need you / sirius black
anon request. the end of this is heart wrenching and i apologize in advance for the needy, sad sirius. my heart hurts why did i do this to myself
word count// 1,713
Christmas Eve had arrived and traditions were commencing in your half blooded household. The house smelt strongly of freshly baked cookies mingled with the pine wafting off the tree that was brightly lit and beautifully decorated. Your Mother had charmed wooden spoons to mix batter together whilst pans or bowls washed themselves in the sink and you couldn’t help but laugh when a spoon nearly hit your Muggle Father in the head as it flew to the soapy water to be washed. You watched with admiration as your Dad grabbed your Mom from behind and began to dance to Winter Wonderland, twirling and dipping her while she pretended to be annoyed, but you saw the pink in her cheeks and the budding smile.
The angelic sound of your mother’s giggles drifted into the living room where you were curled up on the sofa, a fuzzy blanket wrapped around you like a cocoon. The sight of your dad dipping her made your thoughts drift to your boyfriend, Sirius Black, whom you had been dating for a little over a year. His relationship with his parents didn’t come close to the bond you had with yours and merely thinking about the glum look on his face as he parted from you at the train station made tears gather in your eyes.. You curled the blanket tighter around yourself and rested your chin on your kneecaps, wanting nothing more than for Sirius to spend Christmas with you rather than in the cold Black household.
In bounded your father, flour in his hair and a gentle smile on his face. He sat beside you and brought you into his chest as if he knew what was bothering you. His head rested atop yours and you smiled ever so slightly at the feeling of being a little girl came over you again. “Why the long face, squirt?” He asked and a genuine smile formed on your face at the old nickname that he resurfaced.
Your head lifted from his shoulder, chest heaving as you sighed. “I’m just upset that I’m spending Christmas with family and Sirius is probably alone.”
“Ah,” He hummed knowingly and raked his fingers through your y/h/c tresses. “His family isn’t the nicest, are they?”
With a mere shake of the head, you pulled your legs closer to your chest and stared sadly at the glowing tree across the room. The small bulbs of light began to blur until a tear plummeted down your cheek. Your dad squeezed you to him and wiped your tears like he had done so many years ago. You mustered up the most pitiful of smiles as you looked into his warm and welcoming y/d/e/c irises and whispered shakily, “I just want him here with me. I want him to be happy and I know he’s not right now.”
The room grew silent for a few moments, only the sound of your oblivious mother singing to carols from the kitchen filling the barren space. Your heart was physically aching for Sirius and all you wanted was for him to be where he belonged. He belonged with you and he deserved to have a joyous Christmas like you knew Lily, Remus, and James were having.
“Why don’t you bring him here then?”
Glancing up at your father in surprise, your mouth gaped open a bit. “I can’t just show up to his house!” You exclaimed.
“Why can’t you?” He smiled down at you gently, his aging face appearing youthful and happy. “I want you to be happy, squirt, and if bringing him here will do that then we sure as hell will do it.”
Salty tears dried in an instant and a smile quirked your lips into a smile. You wrapped your arms around your father’s neck and felt like crying tears of joy. “Thank you, Dad. You have no idea how much this means to me,” You whispered against his shirt and tried to hold back more waterworks.
He rubbed your back soothingly and chortled. “Go get him, kiddo.”
Standing in front of 12 Grimmauld Place had your nerves on edge. The building seemed to loom over you threateningly and the street’s dim glow only added to the frightening aspect of it. You found yourself wringing your hands anxiously for you knew what lie on the other side of the home before you and your heart skipped a beat when your eyes landed on the window belonging to Sirius’ bedroom. Never faltering from his window, you scrounged up the courage to stalk up to the front door and knock thrice.
It was silent on the opposite side of the door and you wondered if they were even awake. The thought was forgotten as soon as the ebony colored door flung open and revealed a very stern looking Walburga Black. Your blood ran cold at the sight of her displeasured expression and you could feel yourself sweating despite the impeccably cold night air. It wasn’t the first time you’d met Sirius’ mother and she did not like you dating her son one bit seeing as how you mucked up the pure blood ideology she had drilled into her brain. You, however, were there for one thing only and that was to save your boyfriend of the horrid household.
“Y/L/N,” She practically spat, her face contorting as if the name left a bad taste in her mouth. “What are you doing here?”
Straightening your posture and wiping your clammy palms on your leggings discreetly, you tilted your chin up as confidently as you could muster in front of such an intimidating woman. “I’m here to see Sirius. May I co–”
“Absolutely not. I suggest you go back home right now,” She retorted snootily.
You frowned, but refused to leave until Sirius was with you. “Please, Mrs. Black. Can’t I see him just for a moment?”
“I realize that Sirius associates himself with mudbloods in his own time at Hogwarts and such, but I will not allow it under my watch and certainly not in my house!”
“I am not a-a… mudblood, Mrs. Black,” You replied calmly. “I’m a halfblood.”
Her lip curled in distaste and snorted as if you had told a joke. “I’m afraid that’s no better, Y/L/N, now if you would please stop wasting my time. I have–”
“Whose at the door? I thought I heard Y/N,” Sirius called from inside the house and you grew exceptionally giddy at the sound of his footsteps drawing near.
“No one, Sirius,” She barked and tried to close the dark wooded door in your face, but he stepped into your line of sight before she could.
The surprise on his face made you smile, but you could see the underlying fatigue and sadness. Sirius shoved past his fuming mother and pulled your shivering body into the house, shutting the door behind you. His arms wrapped around your quivering frame and you melted into him, his incredible warmth radiating off and onto you. His chin rested on top of your head and he found himself sighing contentedly after days of being utterly miserable.
“Sirius Orion Black,” His mother growled. “She needs to leave this instant. I will not have this in my house.”
You felt Sirius tuck you tighter into his chest and you buried your face into his shirt, breathing in the woodsy scent of him mingled with faint cigarette smoke. “If she leaves, I leave,” He spat bitterly.
“I assume you’ll be leaving then,” She said in the most tranquil tone of voice you had heard yet.
“Gladly,” He growled and with a swish of Walburga Black’s wand, a bag of his things landed beside them.
Despite knowing how horrible his family was, you couldn’t help but feel a grief deep within you that he was leaving because of you. The Black lineage was certainly not the best, but they were still his flesh and blood. Therefore when Sirius tangled his fingers with yours and pulled you out into the snowy night, your heart sank a bit lower when his mother shouted out five more poisonous words before the door slammed shut.
‘Don’t bother ever coming back.’
It was silent outside 12 Grimmauld Place. Snow drifted from the sky peacefully as if a storm hadn’t just brewed on the very same street. Fingers still intertwined with Sirius’, you looked up at him to see he was already looking down at you. The white flecks of snow landed in his dark hair and his heavy pants of air came out in clouds of fog and he looked ethereal. His cheeks were warm to the touch and with your free hand you cupped one of them, stroking the rosy skin delicately. Sirius despised his family, but you saw the tiny bit of sadness seeping through because the bond that family had was supposed to be forever.
The bond between him and the Black’s had been broken for a very long time.
“Are you okay, my love?” You whispered lowly, almost inaudible.
His palms landed on your hips and he tilted his head further into your hand that laid on his cheek. “Of course I am,” He muttered and trained his attention on the snowflakes gathering in your hair. “I-I…”
A tear fell onto his cheek, landing near the spot your hand rested on his face. You kissed it away gingerly and heard Sirius whimper before more tears followed. Without a second thought, your arms wrapped around his neck and his went to your waist, crushing you into him.
“I know, love,” You hummed into his ear and raked your digits into his hair lightly. “It’s okay. I’m here, always.”
“Need you,” Sirius croaked in your neck. His voice shook and tears dripped onto your skin. “I love you so much, baby.”
You swore you could hear your heart crack even further.
“I’m here, my love,” You repeated softly and kissed just under his ear. “I love you too, Sirius. More than you’ll ever know.”
Snow continued to fall as you cradled the boy you loved in your arms. You held him in the middle of a sidewalk on Christmas Eve and you’d continue to hold him and love him unconditionally until the end of time. Sirius Black deserved just that and more.