I’m in a Mood.

It’s been a long time since I’ve used Count Blogula in any sort of blog format, but I’m in a mood. I went to bed in a mood, I woke up in a mood, and usually the only way I can shake off a mood is to talk about it. I’ve talked about it, and lo and behold, the mood is still here, kicking and screaming. So I’m writing about it.

I know my reputation. I’m the Cyborg Queen. I have a black soul and a mechanical heart. When you send me your questions, my answers are honest and to the point. I don’t coddle, I don’t sugar coat, and I certainly won’t tell you what you want to hear just to make you feel better. Because of this, people assume I’m cold. Fuck, people assume a lot about me solely based on my vlogs. I get it. I understand where it comes from. But a lot of it is inaccurate.

In reality, I’m not all that uncaring. I just don’t show my affection verbally. I’m not the person who will shower you in meaningless praise, because it’s exactly that—meaningless. If I’m going to help someone, it’s through my actions: favors, gifts, advice, assistance. I believe the best way to help a person is to actually help them—to spend my time doing something that will make their life easier. This, to me, is where real affection lies. Actions speak louder than words.

I’m especially passionate about this when it comes to my fellow writers. I know how it feels to be alone with your writing, to have zero support, zero guidance. I know firsthand how daunting the writing journey can be, and I know how much harder it is when you’ve got no one in your corner. So I take it upon myself to be in other writers’ corners. I answer their questions, I lend them my research, I read their material, I critique it. I do this shit all the fucking time, even when it conflicts with my very intense schedule, and I especially extend myself for people I consider friends. Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I’m too accommodating. And I don’t know why I do this, because half the time, I regret it.

I’m well aware that this is my fault for expecting decency out of people in the first place. I’ve been in this world long enough to know that, when given the option, a lot of people will choose selfishness over kindness. I know this, yet I’m still disappointed. I have beta read a writer buddy’s manuscript, only for her to attempt to sabotage my own beta process to “get back at me” for negative criticisms. I’ve been the person more than a few acquaintances consistently come to for advice, only for them to disappear when I’m the one in need. I’ve given a free line-edit to a writer-acquaintance, only for her to send hate mail to my ask box. I’ve spent countless hours giving advice, critiques, and promos, only to be snubbed when the tables turn. And of course, I have had people try to warm up to me simply so they can go around social media dropping my name and claiming to be my PIC.

I realize at this point I’m whining, and making this post public is probably ill-advised. I’m just in a mood. When I do nice shit for people, I don’t expect to be rewarded, just appreciated. If I come around needing assistance, I think it’s fair to want the same kindness that I offered up in the first place. And at the very least, I expect loyalty.

Is there a point to this post? Not really. I just needed the release. Cliff and I have had long talks about this, and everything he’s said is right. As my platform continues to grow, my personal social circle will continue to shrink. I’m okay with that. I just wish these people would stop contacting me all sweet-like after they’ve knowingly given me the middle finger. It’s insulting.

Anywho, I apologize for this post. It’s super unprofessional, I know that. I guess I’m still adjusting to everything that comes with this platform, including the phonies.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me thus far and been in my corner no matter what.

<3 Mo

EDIT: For those who are unsure, my disappointment is directed toward writers I know in my personal life, not my fans/followers. I’m talking about former friends.

That is all. Carry on.