Anonymous asked: “ Mom I feel like I should be a boy, but I like feminine things. I love my long hair and nails, makeup, ETC but I have top dysphoria as well as bottom. I feel confusing and ‘attention seeking’ because that’s what I’ve been told. I cry myself to sleep because I just wouldn’t feel right as a masculine man or a feminine woman. “
My dear lgbt+ kid,
(I decided to answer your question like this because I wasn’t sure if you were alright with me publishing your URL.)
Do not worry: You don’t need to be a masculine man or a feminine woman!
There are plenty of people who are neither (including me!), and here’s some reasons why:
1. There’s a difference between identity and presentation. People of any gender can present feminine, masculine or neutral (or mix it up). When we talk about presentation, we mean things like hair and clothes - Girls, boys and nonbinary people can all like to wear long hair and make-up and present in the way that’s traditionally considered feminine. Feminine presentation is not only for girls!
2. Clothes are simply fabric you put on your body. They do not have a gender. A boy is not less of a boy because of the kinds of fabric he decides to put on his body, and the same goes for every gender.
3. It is possible to be neither 100% boy nor 100% girl. You could be both or neither or something else. A umbrella term for this is nonbinary and here’s a list explaining many gender identities. I’m not saying that this definitely applies to you but I believe it’s important to keep this option in mind. If you feel like neither girl nor boy fits, you may be nonbinary and that would be okay!
Long story short: Keep loving your hair and nails and make-up (I’m sure all of those things look great on you!) - it does not invalidate your gender at all, no matter which gender it is.
You are certainly not attention-seeking, my dear. There are so many people who have the same thoughts you have, there’s nothing weird or wrong about it.
i’ll add some resources for questioning kids for you:
Here’s my letter to my kids who question their gender.
You may also like my “It’s okay to not have figured it out.” letter.
I also have a “Questioning” tag.
Last but not least: You started your message off by saying you feel like a boy. That’s all you need to identify as a boy. You don’t have to know for a fact or be 100% sure it’ll never change. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with trying that label on for now - don’t drive yourself crazy with “but” and “what if”. If it doesn’t fit, you’ll notice and can still change it accordingly. Don’t be afraid to simply play with it a little, try to have some fun with discovering this part of yourself and learning more about yourself - it’s exciting!
With all my love,
Your Tumblr Mom