molested by my father

Elfen lied

Lucy: i was an experiment, abandoned, ostracized, and left naked and restrained for many years.

Mayu: I was molested by my step-father and was kicked out, for my mother blamed me.

Nana: I was an experiment, was brutally tested on, emotionally minpulated, and had my limbs ripped off.

Kouta: I witness my father and sister get murdered by someone I trusted and have sever ptsd.

Yuka: I had a great childhood But kouta forgot his promise to me so I obviously had it worse out of all of you.

lilsnowbun  asked:

I was beat, raped, molested and abused by my father and brother and my ex. I'm so terrified of males that whenever one approaches me unexpectedly, I freeze. I don't know how to stop that. And I blame myself for being weak. Too weak to mature and stop

Welcome to the Sisterhood!

We’ve all been there.  Some of us are just starting, like you, and others have grown to the later stages of recovery: Activism & ARTivism.

Everything I post is for some aspect of your recovery from learning, empowerment, reminder to practice relaxation techniques to first reading others stories to find commonality and then when you are ready to express your own story and heal others.

You can start here

  • and then go to /archive and pick the topics that are speaking to you. 

I suggest making a separate Lavender acct to save the posts for reference and where your new #LAVENDER sisters can communicate without misogyny’s attacks, if this account is linked to your general audience. 

like, fuck, I don’t want any of my friends to start smoking like I have, it takes away a lot of money, and it causes tons of health hazards, but holy SHIT does this sort of fake bullshit make me so angry

first off, DON’T SHAME ME AND OTHERS because of tobacco consumption, I grew up in a background full of domestic violence, sexual abuse, and poverty, anxiety medication doesn’t take make me forget the multiple times I was molested, or the time when my father went to prison because he was shoplifting under the addiction to opiod pain medication he was prescribed, or the times I had to live at my grandmother’s because we couldn’t afford the gas and electric bill and had no food in the house except a box of pasta and a stick of butter. I can’t cope well, have no money for pot or therapy or anti-depressant medication from my doctor, and cigarettes have taken an edge off of shit for me, and now I’m addicted to a substance that’s hard as hell to quit. Saying shit that’s meant as humor like I have bad teeth or smell like an ashtray (when I don’t) in your advertisements fucking hurts and makes me want to smoke even more to stop thinking about it. Gosh golly I sure do love being attacked in the safety and comfort of my own home!!!!!

second, people that fall for this shit like #TRUTH and #thisfreelife make me so upset because these organizations do not give a damn about me, or anyone else that smokes. They are marketing fronts funded by insurance agencies that want to save money from insuring clients that are sick with expensive, hard to treat tobacco-related diseases such as cancer and heart problems, they market to youth and minority groups in a way that’s similar to Coca-Cola making their advertisements as diverse as possible, not because they’re progressive, but because they view LGBTQ+ people, people of color, and women as a marketing statistic they can make a fuckton of money from, and not as beautiful individuals that suffer from a society that doesn’t value them as much as they value straight, white, wealthy, cis, able adult men.

When you see advertisements from #TRUTH on television and the internet, or thisfreelife, or whatever, notice how NONE of them actually offer care and support information regarding quitting tobacco in their advertisements, they always have flashy imagery accompanied by loud pop music with memes thrown in to relate to the millennial population. The “facts” that are brought up are usually as follows:

  • Smoking takes away your money, which is bad!
  • Big Tobacco markets in poor urban areas, which is bad!
  • Teens everywhere are taking a stand against cigarette smoking, which is good!
  • People who smoke are stupid and smelly and ugly!!!

In some cases, in this case thisfreelife, they’ll have an image of a trans or gay person, followed by a self-positivity quote, followed by a hashtag that promotes the anti-smoking campaign, and it just comes off as so transparent and fake and shameful. They will not provide information on support for quitting smoking, because people who smoke already will be faced with health problems later in life, yet young people who haven’t are completely exploitable and if they can convince them not to, they can save billions of dollars not providing care to them.

I mean?? what the hell??? People will get upset and call out a horrible advertisement of Coca-Cola that shows what a white man with a $100,000 a year salary and a comfy marketing job thinks a poc family is like, but nobody can see through these “campaigns” conning people into thinking they’re actually an organization of people that genuinely care for minorities’ and smokers’ health that magically have all this money to create these eccentric advertisements that actually provide no help and dehumanize smokers in the process, and are in-fact not a boardroom of marketing firms hired by Humana to try and cut costs on patient care and genuinely don’t give a damn about you or me because they’re run by privileged straight white millionaires???

I don’t know about you, folks, but I for one think the most evil thing capitalism can do is turn a beautiful, unique, individual like you or me into a marketing figure, it’s dehumanizing and it’s absolutely disgusting.

anonymous asked:

Thanks so much for your blog and dedication because now I know how women want to be treated. Poorly. I'm going to rape, talk down to, stalk and basically use my father molesting me as a defense mechanism. No wonder Trump won. Women are just meat who don't deserve to be treated like humans. Ana's a pussy and a bitch who follows Christian around.

Lmao I am surprised how in your other message you said:

 “I support you as a blog but Fifty Shades is not good. It’s a huge slap in the face to feminism[…]”

And here you say:

 “Ana’s a pussy and a bitch who follows Christian around.”

Lmao, calling a woman a “pussy and a bitch” is very derogatory FYI x

anonymous asked:

He ruined me. I was only 9. He was my fathers best friend and lived with us for years and touched me everyday Untill the day I turned 13 and he moved out . I'm so broken and disgusting and I hate everythingand I just want my childhood back

That’s a terrible, terrible thing for him to do to you. Just because that all happened doesnt mean that you are disgusting, it means that you have survived and now wont have to see him ever again. Im so sorry he did that to you and made you feel that way. He took something so important to you, but dont let that hold you back from moving forward. 

anonymous asked:

reylo's forget the pivotal reason that Luke held onto the belief that Vader had good in him was b/ he was his FATHER. The familial bond is the main point. Ben & Yoda want him to kill Vader. He literally says I can't kill my FATHER. Not that he can't kill an evil murderous tyrant. The bond between people who are physically related by blood is strong. It is hard to let go of people who you know share your genes. Its just an instinctual thing. Kylo is nothing to Rey but a murderous asshole.

You make a very excellent point.

My mother constantly asks me, “Blue, why don’t you hate your father for what he’s done to you? Why don’t you cut all contact with him?”

I always tell her I have no fucking idea. My father attempted to rape me, ge molested me several times, and was verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive to me when my mom was in jail, and I lived with only him. But I think THIS is why. My father is a son of a bitch, but if it came down to it, I wouldn’t be able to kill my father either.

Now…Someone like Kylo on the other hand? That would be unforgivable to me, and I would wish for them to die in the most painful way imaginable. Hell, one of my abusers IS dead, and honestly, I’m mad he died before I could punch him in the dick.

Anyways, Rey does not owe Kylo forgiveness just because Luke forgave Vader. She is NOT Luke. Even if she ends up being his daughter, that doesn’t mean she’s a carbon copy of him.

anonymous asked:

why am i so scared ? what is wrong with me ? every time i see or come into view of men i get scared and don't like it. i don't like it when they look at me with their eyes , i don't like it when they talk to me. i can't even order my food if it's a male. is it because when i was 6 - 10 i sexually molested by my step father. do you think this is what is causing my fear of men ????

definitely, and the patriarchal society we live in today couldn’t’ve helped. 

Why I believe @realDonaldTrump should be stopped...

I was sexually assaulted, molested at the age of 14. It carried on for 2 yrs until it stopped. It didn’t stop by the person being caught or by me speaking up. It stopped because he died. The molester, monster, predator was my father.
I’m putting this on my blog not for attention, not yo grab headlines, but because there is nothing worse in this world than the threat of dominance a man (or a woman) has hold of you. Last weekend we we’re all exposed to a ‘locker room’ gafe between two males. One was a reporter for Access Hollywood the other… Was 60 year old Donald Trump.

I very rarely now delve into my nightmares. Nightmares I struggled with for many, many years. Nightmares that had me questioning my sanity, question why I let him do it. Question my self destruction that ultimately has made me the person I am today. It’s true, that in order to make yourself stronger it has to kill you first.
To suggest that it’s ‘okay’ that you can grab a woman by her ‘p**sy’ and you are in complete control is every woman’s nightmare. To be controlled, dominated. To be seen as nothing but a sexual play thing… Is the most degrading situation a woman or man can be subjected to.

For me, it started out small… To long a hug ‘dads best girl’ stroking of the thigh, buying me books as I loved to read; I was a bookworm. Giving me attention; wanting to know how my day in school was. The sort of attention he had never given me before. Pressing up behind me, hugs around the waist. These were the ‘tame’ things he did thinking I wouldn’t notice. His expressed wish was that I wouldn’t say anything to mum “it’s our thing, your mum would never understand” words that haunt me and sometimes make me catch my breath. As he got bolder that’s when he got more persistent and of course the grabbing and folding of the genital and breast area started. Rubbing outside the panty led to inside and led to finger penetration. All the while telling me how ‘beautiful a daughter I was’ how I’m going to ‘break some young mans heart’ I was 14, I didn’t know what to think. I was very innocent (didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 17) I was confused and repulsed at the same time. But the predator kept coming after me. When my mother went to work and he came home from work and it was after school he would strike. When my mum had to work late he would be so discreet as to not attract attention from my older brother and sister. When I once tried to deny him (I was just mensuration at the time 15) he warned me that if I didn’t let him, there was always my sister (she was 6 at the time) this went on until he became ill.

One time I thought it was going to be over. My mum who had retired to bed, came down after seeing how late the hour was and almost walked in on one of his ‘grabbing p**sy moments’ she sent me to my room immediately and there began a very loud argument between my mum and dad. I was ordered downstairs and asked by my mum had my dad ‘touched me in any way that was uncomfortable?’ I wanted so much to say yes I really did. But the thing about brainwashing your victim, they believe the worst case scenario you have painted them will come true; “it will split the family up, it will destroy your mother, you kids will be separated from each other” do of course I lied and said 'no’

He developed a chest infection, that became pneumonia and on a Saturday 3 days after his 50th birthday he was found unresponsive at the bottom of the bed, rushed to hospital were a few hours later - he died. I lost a father, a parent and as sickening as that felt, how horrible i felt for my siblings and how sorry i felt for my mum…i was finally released. His death was quick yet my suffering continued. I found a way of storing everything I felt inside and trapping it there. It lasted until my first boyfriend who became my first husband. Our sexual relationship was strained. I didn’t like to be touched or groped at it set me off into hysterics. Then came the self body destruction, self loathing, body dysmorphia and ultimately bulimia and anorexia. I hated everything about myself I wanted to destroy the very monster I had become.
Therapy didn’t work straight away, but therapy taught me how to see things, how yo channel my emotions, how to exorcise the hate I felt about myself.

My father got off lucky, he died therefore exonerating his part in my abuse. It was me left with the jail sentence. Me left in limbo with so many angry emotions so much pain I couldn’t keep down for every long, because the door I had locked them behind kept on opening and letting the out. I turned to training in therapy itself, used my pain in a way of healing others. Counseled and understood other peoples pains and how to channel that hate and lost emotion. I gained my strength back and found a man willing to see through all my emotional baggage and scar tissue and loved me regardless.

We celebrated 21 yrs of marriage in September and I will always be grateful he stayed by my side.
Donald Trump has always been, always will be a sexual predator. He sees beautiful he has to have it. What does that say about the kind of man he is? A man who needs to get off domineering a woman. Grabbing them, using them, pressing up against them. Knowing a woman only for her assests not her brain. What does that say about the women he’s married and just how long can they keep his attention. What I and millions of others witnessed on that tour bus at the weekend is the sort of man he has always been.

He hasn’t changed in a decade; sexual predators, abusers paedophiles (UK spelling) don’t change. They pretend it didn’t happen. They put distance between them; believe people have short attention span, when in fact the pain does eventually fade, but the memory is as vivid as the day it was done.
You can excuse his many stupid remarks he has made, his behaviour and excuses. His falsehoods and his disastrous business ethic. But what he has always been questioned for, his personal need to only have women look like Barbie dolls as long as they don’t have an opinion is a scary look into the future.

I can’t confront my predator my abuser my nightmare. But there are women and men all over the world, who can stand up together. Take hold of a hand. Make a vow never to be dominated by any man or woman, who is willing to control them by any means. Make this life count, make your worth count. You are a beautiful human being, don’t let your light ever be blown out.

G xx

Originally posted by wildsouls-thirstyhearts


Ursula: When I was eight years old I was shot up with cocaine and raped by my father. 

BW: What? With a needle?

Ursula: Yes, He shot me up and raped me. That was the first and last time I seen my father. 

BW: You didn’t know him before that?

Ursula: No, he was sent to jail because he was trying to hurt my mom when she was pregnant with me. He got out of jail when I was eight. The night before it happened, he came over  and they were arguing about him coming back into my mom’s life and stuff.

My mom was at work the next day and my brother and I were at home by ourselves. My brother had snuck out of the house, while I was taking my nap. When I woke up, my father was sitting there in my room. He had a rope. He tied me to my bed. I remember specifically thinking “this is not no kids game”.

BW: Did you know he was your dad at the time?

Ursula: Yes, my mom had shown me pictures of the bastard when I was growing up. 

It changed my life. I really still can’t let it go. I try my best not to think about it. I try to put it deep in my head.  The only people that know that it happened, until now, is my family. 

BW: I can’t imagine. 

Ursula: *nods*… Right after that, my brother’s father started molesting me. He molested me from the time I was eight until I was sixteen. My brother found out about it when I was sixteen and shot his father twice. 

BW: Damn… What happened after that?

Ursula: I’m gonna tell you what happened after that. He [brother’s father] went to rehab to try to change his life, right. And then tried to come to me and apologize for what he did… 

I know I’m out here doing crack. When I saw that it took my memory away, I really took advantage of it. There are too many things that I don’t want to remember. 

BW: If you could do anything, what would you do?

Ursula: I would sit here and thank God for his grace. Seriously… I’ve been through it out here for six and a half years. I been hit four times by a car. I done been gang raped three times. I’ve been shot, stabbed, burnt. 

BW: How can you thank God for his grace when your life has been so hard? To be honest, I’d be pissed. 

Ursula: Believe me, through all that I have been through, I should be shot out and crazy. I let go and let God and put everything in his hands. 

BW: Thanks for telling me your story. You’re like a little walking miracle.

Ursula: *smile* Woah, man, I can’t believe that just came out of your mouth! That’s so cool that you said that! 

     “I have a few stories, so I don’t even know where to begin. I like to travel—it keeps it fresh. You never know what’s coming. I’ve been to all 50 states. I was adopted. My biological parents died when I was younger. My sister is also dead.”
     “How did they die?“
     “My dad killed my mom and then killed himself a couple of years later. My sister died of a drug overdose. I ran away from my adopted home when I was 17 because I was molested by my father for a couple of years. Is that the kind of story you’re looking for? I have a lot of life history.”
     “Do you think that one of those events has had a greater impact on you than any of the others?”
      “All those experiences have made me who I am today. I’m not one thing. I’m a conglomeration of everything around me and everything that has happened to me. I’ve had a lot of heartache. I’ve had a lot of love. I’ve had a lot of life.”

TESTimony -

At the young age of 16, I started consuming alcohol. Around that time in my life my whole world was flipped upside down. My family found out my older sister was being molested by our step father and as a result, I fell into depression, I also dropped out of high school and I started behavior that was so unlike me. I was so lost, I was hurting inside and felt like the life I knew was all a LIE, I was broken for my family, I was broken for my sister. So I started drinking and the feeling was addicting. There were nights I blacked out and don’t remember a thing, nights where my mother tried waking me up and the alcohol had me in a mode of unconsciousness. But this is what I wanted, to black out the pain and the hurt. Along with being addicted to alcohol I was running to men and women for sex, for that connection. I told my mother I was bisexual. My heart was filled w| lust and I was looking for love in all the wrong places - and when my relationships didn’t last, I constantly cried to God asking “Why haven’t I found someone to love me?”

* I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love. And I pray that you and all God’s holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ’s love—how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is. Christ’s love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:17-19 NCV)

I lived life in the world for 20 years. Even though I knew God, I knew I was a sinner, I knew if I kept living this way I would never make it to heaven. I often prayed for God to forgive me for my ways, that are so unpleasing to Him. But I also continued on living a sinful life.

* God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad. (Ecclesiastes 12:14 NLT)

June 2013 I made a life decision to walk w| The lord, with no turning back to my old ways. I wanted to destroy everything that connected me to my old life; so I deleted the music, stopped cursing, stopped drinking and made the decision to be celibate until marriage. I started to renew my mind and my spirit by reading the word and getting deeper w| The Lord. I was on fire for God. I was in love w| Him.

* “I believe in His goodness & what He’s saved me for is so much greater than what He’s saved me from.”

In October my church was holding a “Fall Camp Retreat” and I was blessed with a sponsorship that allowed me to go. I was super excited! My whole Fall Camp experience was amazing, I felt Gods presence like never before. Going home, we were warned that the enemy will attack us because we all went so much deeper w| God during this retreat. The enemy made sure to tempt me w| my ultimate struggle, liquor.

* When people are tempted, they should not say, “God is tempting me.” Evil cannot tempt God, and God himself does not tempt anyone. But people are tempted when their own evil desire leads them away and traps them. This desire leads to sin, and then the sin grows and brings death.
(James 1:13-15 NCV)

I remember this day vividly, I was at my friends house after the Fall Camp retreat and the enemy tempted me w| wanting to drink so strongly, I felt a sudden urge, I even tasted the liquor in my mouth. In my head, I rebuked every thought and temptation with prayer. I walked home and went into the fridge… Low and behold, just when I thought I fought my battle and won, there was a huge unopened bottle of liquor in the fridge just waiting for me to stumble and drink it. It seemed like there was nothing else in that fridge but that liquor bottle. I slammed the door shut and laughed! I knew that was the enemy! I knew he was trying to attack me w| these traps. But I would not fall into his trap - I took the bottle and dumped it down the toilet while singing worship to my Lord. Nothing in the world felt more empowering than winning that battle.

* If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (1 Corinthians 10:12, 13 NLT)

I’m happy to say it’s almost been a year I haven’t picked up a drink. I’ve been sober minded and kept my focus on my promises to God. Don’t get me wrong; every day is a battle, every day is a struggle but I keep strong with constant prayer and standing firm on Gods promises he has spoken over my life.

As I got deeper and deeper with God I felt more & more at home & at peace. God filled every empty space in my heart. He was everything I was looking for in every man & woman I laid down w|. I learned & experienced his love & faithfulness, I found a love that is so sweet, a love that’s unchanging & that is all I ever needed. I found it all at the cross. All along I’ve been crying out to God “Why haven’t I found someone to love me?” God has been showing me, “JAYLEEN, I LOVE YOU, I loved you at your darkest. I’ve saved you from so much that you didn’t see. Let me show you that the love your heart has always desired…is in Me.”

* “Agape” is the kind of love God has toward His Son and the human race. It’s a love that sacrifices, the love that we see in John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son…”(NIV)

I feel like so many young girls turn to alcohol & turn to sexual impurity w| men or woman to fill a void, or to find something they’re missing and to cover the pain they want to forget. If only more young women knew the love we have in Jesus Christ. If only more young women knew someone loved you so much he sacrificed his life for you on the cross so you can have everlasting life if you only believed in him. If only more young girls experienced Gods love that is so unexplainable! Then so many young women wouldn’t be as lost as I was.

I admit I was lost before I accepted Christ as my lord & savior. Once I left everything in the past & chose him, he helped me drop all my bad habits - he renewed my mind daily & started to heal my broken heart, he started to nurse my wounds. He showed me that He is the father I will never physically have. He showed me He is the lover I’ve always been looking for. He brought people in my life that I would now call my family, people that encourage me to stay in my word & stay strong in prayer, people who lead me to Christ & care about my walk.

* Jesus answered, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. The only way to the Father is through me. (John 14:6 NCV)

The enemy use to tell me I didn’t have a testimony I can use. All I went through didn’t matter because it wouldn’t help young women or even any young man in the world to come to Christ. Once I realized that was a lie from the enemy, I accepted my testimony, every embarrassing detail, every shameful part that I regret, every heartbreaking moment, every single detail. It can & it will be used. God can turn every bad thing I’ve been through around, for His good & for His glory. & I pray that my transparency w| my SORRY SOCIETY I am so far above rubies influences someone out there, in any way shape or form. I pray that someone will relate & someone sees Gods mercy, grace & LOVE all over my testimony.

I’ve been rescued by love. I am now free because of love. There is only one love that can break chains, only one love that can heal wounds, only one love that can rescue everyone from sin, that love comes from Jesus Christ.

“Love came down & rescued me, love came down & it set me free, I am yours, I am forever yours.” (Love Came Down- Angie Miller)

If you think heterophobia is a thing you can unfollow me

- hate crimes
- verbal and sexual and physical harassment - slurs
- in my state you can get kicked out if they even think you’re gay
- we had to fight for our rights to get married
- being lgbt+ is illegal in parts of South American and can be punished with prison time.
- a women tried to make it legal in California to shoot any gay person you saw
- people have to live in fear that their family won’t accept them
- only a few states have banned conversion camps.
- lgbt+ people are beaten
- people have more problems with trans people using their bathroom than with all the priests molesting children in the Catholic Church
- my father believes that rape is way better than being lgbt+
- I could literally go on with this
- gays making jokes about the straights ™

The Orlando Effect: Pride, Prejudice and Painful Words

written by Jayshana Roper

In the wake of the Orlando massacre, it appears the country may be somewhat coming to their senses about the real danger of being queer in America. However, this tragedy is not about “our country”, it is about LGBQ & T individuals and their stories. The 100+ queer brown people wounded or killed visited Pulse nightclub to spend time away from their troubles, and connect with like-minded people. Instead, club-goers endured the violent outburst of a man battling his own demons.

The shooter, who will remain unnamed here, was discovered to not only be a familiar face at the LGBQ club but to be an active member of a gay dating app: Jack’D. However, at the break of the story it appeared to be a cut and dry hate crime. The developments in the case can lead both queer and cisgendered-heterosexual (cis-het) people to wonder what causes someone to commit such a crime against people who welcome them with open arms? The answer is a wearing down of the queer psyche that involves making us feel degenerate and repulsive to the heteronormative world around.

FUZEDmagazine asked members of the queer community to share the words of hate and betrayal they’ve experienced, and this is what they had to say:

“ ‘It’s okay that you’re confused, you just need Jesus in your life.’ -My niece when I mentioned that I’m gay.”

“I think one of the most difficult things for me… I prefer to dress in feminine clothing, [and] their constant critique is that if I’m trans or non-binary then why is it that I feel more comfortable as a woman? That’s frustrating for me because they are the clothes I feel comfortable in. They make me feel good in the body…that I have.”

“When I was 17-years-old. My father molested me, again…He then asked if I was fucking boys. I said no. He then asked if I was fucking women. I didn’t respond and he sexually attacked me. He was extremely homophobic and used to brag about…how him and my uncle would bash random gay boys with baseball bats on the train. This stays in the back of mind. I never healed, or had closure. My sexuality has been a constant struggle and trigger. I’ve been made to believe I was a sexual deviant and capable of molesting or raping others.”

“I had so many men saying that they could fuck the gay out of me, I started to believe it.”

“You only want attention.”

The words of friends, family, and strangers often become a constant burden on the backs of queer people. Hating all or parts of yourself becomes commonplace. Inevitably, some souls decide to move on. Blake Brockington jumped from a bridge because of his parents prejudice. Others wear a smile and try to drown out the excess noise. In any case, LGBQ & T people need to be protected not just by word of law, but by word of mouth.