of my Christmas? Great present Luke, something I’ve always hoped and dreamed for.” You sarcastically say. “No, baby, let me show you.” He was upset he had to show you the present he’d been working on for so long, but he’d rather show it to you than lose you.

Michael: Preston had one job and it was to watch Charlie, and he couldn’t even do that! Preston taught Charlie to look for the presents last year and Charlie never forgot about it.  Ever since he was always about looking for the Christmas presents. You hid them in the back of your closet in suitcases, behind your clothes, some out in the open, and there was even a lock on the closet! He found his way in there seeing the jeep he wanted and jumped up and down. He pulled the jeep out miraculously to Preston and Preston turned white as a ghost, Santa was supposed to bring that to him. Now you and Michael had to explain to the little child that you were Santa’s helpers for the year.

/Sorry if this sucks but I’ve had a horrible day and I needed to get this done. And I was supposed to finish it yesterday but I couldn’t because I’m grounded but I’m not so yeah. I’m posting now. Sorry./